On Saturday morning I had my first (last? only?) speaking engagement as Big Mama. I don’t remember much of what I said but I do know that I didn’t throw up, so that’s a plus.
Because about five minutes before I was supposed to get up and speak I felt like I might be sick.
And the fact that I was wearing a wireless mic with an earpiece thing didn’t really help matters because it made me feel like I might be required to break into some sort of choreographed dance number a la Justin Timberlake.
Except I can’t sing and I have little to no rhythm.
I started off by talking a little bit about the blog. How I got started, how I got the name Big Mama, and how it’s become this really cool thing in my life over the last two years. Of course halfway through talking about it I realized I needed to clarify that when I talked about Big Mama I was referring to this site, as opposed to myself in the third person.
And then in my head I became mortified that for a good fifteen minutes everyone in that room may have thought I actually had been talking about myself in the third person.
Big Mama says say no to drugs.
Big Mama says get yourself a new swimsuit.
Big Mama says I enjoy the occasional snack cake.
Oh sweet mercy.
Anyway, in the weeks leading up to this event, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what I was supposed to say. Should I talk about the blog? Or about blogging? Or about how I am compulsive and obsessive? Or take an audience poll about the length of my hair?
Then on Wednesday morning I was out walking the dogs and it hit me. I knew I was supposed to talk about the Snoodle Doo.
Oh Lord. Don’t make me get up in front of a bunch of women and talk about the Snoodle Doo.
The Snoodle Doo is an episode of Veggie Tales. Y’all may remember that I am not necessarily a Veggie Tales fan. I have issues because despite their lack of hands and feet, they have the incredible ability to wield a sword and well, walk. But about three weeks ago, Caroline was watching Veggie Tales and it was the episode about the Snoodle Doo. And it spoke to me so deeply that I started to cry.
The veggies made me cry.
Yes, the tears may have been partially caused by my ongoing hormonal imbalance, but it went deeper than that.
The story of the Snoodle Doo is about finding out who you are and who God created you to be. It’s about letting go of all the false, hurtful things people have said to you and about you. It’s about seeing yourself through God’s eyes.
We see the Snoodle Doo get so weighted down by everyone’s perception of him, but then he finds his creator who draws him a picture of who he really is, who he was created to be. The Snoodle Doo says, “Is that me? I want to believe it but I’m afraid to.”
The creator replies, “I know who you are, I made you. I’ve seen you fall down in the mud and the goo, I’ve seen all you have done and all you will do; I gave you your pack, your paints and your wings. I chose them for you; they’re your special things.”
And it was at that point that I got a little teary.
I spent so many years letting my past dictate who I thought I was. Every mistake I made and every bad decision defined me. I didn’t feel like I deserved anything good. I felt like He had saved me and that was enough.
I was afraid to tell anyone my hopes and dreams because I thought they were out of reach. I didn’t think I had any real talents or abilities and, even if I did, I didn’t know what they were or how they could be used.
I was going to spend my life being a less than mediocre pharmaceutical drug rep and hopefully at least an average wife and mother.
But He had and has so much more in store.
Psalm 139 says that we are wonderfully and fearfully made. Psalm 17:8 says we are the apple of His eye. Psalm 18:19 says He rescued me because He delights in me. Isaiah 49:16 says He has engraved me on the palms of His hands. Zephaniah 13:17 says He takes great delight in me. He will quiet me with his love and rejoice over me with singing.
That is some serious love. That is a God that wants to give us hope and a future. That is a God who sees us as His masterpiece.
He made each one of us with specific plans and purposes in mind. He gave us talents, gifts and abilities that are unique to us. It’s our job to find out what those are and use them.
When I keep my eyes on Him and His vision of me, I know what it is to soar.
And I like it.