Well I have just watched four hours of the Olympics.
The Fab Five won the gold medal. Michael Phelps won his nineteenth medal to become the most decorated Olympian of all time. I sat on the couch and ate cookies.
Yet my adrenaline levels are off the charts. I have cheered. I have cried. I have lamented the day I quit gymnastics at age eight because I might have been an Olympian if I had just mastered walking across the gym floor without tripping.
I’m not sure how I’m ever going to settle down and go to sleep. So instead I’m watching Sweet Home Alabama for the 842nd time on the Oxygen channel.
It’s hard to pick a highlight of the night so I think I’m just going to give a quick rundown.
(Yes. Apparently this has become a blog solely devoted to Olympic coverage this week.)
(But only for those of you who aren’t looking for hard-hitting journalistic insights.)
1. The Russian female gymnasts love them some glitter. I’m not sure how you say “There is no such thing as too much glitter” in Russian, but I bet their coaches do.
2. I find it interesting that it’s 2012 and we haven’t found a better way to hold back hair than those plastic, bendy Goody barrettes that I wore in a series of unfortunate school photos from 1976-1982.
Do better, hair accessory industry.
3. Words can’t express how thrilled I was for Jordyn Weiber. She proved to have the heart of a champion when she bounced back from her disappointment on Sunday and helped lead her team to gold.
Her smile after she finished that first tumbling pass on the floor exercise was priceless.
4. I needed more of Aly Raisman’s parents.
5. Thank goodness Michael Phelps won two more medals and broke the record. I was afraid Andrea the poolside commentator was going to take him out back and shoot him if he failed.
She clearly graduated from the Journalism School of No Mercy and Bad Questions.
6. Caroline decided halfway through the balance beam routines that she needed to practice her gymnastics. Even though she quit gymnastics two years ago.
And then she spent the next hour twirling and jumping around our living room while intermittently stopping to stretch. I think Bela Karolyi would be impressed.
7. Without question the overstatement of the night goes to the gymnastics commentator who declared a mistake by one of the Russian gymnasts during the floor exercise to be “ABSOLUTELY CATASTROPHIC”.
I’d like to buy him a dictionary. And some perspective.
Your house falling in around you equals CATASTROPHIC. Failing to land a cartwheel? Disappointing, yes. ABSOLUTELY CATASTROPHIC? I think not.
8. Loved seeing the mens’ relay team win the gold. Not only did it help Phelps achieve his goal, but I think it gave Lochte a little bit of confidence back.
9. I did a back dive off the diving board at the pool today.
No. That technically has nothing to do with the Olympics.
But it was the closest I came to any sort of athletic endeavor and I wanted you to know. It helped offset the guilt I felt about eating the chocolate chip cookies. I’m almost forty-one and I can still do a back dive.
Which reminds me that I need to take three or six Advil before bed.
10. Is it just me or would anyone else really like a pair of those green tennis shoes that the Fab Five had on during the medal ceremony?
And did you watch their interview with Bob Costas at the end where they all said the earliest Olympics they remembered was 2004?
Wow.
I’m old.
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Congratulations on your dive. That is impressive.
I love your Olympic coverage!! I watched all of it tonight and still can’t fall asleep… Too much stress!
I love your comments on the Olympics! Everything you said was spot on! I loved tonight’s events. I was so proud of our athletes! I think you can tell I am excited by the overuse of exclamation points. Thanks for your fun commentary!
I love watching the Olympics but if I hear one more interviewer ask an athlete how they feel about win/loss I’m going to scream. Seriously, they’re getting paid to do interviews AT THE OLYMPICS and the best they can come up with is “how do you feel right now?” Really?? Just show us the parents’ reaction – that tells the whole story – no interviewer needed.
Amen!! I totally agree!
and how many times do we need to hear the word “surreal”? every single athlete uses it. and I’m sure that is the perfect word to describe the podium feeling, but we get it.
I’m so very with you on the shoes. The guys’ relay team was actually wearing them when they came out as well, so I’m guessing everybody got them. The semi-good news? You can get something similar if you’d like to spend $130 or so on Nike IDs. The color is Volt (made originally for my Ducks to wear in the 2011 BCS title game. Grrr.), and if you choose it as the customized color for absolutely everything, those sweet shoes can be yours. I’m having a hard time not firing up the ol’ credit card right now.
Your Olympics coverage is about 78 times better than NBC’s, by the way. I actually kind of like Bob Costas as the anchor, but I feel that the rest of the team is a millstone around his neck with their desperate exaggerations, inane questions, and rapid reversals (last night’s swimming: “That was the worst start of all time, by any athlete, ever. Oh, she got the gold? What a wonderful start by the 17 year old.”).
Oh my gosh! Another Duck fan
I am thinking of firing up the credit card, too. I got a pair of Lunarswifts from the kids’ section at Nordstrom during last year’s anniversary sale in bright green and they are looking tired. And that is a CATASTROPHE 
But in my experience, EVERYONE needs green Nikes!
Oh goodness, another Duck fan here! I love my Ducks.
And here I thought there were only SEC people hanging around the blog world! I have a pair of the Nike Frees that I customized last summer…they’re the anthracite gray body and have Volt accents and say “I LOVE” and “MY DUX” on the tongues. I just wanted “GO” and “DUCKS,” but they won’t let you put an actual team name on them…jerks. The best part? When I’ve got a good tan going, the Volt actually reflects off my legs, it’s so bright. They’re definitely my favorite Autzen shoes.
I’m dying. Thank you for the laugh this early in the morning! : )
I just laughed out loud and had to explain myself to my husband as he ate breakfast. I despise that poolside interviewer lady. She tries so hard to push the swimmers with rude questions. I’d like to see how well she could do in the Olympics. (hoping she isn’t actually some old Olympian, but still). Congrats on the back dive…it totally took care of any cookie calories you may have consumed.
Andrea is also on NFL on NBC. She is my least favorite sports commentator ever and I want to like that they have a girl doing football. But seriously?? Please stilck to written journalism if you must practice reporting. Your interviewing is not very polished.
Love this post. Love.It. I’m totally hooked on the Olympics, and even though I never mastered learning how to dive, I’m an absolute EXPERT when it comes to telling the synchronized divers what they did wrong. Just ask me…I know. {HA!}
In other Olympic news, did anyone watch the American women kick butt at the Skeet Shooting competition?? World Record and 99/100 hits. She rocks. And then the American man basically did the same. So.Proud.
Go #TeamUSA!
What do you think of the 33 year old Austrailian synchronized diver? Wiggins?
I couldn’t wait this morning to see whether you’d kept going with the Olympic coverage. Love your commentary, and I think NBC should consider you as the anchor for the poolside interviews. I don’t remember them being this harsh in previous years, but MAN, they ask some questions that are just DUMB. Jordyn’s smile about made me cry.
My question is did Ralph Lauren design those ugly gray sweat jackets for the Olympians to wear on the medal stands? They are pretty much the ugliest in the whole pack. Why would anyone pick gray? Wow! Why not red, blue or white? I don’t get it. I was so busy lambasting those ugly jackets I didn’t notice the green shoes. What a bunch of little cutey cutes those girls are.
In perspective they showed Nadia Comanche doing her routine for a perfect 10 many times. She weighed exactly 80 lbs at the time. They said Jordan weighed something like 120 which is healthier and gives them more stamina to do the hardest tricks I’ve ever seen. And why don’t the judges reward accordingly? No one before has had to do performances that hard and they will only get harder as the years go on. I hope they change some of the rules eventually or gymnasts (any everyone else) will not ever train hard enough to do them.
And I am so over Michael Phelps, I cannot tell you. The way they go on and on about him is really getting old for me. Yes, he’s talented. But I am tired of hearing his name, seeing his stupid grin and hearing about all his medals. I will be glad when he is done and we can move on. Do we move on or is swimming still the featured sport next week? And does that sound grumpy? You bet!
Hugs from Minnesota
Marie
He only designed the uniforms for the opening and closing ceremonies
I actually liked the jackets, but then again, about half of my closet is some version of gray, so I may or may not be biased. They’re Nike, though, not Ralph Lauren. And I rather thought the opening ceremonies outfits made the team look like a convention of flight attendants. I half expected them to start offering the other athletes beverages.
Love your Olympic commentary! Keep on…..can’t wait to hear what you say each morning!
Justifies my feelings from the night before!! ha!
Ha!! So true! I said the same things to my husband about the Russian glitter and the use of the barrettes!
Catastrophic!! Can you believe that girl messed up and will only win a SILVER OLYMPIC MEDAL? ugh!
Totally agree on the hair clips…..and why must they wear 552 of them in their hair?
Totally freaked out by the Russian eye makeup.
Scared of the one Russian girl- I think she may end up punching someone out.
I’m in Olympic heaven- good stuff lately. I enjoy eating pretzel M&Ms while I watch- because I’m a couch athlete you know.
You see? I knew I didn’t have to watch the Olympics…your coverage is way, way better than what I’d see on NBC! I do wish I’d watched gymnastics. I didn’t know when it would be on!
You are spot on sister, spot on!
I know. 2004?! We’re ancient, apparently.
Commentators are experts at overstating things. I was noticing how they said it was absolutely heartbreaking for Michael Phelps’ mom when she thought he got 1st, but he actually got 2nd in the 200 something. Really. Heartbreaking??
The Olympic spirit is really defined by middle-aged people sitting on their couches at home criticizing 75 lb teenagers for failing to stick their landings, right?
I think you are my long lost sister! I live for the Olympics – have been counting down the days and will go through serious withdrawal when they end. Just knowing I have to wait so long for them to come around again makes me sad. I have read your blog “forever” but have never commented before. I really enjoy your sense of humor and drama. Thanks for entertaining me each day!
Good Morning,
boo NBC
Unable to write complete sentences due to rush from Olympics and then HAVING to watch a lifetime movie (woman feared for her life-SURPRISE)…too few hrs. of sleep…nap forthcoming…
*Congrats to ALL the athletes, particpants AND winners. How dare those commentators take ANYTHING away from ANY of those kids…good grief!!!! They are AT the OLYMPICS!!!! They are the BEST in the world….medals are the GRAVY ….talk about persepective!!!!
*sheila walsh tweeted that the gymnasts looked like “wee sparkling red fairies”…SHE should be a commentator!
*hate that we can’t see events live…
*RL had major OLYMPIC fail with the uniforms…(made in China?!, gray?!) UNLESS…he thought the dull gray would show off the beautiful purple ribbon and shiny medals better than another fabric..hmmm???
*Love the lime green shoes…thanks to prev. poster who explained the origin…don’t know if I can rock the shoes in my little NON olympic life…hahaha
*some of the gymnasts said they’d received a tape or dvd of the 1996 and 2004 olympics…get me a rocker and and a shawl…
*Love watching ali’s and michael’s parents…do you and P. respond like that when C. is swimming and kicking that soccer ball????
*we need a gym team hair stylist…what was with the pull through ponytails??? I sport that when I clean house!!!! perhaps Goody is a sponsor…these girls have certainly cleared the hairclip racks at Target..ha
*LOVED the jackets that matt and savannah are wearing this morning w/ volleyball team (all rwb,stars,stripes)…love love love…Ralph,are YOU watching??????
*I’m all about the glitter…they are such cutie pies and the glitter on the girls is like sprinkles on a cupcake…
*Did you see the ARMS on those teensy girls????!!!! talk about TONED…YIPES!!!!
sorry this is so long…excitement + lack of sleep=random thoughts and overuse of caps and punctuation…
—-feel a nap attack approaching…can’t wait for your Olympic coverage tomorrow …hee hee
THANK YOU FOR NOTICING THE GOODY BARRETTES! I told my husband that there had to be a better way for them to fix there hair! And I’m so NOT a fan of the glued back look.
I’m assuming that the grey warm-up jacket with the duck butt in the back won’t be making Fashion Friday. Very ugly.
I have an aspiring gymnast at home with a new idol–Gabby Douglas. We actually live fairly close to where she trains so we hope she will do some local appearances. Or maybe we will just run into her at Lowes picking out paint samples, since that is how we met Shawn Johnson.
Amen! On everything. Loved the shoes, but hated the dingy gray jackets. Poolside interviews? Ridiculous. That woman not asking the guys how they felt about their GOLD MEDAL achievement, but NO, she turned it all around to ask how was it to help Phelps win HIS gold medal. Good grief. Russian glitter? My hubs said he wishes he had the concession on that one. We could be billionaires! And you think YOU feel old? I remember Olga Korbut and Nadia Comenich (I’m sure I misspelled that). Can you hear the wheels on my walker squeaking? I’ve got to get those things oiled.
I was AT the 1972 Olympics in Munich—with Olga and Cathy Rigby and their cute little pigtails and no glitter and suits that covered their whole derriere. I must feel the oldest of you all. But I’m a diehard Olympics fan and will watch even water polo and badminton if it’s all that is on.
I’m really enjoying your Olympic coverage. Keep it up!
And, I agree…the Olympics are really doing a number on my sleep habits.
How can we get someone to invent something like a DVR player that will omit commentators’ comments? I want to hear the crowd noise and the little moments on the sidelines, but no more commentators. Ever. EVER.
They have one now that will delete commercials. The technology must be there.
I think those shoes must be part of Olympic attire! Some of the relay guys had them on too! I liked them as well! I am an East Texas girl and don’t ever comment but have read your blog for years and LOVE IT
)
Elfie Shlegel is the Greatest Name Ever!!!
I have watched two minutes of the Olympics. Does that make me unAmerican? You are awesome!
I commented to my husband that the American gymnists have their pony tails so tight I’m shocked they can blink. And the Russian girl with the fox-face and big nostrils… she had a look that would make a small child cry. Just sayin’. The gray jackets do not broadcast well…maybe they look better in person.
If it helps any, you were watching sweet home alabama and so was Misty May Treanor while waiting for her next match. You’re almost like an Olympian!
The hubs and I were commenting on the quality of pool-side interviews. Short of coming out and admitting to something like partying all night long before his competitions–I don’t think there’s anything else Lochte could be saying. “It swam as hard as I could” is about all you can ask for.
I’m a huge fan of your Olympic coverage to be honest!!! And I agree with all of your assessments, especially about the hair clips!! Why so many? Why so ugly? What about a cute headband? I can’t confirm but I feel like Mckayla Maroney had a scrunchie-type of thing holding her hair up? But her vault was so crazy that I can overlook a scrunchie.
Love this post — that’s really all I had to say! Hilarious as usual!
I cannot tell you how happy I was to see your comment about the hair clips. My husband was disgusted by my play by play analysis of the hair situation and suggestion that they try Bic Bands instead. Also, what is with the poorly crafted buns. I feel that should be a tenth of a point deduction.
I missed watching the Olympics last night and feel like I missed the most awesome night ever!
But I have to say, that we were watching the Russian gymnasts the other night and my daughter (who is adopted from Russia at age 3 and is now 14) said “Don’t you love that glitter mom?”
I guess it is a genetic love.
Last night’s gymnastics win was a lot of fun to watch, but I wish I had not checked Twitter and already known who won!
Agreed on the hair accessories- would a few subtle bobby-pins kill anyone?
I too thought how old I was when they talked about 2004 is their first memory of gymnastics. Also having to youtube the 97 win.
Having just lived in Eastern Europe for the past 2.5 years, I can assure you that glitter in all shapes and forms is very fashionable there….now if only they’d buy those glitter tees with English sayings from native speakers…!
A few subtle bobby pins COULD probably kill someone. Those Goody bendies stay nice and flat, which is a great attribute in a sport where falling in your head from high places at high speeds is common.
#5… EXACTLY. I was emailing back and forth with my college roommate and told her I was waiting for one of the swimmers to knock her upside the head because her questions were mean. She doesn’t seem to realize that Phelps is twice her size!
I don’t think I can handle too many more nights of emotional gymnasts. Jubilation, heartbreak, men, women, US, Russia, UK. Oh my!
Um, yeah, earliest Olympic memories of 2004? Or better yet, the gal whose mom got her a “VCR” of the 1996 Magnificent Seven. To quote Bob Costas, “Oh youth…”
(I think the green shoes might be a team USA thing. I saw some swimmers on the medal stand with similar shoes.)
This is one of the laugh-out-loud funniest things I’ve read in a long time. You nailed it. As a side note, this article also was a memory maker, as my daughter read it to me while we were driving her back to start her Senior year of College. We both laughed. And then perhaps I cried. Either way, grateful for the laughs:-)