I should know better than to bring up an extremely controversial topic right in the middle of the holidays. After all, the Christmas season has enough landmines already, what with all the relatives coming to visit and ongoing debates over who has custody of crazy Aunt Gertie and her six cats for the holidays.
But, I’m not going to let that deter me. I’m going to open up this can of worms and let it fly. And is there really anything more disgusting than flying worms and a sentence with too many cliches?
Let’s discuss the holiday sweater.
Personally, I am not a fan. People know it’s Christmas and they don’t need to see a reindeer flying across my chest to remind them that there are only four shopping days left. That being said, there was an unfortunate period in the late 80′s where I owned and WORE a sweater that looked very much like this.
Tragic.
I’m sure there were caribou all over the world weeping at being depicted in this knitwear tribute to bad taste.
Now before I get a lot of comments and emails, let me say that I know that some of y’all are probably fans of the holiday sweater and that is great. Good for you and your devotion to festivity. My very dear friend’s mama wears blinking Christmas light earrings and elf shoes throughout the month of December and it works for her. It’s part of her charm.
And I know there are some lovely holiday sweaters out there that have festive snowmen and sequined nutcrackers and jeweled snowflakes. You just won’t see me wearing them. It’s my personal preference to not dress with a theme.
Although there was an unfortunate incident in 1993 where I wore a cheetah-print shirt to the Omaha Zoo. But the Lord has been faithful to bring healing and restoration.
All that being said, I think we can all agree that the following photos of holiday sweaters should serve as a cautionary tale. There isn’t enough spiked eggnog in the world to make these better.
Bows. Teddy Bears. Wreaths. Oh my.
Nothing says bad taste like the Christmas cat.
Surrounded by snowflakes.
Well, except for the Christmas turtle.
Surrounded by snowflakes.
There is nothing that will make you look bigger than life than having a brick wall around your midsection.
I have issues with anything that could cause my front side to look like there is a skier zooming down mountains. Or even small hills.
And last, but certainly not least, the sweater vest. I can’t look at these without remembering the year I attended a Christmas formal with a boy that wore a Christmas-themed sweater vest.
Sometimes I still wake up crying.
What is it about Christmas that makes folks want to break out the teddy bears? What have the teddy bears ever done to us?
This appears to be angels being struck by lightning. I’m not sure what that has to do with Christmas.
Here’s something for you to think about. Why are there no bad Hannukah sweaters? Or Chanukah, depending on your preference. Where are the atrocious Kwanzaa sweaters? I think I smell a holiday conspiracy.
The Christmas sweater has taken on a life of its own. In fact, while I was doing EXTENSIVE research for this post I discovered that fraternities all over America are having themed Ugly Christmas Sweater keg parties.
And I think that’s what makes me the saddest. When I was in college, back in the early 90′s, the irony of the Christmas sweater would have been completely lost on us because many of us were actually wearing the reindeer sweater. Don’t think because the tag said “Ralph Lauren” that makes it any better. You are fooling yourself.
Also, how can I get myself invited to one of these parties? I may have a few sweaters in storage that would be perfect.
Skip to Comment Form
Praise the Lord for answered prayers for little Olivia!
And confession time. I love all the sweaters, with the exception of the Christmas turtles and the skier. My favorite is the Bears, Bows and Wreaths sweater. Forgive me for I have sinned.
However – I don’t wear sweaters, so I suppose it’s a moot point. If I could get those patterns on a sweatshirt I’d sure wear ‘em though!
Have a blessed and joyous Christmas, Melanie.
Love to you and yours,
Diane
I’m with you. I never really thought about it, but I don’t like wearing Christmas sweaters, or any other cutesy themed whatever. I don’t have a single one anywhere in my closet, not even a cheetah print!
Please, please, please put up a picture of the blinking Christmas light earrings and elf shoes. I think that needs to be seen to be truly believed.
I want an angel zapped by lightnin’ sweater. Except I want a sign on it that says “This is NOT a cute holiday sweater. This is an angel zapped by lightnin’ sweater.” Cause I think that would make it so much better!
My former boss, a young, hip good-lookin’ former baseball player guy and his model-gorgeous wife and baby, send out Christmas picture cards every year wearing the worst possible Christmas sweater outfits they can find, just for kicks. I told them that the joke is funny now, but when that kid is a teenager, she will so pay them back for including her.
Amen….Preach on Sister! Let us put an end to this unfortunate fashion tragedy! I too have been delivered of some mighty, mighty sins of bad taste in the 90′s! And the Christmas Cat??? You are right! Where is the Christmas Dog?
Thank you for such a timely word!
Haha, my husband and I are having an ugly Christmas Sweater Party tonight!!! I found a great one with Red Cardinals and Holly and beads all over at Goodwill. We live in Minnesooootaa, otherwise I would invite you!!! Merry Christmas!!
My mom had a really cute zipped sweatervest on Sunday that she got at a classy boutique after Christmas. I complimented her on her non-tackiness of it, because it was cute.
I have a strong feeling that if you lived in a cooler climate that you may embrace the skier or the reindeer sweater
I agree that people of “a certain age” can get away with the blinking earrings and holiday themed sweaters…or worse…sweatshirts. In the interest of full disclosure I’ll admit that I bought a sweater last year. One that my mother also purchased. And we wound up at the same party together…wearing identical sweaters. And then someone took a picture. And sent it to me.
I’m having more flashbacks than a Vietname veteran.
Vietnam. Sorry. See what this has done to me?
Even more unfortunate is the fact that the Christmas Cat seems to be worn by a man.
But, wouldn’t it be SO MUCH FUN to have a Christmas White Elephant sweater exchange with all your friends? Just think of the laughter and fun! Imagine all the fighting that will ensue!
Or better yet, just have a sweater drive and give the whole kaboodle of them to goodwill.
Hallelujah! Finally, someone is speaking out against the uber-festive sweater. I just want to know where you rounded up all those photos.
My sister-in-law, who is a 2nd grade teacher, has similar feelings towards the teacher sweater/jumper/sweatshirt phenomenon. I always tease her that I’m on the look-out for a pencil and crayon jumper, maybe with some bedazzling somewhere on it!
Isn’t that the Turtle of Damascus from The Star of Christmas? I thought that thing burnt with the theater!
Those sweaters are an atrocity against humankind!
But I do have dear friends who wear the mess out of a good seasonal sweater (and matching bulb ornament earrings/necklace/bracelet/ring combos) and I love them all the more for it. As you said, it’s part of their charm!
I love the idea of the ugly Christmas Sweater party, what fun!
We are attending an Air Force party tomorrow night and we are invited to wear our “Best Worst” Christmas Sweater. Thankfully it is optional as I have none of the sweaters pictured here in my closet. If I can, I’ll take pictures and send them to you. It should be interesting.
thank you for tackling this very important issue. thank you for saying what needed to be said. you have my undying support and gratitude.
I’m right there with you. My friends mother has a whole section of her closet that is dedicated to themes. Halloween, Christmas, Easter… She has all of the accessories, too. (In her defense she was a Kindergarten teacher for 35 years, but still.) It works for her and her ‘talks to everyone like a 5 year old’ voice. However, it does not work for most people. There is a local commercial here with a man on it with a truly horrendous sweater on and I have considered calling the company and complaining about the wardrobe malfunction. (It’s also a V-neck with nothing under it) thanks so much for all of your fashion knowldge! Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Those sweaters are the worst!! I can’t believe people would actually wear those things but they must or they wouldn’t sell them. I am not a fan of the theme dressing. Thanks for a good laugh!
Praise the Lord for your WORD this morning. Those are seriously unfortunate sweaters NO MATTER WHAT CLIMATE YOU LIVE IN. Cold is no excuse for downright ugly.
Thanks for a much needed laugh.
My mother-in-law, with Christ-like grace and love, would wear any one of those sweaters if its purpose was to entertain my children.
And great will be her reward in heaven.
Don’t forget the Christmas/winter themed pattern cotton turtleneck tops to wear under the festive Christmas/winter themed sweater.
I’m sorry to say I wore quite a few themed ensembles back in the day. (As I sit here wearing my reindeer earrings)
Let’s not forget bells. Socks with bells. Sweaters with bells. All types of jewelry with bells. I know that I’m treading on reallythinice, but I feel much better having said it.
I’m so in for a Christmas Sweater Party!!
I know what kind of party I’m having next year- Forget our annual Dirty Santa party!
You’re great – very enjoyable! Merry Christmas!
My worst offense (in the early 90′s…ahemm) was a delightful Christmas sweater that featured a cactus swirled in Christmas lights. Because nothing says “Merry Christmas, Y’all!” like cactus.
But THANK YOU, Big Mama, for speaking out against those who forge on iwith this trend. People look at me all bah-humbuggy when I mention that Christmas sweaters are PAST THEIR TIME.
We can always count on the college fraternity faithful to notify us as to which stylistic ideas are decidedly OVER. Amen.
Um, is that a MAN wearing the Christmas Cat sweater?
I can tell you exactly where this fashion began. With teachers. Go to any school (preferably elementary) and you will see teachers wearing holiday sweaters, earrings, necklaces, shoes, you name it. I’m not sure if we do it for the kids or just because…well…it’s the thing to do when you are an elementary teacher.
But I would not wear a Christmas turtle sweater. I do draw the line there.
Yes, I owned sweaters just like these. Yes, I had permed hair. Yes, I wore purple eye shadow. I also owned stirrup pants to go with all of the above.
Yes, those pictures from that era make me shudder.
I found your blog recently and have been laughing almost every time I visit.
I pretty much despise the holiday sweater. I worked as a preschool teacher for a while and was just about the only one who didn’t wear, um, festive attire. I’m still proud of that! Keep up the fashion posts, they’re great.
I’m totally with you on this! I just don’t think that there are any pretty Christmas sweaters out there- they’re all bad.
I remember when all I wanted was a sweater from Eagle’s eye, a pair of red Pappagallo flats with a bow on the toe and a Douney and Bourke sachel bag.
Ahh, the good ole days.
Oh how I wish I still had all my Pappagallo flats today. I would be sporting those suckers everyday!
I’ve never bought a Christmas sweater for myself..or for my dh. I have considered it – when they’ve been 1/2 off or 75% off after Xmas…I’ve debated.
I am not one that is highly fashionable, not even lowly fashionable…my siblings live a thousand miles away so I can no longer look to them for “fashion” advice. It’s good to know I didn’t blow it by wearing a Christmas sweater – ever! (except in the fitting room of course).
You have spoken a good word!!
HILARIOUS!!!! I just want to know where you got these pictures???? Ebay? Or is there a site devoted to ugly Christmas sweaters somewhere?
Hilarious and very true. Holiday sweaters make me cringe.
I hang my head in shame at the thought of remembering my go to holiday ensemble of the early nineties which was not only a bright red holiday sweater, but a Pooh Bear one at that. Yes, I said Pooh Bear.
I’m sorry to those that were forced to look at me. And also, deeply sorry for the bright red courdory pants that matched (?).
Thank you for throwing caution into the wind and broaching the ever important of Christmas-themed attire. To wear or not to wear that is always the question! If you’re 4 and there a snowman on your Osh Gosh jumper, yes, it’s okay to wear. Anyone over the age of 4 needs to stick with attire in the right hues to represent the holiday season at hand!
And another thing that bothers me? Those fleece pullovers and themed socks! I mean a tastefully embroidered snowflake is pushing it, but sequins, a felt snowmen and googly-eyes are TOTALLY not okay!
Merry Christmas to you and yours!
~Erica
Oh BM you should SO have a contest……for your internet groupies…….we all go in search of THE UGLIEST Christmas sweater, and ship it to you (at our expense, for those who want to play) and you take pictures and have a contest…..winner gets…..WHATEVER…the joy of being spotlight on your famous blog.
I’d play! It would be SO FUN. You know we all have ONE in our closet right now, or can steal from our mother in laws.
Kelly in Michigan
First let me say that you make me laugh so hard! You have a way with words, bloggin’ style! Anyway, your sweater post just made me think of the scene in Bridget Jones’ Diary when she and her soon-to-be man are wearing ugly ones their mothers gave them. Please tell me you’ve seen it!? Oh so funny… thanks for the holiday laughs!
I have no Christmas sweaters, but I do have 2 SIMPLE holiday long sleeve tshirts that I wear. nothing as LOVELY (tacky) as the sweaters you showed.
I do know someone that wears THEMED clothes for EVERYSINGLEHOLIDAY. without fail. And makes her dh and ds wear them too. Makes me giggle really. But she can pull it off. it’s part of what makes her, well… her.
It would only make me look, well… stupid, so I don’t dare try it!!
Thanks for the laugh tonight!
I am sooo with you… I dislike seeing these sweaters plastered across my vision path while I am out. I think, do you really think that looks good? LOL I wont ever do that to my kids either… never. Mark my words
As a teacher, I have seen WAY too many seasonal sweaters and jewelry! One year I had a student give me the biggest silver pumpkin I have ever seen. And yes, I had to wear it every day until Halloween. I thought I was safe once Halloween was over until he informed me of the great news that I could wear that beautiful pumpkin through Thanksgiving as well. YIPEE!
Still sending up prayers for sweet baby Olivia. Thanks for updating us on the good news.
those were horrible! and so very funny. i’m so thankful i don’t own one.
Your date wore a Christmas themed sweater vest? Say it ain’t so! There is something very wrong about Christmas cats, Christmas turtles, and any male wearing a Christmas sweater vest.
I almost sent you a request to address this very issue last Monday. (With my head hanging) I will admit that I wore a Christmas themed sweater to church last Sunday since we were required to wear Christmas colors for our choir presentation (and it was all I had). I didn’t think it looked too bad until I walked in the church behind a 70 year old lady wearing almost the identical sweater (I am 40). I am done with themed sweaters. They are dead to me now…… Thank you for confirming this for me =)
UGH! I SO agree! I hate Christmas-themed clothing. Yet my mother-in-law seems to continue buying them for me every year, despite the fact that I’ve never worn them in her presence. Or out of her presence, for that matter. This year she even branched out and bought my husband THREE Snoopy Christmas t-shirts. Which my husband would never be caught dead in. I confess, I did wear one of those out in public tonight. But only because I had been painting in it previously and didn’t want to change just to go to Ci-Ci’s. And I wore a jacket over it the whole time.
But you want to hear something even worse than a plain holiday sweater?? How about, say, MATCHING Christmas-themed Disney t-shirts with your name emblazoned across the front for 9 people, only 3 of which are children. Yes, yours truly will be wearing one of these in just 4 days, thanks to the above mentioned MIL. But I guess it’s a small price to pay for an all-expenses paid trip to Disney World. Merry Christmas to us. I’m sure Mickey will be proud.
Ya’ll, ya’ll, ya’ll.
The Christmas sweater is important. It makes you look festive when you’ve been up all night with a puking kid OR having stayed up have the night baking for The Hub. It says, “I am so ready for a party”…when, in fact, if anyone said, “Merry Christmas”, you’d probably grunt. It just comes across better with the sweater on…or perhaps you stiffle it a little more easily!
Also, they let you wear the outrageous jewelry your kids tend to get you.
There’s also the two piece red tank and sweater set…I am all in favor of this…it carries through Valentines Day and can be worn with other mix and match pieces throughout the winter with much success. The lines are usually more flattering with a sweater set as well. Go Red Sweater Sets!!!!
LOL….I just went to an ugly Christmas sweater party last week and it was a riot. We also do ugly dress parties as well
I HIGHLY recommend it for a good laugh!!!
LOL!! Where did you FIND all those? Honestly, unless you (not YOU, Big Mama, but the collective YOU) are a matronly woman who is obviously past the age of qualifying for the senior citizen discount, the holiday sweater is just a sad, sad state of affairs. I have a friend who is my age that wears them, and I just want to beg her for the love of all that’s decent to please put the poor thing to rest. But I don’t dare because I don’t want to hurt her feelings. GAH.
Just be glad you aren’t an elementary school teacher. We have to wear theme sweaters on all major holidays. It’s in our contracts. Seriously, I really think it must be in the fine print. Have you ever been in an elementary school this time of year?
Hilarious! My sister just went to a “wear a tacky Christmas sweater party”. Apparently, this is something she and her friends attend every year. Who knew! HA!
Where on earth did you find those horrible sweaters?? That being said, Dillards has a lline of christmas t-shirts that I think even you would approve of. They are very subtle, you have to really look to even know they are christmas. They are normal colors like blue or gray.
I hope no actual humans were harmed in the modeling of these sweaters.
I”m going to post this entry in my closet in case I ever get stupid drunk and consider buying a Christmas sweater.
You have a ministry girl.
I think the holiday sweater may be single-handedly responsible for ushering in the grunge look of the mid-90s. One look at those pictures, and I feel compelled to dress in black — and ONLY black — for the rest of December.
Also, had to share my favorite line about holiday sweaters. (Just to be clear, I don’t endorse it. But I don’t necessarily disagree either.) “There’s an important lesson here: If you want to be festive, show some cleavage.”
I must gloat that I have never worn a Christmas sweater! In college, though, I wore jingle bells on my tennis shoes…..just to be funny. They were hard to see, so it would be funny for people to figure out who was making noise!
I just threw away my Christmas sweater yesterday. It was time to let it die.
One of our pals threw a “Gaudy Christmas Sweater” party this year, and I made Christmas sweaters for my husband and I to wear. It’s my favorite sweater that I’ll never wear again for sure! See the pic of me and the hubs here: http://smchristiansen.blogspot.com/2007/12/christmas-sweater-party.html
Merry Christmas! May your sweaters NOT have “realistic Santa beard fluff” on them.
Wait just one minute here…who is modeling these sweaters for us? Is that your bathroom tile in the background? DO YOU OWN THESE SWEATERS????
We want answers, little missy.
You could have called your reindeer sweater your “Song of Solomon sweater.” You know, your breasts like gazelles on the mountains? Yeah.
Thanks for having the courage to speak out on this subject.
But, what do you think about green elf tights?
I agree.
You should know better.
This post totally cracked me up!!! : )
TOO FUNNY! Thanks for the smile…giggle…okay, I was rolling on the floor.
Hope your holidays are happy and Icky-Christmas-sweater free!
Mrs. Who is right about teachers. As a 2nd grade teacher I myself have been known to wear themed clothing, expecially Christmas. (*sigh* I think the Christmas Cat is cute) The kids get a kick out of it. It is a teacher thing to do. However, even I, an admitted tacky Christmas themed sweater wearer, would have to think twice (or more) before wearing a Christmas turtle sweater.
I have to sheepishly admit to having 2 Christmas themed items that would probably end up on your “don’t wear this” list. One has teddy bears on it. It is also a vest. The other has sequins and polar bear. What can I say? Maybe I’m an old soul?
I know that Holiday sweaters/vests can look cheesy, but wearing one is a small price to pay if it means you can wear jeans or jean skirts to work during a weekday at the bank!!! I’ll keep my cheesy vests for just such days!
The last ever Christmas themed item I wore was a white sweatshirt that had a Christmas tree painted on the front. There were serious amounts of glitter and fabric paint causing the front of the sweatshirt to be so stiff that it would not BEND. Now that’s just wrong.
I think I was like 12 and my dad bought it for me LOL.
This morning I stumbled upon this site and thought of you. Perhaps you’ve already seen it – if not, there are a ton’o Christmas sweaters waiting to be perused.
I wore some gawd-awful gigantic lightbulb earrings that I donned this Christmas. Nobody seemed to notice, though…they kept commenting on my ugly hair:(
How about the christmas quilted vest??? EWWWWW!! I wore one once in the early 90′s. Never again!
Ha! One of our friends had an ugly sweater party. It may have even been a kegger. But he’s a believer, so I doubt it was “that kind” of kegger.
Comments on this entry are closed.
Skip to Comment Form