For twenty-three Fridays I have dispensed fashion advice to anyone who takes the time to read it.
God bless you for reading, ma’am.
Then I was looking through some old photos the other day and found disturbing evidence as to why I may not be the best person to dole out fashion wisdom.
So, in honor of tomorrow being the big Fashion Fiesta and so many of y’all being worried about baring your fashion souls, I’m going to share some sins from my past.
Because we must look at the fashion past to embrace the fashion future.
Coco Chanel said that.
Actually, she didn’t. But she could have.
I am nine years old in this picture.
Please note that I am not wearing a sweet, white Yo-Yo on my other foot because it is wrapped in an ace bandage. Although now that I look closer, it’s not so much an ace bandage as it is just a footie sock.
So, clearly, SERIOUS INJURY.
“Nurse, we need a footie sock, STAT.”
I spent most of elementary school with some sort of bandage on various appendages, not because I was accident prone as much as just a chronic hypochondriac with a touch of drama queen.
It’s a shame because that footie sock really detracts from what would otherwise be a stellar look complete with Suntan pantyhose. I mean who doesn’t want tiers of fabric cascading down their body creating a triangle configuration that blends in perfectly with some quality 1970′s draperies?
By the way, that pole was used to hold up the T.V. in my mama’s bedroom.
Because the 70′s were a time of technological innovation.
This is my sister and me. Easter 1985.
I could talk at length about the influence Madonna had on my dress and lace tights (and I’m not talking about Jesus’ mother), but I think the real story here is my sister’s hat.
Amy spent most of her childhood wearing some type of hat on her head. In fact, for an entire year of her life she wore a yellow satin nightgown on her head and pretended it was long, blonde hair. She’d even walk around with a brush and demand you style it for her. I can’t tell y’all how many hours of my life I spent braiding the sleeves of a yellow nightgown to appease my sister.
That’s not strange.
Honestly, looking at those bangs crowning my sick mullet, a hat wouldn’t have been such a bad thing.
This next picture is Gulley, my sister, and me.
Between the three of us, I feel certain we helped Leslie Lucks fund a European vacation for her entire extended family.
When I first saw this picture I was impressed at how small our waists appear and then I realized whose waist wouldn’t look small when you add three times your body’s dimensions to your shoulders with foam padding?
Especially combined with hair that has seen more than its fair share of perm solution.
And nevermind that I look more like I’m on my way to some sort of Fandango dance show than Easter Sunday services.
I remember this Easter fondly because Gulley came home with me to spend it with my family. We all went to lunch at Steak and Ale and my Big Bob asked my stepfather to bless the meal.
My stepfather was about halfway through the blessing when my Great Aunt Maddie had a delayed response to the whole event and just yelled out, “OH I THINK THAT WOULD BE GREAT!”
I don’t know that I’ve ever laughed louder or longer at such an inappropriate time.
Well, until I found these pictures.
I can’t believe how much you look like, well I guess really she looks like you, Caroline in that first picture!!!!
Hey – - – I think your Ghosts of Fashion Past are quite charming. I have their twins in my own past. Hehehehehehehe
Only, unfortunately, my past is much longer.
You and Caroline do look so alike!
Shoulder pads, what were we thinking?? I just wonder if they will make a comeback like everything else??
If so, I could use the help with making my waist look smaller! Maybe I should start a new trend???
Jen
Man, I thought it was bad being in elementary in the 80s…I am now thankful that I didn’t have to endure high school then. Grunge, in all its loveliness, couldn’t hold a candle to those doubles-as-a-life-preserver sleeves.
Love it.
What you won’t do in the name of serious journalism.
It must be said that high school girls of the 80′s dressed in all that padded finery were the perfect match for their parachute-pants-wearing counterparts.
My wife and I keep talking about having an 80′s party. Your pictures may revive those plans.
I think we all have pasts much like those.
To think that in 20 -30 years our children will believe the super cute outfits we dress them in are actually hiteous.
In that first picture – you are kind of dressed like Thelma Harper from “Mama’s family”….was that your inspiration? ha!
And in that last picture – I could totally photo shop a picture of myself from high school and put me in there and you wouldn’t know who was who because we all looked exactly alike with the polka dots, padded shoulders and aqua net hair!
Big Mama – you always make me laugh!
This may inspire me to actually post the pictures I scanned (several months ago) of my Hairumentary. I never found the courage to put them in public view. They were so happy in the old shoe box they were living in. But, now I think they will need to resurface.
Thanks for the tears of laughter streaming down my face for an early morning wake up!! Oh the reminders of my own fashion past! –We can all relate sister!!!
I am SO glad you clarified the pole’s reason for being there… I was wondering.
Suntan pantyhose. The bane of my existence.
TO laugh this hard this early in the am is something for me! Hilarious.
I’m laughing so hard I’m crying…oh, the Leslie Lucks dress was such a fashion statement. I think I wore one to every Rush party my freshman year of college. The large bow on the bottom was what really made the biggest impression. (Literally!) And it was always such a nice touch to wear nurse-white pantyhose with bright red shoes. Truly completed the ensemble!
How funny! But the good news (yes, there is good news) is that you were still a fashionista. You knew the rules and followed them. Bad rules I know, but hey, you were young.
Love the footie sock bandage.
Clearly, you suffered through childhood fashion like many of us did. It’s hilarious to see these pictures, but so so sad because I’m sure I could find a few of those of myself and sister in my scrapbook, especially the Easter one. Thanks for sharing and laughing at yourself.
Too funny.
You have inspired me to post today on my own fashion past. My fashion past tends to focus more on my hair, because every conversation I have eventually becomes about my hair.
I agree with Heather. Nothing screams “Rush Party” to me more than a Leslie Lucks dress.
Ha Ha ha! I laugh because the picture of you as a 9-year old is just like my 9 yearold Easter dress. Only I wore purple pantyhose and white shoes! The picture from 1985 with the hairbow and lace hose is identical to my 7th grade Easter dress with lace hose. I also had a lace insert in the V of my dress (had to be modest!) Then the Leslie Lucks dresses – my entire high school wardrobe. Love the polka dots!
I wish I could participate tomorrow but I don’t have a blog. I will be reading though!
This is priceless. I loved it!
Matching drapes and dress, an true Southern Belle’s ode to Scarlett O’Hara!
At least in your childhood fashion photo you are dressed sweetly! I have a picture of my sister and myself taken professionally (probably at JC Penney’s) and I’m sporting Farrah Fawcett mega wings and wearing a lime green shirt that says “Superchick.”
The 70′s were evil.
All I can say is that I’m glad that I still don’t know how to use our scanner… I would be forced to admit that back then I had no fashion sense.
Some things never change… as you will see tomorrow.
My sister had a friend growing up whose younger sister wanted long hair. So, she used to wear tights on her head and then head bands. Some days she would put hair barrets on the “legs”. Her mom let her come to school to pick up her older sister looking like that. She was so cute.
Your pictures brought back memories from my childhood. Aren’t you glad to get away from the perms? I look back and thank heaven those days are behind me.
Oh, these pictures are great. I had those white lace tights too. Nice hair bow.
I belong to a MOPS group and we had an 80′s party a couple of months ago. It was a hoot. I was amazed at what the moms still had or found at a Goodwill type place. I found myself laughing at myself when I rolled up my jeans. I had not done that in YEARS.
Oh! What memories!! I had that same red and white polka dot dress too!!! Leslie Lucks carried me to many a rush parties also!! Thanks for the laughs!!!
What were we thinking with all the shoulder pads? it did make our waists look awfully small though. Maybe we should bring them back.
And later…after the sleeves which appeared to have whole hams stored near the shoulders…were the gigantic sailor collars. So flat and wide that one could almost take flight. All that was needed to complete the ensemble was one of those winged-hats like Sister Betrille wore on “The Flying Nun”. That may have been before your time, but I think it still applies here. Some people were just never meant to have permed hair. I am one of these people. And yet, that never stopped me back then. What a tragedy.
OH. MY.
What were we thinking?? I had those same outfits. I thought I looked so cutting edge chic… oh my. I think many of my dresses had big bows on the back.
LOVE reading. Thanks for keeping it real.
You’ve been tagged for Seven Things.
http://truthinsoliloquy.wordpress.com/2008/04/10/like-a-virgin/
I had to laugh because those pictures look exactly like my daughter’s high school pictures! I can remember going to church camp and in the evening all the girls dressed up in those big shoulder dresses for church! And with the hose!
However, I must say, after looking at young girls today, I wouldn’t mind seeing a little more “puff sleeves” and a lot less cleavage and tattoos!!
These pictures bring back memories! I can still see myself in a HS school photograph. I was very tall and slender and had on a straight dress (and they were long back them!) with bobby socks with thick cuffs and black suede lace-up shoes! Now that was fashion. (grin)
Oh my….those were the days! Out in California, I don’t know that we had Leslie Lucks dresses. I’ve never heard the brand name. But that didn’t stop us from wearing our very own version of the same fashion disaster, walking around like we had incredibly heavy things to carry on our shoulders, hence all the padding! Christmas ’85 was the holiday of my lace stocking fiasco. I couldn’t actually find full hose, so I made do with a pair of white lace KNEE HIGHS!! Now, it was far too “cold”, and I was far too mature and sophisticated to wear just plain old knee highs. So I put them on over top of my silver gray pantyhose that matched the gray flannel skirt I was wearing. With a frilly white lacy blouse. And, wait for it…a CUMMERBUND to finish the whole thing off! Plaid, of course. Nothing celebrates the birth of our Lord and Savior like some lacy knee highs and a plaid cummberbund! I sang a solo in that ensemble. In front of people! Oy!
There were fumes in all that hairspray, weren’t there? That’s what impaired the fashion judgment! I’m going with that when my two daughters look at my pics from the 80s and howl with laughter when they’re old enough. Sigghhhh….
God bless Aunt Maddie! I can’t wait until I’m old enough to do that kind of stuff.
And yes, I have those same pictures. What 80′s outfit wouldn’t be complete without giant shoulder pads and suntan hose?
My best friend had the navy blue version of that red and white polka dot dress. She wore it with white hose and white shoes.
You know what’s scary about old pictures? Old pictures when you were 13.
Everybody looks their worst at 13. Seriously. Pull out pictures of yourselves and see if I’m not right.
The fashion plays a part of it, but so does the fact that you have no idea who you are anymore and you have zits. And your hair is oily but you hate having showers everyday because you’re only 13!
Those are the pictures I want to burn…
Visit To Love, Honor and Vacuum today!
I read this blog by happy accident, and I have never been so convinced that the Kingdom of Heaven will be a rockin, yes, I said rockin’, place. I actually snorted Diet Coke through my nose from laughing so hard at what can only be called a parallel version of my own fashion past. Although, I haven’t progressed much since I found a Teddy Graham stuck to my shirt during the second lecture I gave on Existentialism today. Thanks for the laugh, comraderie, and strangely, encouragement.
Ahem…some of those fashions look vaguely familar…however what really resonated with me was your sister’s “yellow hair”. My youngest aunt would hand down her old Sonny and Cher albums to me and I wanted to be Cher so badly. I had short blonde hair so I would put a black half slip on my head to create long Cher hair then wear my mom’s high heels and sing for hours to those albums.
How’s that for confession!!!
Oh, the memories! I could pull out photos of myself that would probably match well with yours, but I prefer posting far more embarrasing photos of myself:
http://realmofcrazypeople.blogspot.com/2008/03/cynthia-started-it.html
My life is flashing before my eyes – YoYo’s, shoulder pads, white pantyhose with pumps. And the really, really BIG hair. Lawsy Mercy.
And the saddest part is that all of that is going to come full circle back in style. But hey, skinny waists here we come!
At least with all of this talk of recession and rising prices Aqua Net is still cheap, so achieving sky high bangs will not be a problem!
Oh man, great photos here. I have a photo set online of me from every year of my life and 90 percent of them I’m dressed in some clothes that could be perceived as part swashbuckler, part tap dancer. lordy, lordy.
Oh goodness, these pics just made my day. I’m emailing you a pic right now of me in a darling dress with puff sleeves that could contain you, your sister, Gulley, and the entire population of the state of Texas. It also reveals my true hair color, but we won’t go into that.
Wait, maybe I’m onto something here. You know what they say about everything being bigger in Texas? Maybe we are the only ones who fell prey to this fashion travesty?
Holy Cow. I almost missed it. Your post today that is. I don’t know what came over me.
I woke up and made the kids pancakes, dressed them for the park and out the door I went.
It is now 2pm and I have returned with a feeling that something in my day is incomplete. Missing.
Come to find as I check my email that I DIDN’T READ YOUR POST TODAY.
This was certain to set my entire day off kilter. Sheeeeeesh!
Now the universe is at peace again. We can all go on with our day without fear of universal disrupt…
Love the pictures by the way. I shall add a few to email tonight and send them your way… I am a product of the 80′s and have many a high hair picture to share.)
Thanks for the post…
Chelle’
Thanks for sharing. But that doesn’t make me anymore ready to share the present fashion sins. Past sins? Oh I’m all about those!
LOL!
Yeah, shoulder pads and GIGANTIC leg o mutton sleeves on dresses will, in fact, make any waist look smaller. I KNEW there was a reason behind why I settled on a wedding dress with those specifications, lol!
All right, I’ve been wondering, so I’m gonna go on and ask: Who in the world is Leslie Lucks? I’m thinking she kind of equals Laura Ashley, but I’ve never heard of her before your blog!
Personally, I love the white hose with the red pumps in the Gulley Easter picture.
Almost as cool as the lace hose. Almost.
I’m embarrassed to admit that I put shoulder pads under my shoulder pads.
Crystal Carrington had nothing on me.
Thankyouverymuch.
I’m so happy you clarified why your mama had a pole in the middle of her bedroom. Call me a prude, but I was a little concerned!
You are the funniest blogger i have found! I love the fashion memories.
Thanks for always making my day!
Those shoulder pads jumped right out at me. Good grief, I remember those. How funny we’d wear foam padding on our shoulders when our whole appearance would be greatly improved if those pads were to drop of our shoulders just a few inches down the front of our shirts. Huh?
I keep forgetting how old I am. I wore all that too, but had a big bow in my hair and I was twenty something in the eighties. Now there’s a girl who never knew some things were only meant for teenagers. Help us all. Now I struggle with where the waistline is on pants and maternity looking tops for someone who will be 50 in two years. Not a good thing if someone thought I was pregnant–not sure which would be worse, if they thought I was 50 or 50 and pregnant. Still working on that age thing. Cute post and walk down memory lane.
I have a Big Bob. His name is Bobby and when I was little it came out Bee Bo, which evolved into Big Bob.
The “poofy sleeves” on the last 3 dresses almost killed me.
Almost, I said.
Fortunately I am still alive because I have big, BIG fashion plans for the fiesta tomorrow and the girlies (ages 6 and
are REALLY looking forward to photographing me as I model (*Snort* Snicker*) this evening.
Oh yes, when’s dad’s away, we girls DO play!
Tears from the laughter are rolling down my face right now!
You’re poor Great Aunt!
Thanks for a great laugh and a visual to remember. Your pics brought back memories of my own childhood. I must visit you again soon!
In Him,
Nancy
How did you get into my photo album? Cause I promise you, I have almost identical to the last picture you showed us!!
That is too funny! It made me laugh out loud!
I am cracking up at both your Easter Dress and the Leslie Lucks dress. I’m thinking the Easter Dress is a Gunne Sax brand ~ I know because I used to wear and LOVE these dresses! Before I read what you wrote underneath the Leslie Lucks picture – I said (outload)to myself – “Oh, those are so Leslie Lucks”. We must be around the same age because I dressed the very same way! Love your blog!!
Those dresses are pieces of architecture.
These are too funny. I think I may have some similar ones.
Although I had big huge grandma glasses in some of mine. My mom had ZERO fashion sense and I thought her opinion was GOLD. 
I love the pictures! Oh those days seem so long ago don’t they?!
I wanted to say goodbye for a bit. Even though I’ve just recently came across your blog the Lord has called me into a 40 day internet fast. I’m hosting my first giveaway so if you find the time please stop on by and participate!
God bless you!
Priceless. I’m sure that I have some look a like photos.
Ok, I am ALL ABOUT bring back those huge shoulder pads.
How sad that they were wasted on us when we were 15, and already had teeny tiny waists?
Clearly the Lord intended them as camoflauge for those of us who have birthed a baby or, er, four.
The revival of the shoulder pad will change our lives!! We can do it!!
Who’s with me???
I would forsake all fashion sense and gladly embrace the shoulder pads, the lace hose, and yes, even the mullet, if we could go back to the days when teen-aged girls (and boys) actually covered their bodies.
I would gladly wear parachute pants if i didn’t have to see one more thong, belly-button ring, and/or fat rolls hanging out.
Oh. My. God. I love the pictures!
Precisely why I started my “Flashback Friday” meme…always good for a laugh!
I’ve gotta say, every time you mention Leslie Lucks I almost wet my pants. I loved Leslie Lucks. My other favorite brand was Jessica McLintock’s Gunne Sax. I swear I never felt more beautiful than that one dance in ninth grade… ha
You and your daughter so look alike!
Sun Tan Pantyhose. Had em. Check.
Dropwaist dress. Had it. Check.
Leslie Lucks Dress….Dang, I clearly missed this fashion opportunity out West. Never heard of said dresses until I became a Fashion Friday devotee.
Blog on…
I did do the Gunne Sax dresses….
You and Caroline look so alike!! She’s a lucky girl to grow up looking like her Mama!
Your pictures are awesome.
I accidentally wandered into your site today and got a great laugh at your memories and photos! I have some oh so similar!! Not Leslie Lucks – Gunne Sax for me, thank you. But white hose, blue with polka dots (red is not my color), shoulder pads like crazy, big white belts (back when I could wear belts…), socks to match the shirt… Very big mall hair. Love it!! Thanks so much for sharing with everyone.
I am so sorry, I had to stop reading after you said you braided your sister’s nightgown’s sleeves!
I am at work, and I just couldn’t stifle my laughter any longer!