So I finally made it to the med clinic yesterday. And I’m pretty sure they hosed the place down with bleach after I left. I don’t really have a cough that anyone would describe as delicate.
They took my blood pressure and temperature and listened to me breathe in and out and ultimately determined that I have a bad case of bronchitis. Bronchitis with a touch of fluid that could turn to pneumonia. And then maybe yellow fever.
Not really on the yellow fever part. I don’t even know if you get a cough with that.
I was sent home with about six prescriptions (It made me long for the days that I worked in pharmaceutical sales and got all my medications for free.) and instructions to get a lot of rest over the next couple of days.
Oh that Hazel. She’s a tough old bird.
I couldn’t really get into it last night because my flight got in late and I was on the verge of tears by the time I got home, but the trip to Chicago was great. I mean, other than the moments I felt like a lung may come out. I was able to meet my editor along with so many great people that work for Tyndale and had the chance to let them know I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing. I think we all felt good about it.
By the time I got to the Chicago airport I had almost no voice left. I bought some hot tea at Starbucks hoping that would help and went to sit at my departure gate even though my flight wasn’t leaving for a few hours. Sophie called to check on me and we tried to have a conversation but it became impossible thanks to my lack of voice and an overzealous gate worker who was very fanatical about the entire O’Hare airport knowing it was “ALL ABOARD TO NEWARK”.
“ALL ABOARD TO NEWARK.”
He announced it at fifteen second intervals for at least thirty minutes. It was as if he had found his one chance to be in the spotlight with a microphone in his hand and he was going to take full advantage.
“ALL ABOARD TO NEWARK.”
Yes. We get it.
“ALL ABOARD TO NEWARK.”
I believe you’ve mentioned that.
“ALL ABOARD TO NEWARK.”
For the love of all that is sacred.
“ALL ABOARD TO NEWARK.”
If they haven’t gotten the message by now then they don’t deserve to go to Newark. They shouldn’t ever leave their house again.
I felt ceratin Hazel was about to bust out with a long lecture on how people should know when to board their plane and if they can’t be responsible enough to get there on time then they don’t deserve to fly and that the trouble with people today is all this hand-holding. You know when nobody was there to hold your hand? THE GREAT DEPRESSION. People need to take responsibility for their actions or lack thereof.
But just then a couple strolled up next to me and sat down leisurely. And I heard the man say to the woman, “Yes, this is our gate. It doesn’t look like they’re boarding yet.”
And I couldn’t help myself. I asked, “Are you going to Newark?”
“Yes.”
“Well then you should know it’s ALL ABOARD TO NEWARK.”
Then, as if to emphasize my point, overzealous gate guy bellowed, “ALL ABOARD TO NEWARK”.
How this couple had been unaware of that fact in spite of being in a fifty mile radius of the Newark gate will remain as one of the great mysteries of my life.
Anyway, I eventually boarded my flight to Houston and by the time I arrived at the Houston airport I was really hungry. I hear that’s a symptom of the yellow fever. Since I’d been out of Texas for twenty-four hours I was naturally craving Mexican food and so I was delighted when I saw a sign that read “Todo Salsa”. Perfect. I know enough Spanish to know that meant “ALL THE SALSA” which was exactly what I wanted.
Unfortunately, and I blame this on the cold medicine, it took me a few minutes to realize what I was actually seeing was a sign that read “Todo Salas”. Which means “ALL GATES” in Spanish and has nothing to do with Mexican food or salsa. Unless maybe you’re flying to Mexico.
Clearly it was time to get Hazel home.
By the time my final flight arrived in San Antonio I’m not sure who was more relieved we were on the ground, me or the poor man that had to sit next to me. All I know is it took everything in me to not yell “QUIT LOOKING AROUND AND GET OFF THE PLANE. MOVE IT, PEOPLE. MOVE IT.” In hindsight they may have moved faster if I’d announced I had the yellow fever.
But I’m home now and have inhalers and steroids and antibiotics and, love of my life, prescription cough medicine that will help me sleep.
And that’s what I plan to do until further notice.
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That couple? Chances are, it was my parents. Except not really…but imagine travelling cross-country with those people and you’ll have some insight into my childhood. Eek. Although really, my mom would’ve been all “I TOLD YOU I HEARD HIM SAY IT.”
Oh, Big Mama.. feel better!! Even with the yellow fever you make me laugh!!
Feel better soon Hazel! I hear copious amounts of queso help, too.
Thankful you have meds. Get well soon!!!
I believe Hazel’s evil twin sister, Hilda, spent most of last winter with me to the point I was a regular at the clinic/pharmacy. Take care of yourself. That cough medicine is good stuff!
Salsa and queso cannot hurt.
“Toda Salsa” vs. “Todo Salas” made me LOL, seriously. Totally something I would do, though totally unrelated to any medication I may or may not be taking – but TOTALLY related to wishing REALLY hard that it was indeed Mexican food. Or – the fact that my long distance vision is like 20/100 or something like that.
Todos Salsas is an honest mistake. Maybe chalk it up to Hazel and her stubborn refusal to learn one of them newfangled foreign languages.
And also possibly the yellow fever? Hope the meds kick in soon so you can send Hazel packing….although I do enjoy her insights.
Bless your heart! I soooo feel your pain! And I know the sweet relief of all the meds you got. The only thing I would add is using an humidifier in your room, it really does help keep the cough down long enough for at least 20 mins. of sleep!
Feel better soon!
You could stop blogging publicly for 60 days, put all your posts in a book, and I would pay $12 (maybe even $14) for it. You could title it ALL THE SALSA.
Oh Maria, don’t suggest such a thing. I could not stand not to start my day with Big Mama for 60 days. Starting my day with this blog is my daily routine. I do like that title though.
You crack me up! Hope you feel better and I do hope you get all the Mexican one can consume while having yellow fever and bronchitis
PS-Can I just say as a newly formed SEC friend, can we stop having the drama at LSU! Did you see one of our top players getting in trouble for smoking fake weed? Welcome to the SEC–where your players will do stupid stuff just for being in the SUPER EXCELLENT CONFERENCE!!!!
Hope you get to feeling better. I am leaving today going to Atlanta to walk in the 3 day Susan G. Komen 60 mile walk. I am so excited but I need prayers. This is my first year to walk it and I am breast cancer survivor and my sister is too but we lost her only child a daughter to breast cancer at the age of 39. I am walking for her. She always wanted to go walk it.
Judy,
Prayers being sent your way. I know it will be a tough day physically and emotionally but I know it will be rewarding as well. My thoughts and prayers with you and your sister.
Prayers with you on this walk. May you be comforted along the way. I love a strong, giving woman!
JUDY
PRAYING FOR YOU!!!!!
ROCK IT OUT SISTER!
I’m praying for you, Judy.
Judy – I have done the 3-day 3 times in DC. You will love it and you will do awesome!!! It is an amazing, healing, emotional, spiritual experience. Enjoy every moment and God be with you and your sister!!!
So, so, so sorry you feel like crap but very glad you are full of drugs. You’ll be back on your feet in no time with that stash you’ve been given!
Also, that was probably right up there at the top as one of THE funniest posts.
i laugh everytime you say you are ‘meeting with your editor’…you are such a progressive woman
I literally spit my coffee out of my nose when I read “todo salas”!!!
Hilarious! I have made that same mistake! This after taking 8 yrs of Spanish and being a 5th generation Texan – shameful.
(Did I mention my coffee is HAZELnut flavored? HAR!)
So funny that you mention yellow fever. My husband had to get a vaccine for it last week, as he leaves next week for Africa and apparently, tis the season.
I have always wanted to go to Newark. Now I am worried that if I don’t fly through Chicago I may miss my flight. Feel better and I hope you got that good cough medicine that is yellow and tastes like vanilla rather than that red stuff that tastes like bad licorice.
So sorry you are sick. I’ll keep you in my prayers. Even when you are sick you still crack me up. Your posts make me laugh out loud every day. In your honor I’ll never go to Newark.
Maybe they should have a sign that said “Todo Salas to Newark.”
Ha! I love it, Melanie!!!
Prayers for you Big Mama and we’d love some for our little girl who has some unknown GI issues. Poor baby. Is your book going to be co-authored? By Hazel and Melanie…?
Hope you feel better soon. Glad you got some meds!!
I love that you say “THE yellow fever,” much like “the WalMarts” and “the Facebook.” Why you’re just the cutest, little Texan ever.
OH MAMA GET WELL SOON!
ALL ABOARD TO NEWARK.
Hope you get to feeling better soon. Flying with a normal cold can be a headache, (I don’t know if that is a pun or not). I can’t imagine what it felt like for you. Just knowing you were going home must have been like the carrot dangling before your eyes.
While I am completely feeling bad that you are sick….your post cracked me up! I had to look at the older post of Hazel Ludendorf to see what you might have said about her and found it interesting it was almost a year ago to the day you were having the same issue with Hazel!!! I find things like that interesting…I lead a exciting life! Loved this post! Praying for you to get better soon! Thanks for always sharing…I am sure the publishing couple will thoroughly enjoy you and Hazel in this new journey!!
publishing “company”, not couple!! I was still thinking about the couple and Newark!! lol!
Not to laugh at your pain, because I know how awful bronchitis and pnuemonia are since I get one or both of them at least once a year—but because I could relate your store made me giggle. And I too must have an inner Hazel because there are many time that I want to scream “For the love of all that is holy!!” and then address someone regarding the grievous error of their ways.
Hope you feel better soon!
Tracey
Ugh, the incessant announcing is so annoying at airports. I can’t even begin to tally how much miscommunication there’s been between my husband and myself when he’s at the airport talking to me via phone, and I’ve got three kids chattering in the background wherever I’m at at the moment, and then the airport announcements commence. Major business and government deals have probably been botched many times because of airport announcements. It’s a sobering thought.
On another note, I like the idea of yelling “yellow fever” at opportune moments. This could be a useful tool in a pinch. I had a colleague once who suggested writing “explosive diarrhea” on the sick leave form for work under the question “reason for absence” if you really just didn’t want to get into it on the form. That would pretty much silence people’s questions if you were too sick to deal with them, he reasoned.
Island Mom – Your friend’s suggestion for the sick leave form is HILARIOUS!!! I cannot stop laughing at the thought of that!
I hope you do not have what I had! 8 weeks, count them 8, and I was miserable. It started with a cough and ended with a cough and went through a horrible progression. I had the steriods, inhaler and anitbiotics. Nothing really seemed to work, except for time. They think it turned out to be an infection in the lining of my lungs. I have never had my rib cage and lungs hurt so badly. I walked around holding my breasts for several weeks, which is not the sort of think you should be doing when teaching young children, but I tell you,it was the only way to make them stop hurting for a little while. I am pretty tolerable of pain, but this thing through me for a loop! I wish you a speedy recovery!!
I have to preface this by saying I was pregnant and my brain had stopped working…
I planned my best friends bachelorette party in NYC so I flew into Newark (from Omaha…tiny airport). I sat at the gate forever listening to my iPod. To this day, I have NO idea what happened. I couldn’t figure out why it was taking so long to board. Finally they started boarding the plane to houston. I went and asked the guy when they were boarding for Newark. He said, “ma’am, that flight already left.” excuse me???? So, in other words, I needed someone shouting “NOW BOARDING TO NEWARK” every 15 seconds!!
Hilarious post as always…feel better soon.
Oh, I’m so sorry. Feel better. It sounds like you do now. I understand you spent some time with Michele Parrozzo (not sure I spelled that right) this last weekend. At least that’s what I saw on twitter.
Melanie, I love your blog and have been enjoying it for the last year–maybe even two years. But why are you always sick?? Seriously, are you eating well and sleeping enough? Are other people under the weather this often? I feel sorry for you–it must be miserable to have to be medicated–and I feel concerned for you. Does your doctor know how often you are sick?
Enough on the subject, but feel better and thanks for all the great writing you do for us fans of yours.