To give you an idea of how my weekend went, I’ll tell you that I spent Saturday night searching for my copy of “The Strong-Willed Child” because I was clearly in need of some serious parenting assistance.
I finally found it in the bottom drawer of my nightstand along with an issue of People magazine dated August 4, 2003. It’s the issue I brought to the hospital when I went in to deliver Caroline.
I keep it for sentimental reasons and also because the cover story is about Angelina Jolie, long before she ensnared Brad Pitt and had fifty-eight children.
Anyway, I originally purchased “The Strong-Willed Child” when Caroline was about ten months old. Oh, what a sweet kid I was.
I thought my ten month old was strong-willed and was all like “Help me, Dr. Dobson. My baby will stand up and hold on to her crib railing for hours and refuses to lie down! What on earth do I do about this huge problem?”
I’d like to go back and slap some sense into myself. Rookie.
Now I’d be like, “Hang on to those crib rails all you want, sweet girl. You’ll get tired and fall down eventually. It’s called GRAVITY.”
Caroline will turn five in one week. And, honestly, if the last three weeks have been any indication of how five is going to look, then let me say for the record that I am really going to miss four.
Four has been mostly delightful. Five is starting to seem like a visit from an obnoxious relative who eats all your chocolate and then kicks the dog.
On Saturday she threw a fit of epic proportions filled with more drama than Scarlett O’Hara fleeing Atlanta. I’d like to say that I handled it with dignity, grace and patience, but I was fresh out of all those things. I’d had it.
In fact, P had to send us to our separate corners so that we could both calm down.
It was ugly.
And it made me feel like a failure.
I spent most of Saturday night trying to figure out where I’ve gone wrong. Am I too hard on her? Am I not hard enough? Am I not teaching her the right things?
Then, about midnight, I heard her little voice over the baby monitor.
“Mama? Mama?”
As I walked in her room, she immediately stood up on her bed, reached for me and said, “Mama? I love you.”
I held her close, breathed in the scent of her damp hair, and said, “I love you, too. You’re the light of my life.”
And for that moment she was ten months old again, not holding on to crib rails for stability, but to me.
That’s my job. Even when it’s hard.
Even when I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing.
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This brought tears to my eyes!! After I’ve had a rough day with my three year old girls, I feel terrible and often sneak into their rooms after they fall asleep just to see those sweet faces. They’re ALWAYS sweet when they’re sound asleep!
Sorry you had a bad day with your little one. Those days suck! I thought 5 was much worse than 2, especially with my girls. I’ve heard it’s like what the teen years will be. She’s stubborn, but it wasn’t as bad as I expected. I like Dr. Ray Guarendi for parenting advice—with 10 adopted kids who mostly have more initials after their names than he does, he knows what he’s talking about! http://www.drray.com And boy is he funny!
This brought back memories. In my experience raising a girl can be more difficult and yet more deeply rewarding than raising a boy. I’m not saying that it’s not also true about all boys, it’s just that girls seem to be more emotional, more moody and need to learn the hard lesson of how to change their attitudes more than boys. You have a very rewarding job ahead of you.
hey big!
i know of what you speak!! i’ve read the strong willed child multiple times but the book that has helped me understand the most is aaron’s way. parts of it are written from the strong willed child himself–now an adult–and it gave me (and husband) great insight into our strong willed child. here’s a link:
http://www.amazon.com/Aarons-Way-Journey-Strong-Willed-Child/dp/0802443494
My daughter turned 6 in April. And we also have our moments of strong will…often.
I just bought this book last night that I’m hoping will provide some hope. I’ve read 2 chapters so far and I’m ready for today.
Having trouble adding a link…the book ‘Have a new kid by Friday: How to change your child’s attitude, behavior and character in 5 days’ by Kevin Leman. I’ve read several of his books and they have been helpful and with a humorous approach, they are easy to read. He also has a great book on marriage I recommend called ‘Sheet Music’.
Hope you have a good week!
Oh I feel your pain. I have a four year old son, that just turned 5 about a month ago. I thought he had obnoxious moments before, but wow, they have been magnified these last few weeks. One of the nurses at his 5 year well check said, “Wow, he certainly has the personality to match his hair (he has auburn red, curly hair).” She really knew how to make me feel good!
Of course the sweet moments are just what you need when you have had a overwhelming day. But remember, this too shall pass…and just remember, you’re not the only one going through it! Misery loves company!
I just came across your blog and I just wanted to pass along how much I really enjoy it! Keep up the good work!
What a sweet post. It brought tears to my eyes!
Here’s hoping the two of you have a good day today.
My daughter will be five in one month and i agree…the new and “improved” attitude needs a little more improving(at least in my household it does). You know you are going to have a long day when your child is already in “time out” at 7:30am.!!ha!
Thanks for being real. I think all moms feel this way. My baby is still in my stomach and I feel like I have no idea if I’m doing anything right or how will I know everything to do right?
Isn’t it amazing how those little moments remind us that it’s all worth it??
Our copy stays on my nightstand. So understand you. God Bless!
My strong willed daughters are 12 and 13. And yes the battles are still being waged. Only now they are wittier and more clever. I’m just older sad to say. But there’s nothing like when they walk in my room, come over to me, hold out their arms and say “I Love you Mommy.” Does me in everytime.
What kills me is how we automatically assume that we are doing something wrong when our child acts up. Our unspoken assumption (and that of all the parenting books) is that if we do everything right, we won’t have a child who misbehaves. And that’s crazy!
But I do it, too.
Great post!!
I’m on my third “try” at this thing called parenting and still getting on the job training with my 10 yr old and 6 yr old and now with a 4 month old. I’ve got a secret…they don’t know that we don’t know what we are doing!
You’ll make it – or at least that is what my husband TELLS me!!!
Hugs!
None of us know what we’re doing.
But what you’re doing isn’t wrong.
We birthed little sinners. That just about sums it up.
I just returned from an unbelievable (my first ever) parenting conference with my hubby on Grace-Based Parenting: Treating your kids they was God treats you.
Great stuff by Dr. Tim Kimmell of Family Matters
Hi there…..
Strong willed daughters grow up and have,
yes, strong willed daughters of their own.
Those little granddaughters are a joy and a delight.
(for young parents: the days may drag, but the years fly by….)
Thanks for making us all smile —
hope you have a Marvelous Monday!!
Awwwwhhhhh…
Says this mother of an 18 and almost 16 year old, who looks back longingly at 5.
Doubting ourselves- it is the mother’s way.
This was absolutely beautiful, and brings back so many memories. 5 year old girls are definitely a challenge. Seriously. I think 5 is like a pre-cursor to the teen years. Thankfully they are also cuddly, funny, and blossoming with new knowledge and abilities. Covers a multitude of
sins:-)
Your post brought tears to my eyes. I am right there with you! My son is going throught the same drama right now. I really think it’s because big changes are coming- kindergarten- and he’s feeling anxious.
Hope we both have a relatively drama-free day today!
As the mother of a three-year old little girl, I NEEDED this today. Thanks for sharing.
Ok…you’re scaring me…my boy/girl twins will be 3 in October and I’m ready to get out of the terrible two’s especially with my “spirited & dramatic” daughter. I’ve only recently been told that 3 is often times much worse but that 4 is wonderful….The 5’s are seemingly very much like the 2’s….ugh!!! I’m writing all of these book recommendations down! Thanks for a great tale!
Can you please raise my future babies for me?
Oh, Big Mama, I feel your pain! I spent all of last week feeling like a failure of a mother to my precious two-year old daughter. She is strong-willed and sometimes drives me crazy! No matter how bad it gets there are those moments where she grabs my face and says “I wuv you, Mama”. I melt and realize that hings aren’t so bad.
Ah yes. Four was nice. I’m not so crazy about five. And of the 3 kids, my 5-year-old is the one that undoes me every time. She’s not so much defiant as just a spaz. LOL.
If you don’t believe in a carnal nature and original sin, then you are not a parent. This summer has brought to my daughter: turning 6, the birth of a baby sister, her friend 2 doors down moving, her daddy changing jobs, and the coming of a new school year at a new school. We have had our moments. Like the Peace Corps, parenting is the toughest job you’ll ever love.
Yeah, my girl will be 4 in September, and as of late, I’ve been ready to throw in the parenting towel. She’s sweet 95% of the time, but that other 5%? Who knew? And why didn’t they warn me?!?!
OMG I’m so glad to hear that someone feels the same way I do. I feel like that with my two year old sometimes, and have had all those questions and then some running through my head. Thank God for the times He gives us where everything is perfect, even if just for a moment. It’s those moments that give us a little breather to put everything back into perspective!
You post this morning was an absolute gift from the Lord. My daughter is also five and about to start kindergarten. Yesterday was a drama-filled day at our house as well. After dragging her back to bed for the fifth time, I asked my husband where we went wrong. If I had had the energy, I probably would have been at Barnes and Noble last night buying some type of sanity-saving book. Thank you for reminding me that parenting is a tough yet rewarding job. I have hope that today will be a peaceful day…my angel has been up for over an hour and so far so good!!
If you haven’t done so yet, you might pick up ‘Parenting Isn’t For Cowards’. A very nice companion to The Strong Willed Child. Hang in there!
What mom can’t understand a day like that (and what mom hasn’t expereienced too many of them herself). I hear you friend!
Someone above recommended Aaron’s Way by Kendra Smiley and I would heartily back that recommendation!
Oh, Big Mama. What a sweet post. I am in touch with the challenges of the strong-willed child. So very in touch am I.
I had a very similar experience (followed by a very similar blog post) with my four-year-old recently. I had positively reached my wits end, and then she said a few things to redeem herself completely.
And even though my daughter (named Caroline too) also channels Ms. Scarlett, I try and focus on what a strong woman she’ll one day be. I think the adult version of all that feistiness will be fun to watch (provided we both make it that far, of course……….).
Melanie,
Let me offer you some encouragment. At least she isn’t a teenager yet! I’m kidding. I think as a mom we tend to blame ourselves for everything. My 2 sons are 18 and 19 (soon to be 20) and I finally realized and said to the both of them, I am not nor have ever been a perfect parent and a perfect parent doesn’t exist but that I love them and will always be here for them and I will always pray for them. I told them life is too short to blame things on their parents, forgive me for mistakes made and move on and live life. I think my hardest time in parenting came(after the colic nightmare) was the day my oldest turned 14. Did you know that was the day I had no clue about life or I didn’t know what I was talking about? LOL!!! I love being a parent in the good days and bad days, they are such blessings from God.
Love,
Patty
Hang in there girl.
It’s not you, she just has a sin nature like every other little human out there.
Another awesome book that you may want to check out is “Shepherding a Child’s Heart” by Ted Tripp. WONDERFUL resource.
I love those nighttime talks. They’re just more sensitive at that time for some reason. It’s when I have the best moments with my girls.
My oldest just turned 11. Hold on to every day of four! It will go by so fast.
I still remember the fit my oldest son threw on the day of his 5th b-day party. Sigh …. I didn’t handle it well either. Tried to walk away from the fit and ended up being chased by a 5 year old in a towel screaming “I want you to wrap me in the towel”. I had a 3 year old and was 6 months pregnant with our 3rd. I locked myself in the bathroom while he threw his naked self against the door and called my husband for moral support. He told me to suck it up and take care of it. Not my proudest parenting moment. It does get better (and worse at times), but you will always always love them even if you don’t always like them =) I’ve done my share of scouring parenting books to figure out what I’ve done wrong LOL
Aw, I know how you feel…all of it. The ups, downs, the sweetness, the stubbornness, the sheer exhaustion parenting can bring. And for the record, I think you’re doing a great job.
Caroline is a lucky, lucky girl to have you as her mama.
I know EXACTLY how you feel. Hang in there..it does get better. A new book that was recommended to me by our daughter’s new doctor was “1-2-3 Magic” by Thomas Phelan. He works with kids with ADHD (which our daughter has) but the techniques can be used for any kid who makes you parent a little outside the box. Big hugs – you sound like a great mom!
I bought that same book over 25 years ago for my now 25, 27 and 30 year old children. If nothing else, it got me sitting somewhere else, not interacting negatively with my child as I desperately searched the index for the Issue de Jour. I used to joke (well, still do, truth be told) that if the contents of the book didn’t help me, throwing across the room was quite liberating in itself.
All joking aside, knowing which battles to fight and which ones are minor skirmishes takes awhile to sort out. Bottom line, disrespecting parents, authority and God were the basis for battles. Modesty was also a Big Issue. Hair, clothing choices, state of supposedly made bed and such were skirmishes. Basically it became like that saying about relationships – in matters of opinion, flow like a river; in matters of principle, stand like a rock.
May the force be with you.
I have “been to the mountaintop”. I survived and so did the kids I might add…without any police records!
I’m with you – my Caroline turned 5 in June. Sometimes it’s like Jekyl and Hyde (spelling?) such drama and screaming and such. And then the “I love you so much!”
If you glean anything from your re-visit to Stong Willed Child – PLEASE let me know!
I really identified with that. Those sweet moment make all the difference when the going gets tough.
My 6 year old daughter and I also go at it sometimes. 5 can be a rough age. Just enjoy those special moments that can come after the blow-ups.
Ooh, girlfriend, I too have one of those kids that made me rush out and buy “The Strong Willed Child.” My only memory of her from 2-5 is screaming and banging her fists. At 7, she’s turned into a delightful, affectionate kid. I keep waiting for the hammer to fall again in a year or two, but I’m enjoying the respite and reminding myself that when she grows, she’s going to be one determined, loving, empathetic woman.
Welcome to the Club. I, like everyone else, want to win the Mother of the Year award. I guess I’ll just give it to myself. I’ll give you one too.
You’re doing great. My kids still love me and my Ugly Mom comes out too often.
I think it is a mother/daughter thing, the battle of the wills. At least it is in our house.
You are a great mama! I think sometimes it’s so hard because we care SO MUCH.
I am so sorry. I have so been there. It never feels very good after the battle, so I am so glad God allowed you that sweet time with her later.
Strong-willed children are a different breed. I love it though, at least they aren’t push overs. I love it when she is not in full tantrum mode, that is.
I hope this is a light in the tunnel, my daughter is 7, she has given us much ear drum related pain, but she RARELY EVER pouts or tantrums anymore. Praise God, it took a lot of books (I am a Counselor, for goodness sakes) and prayer, but we are seeing the fruit of our labor.
Now that I said that, she’ll probably fall apart this afternoon in some public place.
Hold on! You can do this!
Big Mama, you are oh-so-clever to have me laughing hysterically at the rookie statement only to leave me in tears at the end. Well played, well played.
Aw, Melanie, there are just no other words except, I KNOW! I SO know! This was so precious. I love when you make me feel like I’m not the only mother of a strong willed child to ever walk this road. I guess if I were, Dr. Dobson wouldn’t have written that book!
Let me just tell you I love the line “Five is starting to seem like a visit from an obnoxious relative who eats all your chocolate and then kicks the dog.”
Too funny!
Thank you for posting this…
I stay home every day with my three boys. Yes, you read that right. Even during the school year, since I homeschool them. That is a total blessing in itself, but it’s hard sometimes.
I have a tendency to think I’m the only one who feels this way sometimes. Thanks for keeping it real.
Another thought on this, Bigmama….growing pains. We need these, really. Otherwise, we wouldn’t want to ever let go.
We mama’s, tend to envelope our lives completely around our babes. God wants us to hold on loosely, He’s so smart!
It’s part of the growing up process. We experience pain when we are learning to let them go…..or move forward in life.
I’m looking way back at 5…..my oldest just turned 18 (it’s hard to handle them not needing you like they did at 5).
God brilliantly orchestrated each season of our parenting life though….
oh…you must have this book (you may already own it) Creative Correction by Lisa Welchel. This book is amazing!
I still use it with my teenagers!
I am one of those who also purchased “The Strong Willed Child” when my son was a baby. The cause? Because he wouldn’t stay out of the kitchen while I was mopping. SeriouslY? He IS NOT strong willed at all. But my little girl? We spent the entire second year of her life and most of the third in our seperate corners. At four, I think that I have finally figured out the best way to motivate and discipline her. At least until next week. You are so right though, that even when we feel that we have failed at our discipline, they still love us. I think it is because deep down, they know we only want what is best for them.
I found your blog a couple of weeks ago. I’m thoroughly enjoying it. And today’s post just made me laugh out loud. Thanks for sharing. Thanks for being real. Thanks for the laughs.
)
You should have issued a tear alert!
AAAw!! Such a sweet ending. When she’s 16, you’ll wish for the “Mama” on the baby monitor! But never fear, God will give you strength for that too!
tears are streaming down my face right now. thank you for writing this from the heart….we are all walking this road together. GREAT post with a perfect ending!
“Don’t Blink” by Kenny Chesney comes to mind. It does sound like you have some perspective, though. Five years from now, you’ll be like, “Remember the 5 year old stuff? I was worried about that???”
If it makes you feel any better, my 12 year old still clings now and again, asking to just be with me. I cherish those days like no other.
The Boy gives me several days as such but that’s because he’s 8 and doesn’t know that he should be aloof with me yet.
I just mentioned to my husband last night that I needed to locate my copy of that same book. Along with “Dare to Discipline.” And then I would be able to box on 6 year old’s ears with them.
Oh I kid. Sort of.
Been there. Have the book. Dig it out often. Also in times of desperate measure.
Have raised 3 girls through this age of 5 (they’re now 8, almost 7, and now 5 1/2), I can tell you with all certainty, the “terrible two’s” ain’t nothin. The 5’s. It’s the hardest year (so far). It’s an in-between for them — preschool to kindergarten, toddler to bigger girl, torn between 2 worlds for the first time (though more to come in the future). I try to remember this and have patience. But it’s hard sometimes.
Someone mentioned Chesney’s song above. I like to go with Trace Adkin’s “You’re Gonna Miss This.” Sometimes I’ll sing it to her and we usually end up laughing. Or crying. But either way, we’re doing it together.
Good luck to you.
My six-year-old strong-willed son and I have battles frequently, and I, too, would heartily recommend Aaron’s Way by Kendra Smiley.
I battled breast cancer this past year. Now my son is even more emotionally volatile. I think what I’ve learned most over the past years of parenting his strong will is that taking the time to be proactive, hold him and tell him how much I love him even during those times heals both our wounds. I also remind myself that it’s not about breaking his will, it’s about molding and shaping it and bending him to Jesus. The most beautiful flowers are the ones that bend toward the SON!
I loved this post. Thank you for your honesty. I was in tears.
Bless your heart. For what it is worth, I have so been where you have been and probably will be there again.
But one thing I am learning is that although I make mistakes and may fail at times, I am not a failure as a parent…I’m far from perfect, but God, who is so much bigger than me and bigger than my mistakes and bigger than my daughter’s will of iron, is working in her life as well as in mine.
It also helps me to remember that God created my daughter for me and my husband to raise, because honestly, there have been times when I felt He made a mistake because I felt so inept. But since He makes no mistakes, He knew when He gave her to me that with His help I wouldn’t mess her up and she wouldn’t be the literal death of me…although I still struggle with that truth
If your experience is the plumb line, we are all on the same level!Goodness knows we have all been there more times than we wish to admit. Thanks for your honesty…and I’m glad for the midnight grace gift you got with her hugs. If you have time, read this:
http://www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com/
(It’s the one titled “Blink”.) Kind of helps get life back in perspective.
Choked up here. Very choked up. This is exactly where my heart is at. My older little guy seems to be more than I can handle on my own these days, and I don’t always handle him with grace. I find myself crying out to the Lord for something, anything to get through this. And so He sends me these special moments that remind me that all the hard times, training and tears really are worth it.
I AM SO WITH YOU ON THIS ONE!! Age 3 was the best for us – 4 was horrible here and 5 seems only a little better so far. To add to our fun we added another one to our mix, so I have a 5 year old girl and an 18 month old girl. I feel like a HORRIBLE mother some days and truely wonder if I’m cut out for this. Lots of prayers for you (and me) on this one.
Sounds like I had the same weekend with my two year old.But from the looks of the comments, I have much more to look forward to…yikes. Ironically,I just put down Strong Willed Child and Shepherding a Child’s Heart to come check your post for today.
That’s right – I need both books today.
This weekend, in my infinite wisdom,I bought a new stepstool for my 2 year old to use to wash her hands after potty(we are in training). The stepstool has become the bane of my existence – oh you can imagine the issues we’ve had concerning water, soap, and “cleanin’”.
I so needed your post today.
I am no stranger to strong willed, drama filled battles. They are tough times, but if those days can have a sweet ending like yours did, that certainly helps. I think you’re a wonderful mother!
Does that ever go away?? Feeling unsure, crazy, i’ve ruined them for life??
They are the light of our life and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. God is on our side…He’ll work some miracles won’t He?!
Hugs,
Fran
Amen sister!! Right there with ya! A 4 1/2 year old whose capacity for drama and fit pitching never ceases to amaze. I’m going to check out some of the books referenced in the comments!
I think that with girls, it’s about helping them tame the wild emotions and it doesn’t stop once they leave irrational toddlerhood. I think that’s a battle my girls will be fighting forever. At this point, I don’t reason with her as much as I used to…I found that I was negotiating too much with not enough result. Screaming and fit pitching mean you’re in your room by yourself! That, coupled with “you may not stay crabby and pouty until you get your way so snap out of it!” Which she doesn’t really respond to now, but it’s important to us that she understand that she cannot indulge every single emotion she’s feeling. She doesn’t get that now, but I’m hopeful that as she gets older we’ll have laid a foundation of consistent expectation in that arena. Looking forward to that time…the ground-laying is exasperating at times! Fortunately, the sweetness and the “I love you mommy” moments are running a little bit ahead of the moody, outbursty ones. Here’s hoping the next 6 months aren’t all downhill!
My 2 year old is more independent and more daring than my 4 year old. Plus the same strong willed tendencies as her older sister. Give me strength!
I keep reminding myself that I have to be the iron that sharpens theirs. Oftentimes it hurts.
You probably have heard everything I’m going to say (and since you have about a zillion comments, I’m sure this is all in there somewhere)…
I think you’re entering that stage where they really are coming into themselves; still little, but pushing and testing and developing.
It is the stage that always reminded me that these are actually little PEOPLE. People with faults and strengths and weaknesses and sins. As moms we think everything is a reflection of our parenting. Nope. So much is God-given, and so much is them figuring out what works and what is appropriate.
And this strong will and determination you see will SERVE HER WELL down the road. I bet she will be a leader, not a follower; she’ll make up her own mind and will be strong. Right now channeling all that in the right direction can be exhausting, but keep on keeping on, sistah. You’re doing great.
And if I could have even the worst day of a four-almost-five year old back, I would do it in a heartbeat.
It’ll zoom by.
Now go get yourself something yummy.
We have had eight children, four of whom are still at home. I am perpetually looking for “the magic wand” for any difficulties and I’ve found a few over the years. I heartily recommend Mike and Debi Pearl’s books “To Train Up A Child”,
Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller’s Effective Parenting things–”Say Goodbye to Bad Attitudes–in you and your kids!” “Parenting is Heart Work”, etc.
I also second Ted Tripp’s book, “Shepherding a Child’s Heart”–excellent book.
“The Heart of Anger” by Lou Priolo is also fantastic.
My favorite current inspiration is Reb and Bev Bradley’s CD’s and books. “Child Training Tips (What I Wish I Knew When My Children Were Young)”. “Teaching Your Children To Love One Another”. Unbelievably wonderful stuff.
They are all an awesome bunch of anointed people–we are living in a very blessed time with all the Godly help out there, truly. I believe I would be enjoying some solitary confinement in a federal facility if not for their encouragement at crucial times in my life. Which is kind of like everyday.
One more thing… have you ever read Tender Mercy for a Mother’s Soul? Life-giving to me.
I haven’t commented in so long I had to update my email address! But I have been here reading and enjoying.
I just wanted to encourage you as a Mom who has all grown-up children now (and seven grandchildren). I have had those same feelings of failure and even now can lay awake at night reliving all the things I did terribly wrong in the days when the kids were young. Thankfully, we have a perfect Father who somehow pours out His grace and all those things we regret or wish we could have done better just seem to disappear. Not too long ago, I aplogized (again) to my daughter for all the times I lost my patience and was very far from being the Mom I knew I should be. She answered as she always does, “I don’t remember any of that Mom.”
It’s grace – pure grace from the hand of a loving Father.
I think you’re doing a wonderful job Melanie. Some days just seem to require a bit more of that grace, and then they end as yours did – with love.
The best and worst parenting advice I ever got? “There’s no such thing as a strong-willed child, only a weak-willed parent.” There’s truth there, but it’s a rather guilt-inducing thing to say.
Oh, that is so sweet. I was reminded of many, many days like that with my girls. I used to go into their rooms and watch them sleep. I would cry and pray over them, and usually the next day would be better. Hang in there!
It gets better, it really does. It is going to be one of those things where you have to pick your battles. You are doing a great job! Keep you chin up and when all else fails. Eat some ice, everything seems better with ice cream.
You’ve already had the bad part. Next week she will suddenly be five and that is a beautiful age….(besides, they go off to school). I remember they used to say “the terrible twos and frantic fours”….see, you are almost out of it!
Amen, sister. I feel your pain. Mine will be five in November. I have never prayed so much in all my life. I just have to remind myself that I want her to be strong and stand up for herself, not just with me. LOL
Keep up the good work.
Such a sweet babe…and an equally sweet Mama.
Very Sweet!!
And, coming from the seasoned mother of a five and half year old, five isn’t too bad at all, really!!! In fact, I have really enjoyed it so far!! And, I feel sure you will too!
Oh, Big Mama….this post reminds me that we all have the tendency to feel like a failure at times. And that, perhaps, we WILL survive this parenting thing. I wanted to post today. I really did. I wanted to talk about my weekend, too. And all of the craziness that came with it. I wanted to talk about how my toddler talks like a teenage, yet.. SHE’S IN A TODDLER BODY and handling her like a teenage just won’t do.
But I didn’t trust my emotions. NOPE.
So glad you shared, though! It makes me feel like my world isn’t so small. And my problems aren’t so huge. And this, too, shall pass….THANK GOD!
I’m so glad you had that sweet moment to end all of the chaos!
Rena
Get used to all those feelings. They seem to keep popping up for a very long time. years and years.
I hear 6-10 aren’t that bad. Which is good cause I have a feeling 11-18 might be brutal.
Don’t those hugs just make up for all the attitude and fighting? I love getting those from my 13 year old, especially when we’ve had a rough day together. It’s nice to know that even though we may not always get along parents and kids love each other to death. Here’s hoping 5 doesn’t turn out to be like the past 3 weeks.
Those are the moments where the Lord speaks to us …typically in those quiet times where He uses our little ones to point us to
Him. My teen son shared a moment like that with me…he gave me a pedicure (and he is a manly man, if that’s what you’re thinking.:), and at that moment the Lord used a boy/man to point me to Him. What a precious blessing mothering is…the good, bad and the ugly. If there wasn’t the ugly, we wouldn’t need a Savior.:)
I love this post. Such a true picture of motherhood. The good, the bad, and mostly the great!
The pediatrician actually told me once that girls actually have someting akin to PMS hormone spurts at ages 2, 4 and 6 and so on. Don’t know if it’s true or not but I thought the letters PMS paired with your five year old might just thrill you to no end.
You sound like an awesome Mama. Hang in there!
If I had a nickel for each time my hubby had to separate me from my oldest child, I’d have enough money stashed away to make sure all 4 had Ivy League educations. Since you only have one, you don’t have the benefit of being able to compare, but I think there is something about the oldest child that just drives a momma crazy. Because my son, my precious, dependable, rock-of-a-boy, Austin can push my buttons like no one on this green earth. Did I say “push?” Because I meant “P-U-S-H.” The other 3 kids don’t cause me to bat an eye, but Austin can make me go from my greatest Christian Mommy moment to spewing pea soup in 3 seconds flat. It’s a gift of his.
And the awful part? I was the oldest, and I KNOW BEYOND THE SHADOW OF A DOUBT that I did it to my Mom. It was an uncontrollable urge I had to see her head spin ’round her neck every now and again. But as a teenager, for the most part, she was my closest friend.
You are an awesome Mom, Mel. And your relationship with Caroline will ONLY get BETTER. But, you know, she’ll always make you crazy from time to time.
Thanks so much for your honesty, Melanie. I can’t tell you how many times a day I beat myself up over not being the best Mom and feeling like I have no idea what I’m doing. Your comment about P making you go to your separate corners made me laugh. I can relate. During a recent discussion with my children at the dinner table, my husband calmly told me that I “might need to excuse myself.”
Totally understand how you feel.
I have considered purchasing that book on many occasions and after reading some of the comments, I think I will.
My daughter is seven and I am beginning to fear what our future holds. Drama, drama, drama.
Let’s all say a prayer together.
Regarding some earlier comments…there IS such a thing as a strong-willed child. And those of us who have them know exactly what I am talking about. It’s exhausting. Emotionally and physically. Mine is 3 1/2, and I look forward to the day that her little (actually, BIG!) strong will might be used to stand against peer pressure, to hold firm to her beliefs, and to remain faithful and true to the ones she loves.
A friend gave me some encouraging words regarding my daughter. She asked me, “Who would want a WEAK-willed child???”
Thank you for your honest post. It’s so nice to know we’re not alone. Somewhere, out there, someone else is struggling just as I am…
I found that 5 was tough. It seems that every time they enter a new stage (i.e. 2, 5, 8, 11) they seem to go through a new phase of testing. It’s like they think, “I’m older now; I don’t have to listen to her anymore.”
Hang in there! You have to be firm. (Some days you won’t be; that’s okay. None of us are perfect) I whole-heartedly recommend “Shepherding a Child’s Heart” It’s EXCELLENT. And remember, you’re not alone. We all have days like that. I have two boys and one girl, and I find the girl the most difficult to parent–girls are devious, and manipulative. Boys are more straightforward–at least in my experience.
I HAD a Caroline, or at least a strong-willed child like her. Well, I still have her, but she’s now 24 and no longer a child.
It was at about the same age that my child’s tantrums began to be of such epic proportions that I knew I needed help. Actually, we (hubby and I) knew we needed help. I give God the credit for leading us to a book titled …
“Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours”.
I’d love to say it totally transformed our daughter overnight, but that would be a lie. It DID, however, help us alot in dealing with her, especially in regards to her temper tantrums. If you haven’t read it, I strongly suggest you give it a try. The author is Kevin Leman, a christian psychologist and author of many books.
http://www.amazon.com/Making-Children-without-Losing-Yours/dp/0800731050
Yup. That’s the deal sister…loving the unlovely, right in our own homes and then counting on them to love us right back.
Just know, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Then go watch a few episodes of “Super Nanny” or whatever that show is called that feature Jo from England. All I know is that after watching someone elses kids completely fall apart for a while, quite oddly, I feel better. Somehow I think as moms we get caught up thinking that we are the ONLY one who has “issues” with our kids. Truth be told, we all do. Unless you are a millionaire with ten nannies to care for your kids or if you are in denial. Take care, Julie
Beautiful words. Speaking for myself, I’ve been there. I had one of those strong willed children too. And, I was a strong willed mother. Not always a bad combo when it’s God based. Now, my SWC is one of my best buddies! You’ll make it and it will be FULL of hilarious memoires and you are NO way near a failure.
Really, really beautiful. I have a strong-willed two year old, and experience many similar moments. You articulated the emotion so well!
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