Well I think my cold has officially turned a corner. I woke up yesterday morning and only felt a little bit like Bugs Bunny had dropped an anvil on my head instead of feeling like the Roadrunner just ran me off a cliff.
I have no idea why I’m speaking in Looney Tunes terminology.
And, honestly, I was just glad I was able to start the morning sitting on my couch with a cup of coffee instead of rushing out the door to chaperone a fourth grade field trip like I did on Tuesday. Not that spending the day with fifty fourth graders isn’t my idea of a good time. It’s just that spending the day with fifty fourth graders isn’t my idea of a good time.
Although I did hear a lot of information spouted as fact that I’m pretty sure was either completely made up and/or fear tactics used by their parents. Things like “Did you know if a dog eats even ONE GRAPE he will die immediately?”
I know this to be untrue because Scout has eaten a grape and lived to bark about it.
(Disclaimer: I have heard that grapes are bad for dogs. Scout ate the grape before I could grab it. I was not intentionally feeding him grapes like he was Cleopatra or anything.)
So I spent the morning trying to catch up on email while drinking a large cup of coffee. But then I had to leave the house to run errands because I had some things to return to Target and World Market and you don’t really care about any of this.
However, the other reason I had to leave the house is that some insurance guy had called a week ago and told me he’d been contracted by our home insurance company to do an external and internal survey of our house to determine if we had the proper coverage level. And so I scheduled a time for him to come by.
But then I mentioned it to P last night and he thought the whole thing sounded fishy. Did I know this guy really worked for an insurance company? Did I know if our company required this? Was I planning to let a complete stranger just walk in and look around our house?
This is why I married P. I would end up on the unfortunate end of an episode of Unsolved Mysteries without him. I am trusting. I do not ask pertinent questions. I assume people are who they claim to be.
I’m still waiting to receive money from Mr. Umara Nihaji from Nigeria who had no heirs and decided to leave his fortune of one hundred and twenty million American dollars to me. I mean I even got an email from his lawyer.
So I called our insurance company this morning to ask a few more questions. And it turns out it was a legitimate thing. However, it was not a required thing. They tried not to give this away on the phone, but I could tell by the terminology that she couldn’t legally tell me it was required but still wanted to imply that we needed to have our house inspected to make sure we have enough coverage.
But we’re comfortable with the amount of coverage we have and so I told them we didn’t want the guy to come by our house. She wasn’t sure she could contact him to cancel the appointment and that’s why I left the house. So that I wouldn’t be home in case he still showed up. I basically employed my time-honored technique of avoiding a potentially awkward situation.
Avoidance is a real strategy. Trust me. I’ve used it for years.
The only problem is sometimes it requires you to leave your home for a few hours while you hide from some insurance guy that you don’t know. And I felt bad that he was coming by the house for no reason but I did everything I could to get the appointment cancelled.
Anyway, I went to the Target that’s seven extra stoplights away from my house because I also had to return something to World Market and that Target is closest to the World Market. None of this matters in your life one bit.
After I made my returns and perused the aisles at Target, I still had some time to spend avoiding the insurance guy and I decided to run over to Barnes and Noble. I could make up a reason why I went there because I’d like to think I’m cooler than this, but I’m so not. I totally went to see if they had my book on the shelves yet.
The official release date is February 8, but several people have emailed or tweeted or let me know by carrier pigeon that they bought it at various bookstores already. And so I was curious to see if it was there. Plus I keep thinking it might seem real if I see it in an actual bookstore.
I looked around for a minute but didn’t see it anywhere. But then I turned to my left and was greeted by a big sign with my picture on it announcing that I’d be signing books there on February 12.
I couldn’t have been more shocked if I’d seen a giraffe.
I mean I know I have a book signing scheduled there, but I didn’t think about there being a sign with my picture on it or anything. And so I turned around and walked right out of Barnes and Noble with great haste.
There is no explanation for my reaction other than I am weird.
And I apply my avoidance strategy to various aspects of my life. Including signs with my picture on them.