I spent most of Saturday catching up on all the Olympics I’d missed while we were in the midst of the birthday festivities. Because this is what the Olympics does to me. It makes me feel like at any moment I could miss out on the moment that will define sports for years to come and I’ll have to admit to someone that I deleted it off my DVR without even watching it.
Yes. I have a problem.
But I powered through and fast forwarded through some huge chunks of competition and I think I managed to see everything that was remotely noteworthy. And if I missed something then it’s really better that I don’t know about it because I’ve since deleted all of it off the DVR.
Here are a few observations I’ve made over the last day or so:
1. That men’s sprint thing? On the weird looking bikes? Why is the first lap so slow?
I don’t understand.
It’s the most bizarre thing I’ve ever seen.
2. We fast forwarded through mens’ synchronized diving. P was in charge of the remote.
He also sometimes fast forwards through the personal stories and then I go back and watch them later because what’s the point of watching the Olympics if you don’t cry at least several times throughout the evening?
3. I felt terrible for Mckayla Maroney. And really all those vaulters that just busted their tail. Or their face in the case of that poor Russian girl.
I may start a conspiracy theory that the gold medal winner from Romania put something slippery on the landing mat that caused all her competitors to wipe out.
Considering we live in a world where people cheat at Badminton, it doesn’t feel that far-fetched.
4. On Sunday night Bob Costas actually said the words “Three hundred large” when referring to the price of an Aston-Martin.
You know what I don’t ever need to hear again?
Bob Costas saying “Three hundred large”.
5. That male gymnast from Chile totally looks like Napoleon Dynamite’s brother, Kip. I was on the edge of my seat waiting for them to flash to LaFawnduh cheering him on in the crowd.
But, alas, it never happened.
I think the biggest shock is that all this time I thought he’d been training to be a cage fighter.
6. I adore the U.S. women’s soccer team. Even if they did take minutes and perhaps even hours off my life during their game yesterday.
7. Every time they show Kate Middleton in the crowd I am overcome with hair envy. If there was a gold medal for hair she would absolutely win.
8. Did anyone else notice that Aliya Mustafina broke out in noticeable glee when Gabby Douglas made a “catastrophic” mistake on her uneven bars routine?
The look in her eye was reminiscent of Ivan Drago as he said, “I must break you” to Rocky in Rocky IV. Settle down, All About Eve.
9. This has nothing to do with the Olympics, but can anyone tell me why Snoop Dog changed his name to Snoop Lion last week and it actually showed up as a news headline?
Why does anyone take the media seriously? And why are we surprised that America is in a bad spot?
10. If you missed Missy Franklin’s interview with Bob Costas then I’m sad for you. Is it weird that I want to be friends with a sixteen year old swimmer? She has so much charm and personality.
And I hear she’s a decent swimmer.