Today is my Pa-Pa’s birthday.
But he’s been gone a long time now. Almost fifteen years. I can always remember how many years because he died a month after P and I got married. One of my biggest regrets is that I didn’t make one last trip to Beaumont to see him before he died, but I guess I was busy getting settled in to my new life as a married woman.
And I also believe there was a part of me that was in denial that he was going to die. I’d never lost anyone close to me at that point and I kept believing he was going to be okay. Especially since he’d spent every Christmas of my life gathering all of us around and saying, “This might be Pa-Pa’s last Christmas with y’all.” It became a family joke for twenty-five years.
Then he was gone.
I think about him all the time. Caroline will do something I know he’d think was funny or my dad will make a comment that sounds just like something Pa-Pa used to say to me. And my mind can picture him as if I just saw him yesterday, standing in his backyard with a cigar in his mouth.
Last week while we were in Houston, we invited my cousin Lisa to go out to eat with us one night. I hadn’t seen her in almost four years. Which is so interesting considering that my Me-Ma and Pa-Pa never lived more than a few miles from most of their family. To them, family was the most important thing, the only thing. But that was back in the days before life sent families in all different directions.
Anyway, I keep up with Lisa through Facebook but we hadn’t all been together in a long time. I was the oldest grandchild on my dad’s side of the family so in my mind all the cousins are a lot younger than me. It caught me by surprise when Lisa said she was thirty-two. I would have said twenty-six. But I guess I just felt older than them because I was a very mature eight year old who had moved on to playing with my Donny and Marie dolls complete with soundstage set while they were all just toddlers who still wore diapers.
So we spent a few hours catching up on life and what we’re all doing now, but eventually began to talk about old memories. And we laughed in that way that you can only laugh when you’re reminiscing over shared experiences. Because as many people as God brings into your life over the years, there remain a small handful that know exactly what you’re talking about when you reference your Me-Ma’s spaghetti sauce or turquoise polyester pants with the elastic waistband.
We talked about the formal living room with the sliding door that Me-Ma always kept barricaded except for the most special occasions. And how it was always a special privilege to be allowed to go in that room with Pledge and a dust-cloth to polish the dining room table until you could see your reflection. Or to play with the little porcelain figurines on the built-in shelves.
And how sometimes Me-Ma would call you over in a loud whisper to show you that she had a stash of Little Debbie oatmeal pies that she’d been hiding from the other cousins but was going to let you have one. Looking back, I think she used that same line with all of us to make us feel special. Food was one of her big love languages.
We laughed about how we’d all eat in the garage on Christmas Eve and how Pa-Pa kept the windows of the garage covered up to hide his Friday night poker games from any nosy neighbors. We remembered the picture of the dogs playing poker hanging on the garage wall and the statue of Mary that had a place of honor in the center of their patio. And how the floor of that patio was composed of a mosaic of colorful tile.
There was the white flocked artificial Christmas tree with the snowballs made out of styrofoam and the gray couches that were made of some kind of fake leather. Pa-pa’s black leather chair that he sat in all the time and how he could swivel it around to open the front door without having to get up. The pink bedroom in the back of the house that we thought was the most beautiful bedroom ever.
We remembered Me-Ma’s spaghetti and how no one can make it quite like she did. The black Lamar University windbreaker that Pa-Pa always wore. The way he’d wrap a banana in a piece of white bread, call it a banana dog, and eat it. The Christmases and Easters and just normal weekends when a steady stream of family and friends would walk through the door to visit and everyone would get hugged and kissed whether you were interested in being hugged and kissed or not. It wasn’t optional.
Later on that night, after Lisa left, I couldn’t sleep. I laid awake and thought about how funny it is that things from so long ago can be remembered in such vivid detail. Especially considering that I can’t even remember what time I’m supposed to be at the dentist on Monday morning.
I can recall every corner of Me-Ma and Pa-Pa’s house and the way she used to climb into bed with me and read The Little Match Girl until I fell asleep because she knew it was my favorite. I can remember every bedroom and all the smells and what they had in their closets. I can remember all the lipsticks in Me-Ma’s drawer and the picture of Jesus that hung in Pa-Pa’s bedroom. And I can remember walking through their back door with my sister and our rainbow duffle bags every other weekend when my dad came to town to visit.
What I don’t know is why I thought it would never end. I thought we’d always walk up their driveway and Pa-Pa would swivel around in his chair to open the door while Me-Ma hurried toward us from the kitchen wiping her hands on her apron. I know that sounds silly. But when you’re young, you take it for granted that things and people will just always be there.
In a way, I guess they always are. Caroline has Me-Ma’s bedroom furniture in her bedroom. My sister has their furniture in her living room. We all have bits and pieces of the things that belonged to them. And, more than that, we have the lessons they taught us, the memories they gave us, the stories they loved to tell, and the way they loved their family. The things they handed down when we we didn’t even know we were paying attention.
For that, I am forever grateful.
Happy Birthday, Pa-Pa. You loved us well.
This post is so meaningful. You just brought me to tears. My favorite possession on this earth are my grandma’s cookbooks with her sticky notes and handwriting. We still get to carry pieces of them after they are gone. I’m so grateful for that.
This is beautiful- the memories and the writing.
>>>The things they handed down when we we didn’t even know we were paying attention.<<<
This. Just this.
Thanks, Melanie for sharing such sweet memories.
Really lovely memories. Thanks for sparking my own — I can remember my Grandma’s kitchen so well, her fried chicken, and even the ceramic mermaids that were in the window sill above her beige-tiled bathtub! Joining you in thankfulness for my heritage.
My grandmother loved me outrageously. That love follows me around and makes me stronger to this day, even though she has been gone for years. The day I held my first grandchild, I was brought to tears because I finally understood how much she had loved me. I am weak-in-the-knees in love with all of my grandchildren.
Lovely post, Mel.
Beautifully written! It amazes me what can take me back to my childhood in an instant. Last week my daughter and I ventured into an antique store in Brenham. I immediately froze. The smell of the place took me right back to grandma Augie’s house. I texted my sister about it and she told me she knew the smell. I’m thankful knowing that my daughter will have great memories of her grandparents.
Thank you for this beautiful post.
Perfect post for my life today.
My first granddaughter was born yesterday and my 90 year old “other mother” will be buried today. Spent all Sunday experiencing new life and talking old memories with family about our Nana. I loved the smell of her house and how she always brought us cinnamon toast in bed!
Thanks ! Love it !
Wow, those are powerful memories and you described everything so well. Me-Ma and Pa-Pa loved you, Amy and the other grandkids more than life itself. I miss them a lot and not a day goes by that I don’t think of them.
Today is St. Josephi’s day, a very special feast day in the Sicilian culture. Pa-Pa was always proud that his birthday fell on St. Josephi’s day. Happy Birthday dad!
Thanks for taking me back to a place I haven’t been in a long time. Your post made me think about family members who have been gone a long time, but are embedded in my minds “slide show” of growing up. Precious memories.
I don’t cry a lot – in fact, it’s a rare thing – but I’m crying now. My grandparents are all long gone, but I still think about my mom’s mom each time I sit at the dining room table in MY house, because I remember sitting around it in the den at HER house. Sometimes a smell will trigger a memory, or the way my mom says something. As a “change of life” baby, I didn’t get as much time with my grandparents as my much older siblings did, so when I read your post, it was my parents who came to mind. They’re 71, and I know that feeling of “they’ll always be here”, even though in my head, I know they won’t. This post actually brought out lots of thoughts and feelings (and tears), so thanks for being open and reminding us that we need to make the most of the time that we have with our loved ones.
Beautifully written! This couldn’t have come at a better time! I just got home from Texas. We stayed in Katy with family and attended my grandpa’s memorial at Ft. Sam Houston in San Antonio. My sister and I were a little upset that our brother came home with a family heirloom…long story….Thank you so much for the reminder that the real heirloom is the wonderful memories we have to cherish.
I have a Pa-Pa too, and your post reminded me so much of him. He’s 92 now, but he’s been giving the “next Christmas if I’m still around…” line for over 20 years now. I don’t get too see him as often as I like because we live states apart, but I’m going to send him an e-mail today–yes, he e-mails!–and check in on him.
Thanks for the post. It was a great start to the day.
(Also, Little Debbie snacks were a big part of my grandmother’s love language, too!)
I was just telling my daughter about my Paw-paw this morning and then started thinking about how fun Easter was at their house and the smells, too, came to mind. A beautiful post- thank you for giving us a peek into your special treasure chest of memories!
Grandparents are wasted on the young. I mean, we love them….but we don’t TRULY love,want and need them until we are about 30ish and look around and feel like little kids without our Grandparents house to go to.
Loved your memories. The “Banana Dog” made me smile !
What a beautiful post! Thanks for giving my Monday a little perspective!
Thank you! What a great reminder and beautifully written!
Love.This.Post.
In a way, I agree with what Susan said above – that grandparents are wasted on the young BUT, I don’t think I felt that way about mine. My parents moved 10 hours away from their parents when my daddy got transferred from Indiana to Tennessee. All my cousins got to see my grandparents on a regular basis but I only got to see them on holidays and some during the summer. I was soooo jealous of my cousins because they had them all the time. I hope and pray that they truly appreciated the times they had with them. I know I do mine.
Great post! Thinking ” they will always be here ” is so true. I’m dealing with this now with MY parents, not grandparents, and I hope my children will reflect on the memories passed down to them just as you did!
( you need to include this in YOUR BOOK!
I agree, as I read this I thought, this should be in your BOOK!! Beautiful & touching.
You will never know how much I needed to read this today. My grandparents are 87 and I live about 2 hours away from them. They aren’t in the best of health. My grandpa has alzheimers and my worst fear is to go “home” and he not know who I am. Just this weekend he has fallen twice. I’ve been trying to decide if I should make a trip to see them now even though I plan to go while my kids are on spring break in 2 weeks. (I just feel like you need to know these details, LOL) Anyway, your post really hit home and I feel like your Me Ma and Pa Pa were alot like my grandparents. Thanks for sharing this with us!!
Go.
Definitely GO! Take the kids out of school and make the trip!
This is BEAUTIFUL–and very much how I think of my Popie, whose bday is on Leap Day. He’s been gone for more than 20 years, but I think of him every week, and wish my Caraline and my husband had been able to meet him and hear him belly laugh or watch him ‘buck dance’, even when he was 80 years old.
What they handed down is more valuable than any treasure.
Thanks Big Mama, this was beautiful. I think most people can relate to your story. I never got to meet either Grandfather, but my father’s Mom was a huge part of my life. My father passed away when I was four years old, so you can imagine she wanted to be near my brother and I as much as possible. Gosh, she was the most peaceful lady. She would say to everyone leaving her sight, “Now Y’all be particular!” And if something caught her off guard, well “I do declare!” She gave the best head rubs that would last for hours. I think she figured out how to do it in her sleep because her eyes were always closed, but her hand would still be gently pushing the hair back from my forehead. She made the best homemade blackberry cobblers and hocakes you can imagine. She lived a simple life, didn’t shower us with much but pure love. Those things…you never forget, and I do beleive they are always with us.
Love the post. Tears remembering my g-ma’s house too – every smell, where everything was. I miss them Dearly.
Tears over coffee. So beautifully remembered. “What I don’t know is why I thought it would never end” – exactly.
Wow! This was one of the most beautiful things you have ever written. I loved reading your memories, and it caused my memories to flood back. I was in tears before I was finished reading. I could just picture everything you were talking about. I am not a gifted writer, but it made me think I should write down my memories for my children.
I became a grandmother almost a year ago. We live a very modest lifestyle, so it makes me wish sometimes that we were the kind of grandparents that could take the grandchildren to Disney or Hawaii like some people have the privilege of doing. So thanks from the bottom of my heart for reminding me that loving him well is the best gift I can give him. As your sweet daddy, Bops, said above, I do love my grandson ‘more than life itself’.
As Leigh said above my favorite line was:
“The things they handed down when we we didn’t even know we were paying attention.”
I thank you again for a beautiful post. <3
Oh the memories! My Nana loved us unconditionally. I miss her to this day and she’s been gone for over 20 years. The memories are carried in my heart. I only hope to love my grandchildren the way she did. Thanks for the reminder of the heritage of love our dear ones give us, more valuable than any heirloom we may receive.
Geez, Big Mama, you’re killing me here! What a beautiful, beautiful post and tribute to your grandparents (and grandparents everywhere!). I was crying before the end of the post and still can’t stop. I am blessed to have known all of my grandparents and have had them all in my life until the age of 32. I have one remaining grandmother, and I love her dearly. I miss the others so. I live in the house where my grandfather (and his father) grew up. So rich with family memories. Thank you for reminding me of the importance.
What a beautiful tribute to your Pa-Pa. It’s funny–I remember, as you do, every nook and cranny of my grandparents’ houses much more clearly than I remember the houses we lived in.
What beautiful memories. Thanks for sharing them with us. The most cherished, physical “things” (other than my husband and children) I have in my house are the pieces of furniture that I received from my grandmother after she passed away. Unfortunately, I don’t believe I appreciated my grandmother until she was gone. As you stated, I guess you just feel like those people will always be there and take it for granted. Thankfully I do have wonderful memories of her and our time together, the love she always poured out to us, and the wonderful, Christian example she LIVED.
Gorgeous! Choking up at my desk…AGAIN.
But thank you because that post right there is EXACTLY what life is all about.
This may be my most favorite thing ever posted in the history of the internet. What a beautiful, poignant piece. Thank you.
This post is so timely, as my sweet grandparents have been heavy on my mind lately. Nothing particular, other than just flat out missing them. The expressions they would say, the way their house smelled, the Sunday suppers. We did their grocery shopping every single Sunday, and you better believe it was the same list every week. Wheaties, white bread, apricot jam, and butterscotch candies for my grandpa.
I think so much about how loving them and serving them wasn’t something we had to make time to do, it was just ALWAYS what we did. I pray this for my kids (that I don’t even have yet). That they might not be so wrapped up in their iphones and twitters… that they might know the joys of meals around the tables where you hear the same stories over and over. Oh, I’m crying again…
So well said…I can still remember the linoleum pattern on the floor at my Memaw’s…Pa in the backyard at the picnic table in his libery overall’s- always…this weekend, as my husband and a friend moved a piece of furniture downstairs to the new guest room ( making room for baby), I got a hint of the smell of memaw and pa’s house, because it was her dresser that was passed down to me 10 years ago! Then on Sunday, I got a call that memaw’s beloved dog that we got from the pound when pa died to keep her company died Sunday morning….poor memaw!
Oh, that was a wonderful post. I truly enjoyed reading about your memories. It brought to mind my own memories of my grandparents, my cousins and growing up in a similar fashion.
The Little Match Girl!! OMG, we loved that one. Did your Me-Ma happen to read it to you from a Deal’s magazine?
Wait – I think it was Ideals magazine…
Loved this. I, too, can remember every nook and cranny of my grandparents’ home. Whenever I was there my grandmother always slept with me and called me her bed buddy….I have so many precious memories. Thanks for reminding me of that today.
Thanks for this post. I am still trying to pull myself together after reading it. I, too, had the most wonderful grandparents I still miss more than I ever thought I could. What a legacy! I do love seeing my kids forge those same bonds with my parents now.
Oh, how this hits home. I thought of my grandparents a lot this weekend as I was cleaning and straightening up around the house. I have several pieces of furniture from both sets — an antique dresser that my great-great-great grandfather made; the portrait of my mother that hung over the sofa in my grandparents’ living room; a sewing machine with the pop-up wheel and manual pedal; the secretary my grandfather bought my grandmother for their first anniversary… When we were home visiting my mother yesterday, I drove our boys by each of my grandparents’ houses. Like you, I lived most of my life thinking I would always be able to walk through their doors. And I still drive up the hill to my parents’ house and see my father’s truck and think for a fleeting moment that he should be there though he’s been gone for four years.
I think your post today was one of the best things I’ve read in a long time.
ahhhhh…such great memories!!! I have so many of those stored in this little head of mine of my great grandparents and I love to share bits and pieces of it with my son, but he will never fully know all of them, just because he wasn’t there to share in the experiences. As our world is so different these days, I still hope my children and their children will have such fond memories of us when they are grown
Thanks for sharing!!
Well, this certainly brought a tear to my eye. Perfectly said. It’s a different variation of the same story that was my childhood. Friday was my only sister in law’s memorial service and the same thought holds true in adulthood, you never think the people around you will die, no matter what their age.
Wow…. You took me back today.
Beautiful words that brought back such sweet memories of my 2 Papas and my Granny.
I really wanted to thank you for your post today! I am a twenty year old college student and have two grandparents with declining health; however, I live my everyday life as though they will be here forever. Thank you so much for reminding me to cherish these sweet memories and the time that I have with them right now. As always, it was so beautifully written. Have a great day!
That was so beautifully written. Reminds me A LOT of my own childhood memories. Thanks for such a sweet post.
Lovely post. Reading it, I recalled some memories of my own past.
I also have a regret about a missed visit. If I had only known it would be my grandmother’s last summer when I was so busy planning my wedding and didn’t think I could tear myself away from my fiance to go and see her.
I remember smells. Isn’t it amazing how a smell can immediately take you back…my grandpa’s basement, the plum trees in his yard…happy memories.
Thanks Melanie!
Great post Melanie. Great post.
Thanks so much for this post. My tears started in the middle as I remember my own dear Grandma, cooking, the smells of her and the house and the love she poured out. I was lucky that she gave me things from her house before she was gone.
My mom and MIL were gone when my son was born, but Grandma lived to be 90( and son was 12) and she was the only Grandma that my son knew. They had such a special relationship. I hope to be the same kind of Grandma to my unborn grandchildren that Grandma was to me.
The term “bed buddys” that pendy used in her reply also brought memories. I hadn’t heard it for a very long time. I remember those special times when Grandma would lie beside me and tell me tales. My son does too. I especially remember her holding back the covers on her bed early in the morning and saying, “Come on, bed buddy, crawl on in.” Such comfort and security!!!!
There is something so special about just being with ‘your people’. . .the ones that know where you come from and the brand of crazy that you come from too
Beautiful post-you would make you Pa Pa proud!
This is beautiful post reminds me to be grateful for my own family and memories. Thank you so much.
So very, very sweet. Well said. Thank you!
Beautiful post and memories. Loved it.
Oh.my.gosh!! I love this! I can relate on so many levels!!! Memories are powerful things!! Praise God for good ones!! Thanks for sharing! Beautiful reminder of my Mamaw and Papaw!
Beautiful.
Happy Birthday to your Pa-Pa!
I’ve been missing my grandparents so much today (next Monday will be 20 years Grandaddy’s been gone, and Grandmama’s been gone almost 6)… I even called my dad earlier to reminisce with him about them. Then I read your post just now and the tears came. Sad tears because I’d give anything to sit at their kitchen table or on the front porch with them again… and happy tears for the heritage they gave me.
What a blessing to have so many memories. We are blessed indeed. They are treasures.
You make it all sound so interesting and beautiful and poignant. It makes me want to look at my memories with new eyes to see if there is beauty and poignancy in my life too.
Lovely post today. My Granny has been gone for almost 40 years and I can still hear the sound of her voice as she said my name. My Granddaddy passed away 17 years ago. After Granny died and Granddaddy remarried, we didn’t have much contact with him. I regret that now.
I try to stay close to my cousins because we have we shared memories.
Sometimes when I read your posts, I feel like we could have been sisters (practically twins-I turned 40 this past October). I had a Pa-pa. He loved me like no other one could (I was also the first grandchild). Best earthly example of uncondional love I ever had. He died the August before I turned 16. He had already bought my birthday present-I think knowing he wouldnt make it thru his open heart surgery [he didnt]. I so wish he could have been there when I opened it 2 months later. I love that rocking chair!
Thanks for sharing. Lovely….
Shannon from KY
You make me smile with every post, this one made me do that thru tears, thank you.
What a beautiful way to honor your Pa-Pa. Cling tight to those wonderful memories. God bless you!
We are MeMe & Papaw. We live 5 doors down from 3 of our grandchildren & are very involved with them. I went part time very early to help get to & from school, etc. I worry we don’t have a lot of $$ to spend on them. But they definitely know how much they are cherished. Our 4th grandchild lives about 6 hours away which just kills me. But, I make sure I see him numerous times each year & spend every minute with him when we are together. I hope they all have memories like this.
As I read this, my own Nanny and Papa memories that came flooding back. Thank you for taking us back to a special time.
What timing! My grandmother died in January, and we started going through her things Tuesday. It was really difficult, but we had the best time going through her 104 years of memories. There are four cousins, and we were all there Tuesday. It was interesting to see the things that sparked emotion in us. Each of us had something different that set off the waterworks. For me, it was her house coat. She was a wonderful, special woman, and I am so grateful that I was able to be close to her. (I lived next door to her throughout high school and college.) And while my two children are old enough to have a few memories of their own, I cherish the things I was able to bring back from Grandmama’s house and look forward to sharing my memories of her with my children and grandchildren.
this is so beautiful i’m not even mad you made me cry in an airport while reading it.
Oh Melanie.. I read you religiously first thing every morning for so many years. Started back when you were working because I remember when you quit to be home with Caroline! Anyway.. always the first thing I read every day. Since my oldest went off to college, I’ve gone back to work and my internet reading has changed. Almost stopped. But when I have a chance to spend some time reading, I always come back to you and read however much I can cram into the time I have. I don’t comment much anymore, just read read read and then go… I used to love to comment, because every once in awhile you’d email me about something I said and it felt so special!! OK, enough about me. I really wrote this to say I’ve missed starting my day with you. You make me laugh, you make me cry… On days like today you do both. This was one of the most beautiful posts I have read in a long time…. thank you, it feels like a gift this morning. Cleansing tears for my dad, who I miss every day and can still feel around me when I bring up old memories. Thank you. I can’t wait to read your book!!!
I too, cried. I don’t have any special memories like this. I have family that is too busy to be in my and my childrens lives. It makes me sad for them especially. I pray that I will be a wonderful Grandmother to their children one day and break the cycle.