In defense of my skiing skills after P outed me in yesterday’s comments, let me just say that it MAY be true that I was only on a Blue slope when I cried and tried to slide down on my bottom, but it felt like a Black Diamond and that should count for something. In addition, I don’t ski like a 90 year old woman but more like a spry, young 85.
I just had to get that out.
Also, several of y’all had comments about the amount of Charmin in the Target shopping cart. It was only two six-packs. Granted, they are of the super-size roll variety (with ALOE) but, in my opinion, toilet paper isn’t something you really want to run out of with short notice. And when you have a four year old who has no idea about the judicious use of toilet paper, it’s a good idea to stock up. Also, a good idea? To have a plunger in the bathroom.
Now, let me tell y’all the reason we were at Target.
I know! You’ve been on pins and needles!
I have been experiencing some major cordless phone issues. And I say “I” because I am the only one who uses our home phone. For all P cares we could get rid of our home number completely, but the idea of that makes me twitch for reasons I do not myself begin to understand.
Anyway, both of our home phones have reached the point where, even if they have been on the charger all night, they go dead after about ten minutes of use. Believe it or not, this isn’t really convenient.
Yet because I have raised procrastination to a new art form, this has been going on for at least three months. I can’t tell y’all how many priceless conversations about various reality television shows have been cut short because my phone started to beep at me to let me know it was about to poop the bed.
It’s been tragic. But, apparently, not tragic enough for me to do anything about it.
Gulley has been offering to buy me a new phone for close to two months because it is hard to carry on a serious conversation when she’s saying, “I’ve been praying and know that…”
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
“OH MAN, my phone is about to go dead. Can I call…”
DEAD.
Check other phone. Didn’t leave it on charger overnight.
DEAD.
Use cell phone once I find it in the bottom of my purse five minutes later. Call Gulley back.
“What were we talking about?”
I’m a good friend.
The worst was a few weeks ago when Boomama and I were on a three-way call with our friend, Vicki. I had already hung up once to call them back using my other phone because the first phone went dead. They did the whole polite laughter thing and joked about my need for a new phone.
Then, right before we hung up, Vicki said she was going to say a quick prayer. She was about halfway through and the line went silent. I promise it was a good, long three minutes before I realized she wasn’t having some deep moment with God, but rather that my second phone had gone dead.
I was totally prepared for her to speak some serious truth in my life because God was clearly giving her some deep insight into my heart and mind.
The only insight she actually received that day was that I am an idiot. With not one, but TWO bad phones.
Of course, in all fairness, it turned out her phone went dead at the same time, so it may have been her fault.
Tuesday morning was the final straw. I was on the phone with Boomama and we were discussing some serious matters such as cute shoes and trouser jeans from Kohls.
BEEP!
Dead.
It didn’t even give me the courtesy of a second BEEP! It was clear that it felt nothing for me, and my conversation about trouser jeans, except pure contempt.
Of course, second phone? DEAD.
I called Sophie back on my cell phone and, before I could say a word, she said, “YOU HAVE GOT TO GET A NEW PHONE. TODAY.”
Reluctantly, I agreed. Although somewhere deep inside of me I have been holding on to the hope that my phone would be healed. I hated the thought of spending $50.00 on a new phone when that is money that could be spent on these shoes.
But those shoes won’t do me any good if I don’t have any friends to go along with them.
It would just be me, my cute shoes and my deadbeat phones holed up in my closet remembering happy times when a phone conversation could last for upwards of thirty minutes.
And that’s why we were at Target. To purchase a new phone.
But once we got there and headed over to the phone aisle, this is what I saw.
Oh sure. Like I can make an intelligent decision with that many choices.
My guiding factor was totally of the OOOH, LOOK HOW PRETTY AND SHINY THAT ONE IS!! variety.
So, we left Target without a new cordless phone but with a surplus of toilet paper, three bags of dog food, and two new cordless phone batteries.
I just can’t quit you Uniden 56MHz. We’ve had some good times.