I believe that since I didn’t finish telling you about the rest of the weekend that I led y’all to believe that I enjoyed a weekend of leisure, sipping martinis and examining my eyebrows in a magnifying mirror, just like I did before Caroline was born.
That was not the case.
My Nanny’s 90th birthday was on July 4th, but the family decided to wait until this past weekend to throw her a party because we were afraid a lot of her friends would be out of town during a holiday weekend. Everyone knows there’s nothing senior citizens like more than to party like rockstars in celebration of America’s independence.
So, on Saturday, my sister, Amy, and her daughter, Sarah, loaded up in the car with me and we headed to Beaumont via Houston where we stopped and picked up Caroline.
The whole flight thing really worked out because Houston is on the way from San Antonio to Beaumont, so Caroline missed the first three hours of a five hour road trip. In other words, it helped my campaign for sanity.
If you have never had the chance to drive down I-10 from San Antonio to Houston, then you are truly missing out on what would be a clear winner in the MOST TEDIOUS DRIVE EVER contest. There are approximately five Dairy Queens between here and Houston, which helps somewhat, but is still like a Care Bear band-aid on a massive wound.
Anyway, I was rejoicing in my initial child-free driving status and didn’t really think too much about the fact that I would still be in the car with my three-year-old niece. We packed up the car and headed out, looking like something out of “The Grapes Of Wrath”. Well, except the Joad family probably didn’t have portable DVD player.
About two miles into the journey, Sarah gives me a big “HEEEEYYYYYY!!!” from the backseat. It was very reminiscent of an Arthur Fonzarelli salutation, and so I was all like “HEEEEYYYY Girlfriend, what’s goin’ on back there?”
But she just kept saying “HEEEEYYYYY!!”
At which point Amy informed me that she actually wasn’t saying “HEEEYYYY!” but rather was saying “HEAAADDDD!!!!”, which in toddler-speak translates to “I do not like you wearing those sunglasses on your face and would rather that you’d please put them on your head.”
Fortunately, this request was directed to Amy and not to me. I was able to keep my sunglasses over my eyes where God and Ray-Ban intended.
However, Amy placed her glasses on her head because we were only four minutes into an arduous journey and we both operate under the child-rearing principle of WHENEVER POSSIBLE, DON’T ANGER IT.
With the sunglass crisis averted, we drove happily along for the next eight minutes until I heard a sweet little voice from the backseat say “tato head?”.
Beg your pardon?
“Tato head?”
“TATO HEAD?”
I glance over at my sister who is staring at the floorboard and whispers out of the side of her mouth, “I’m just going to ignore her.”
“TATO HEAD?!”
“TATO HEAD?!!” (the sweet voice has turned into a little more of a growl)
I try to stay out of domestic disputes, but I look at my sister again. She whispers, “She wants her Mr. Potato Head. She’s trying to make it part of our traveling entourage, but every time a body part falls out she throws a fit.”
“TATO HEAD!!!!!”
“TATO HEAD!!!!!!”
Even three days later, I can still hear the voices in my head.
Then “TATO HEAD!!!” turns into “SAD! SAD! SAD!”
“SAD! SAD! SAD!”
Who can resist “SAD! SAD! SAD!” from a little girl with pigtails?
Not these two suckers.
Amy hands over the Mr. Potato Head, who promptly loses a limb. More sadness ensues.
I think it’s time to take some Super Glue to Mr. Potato Head and his various appendages.
The rest of the trip was actually pretty calm and uneventful. There was one point that Sarah requested that I place my sunglasses on my head, but I followed my sister’s advice and acted like I didn’t hear what she said.
It actually worked.
We finally arrived at Whataburger to pick up Caroline, relieved to have three hours of our trip behind us.
I buckled Caroline into her carseat, we pulled onto the highway and drove along for about two minutes before she asked, “How much longer until we get there? I’m tired of being in the car.”
Oh, so now she’s a jetsetter.
“WHENEVER POSSIBLE, DON’T ANGER IT”
Ha! I have that exact same parenting philosophy! I guess we must have read all the same parenting manuals and handbooks!
Great story — I felt like I was right there in the car with you!
You are so funny! I bet Caroline was looking like a teenager after being with a 3 yr old. Hope the party was fun after that drive!
I leave tomorrow to fly from Houston to ATL with my 6yo daughter and 4 yo son. Then we drive to Macon, to the Mountains, and 3 stops in SC before heading back to Macon to fly home from ATL. All without the help of their dad who will be enjoying 3 long, quiet weeks in our house with just the dog and cat. Lucky him! I’ve already prepared myself for the ‘are we there yets’ – they’re going to have to pay me for each time they say it!
Your “don’t anger it” philosophy is actually the 11th commandment in our house. We are forced to play/act out every princess story known to man during our travels with our 3 year old daughter.
I always have to be the mean/evil/bad one, daddy always gets to be the prince and her 3 month old brother is now the Baby God Mother (instead of the Fairly God Mother). It’s the only thing that keeps our travels relatively sane.
I sure we look like a troop of nuts to other drivers. Trying to put plastic high heels on everyone feet, reaching to the backseat to prend to dance, etc. I want to hang a sign on the window that says, “It’s self-preservation!”
Thanks for the laughs, Big Momma!
Bryssy
http://radicoollife.blogspot.com/
Oh the girls and their need for toys with minuscule parts. My daughter licks to sneak Polly Pockets into your traveling entourage, and generally manages to lose the invisible shoes before we leave the driveway.
I’m camping out for stories about Granny’s party.
So glad to read your Joads’ joke. It seems that no matter how carefully I pack, we always drive off looking like the Beverly Hillbillies.
Oh the joy of I-10, I used to travel a stretch of it on my way to and from FSU in Tallahassee. Sometimes in our car the “Don’t Anger it” method includes not making eye contact with our middle son, Brady. He once started screaming and I asked my husband what happened. His reply, “I made eye contact.” Oh. . .
And then, in a few years the table will turn.
“It” will spend all it’s time pretending to ignore you, rather than the other way ’round.
Ah!
The Circle of Life.
Ha! Tato Head, that’s hilarious. I just found one of his arms in the back seat of my van when I took out one of the seats.
I haven’t been on I-10, but that stretch of road from Wichita to Kansas City on I-35 is pretty darn dull! Cows and pastures for hours!
I’m attempting a 12 hour drive with a five year old next month. I hope I don’t loose my sanity.
That was so nice of you to take pictures for Barb at Chelsea Morning. Isnt she just the sweetest lady. Maybe she could start writting books to help out with the finances. I would read them that is for sure.
Oops, that should be lose, not loose.
Whenever possible don’t anger it…priceless!
You are the best storyteller!
This was a great story.
I don’t even care anymore if I laugh out loud at work! : )
Try a 10 hour flight from London to Dallas, with a baby, toddler and kindergardener…in economy, on American, with the one “air hostess” who HATED kids being in charge of helping those WITH kids…
Not a big American fan (who IS these days) – this was in the early ’80s. I’m scarred for life but they loved it because they had backpacks full of wrapped gifts – one gift per hour of flight and they could open one every single hour.
As they grew older, Nintendo was born (bless them!) and two games usually sufficed for the entire journey. Wouldn’t you know we moved back to the US just two years after Nintendo made the flight so much easier??
Ahahaha! That is funny. Whew..I remember those days.
At first I thought maybe she was calling you tato head. Whew, thank goodness because that makes for a self-esteem booster!
“Whenever possible, don’t anger it!”
As the mother of a 17-month old, that is quickly becoming the motto around our house.
Love it!
Happy belated birthday to your Nanny. 90 is quite a milestone!
I hope y’all stopped at the lovely oasis that is Buccee’s.
On the way back, you have to stop at the DQ and get a girl scout cookie blizzard. I just saw the commercials yesterday.
And get that tater some glue.
Drove from OKC to Abilene once. That was pretty bad. Only two dairy queens with very dirty bathrooms.
We just took a road trip with Princess Tato Head. Once my daughter put it all together I had to set it up on the front dash so Princess Tato Head could see where we were going. I guess that was more important than me (the driver) seeing where I was going. Good times.
Welcome to my ever-livin’ world.
Tato Head, indeed! Times Four!
I hope your dear 90 year old Nanny had a wonderful party–she deserves it!
Praying for you,
holly
WHENEVER POSSIBLE, DON’T ANGER IT
Are you gonna make bumper stickers? This is a good one.
they are so much easier to deal with when they belong to someone else, aren’t they? why, exactly, is that?
sounds like a lot of quality girl time, girl friend!
My 2-year-old keeps saying things like “Heeeyyyyy” and “Peeeee” and “Geeeeesh” and I have no idea what he’s trying to convey. But he will keep saying them — at ever-escalating volume levels — until I respond in some appropriate manner. Or else anger ensues. I’m not very good at interpreting, so there’s a lot of toddler anger around here.
Funny!! Traveling with little ones is such fun. My standard answer to “When will be be there?” “Tomorrow. When you go to sleep and wake up, we’ll be there.” This is on the huge trip from the mall to my house — all of…maybe 15 minutes. It doesn’t stop the question, but it makes the answer more fun!!
I totally agree with you about not upsetting the children on a road trip. I can only imagine how my parents must have felt when we went on a road trip vacation. No DVD’s then. Ahhh technology. Gotta love it.
That was a great post! I am sorry though, I was laughing so hard at your statement of “Whenever possible don’t anger it”, that it was hard for me to see through the laughter and tears for the rest of it. It just happened to hit my life in the right spot right now and totally tickled a funny bone!
Nice adventure with your sis!
Next time replace your ears with Mr. Tato heads. It will help with the pretending not to listen.
Too funny! That trip from San Antonio is a buzz kill! No better from Austin either. And wow try the trip from Houston to Beaumont via the back way! Whatever that is. I do not remember road names just how to get there.
you crack me up!! I LOVE road trip stories!
Don’t forget to superglue “Mr. Tato Head’s” sunglasses to his head!
This is hilarious! I so get toddler language these days. Now I’m having trouble getting “tator head” out of my head!
My sis-in-law and I did a similar type trip to Austin one weekend w/ two 3yr olds in the backseat. We stopped at a gas station and she came back with 2 pkgs of M&M’s ~ one for her daughter (who actually eats them) and one for mine, who holds them til they melt and then wipes them on things. I let my sis-in-law learn her lesson the hard way… since we were in her car :O).
My mother once bought a tiny set of miniature quadruplet dolls for my daughter. After the 9,536th time I replaced the socks on those babies, I super glued them on. I promise that is one of the only reasons she made it to 5 years old. I’m sure Tato Head could benefit…
I would like to submit the drive on I-20 from the Dallas/Fort Worth area to Midland for the “Most Tedious Drive Ever” award. Miles and miles of parched, flat, treeless land broken up by the occasional Dairy Queen or Sonic. This is why I’ve taken up listening to audio books on long drives (clearly I have no children to otherwise distract me in the car).
Tears. Snorts. More tears. I am work, about to get on a conference call and I am in pain from laughing so hard. Oh the pain. The picture of that three year old in the backseat growling about heyyyyy and tato head is killing me.
Sad! Sad! Sad!