Well I inadvertently created a lot of confusion yesterday. I didn’t mean to send you all searching the internet for a candy product called Hot Garbage.
When I wrote my list of Halloween candy from best to worst, I literally meant hot garbage. As in I’d rather eat garbage that is hot before I’d eat Twizzlers or Dots or Lemonheads. I find them to be waxy and tasteless and similar to chewing on a shoe. Well, except for Lemonheads. They’re like chewing on an inexplicably sour shoe.
I hope that clears it up.
So you know what I did yesterday?
(Besides lament that no one got my hot garbage humor?)
I spent the day with a bunch of sixth graders from the local junior high. One of my friends is an English teacher and thought it might be fun to have me come in and talk to the kids about how to write a personal narrative. And I agreed it might be fun just as soon as she explained to me what a personal narrative is.
It turns out it’s what I write on the blog every day. Who knew this fell into any kind of real category other than PURE NONSENSE?
So I tried to put together a little talk on writing that I hoped would appeal to sixth graders. The only problem was I don’t really know any sixth graders. And I haven’t been a sixth grader in twenty-nine years. All I really remember about that whole experience is that the sixth grade band director at Bammel Middle School made me play the flute instead of the clarinet because my mouth was shaped wrong for the flute. Clearly I still bear the scars of my flute rejection.
I also remember that I wore an unfortunate red gingham shirt with a denim prairie skirt and Sperry topsiders in my school picture that year. And that my front teeth were enormous in proportion to the rest of my face.
And none of those things really have anything to do with writing.
I told them about the importance of noticing the things around you and trying to make them interesting. We talked about how you have to write often to write well and that reading a variety of books makes you a better writer. I may have told them that they’ll rarely use Geometry once they’re in the real world, but they will always have a need to write well. And I told them not to get caught up in the trap of feeling like what they write has to be perfect on the first or even second attempt. I think it’s obvious that isn’t my struggle. Perfectionism requires a lot of time and effort.
Then I confessed that I graduated from college before I ever knew that the internet existed.
That’s when they all looked at me like I was a walking, breathing antique. Like their Great Aunt Maude had just walked into the room and put her teeth out on the table and hiked up her girdle.
In reality they were very sweet and much more attentive than I thought they’d be. Even though I’m pretty sure they didn’t get any of my jokes. They asked a lot of questions and it was a lot of fun. And I told a few of them (Lilly and Katherine) that I’d mention them by name on the blog today.
And here’s what I learned:
1. Sixth grade was a long time ago.
2. I have a new respect for teachers that get up and teach the same class multiple times in a day. My throat was sore and I was sick of myself by the end of the day.
3. Sixth graders are a lot cuter than I remember being at that age.
4. Apparently it’s okay to wear Nike running shorts with cowboy boots. I had no idea.
5. I’m pretty sure anyone who graduated from college before the internet was invented is too old to wear running shorts and cowboy boots.
Here’s hoping they learned at least that much.
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oh yes, 6th grade was also the year my teeth were disproportionate. Also, who told me it was a good idea for the chili bowl cut? Those pictures keep popping up even though I thought I burned them all.
I wasn’t sure about what Hot Garbage was but I assumed it was some awful candy from Mexico that had not made it over here quite yet. Glad you explained I was on the look out for it to come my way from one of the kids I work with in the next year or so.
I’m cracking up about the hot garbage candy. That being said, during my google search yesterday, I discovered a band called Hot Garbage. Who knew?!
i got your hot garbage joke- mostly because i totally agree! that’s awesome you spoke to the 6th graders. i can’t believe how old i am getting, too- even though i still feel 17 sometimes.
Running shorts and cowboy boots? Who knew?
And I agree, 6th graders are so stinking cute. I have found (surprisingly!) that middle schoolers , in general, are much more fun than they are given credit
for:-) Mostly.
Loved this post! It is freaky how much cuter 6th graders are these days. I just remember being an awkward mess! Maybe the kid with the Nike running shorts and the cowboy boots writes a Fashion blog and was making an ironic statement??
I wonder if the Google trends for the band Hot Garbage will be affected by the Google searches for the candy Hot Garbage. The band members are probably jumping up and down with excitement of the prospect that so many people hit on them yesterday. Maybe you could become the official blog sponsor of Hot Garbage. I wonder if Lilly and Katherine are fans of Hot Garbage. And also, I hated sixth grade. For some reason I thought it made good fashion sense to roll up my jeans to my knees and wear rubber Jordache tennis shoes of the hot pink variety. Unfortunately, the rest of my sixth grade class did not agree. Maybe I should have tried the gym shorts and boots approach.
You’ve started a new Hot Garbage trend!
And you’re brave for teaching sixth graders! I work with kids, but I tend to decline working with kids past the age of 10. Adolescence is rough these days!
Good thing I hadn’t poured my coffee yet our I would have spewed it on the monitor!
The Nike shorts and cowboy boots is most certainly a Texas thing – I’ve seen it at our high school, too. My observation has been that it is okay to wear Nike shorts and/or cowboy boots with anything.
Not a look I could have pulled off at any age!
Awww…feeling nostalgic for my days of teaching 6th grade. I love that age. They are such a mix of goofiness, hormones, attitude, and sweetness.
I’m sure they enjoyed having you there!!
Laugh.Out.Loud. I also didn’t know you could wear cowboy boots with running shorts. Someone above mentioned it must be a Texas thing and I call bunk on that because YOU didn’t know that you could!! I think it must be a “I’m in 6th grade and think I could be on the cover of Vogue with this look” thing.
I love this whole post. Except the part about Lemonheads. I love lemonheads. Not as much as Hot Tamales. But way more than hot garbage. I am teaching 4th graders at church on Wednesdays and I feel the same way–they are way cuter than I remember thinking they were. Adorable.
now that you’ve launched Hot Garbage into the next level, i have to tell you about a discovery i accidentally made. in a similar type of search, i found a list of “interesting band names.” two favorites i remember are the Angry Samoans (really a Cali garage-punk band) and Assorted Jellybeans (tell me, former pharma rep – is that a drug reference?).
I think you got the flute/clarinet backwards…. or I’m backwards today. I read it three times.
LOL—me too!
Yesterday I listened to a couple of Boo Mama podcasts and you were mentioning that you’d always wanted to write a book, but you never thought you would, and look at you now!
Favorite lines: “That’s when they all looked at me like I was a walking, breathing antique. Like their Great Aunt Maude had just walked into the room and put her teeth out on the table and hiked up her girdle.”
That was so blasted funny!
My daughter is a 6th grader but I haven’t seen the running shorts and boots look. We still wear our shorts with flip flops, tennis shoes, you know boring stuff and our boots with pants, dresses or skirts. I guess that trend hasn’t made it to SC yet.
Forevermore I will be using the term “hot garbage”. Like, ten times per day I will find a way to work that into conversation. I think its super funny today, and I will think its exponentially funnier tomorrow. My friends and family thank you in advance for introducing me to this term.
I was not cute in sixth grade. My niece who is gorgeous now was all arms, legs and teeth at that age, loved her but could hardly stand to look at her.
My grandma wore a girdle but she called it a corset. She got them at Sears. Who gets things at Sears except tools and appliances?
Dots are my fave Halloween candy. I love Twizzlers too. And just about any other kid candy that is chewy and bad for your teeth.
Nike shorts and cowboy boots. Who knew?
Sixth grade. It’s when Scotty W. bit Pat C. Scotty and Pat an I are 52 this year so it’s been a long time. Scotty had issues I am thinking.
Be glad that you talked to a 6th grade class. They lose a bit of cuteness in the 7th grade and by the 8th grade, they know EVERYTHING. Who knew that I was so stupid?
My son is in 6th grade and I have to bite on a leather strap every morning so that I won’t complain about his fashion/hair style choices. I have to remind myself that I probably looked that weird to my parents every time I headed out the door for jr. high.
So fun!!
Oh my word you are funny. I would have loved to hear you speak to the 6th graders. To bad you didn’t do a pod cast while you were talking to at least one class. Oh well, we are the same age so I would have gotten your jokes.
Hot Garbage sounds like a candy 6th graders would trade at lunch. You may have just invented something. (Nutter Butters are all the rage right now, BTW.)
Testing, testing, testing. I just wrote a comment, hit submit and up came an Error window. Trying again.
I have seen teenagers at the mall wearing running shorts and cowboy boots. I wondered if it was a fashion statement or they just couldn’t decide which occasion they were dressing for. One things for sure… it would keep your legs a little warmer than athletic shoes in the colder weather.
It turns out it’s what I write on the blog every day. Who knew this fell into any kind of real category other than PURE NONSENSE?
This statement embodies the very essense of the subject of English–we make “pure nonsense” a form of art. (Once I have had an appletini or two I will admit my degree is really in bs–not English.)
You probably don’t remember much from the 6th grade because you have blocked it out. It is horrid for everyone. And that girl who is wearing the atheletic shorts with boots will one day write on her blog about her unfortunate fashion choice of cowboy boots and athletic shorts.
I totally got the hot garbage joke. But, I find myself saying things like this all the time and people looking at me with a confused look because they think I’m serious.
You are awesome! Good for you for going in there and instructing! I totally understand what you’re saying about teaching the same class multiple times!! I had to sub for our pastor in the jr hi Bible class a few weeks ago (our church has a school that goes thru 8th grade and Bible is part of their class schedule). After I stopped laughing at the whole concept of a) me teaching a class of children and, b) me teaching a class of children the BIBLE, I came to all the same realizations you did. And when I was done with my morning in the Bible classes, I came into my real job and practically kissed my boss for keeping me employed for nearly 12 years in this job where I can comment on blog posts from my desk and not have to entertain the notion of teaching the same class several times a day to pre-teens. Holy cow – there’s a special place in heaven for the jr hi teachers in this world!
Thanks for clearing up the hot garbage comment…couldn’t quite make that one work in my head.
And from one former flute player to a thwarted flute player…it really wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. The trumpet players all ended up crushing on the flag girls, and even us flute players didn’t have a chance when they showed up!!
I read your blog everyday, and have always felt a special connection to you. You know how you just know you would be friends with someone, if you actually knew them? (I also feel this way about Kelly Ripa) Now I know why… I, too, went to Bammel Middle School! Although I am several years older than you, we share that special Patriot bond. Did you also go to Bammel ES, and Westfield HS?
Sounds like your talk went great. These days I wonder if there are a lot of 6th graders blogging and running their own sites? That would be my fear that I’d get up to talk and then I’d get schooled. They would tell me they have way more readers and sponsors. LOL Middle school kids are the scariest to me. Give me elementary or even high school kids any day.
Sixth grade was like my biggest nightmare. I was too busy trying to figure out how to be cool, and failing miserably. And I had a teacher who hated me and failed me on purpose. The second best speller in the entire school (I always got second in the school spelling bee) failed Spelling! Seriously, she hated me! She even failed me in art! How do you fail 6th grade art?! All you have to do is show up!
When I got home today my sixth grader immediately said, “I have to show you something,” and pulled this up. He was in one of the classes you taught. He was the cutest one.
Thanks for taking the time to do this!
Well, to clear things up a bit…
1. Kids at the junior school wear Nike shorts every day.
2. This week was Red Ribbon Week(that day was Texas Pride Day)
3. On Texas Pride Day, we are encouraged to wear cowboy boots.
4. When my teacher pulled up the blog and we were in it, everybody was so happy!
(Especially Lilly and Katherine!)
5. We were a little squirmy, but we enjoyed hearing from an ACTUAL writer.
~An Actual Sixth Grader