Big Mama Blog

My money is on the puma. Unless maybe there’s water involved.

Well to quote the legendary group 5th Dimension, last night I didn’t get to sleep at all.

I laid awake and my mind raced with a million thoughts. And it’s understandable. I’m two weeks out from the release of The Antelope in the Living Room and I remember feeling similarly overwhelmed and anxious last year at this time. It’s a lot of pressure to have a book going out into the world and preparing for all the good and bad things that go along with that.

So that was at least part of the reason I watched the clock turn 1:30 a.m. and then 2:30 a.m. and then 3:30 a.m., but the other part was a far more serious and weighty matter.

I’d made the monumental decision over the weekend that I was going to buy a new blender this week.

Yes. This is what my life has become. I was so excited about going to Bed, Bath and Beyond to buy a new blender that I couldn’t sleep for thinking of all the ways it was going to make my life richer.

Somewhere deep inside me is the remnant of a teenage girl from 1987 that is weeping over the loss of a future she envisioned to be filled with all the glitz and glamour that comes with being married to George Michael from Wham!

(Let’s count all the things that were ill-conceived about that dream.)

Anyway, let’s discuss the blender because that’s what it has come to.

Some of you may remember a time about two years ago when I was on a huge smoothie kick. I was making smoothies every single morning. Delicious, healthy smoothies filled with spinach and fruit and Greek yogurt which is like regular yogurt except it’s flashier and uses Windex to cure everything.

It was while I was in the throes of my smoothie obsession that I realized our blender was circling the drain, as well it should be because I actually owned it pre-marriage and that means it’s upwards of twenty years old. So I decided to ask for thoughts on good blender options and you all shared your opinions on the best blenders out there. But then, as I am wont to do with almost everything in my life, I flat burned myself out on smoothies. And I don’t mean I just didn’t want them for a month or so. When I burn out on something I go down in flames. I read one time that the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s apathy. That’s how I felt about smoothies. Don’t even talk to me about them. They are dead to me and I don’t care a thing about them anymore with all their spinach and berries and other healthy ingredients.

So I no longer felt the need for a new blender because I didn’t really have a reason for one. I mean, sure, there was a dark day this summer when I thought it might be fun to make a pitcher of frozen margaritas only to realize I had no tool with which to crush ice, but then I remembered a little concept called “on the rocks” and it was all okay.

But it was sometime last week that I decided we needed to eat healthier. And the truth is that there is no better, more efficient way to cram a bunch of fruits and vegetables into your daily diet than to just blend it all together and drink it with a straw. In my opinion that is far preferable to trying to choke down some steamed broccoli. I don’t want to sound like an elitist foodie snob, but I really only crave broccoli that’s drowned within an inch of its life in cream of mushroom soup and Cheez Whiz.

I decided that the only way to get back on the smoothie train with the fervor and excitement needed to make it last was to purchase a new blender. And I already knew I was going to get a Ninja blender from Bed, Bath and Beyond and use my 20% off coupon.

(Seriously what has happened? Time can never mend the careless whisper of a good friend.)

That’s why I couldn’t sleep last night. I was excited about buying a blender and laid awake thinking of all the things I could blend.

I had a speaking thing early yesterday afternoon so I spent the morning getting ready and ran out of time before I picked Caroline up from school. So I convinced her that it would be fun to go with me to Bed, Bath and Beyond and, in the interest of full disclosure, there may have also been bribery in the form of Starbucks.

We walked into the store and made our way to the blender section. I immediately saw the Ninja that my heart desired, but it was the slightly more expensive version than what I’d originally intended to buy. But then I realized it was more expensive becomes it comes with not one, but TWO, plastic cups with lids that allow you to make a single serving of a smoothie, pop a lid on it and take it to go. I am a sucker for a to-go cup. Can you even imagine how much less I would have slept last night had I known all the good I was about to experience with my new blender purchase?

After a quick stop at Starbuck to buy the drink of compliance, Caroline and I went to HEB to buy all the healthy spinach and berries and assorted fruits we’d need to make smoothies. I also bought some flax seed because if I’m starting on a healthy eating kick then I’m going to go big or go home. I am going to BURN that healthy eating into the ground until the sight of a flax seed makes me want to cry and I quit smoothies again for two years.

(Side note about flaxseed. I noticed that the package of flaxseed stated that it was “Flushed with an inert gas and airtight sealed for freshness”. Dear Healthy Foods, quit being so self-important. Flushed with an inert gas. Seriously?)

As we drove home I admitted to Caroline, “I was so excited about buying this blender that I didn’t sleep last night because I kept thinking about it. Isn’t that weird?” And she replied, “Yeah. I didn’t sleep last night either because I was thinking about a puma fighting a shark and wondering who would win.”

You have to admit that is such a better reason for insomnia than a new blender.

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  1. 1
    Cindiedee says:

    So……tell me how much you love your Ninja! I want one and just keep thinking of the cost (even with the 20% off coupon) – i mean, a blender is not something I use every day (unlike my Professional Model KA mixer – now that, I cannot be without) – anyway – talk about a blender being DOA, mine was a wedding gift in 1970 and it has been circling the drain for about 5 years at least……so, do you love the Ninja and is it really worth the $$$?

    Happy Blending!
    Cindiedee PS – I cannot wait for your new book to come out! Yeah for you!!!!!!

  2. 2

    Enjoy your blender! Can’t wait to read your book!

  3. 3

    Just read the endorsements of your book and they are hilarious. You are the reincarnation of Erma Bombeck. “Who?”, you ask. Ok then Tina Fey.

  4. 4

    Dont forget the Chia for your drinks….

  5. 6
    Kathleen G says:

    I have a 33 year old blender that is still blending away and it does sound more tastier that steam veggies too.

  6. 7

    “Washed with an inert gas” What in heaven’s name does that mean? I guess I’ll have to add flax seed to the list of things I will never understand about healthy eating, namely, why it always tastes bad. Maybe it’s all the inert gasses.

  7. 8

    Well, thanks! Now I’m craving a smoothie….. but spinach? There is nothing on this earth that would induce me to put spinach in a blender with all manner of good fruits and yogurt and then drink it down!

  8. 10

    You will have to let us know how it goes because we are also wanting to get one to make us some healthy smoothies. My H is not a veggie person so the thought of blending them up makes me giddy. And I lay awake at night, at times, thinking about random things too, so don’t feel bad!

  9. 11
    Kathy Spann says:

    Reminds me of when my children were toddlers and they went to Mother’s Day Out once a week. I would lie awake the night before and be so excited about getting to go to the grocery store, the bathroom, or get a haircut ALONE! My mother told me it was just sad.

  10. 12

    I use my Ninja blender every day!

  11. 13

    We replaced our 14 year old wedding blender last year with the Ninja. Two “smoothie” cups and all. It works better than our first blender did even when it was new. And the two cups? You can let the dishes pile up for an extra day and still have a smoothie the next morning! Brilliant!

  12. 14

    Your blender decision has resurfaced my desire for a Roomba vacuum cleaning robot. Almost one year ago I gave in to my family’s desire for a bulldog puppy. And truth be told, she has been a great addition to the family except for one minor issue. The drooling and dog hair AND I am mildly OCD about clean floors. I’ve seen all those ads about vacuum robots and have read reviews. The problem is there are so many varieties – the 630, 650, 760 clear up to 880. I want to know why one is better than the other. So your mention of BB&B 20% off coupon had me checking my phone, but alas my coupon is expired. So at least I’ve got until the next coupon arrives to decide. I’m probably not going to sleep tonight. Enjoy the blender!

  13. 16

    Why is the Puma in the water? Please ask C to get back to me. It will keep me up all night.

  14. 17

    just a helpful tip from one occasional-smoothie-drinking gal to another-

    take those greens and veggies that you bought. put them in the blender with some water or green tea or coconut water if you’re feeling particularly healthy, and puree them until they are a nice green liquid. pour them up into ice cube trays and freeze them. pop them out of the trays into a freezer bag and then add those little green cubes to your smoothies. it preserves the veggies for longer so they don’t end up wilting in your fridge before you use all of them, and it prevents you from having to water your smoothies down with ice cubes!

    you’re welcome. ;)

  15. 19

    Howdy! and good morning from Big D! I have been wanting one of those Ninja mixers too! Let us know how that turns out! and, I too thought that I would marry George Michael (sigh)…of course, that was before I knew that he “batted for the other team” …Thanks for those memories! Have a great day! :-)

  16. 20

    I burned up my cheapie blender making protein shakes. I bought the Ninja Mega Kitchen at Sam’s a couple of weeks ago. I too was excited about getting a new blender. I was using a blender wand and it just wasn’t the same. A protein shake on the rocks just doesn’t taste like one made with crushed ice in it. I may eventually use the big pitcher and food processor but I am using the heck out of the single serving containers. Love the Ninja!

  17. 21
    Curly Girl Foodie says:

    Every morning begins with a green smoothie or drink. They are the most appealing looking but it’s a good way to start my day with protein and veggies. My office mate tells me it reminds her of emptying colostomy bags from when she worked at an assited living facility.
    My green smoothie maker is my magic bullet with four cups and covers for on the go.
    Love it!

    • 22

      I love my Magic Bullet too! My husband got it for me for Christmas. At first, I wasn’t that thrilled because it wasn’t clothes or shoes, but it’s perfect for making my green smoothies in the morning. I would highly recommend it.

  18. 23

    This is so funny, because I too am going to Bed Bath and Beyond with my coupon to buy the Ninja Blender today!!!! Have my list made out for following the 30 day challenge. Will see how it goes! Would love a Vitamix but the price tag is just too high. Have fun!

  19. 24

    Please keep us posted on how you like the Ninja blender and which model you bought.
    I would love a Vitamix blender but the cost is preventing me from buying it now.

    • 25

      I have a Ninja and it just didn’t get my smoothies smooth enough. So, with some Christmas $ I took the plunge and bought the Vitamix. Oh my word, it is amazing and worth every penny! I put apples in (cored) with the peels and it was so smooth, like juice. You won’t be disappointed!!

  20. 26
    Jennifer S says:

    I bought a Ninja and I am sad to say that i dont like it at all. Sorry to be a naysayer.

    1. It is square so it does a terrible job of getting the stuff out of the corners, necessitating the removal of the lid and a spatula.

    2. The lid cannot be removed easiliy. It is a whole latching, unlatching, shove in, pull out procedure and it is ridiculously time consuming when all I want to make is some banana bread.

    3. You have to remove the lid to add anything – no center opening the lid to drizzle in some ingredient. Which takes us back to #2.

    4. Because the bottom doesn’t come off, it is cumbersome to clean.

    I am regretting this new blender and considering taking it back to Coscto cause I dislike it so much that I would rather not make banana bread than deal with it. I would rather have gotten a cheapo Oster one again (my first one was a garage sale purchase 20 years ago and it just died, so I guess it isnt that bad).

  21. 27

    Regarding blenders, I can’t say enough about my BlendTec. Pricey, yes, and LOUD, but it is 50 shades of awesome.

  22. 28

    I was drinking my green smoothie as I read this! Our blender was about 22 years old and my husband got me a Vitamix for my birthday and then my BFF talked her husband into getting one for her, she got the deluxe and the demo helped too! We use ours at least once a day smoothies, soups, dessert sorbet. Usually 2. I hope you love your Ninja and I love the ice cube trick! I need to start using that with the spinach.

  23. 29

    Good night! It’s 1pm CST and I’m going to go make a smoothie! In the immortal words of George Costanza, All this smoothie talk is “making me thirsty!”

  24. 30

    I loved your Greek yogurt/Windex reference! I laughed out loud : )

  25. 31

    I drink a green smoothie every day! I have the VitaMix, and it is worth every penny I paid for it. I’m sure your Ninja will be too! My favorite drink is this:

    Two big handfuls of greens (spinach, kale, chard, whatever)
    Half a cucumber
    One carrot
    Half an orange
    Half a lemon
    A few frozen strawberries
    Flaxseed, Chia seed, Protein powder, whatever

    Yes, this makes a BIG smoothie. And yes, I drink it all!

    Happy smoothie making. :)

  26. 32

    LOL…..I finally have my own copy of Sparkly Green Earrings….I can’t wait to start it tonight. Better late than never and I want to read it before I get the new book!!!! btw hope the Ninja is everything you dreamed of!

  27. 33

    Word of warning about flaxseed- not only is it washed with an inert gas, it also causes gas.

  28. 34

    How funny! Wondering if you saw the Today show segment on the ice cream sandwich shake (not exactly a way to get your veggies), but it seems ahhhmazing. Plus, they mentioned a great way to clean your blender! Just fill halfway with warm water, give a little dish soap a squeeze, and blend (don’t drink). :)

  29. 35

    Sad to say that I had the same dream about George Michael from Wham!


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