Big Mama Blog

Donuts and nine and half years

I watched The Bachelor last night and I’m going to tell you that I realized why I could never be on the show. Other than that I’m forty-one and happily married and wouldn’t get in a bathing suit on national television for any amount of dollars.

They would never get me up in a helicopter.

Those girls all “OOH” and “AAH” and “my boyfriend has a helicopter!” (Which NO he does not. ABC rented him a helicopter.) and they seem to have no qualms about getting on in. But I do not like heights. Therefore I would be all CHECK PLEASE.

And so that’s why I’d never go on The Bachelor. Other than I’m married and forty-one and also a little bit of a germophobe. Oh, and I wouldn’t drink goat’s milk. And before you’re all “Goat’s milk is delicious!”, I need to tell you that I don’t like cow’s milk either. I do not care for milk except sometimes if it’s chocolate and/or in a milkshake form.

I feel so much better now that I’ve got that out there. I’m sure you’ve all been wondering.

Anyway, I woke up yesterday morning as tired as I was when I went to bed on Sunday night. It was one of those nights where I know I must have slept but I think I was working really hard in all my dreams and so I woke up tired. And then I had to put together a lunch for Caroline using nothing but two slices of ham and a Jedi mind trick.

Normally I would have felt guilty about the sad state of lunch affairs, but I knew I was bringing in Krispy Kreme donuts that afternoon to celebrate her half birthday. I realize most people don’t celebrate half-birthdays but her sweet teacher makes sure even the kids with summer birthdays get to have a celebration at school.

So I pulled together a lunch that would probably embarrass our family name and then P took her to school. Then I went to Starbucks in an attempt to get some writing stuff done because I knew if I tried to stay home I would fall into a dead sleep on the couch in ten minutes flat and that tends to be unproductive.

My Starbucks friend (the one I make bets with about important stuff like Kate Middleton’s pregnancy and Johnny Manziel winning the Heisman) had asked for a signed copy of my book a few weeks ago. Although he informed me he probably wasn’t going to read it after I told him what it was about. Which, HILARIOUS. I admire his honesty.

But I brought him a copy yesterday and he thumbed threw it and declared he was going to read it after all. It didn’t look as “religious” as he thought it might. I have no idea what that means, but I’m going to go with it.

And so after I spent a few hours attempting to get something done which really looked more like alternating between checking Twitter and Facebook and reading about Downton Abbey, I drove out to Krispy Kreme to pick up donuts. It was Caroline’s idea to bring donuts instead of cupcakes because she’s not a big fan of the cupcake and she was very specific that she wanted Krispy Kreme instead of Shipleys.

So I schlepped across town to the nearest Krispy Kreme and ended up buying thirty-six donuts because have you ever been in Krispy Kreme? I was powerless to resist the smell. And even though there are only twenty-two kids in Caroline’s class, I decided that extras weren’t the worst thing that could happen.

Swarms of killer bees are.

I have no idea where that thought just came from. See? Tired.

I brought in the donuts during the last forty minutes of the day because Caroline’s teacher is smart enough to know to let those kids take that sugar high on home with them. And she turned up the music while everyone put on their Krispy Kreme hats and danced around the room.

This was before she’d even had a donut.

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And this is after.

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Then I tied her to the front of the car and she pulled us all the way home.

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It was good times.

I’m a big fan of nine and a half.

***Edited to add that the mannequin head is Elvis. Not the real Elvis. Just an Elvis head. It got photographed at a bad angle, which happens to the best of us.***

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Comments

  1. 1

    I, too, have a nine and a half year old (boy), so I get a special kind of kick out of seeing the word “responsible” behind Caroline’s head as she stands/dances on the desk! Happy half-birthday, Caroline! We celebrate these, too!

  2. 3

    What is up with the creepy statue/bust thing on the filing cabinet behind Caroline in the first picture!?

  3. 5
    Trish in Oregon says:

    Don’t those kids in summer clothes know its February? So jealous, can’t wait to wear shorts!

    Very sweet!

  4. 6

    Totally cracking up at Caroline’s pose in the last pic. I’m thinking that same pose might be happening in CS right now at the Chicken!

  5. 7

    Rikki, I had to go back to look at the first picture to see what you were talking about because what I saw was her teacher standing behind a podium! Sincere apologies to Caroline’s teacher.

    • 8

      I thought it was the teacher behind a podium, too! Which begs the question again, what is that creepy head, bust thing?

      Happy nine and half, Caroline! And props to your Momma and teacher for celebrating your half birthday. My two daughters have July birthdays and totally missed out on school birthday celebrations. Well, except for one year, the kindergarten teacher picked a random day in May to celebrate summer birthdays and for the next three months my girl thought she was older than she was.

    • 9

      Hilarious! I also thought that was her teacher. I looked thru the pictures several times to see if I could see Elvis and decided I better hit the comments. Thank you, thank you very much…

      • 10

        I also thought it was the teacher….and was like “wow, she looks really young to be sporting a bouffant hair-do”
        As an born and bred Alabama girl (BUT really an Auburn girl), Krispy Kreme are absolutely the BEST doughnuts! EVER!!!

  6. 11

    I haven’t had a Krispy Kreme in years. I might even consider going on national television in a swimsuit for one, but a helicopter? No. Not going to happen.

  7. 12

    There is somethign hysterical about Caroline standing on her chair in front of the bulletin board that says “Class Rules.”

    KK rocks for school treats. In a way, I think our school prefers because if you buy them from KK (and not from a grocery store) they are nut-free which is good since everybody and their mother is allergic to nuts. I prefer them because quite frankly, the idea of trying to make cupcakes that looked good enough that I didn’t feel compelled to lie and say, “oh the kids decorated them.” gives me hives.

  8. 13

    Love all the pictures, Caroline is posing, love there KK hats! Thanks for sharing!

  9. 14

    I can tell y’all are having a serious seasonal issue there from these pictures. Tank tops, shorts, long sleeves and fur vests. I can hear the conversation now: 9 year old: It’s hot! I want to wear a tank top. Mom: Ok – but it’s February, so at least put this cute little fur vest on.

    Happy 1/2 Birthday, Caroline!

  10. 15

    Love the KK hats! And I really like the look of her school room, especially that big window.

  11. 16

    Definitely Krispy Kreme over cupcakes any day!

  12. 17

    My son is the EXACT same way…he always wants doughnuts instead of cupcakes which means driving an extra 15 minutes each way to get to Krispy Kreme.

  13. 18
    Karen Ward says:

    I knew we were kindred spirits! I despise milk – I might have it in cereal, but only certain kinds of cereal. If I’m going to drink it, it’s gotta have chocolate in it.

    We have had some form of Krispy Kreme doughnuts in our house for three weeks now! My husband went out of town and my daughter and I stopped for a 1/2 dozen chocolate frosted doughnuts after church Wednesday night. The next Sunday, the youth sold plain glazed doughnuts for a fundraiser and then last Friday night, my husband got MORE chocolate frosted doughnuts!! It’s been a doughnut extravaganza at my house!

  14. 19

    So cool of her teacher to do half birthdays but what is that wig mannequin thing in the room?? I’m not sure I could learn anything if that creepy thing was staring at me all day!

  15. 20

    Apparently I wasn’t the only one that thought that bust was the teacher… kinda reminded me of one of those creepy pictures people post on Facebook! :)

  16. 21

    Do they stuff people like they do antlered animals in Texas?

  17. 22

    Nine and a half?! No way! There’s just no way she’s gotten so big. But I guess that means mine are bigger now too!

    Does Tierra give you as big of a headache as she does me? I wish the girls would all plan a script or something and just go tell Sean together how awful she is. But it looks like she might die of hypothermia tonight, so maybe they won’t have to.

    On a serious note, maybe your book will be a witness to your Starbucks friend! He might not want “religion,” but how cool would it be if he read your book and had some good questions for you!! :)

  18. 23

    I cannot stop staring at the mannequin head thing on top of the file cabinet, haha! What is the deal with that? Happy half birthday to Caroline. Looking forward to reading your book.

  19. 24

    I also wondered about the mannequin with a bad wig behind Caroline in the fist picture! Creepy!

  20. 25

    Two things:
    First, I am going to run to Barnes and Noble Friday ASAP to buy your book. I’m so excited for you, and I can’t wait to read it. I feel like you’re my friend. I know, that is weird. But I did meet you at Beth Moore’s first SSMT celebration, so I feel like that counts.
    Second, I’m thrilled to know that you love 9 1/2. My daughter is 4 1/2 right now, and I’m in love with 4 1/2 (was not a big fan of baby/toddler phases). But people keep telling me it’s all downhill from here, and that’s not nice to hear.
    Third (ok 3 things), that is AWESOME that your Starbucks friend *might* read your book.

  21. 26

    I’m with the rest of the people wondering what is happening with that mannequin situation on the file cabinet. Also, Happy half-birthday to Caroline!

  22. 27
    Aggiema(Michelle) says:

    I had to go back and look for the Elvis head and when I did, I realized that I originally thought that was the teacher standing behind something. I apologize profusely to the teacher for thinking she looked like Elvis!

  23. 28

    Love the class rules stating be safe right behind her standing on a desk! She’s adorable!

  24. 29

    Happy half-birthday, C!

    The Elvis is creepin’ me out. I bet he’s scared a few night crew custodians in his day, too.

  25. 30

    I also thought it was the teacher standing behind the file cabinet.

  26. 31
    Katherine says:

    I totally thought that the mannequin was the teacher hiding safely behind the filing cabinet as the kids ran amok on their sugar high! LOL!

  27. 32

    Add me to the list of thinking that was the teacher standing behind a podium.

    And funny you mention being a germophobe about The Bachelor…I try not to let my 12-yr old watch much of it, but she caught a kissing scene last night & was “ewwww, ewwww, ewwww, he put his tongue in her mouth” & I thought, “even worse than that would be the girl that he does that to right after”. Ick!!

  28. 33

    What a fun teacher!! As a summer b-day kid, I appreciate her half-birthday parties! Also, she must be great if she has Elvis AND Blue Dog in her classroom!

  29. 34

    I thought it hilarious that I took the bust thing for the teacher until I got on to comment and saw that I am one of many. We’re all funny together.
    Happy half birthday to Caroline! She reminds me of my Gracie.

  30. 35

    I am a little jealous that you are allowed to bring donuts to school… My son’s school has adopted the ‘healthy eating’ gig. No. Fun. At. All!

  31. 36

    That is awesome! Happy half-birthday to Caroline! So cool that the teacher celebrates half-birthdays for summer birthday kids. I love that!! The pictures of the kids post-donuts are great! I ate lunch with my daughter at school last week and while I was there I let her have some of my sprite…totally forgetting it was also ice cream day. I swear that child was on such a sugar high by the time I took her back to her teacher she was seeing sounds. :)

  32. 37

    I get your posts in my email so I never come over to comment, but had to break form to say hooray for you and Caroline’s teacher for a fun half-birthday celebration!

    I’m a summer birthday with a half-birthday on Christmas Eve, so I never had a birthday celebration at school. I’m almost thirty-one and still think I might need therapy for this.

    Congrats on a fun day, and on the new book release!

  33. 38

    Thanks for explaining the head. I would have been wondering about that all day.

  34. 39

    That mannequin thing behind Caroline scared me! I thought it was her teacher for a half second lol!

  35. 40

    Love that the Starbucks guy told you that he wasn’t going to read it and then he changed his mind. What a funny guy!!! Hope you get some sleep soon. Love your writing, as always!

  36. 41
    Andrea in WI says:

    I see a Blue Dog painting in the background of one of the pictures. My daughter made one of those last year–when she was in 3rd grade. We live in Wisconsin. I wonder if there is some sort of a school requirement to paint those blue dogs? :) I wish somebody would bring me some Krispy Kremes right about now…

  37. 42

    This doesn’t have anything to do with donuts or Elvis heads or anything you wrote about in your post–but I just wanted to tell you I JUST HEARD A RADIO SPOT FOR YOUR BOOK ON WAY FM, ALL THE WAY UP HERE IN LOUISVILLE KENTUCKY!!!! And I was just so proud of you and happy for you and thought it was really cool. So, I wanted you to know that.

    Congrats.

    Love,
    Sandy Cooper

  38. 43
    Bernadine Kringel says:

    Hi,
    I just started reading your blog after reding guest posts on Pioneer Woman. Maybe a couple of months ago? I love your writing style and your sense of humor. Very genuine. Any mom can relate to you. Thanks for sharing!

    Loved the pictures from Caroline’s 1/2 birthday at school. I thought it was really interesting to see what the kids are allowed to wear to school. My kids go to a public school in Northern California and we have such a strict dress code. No spaghetti straps or tank tops of any sort. No shorts that are more than 1.5″ above the knees. No tshirts with the shoulders showing. I am curious if anyone else’s public schools are adopting these sorts of dress codes?

    Thanks again for your blog. Just love it!

  39. 44

    Haha .. I had to go back and look for the mannequin head. I realized it was what I thought was her teacher :)

    Happy 9 1/2 birthday, Caroline!

  40. 45

    LOL! I totally thought that mannequin head was the teacher!

  41. 46

    Thats my kinda girl! Now Im craving Krispy Kremes.

  42. 47

    YOU’RE TIRED?!?!? I thought the mannequin was the teacher standing behind a filing cabinet!!!! 9 more weeks and I will have this baby!

  43. 49

    Well I guess if you won’t get in a helicopter that rules out President of the United States too. :) But I’m with you. Planes make me nervous enough, I really have no desire to fly in a helicopter!

  44. 50

    Cute, half birthday idea. But even then I still am not in school then. Birthday is Christmas break and half birthday is summer break. Wahhh…

  45. 51
    Sue Jones says:

    I thought the Elvis mannequin was her teacher standing behind the filing cabinet. Bahhaha!!!

  46. 52

    Well. I am so thankful that you addressed the Elvis-head. I might have had to lose sleep over that one!

    And I am a little, teensy bit jealous that I was never a student in a classroom where Elvis was so wonderfully represented!

  47. 53

    I just want to say, as a teacher, that Caroline’s teacher is AWESOME.

  48. 54

    Sounds like an amazing teacher – a half birthday is a brilliant idea.

    Played your promo of your Sparkly Green Earrings to my teen daughter who is IN LOVE with your accent! Apparently you accent is “adorable” :)

  49. 55

    You must be tired: “But I brought him a copy yesterday and he thumbed threw it.” You’re a writer now!

  50. 56

    I thought the mannequin was the teacher as well, and I thought she had quite the boufanty hair do…..sort of stuffy for a teacher cool enough to allow a 1/2 birthday…but then when you said it was Elvis….well then, I can TOTALLY picture the kind of teacher that allows a 1/2 birthday having Elvis in the building….

    And I’m so envious that all those kids get to wear shorts to school…..my son went to school today in his heavy winter coat and his furry hat with antler ears coming out of it…..brrrrrr

  51. 57

    I’m glad you clarified about Elvis’ head. At first glance I thought it was Caroline’s teacher standing behind a podium and I thought, Wow… creepy teacher.

  52. 58

    Wow, I was totally going to demand an explanation for that Elvis head. I’m a teacher too. Now I’m wondering if I need an Elvis mannequin. And if the teacher store has any in stock.

  53. 59

    Nope. No helicopters for me either. Or goat’s milk. I’d be the worst on The Bachelor.

  54. 60

    I am a teacher and I think I need to aspire to be more like her teacher. Holy cozy classroom.

    And Blue Dog – that’s a New Orleans thing I’m pretty sure.

  55. 61

    Hey there! Love your blog- read it all the time- makes me laugh! I’m sure you don’t remember me, but we talked a little bit after a break out panel session you were a part of in B’Ham at the dotmom conference. I also have a 9 year old daughter and we talked a little bit about how to talk to them about important things coming up in their life when they are still so young and innocent…anyway…I’m rambling…I enjoyed talking to you that day and am dying to read your book! I’m sure I may have missed all the answers to the questions I’m about to ask, but is it out yet? Where can I buy a copy? Thank you!

  56. 62

    A couple of observations….
    1. The hormones are raging and I would totally lay a joker out flat right now if he had a chocolate cake donut from the donut connection in his hands, so thanks for writing about a donut.
    2. Caroline has on shorts – which seems glorious to me becuase I am perched on a mountaintop in Charleston, WV and it’s a whopping 26 degrees here.
    3. First of all we aren’t allowed to celebrate birthdays at my boys’ school. But even if we were we would only be allowed to bring carrot sticks or fat-free pudding cups, because, you know, obesity!
    4. I can’t wait to get my hands on a copy of your book! Congratulations friend! =)

  57. 63

    I adore your blog…My sweet girl is named Caroline too- so I liked you at Hello.
    She seems so fun and spunky- like my girl. I cannot WAIT to read your book. I cried watching the little vimeo. I am sitting in a room by myself- I teach school and it’s a planning period for me. I consider this my spiritual rejuvenation period for the day! So about the bachelor…I like Sean a lot- he seems like a pretty good guy. But this got me last night, after he let the two go, he came back in the room and said “I realize now that you SIX girls are the SIX for me.” WHAT? Is there any girl alive who hasn’t been dying to hear that? It’s crazy…can’t wait til next week!

  58. 64

    OK now I am craving KK! Man I love those donuts! Like others, I thought the mannequin was the teacher at first. Had to do a double take. :)

  59. 65

    Loved this post because I have celebrated half birthdays since elementary school. I too have an August birthday, so I loved getting celebrated in he school year. After I became a teacher, I knew I had to celebrate my students 1/2 birthdays. My principal thought I was crazy, but pretty certain that every 8 year old with summer birthday loved it. Can’t believe she’s just 6 months shy of double digits.

  60. 66

    So funny about the Elvis head! I didn’t notice that when I was looking at the pics, so when I read your note about it, I had to go back and look at the photos to see where I missed it. Yeah- so I thought that Elvis head was Caroline’s teacher! Ha! Maybe it’s because I was reading the post on my phone! :)

    And I love the idea of celebrating half birthdays. We did that when I was little. And my oldest daughter has a July birthday, so I hope they do that when she starts school.

  61. 67

    Mannequin head named Elvis? I’m not seeing it. Also, what kind of writing are you doing now?

  62. 68

    LOL, I thought that “Elvis” was Caroline’s teacher!!!

  63. 69

    thank you for “editing to add” about the Elvis head. I’m glad I wasn’t the only person disturbed by him, er…it?

  64. 70

    Notice: Spit-take on the keyboard from reading the “So I tied her to the front of the car and she pulled us all home.” Really funny writing, as usual.

    Thank heavens for Bounty Select-a-size.

    And for you!

  65. 71

    I’m feeling a little emotional (and also a bit old myself) at the fact that Caroline is celebrating her 9 1/2 birthday. Because, geez, wasn’t it just yesterday she was turning like 5 when I first started reading your blog?!?!? :)
    Happy 9 1/2 to Caroline!