About a month ago, I came up with the idea of having an ugly Christmas sweater contest. It seemed like a brilliant idea at the time, but that was before I realized how many pictures of ugly sweaters I would receive in my inbox. Let’s just say that we are in the midst of an ugly Christmas sweater epidemic in America.
The other factor in all this is that I’ve discovered the game Pathwords and have developed a wee bit of the addiction. And I used the word “wee” because I type it about a hundred times a day while I try to beat my high score. It’s a sickness really. A sickness that will most likely end with me completely losing all use of my right hand to carpal tunnel syndrome.
You may be wondering what Pathwords has to do with the Christmas sweater contest. Well, it distracted me from all the Christmas sweater viewing and I procrastinated until the last minute, and then spent my Thursday evening looking at ugly sweaters until I felt like I could feel the poly-blend synthetic material and had to go take a shower.
Before I announce the winners, I’ll share a couple of things I discovered along the way.
Apparently, the holiday season puts folks in the mood to put on some sort of vest. I kind of knew this already because of an unfortunate incident at a college Christmas formal when my date wore a sweater vest. It was horrific and gave new meaning to the phrase, “Don we now our gay apparel”.
But I don’t know that I’ve ever seen someone wear a vest with this kind of aplomb and style.
According to all the entries, there is nothing that brings yuletide cheer like some sort of teddy bear or a kitten, probably because everyone knows that the teddy bears and kittens were the first on the scene at the birth of sweet baby Jesus.
If PETA is looking for a real cause they need to forget the fur coats and worry about the continual abuse of kittens on a knitwear canvas.
And, while teddy bears and kittens are the favorites, birds aren’t exempt from spreading some Christmas gaiety.
The other travesty that occurs on the holiday sweater is what people do to poor Santa Claus. Clearly these sweaters were designed by people who are still bitter that Santa didn’t bring them the Barbie Townhouse (complete with working elevator) when they were in second grade and view him as Christopher Walken Santa.
Of course I don’t know that it’s any more right to turn him into Cowboy Santa complete with surrounding cacti.
The best part of the sweater is its ability to cause normal people to tap into some latent desire to don a fake mustache and pose for cheesy pictures.
Needless to say, I had a terrible time deciding on the winners. There were so many incredible entries to choose from and I actually had to call in help to make my final decisions. Thank you all for participating and sending in your hilarious and often frightening pictures.
Now for the winners.
3rd place and the winner of a $15.00 gift certificate to Amazon is Tammy at Grateful in Georgia for this entry that is basically a sweater all hyped up on steroids and bows.
2nd Place and the winner of a $25.00 gift certificate to CWDKids is Judi for an entry that is basically a total cliche’ of the holiday sweater because nothing says “Merry Christmas” like some teddy bears doing a pyramid in the shape of a tree.
1st Place and the winner of an original piece of jewelry by Lisa Leonard Designs is Nicki at The Kenningtons. Technically this is a Christmas sweatshirt, but there is no doubt that it is just wrong.
Who takes a perfectly fine red sweatshirt and thinks “Wow! What this really needs is some KITTENS! And some POINSETTIAS! And some STOCKINGS! And some GARLAND! AND, OH WAIT! DON’T FORGET THE CHRISTMAS CLOCK AND THE CHRISTMAS CANDLE!”?
I’ll tell you who. Someone with questionable taste and attention deficit disorder.
Please email me at bigmama8303@yahoo.com to collect your prize for your truly bad entries.
By the way, I feel that I should mention no one is exempt from the holiday fashion faux pas. Wednesday night I met my group of girlfriends known as “The Birthday Club” for our annual Christmas dinner and wine exchange. I wanted to look festive, but not overly Christmas-y so I chose a red coat over a black shirt with a Burberry plaid scarf.
So did my friend Steph.
There really isn’t anything dorkier than two women in their thirties dressed totally alike and sitting next to each other in a restaurant.
Well, until one of them pulls out her camera to take a picture.
Y’all have a great Friday.
Okay, first of all neither one of us should be blogging Christmas sweaters at 4:00 a.m. Really, now.
Second, what is up with the ghost child stealing presents from under the tree in the 2nd place photo?
I’m scared.
Fantastic Christmas sweaters. I saw a 30-year-old woman wearing one with LIGHTS at my sons’ Christmas concert last night. No joke!
I don’t think I’ll be able to close my eyes tonight, without seeing flashbacks.
Gotta love those flamingos though. Nothing quite says “Christmas” to me, like a couple of sock-gobbling flamingos.
Ahhh, the tackiness of the holiday sweater… You had alot to choose from. That Christopher Walken aka Santa sweater is just downright creepy.
Ahhh, the tackiness of the holiday sweater… You certainly had a lot to choose from. That Christopher Walken aka Santa sweater is just hideous.
Adrienne
The guy spilling out of the sled brings me untold joy. If he had on pointy shoes with fancy bells I might have thought he was from the movie, ELF.
Thanks for making me laugh so esrly in the morn…so funny! That couple on the fornt porch with the sweater vest was to die for!!!!
Oh, my gosh! That was so funny! Thanks for making me laugh before I go to work… at the mall, at a children’s clothing store… the Friday before Christmas! I needed that!! I almost spit out my coffee when I saw the posed and paid for professional pic of the 2 guys and the girl! HILARIOUS!!!
Thank you for this amazingly funny, hysterical take on Christmas sweaters!! My Friday has started with rolling laughter!!!
a few sundays ago (after GA beat AUB… GO DAWGS!) me and 2 of my bf’s walked into sunday school wearing the same thing… and we all sat together… dork!
OOH. I didn’t see the ghost child in the second place photo until Jan mentioned it. It IS scary! I have a sweatshirt with puffy paint and a gingerbread Santa on it. I haven’t worn it in years (seriously) yet I still keep it cause I made it with my own hands.
I acutlly found lots of ulgy sweater party ideas, so funny
Those are some scary and ugly sweaters.
Great minds obviously think alike on your outfits – just think…you could have both chosen to wear ugly sweaters.!
Ha! My grandma owns one of the same vests you pictured and loves it. I don’t remember a Christmas recently without it! My personal favorite is flamingos! Everyone knows Santa uses them as backup when the reindeer go on strike. I also sympathize with you on the Pathwords addiction. Between it and Scramble and Sudoku and Word Twist, I have to just avoid the side bar of Facebook all together!
I have a “friend” with a sweater that would have won this contest hands down but she would have died if I asked to take the picture … because she lurves it!
We loved being a part of this fun contest. What a wonderful collection of festive sweaters. You made our day.
Happy Holidays!
CWDKids
Oh geez…..those poor 2nd place guys….WHO HATES THEM?
That is all out mean, ya’ll!
It had to be a dare!
Great contest…it just goes to show…how kooky we can be, huh?
Big Mama, you just tapped into one of my deepest childhood traumas. I did not get the Barbie Dream House with the elevator. Thanks for helping me relive that pain.
Seriously…loved the Sweater Contest. It made my day!
Oh– those sweaters! Shudder!
By the way, I think you have my scarf….
Amen to the pathwords addiction! There’s a club for us somewhere. It is the cause for all my angst – it’s why I’ve begun lying to my husband, totally unprompted. Making up excuses for why I haven’t put those 5 dishes (soon to be 20) in the dishwasher, or why the laundry is on the floor and not in the washer, and when I put my daughter to bed, I think of new words with double letters . . .the list goes on.
Horrible sweaters, thanks for making me laugh.
OK…this was the funniest darn post!!
Someone might want our autograph…You forgot to mention the matching purses & that we ordered the same drink. haha Hope ya’ll have a Merry Christmas! P.S. Sadly I think I wore my fair share if Michael Simon Christmas sweaters in the 90′s.
HA HA HA..this was great. PLEASE do this again next year, and I won’t be a scrooge and not participate. Goodwill here I come…in search of UGLY!
Kelly S.
Don we now….hahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Ha Ha Ha this was awesome!
Way to go to all the winners. They were truly tacky! I gasped at some of the pictures you had posted. It is just unbelievable that your date wore a Christmas vest to a formal. Holy cow. Also, for the last two Sundays I have had on the exact same maternity clothes as someone else in my SS class. I feel comforted after seeing your recent mishap.
O.K. I’m excited now. I’m going to an “ugly sweater” party tonight and the sweater I’m wearing is being worn by one of the guys in your second place picture–the red one with the Christmas tree on it! Woo hoo!! I guess I really do have bad taste!
What is with all the handsome men wearing decidedly feminine Christmas sweaters?Something is wrong in America.Creepy and absolutely hilarious.I sure needed a laugh today.
I CANNOT BELIEVE I WON!!! I have never won a blog contest of any kind, and I’m thrilled to have won!! Even if it was for wearing a hideous piece of clothing!!
Thanks so much, Big Mama… I’m off to email you, you’ve made my entire weekend!
I have a Text Twist addiction and now I feel I must check out Pathways. The picture of you is really good!
This just made me grin. A lot. When I hear Robert Earl’s “Merry Christmas From the Family” , it reminds me of a couple of members of my husband’s family.
Last year they came to Christmas dinner in their Christmas sweaters, warm up bottoms, and house shoes. Party on top. Casual on the bottom.
This was only topped by the year before when they had matching Santa hats with a big blue Dallas Cowboy Star on the white furry part.
I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear you talk about Pathwords. I can’t afford to investigate that!! I love your post. Thanks for the grins.
I’m STILL laughing…
is that the child sized ghost of christmas past wondering around the photo of the second place winner?
this was downright scary to look at and read! i am thankful that i wasn’t just seeing things…others noticed the freaky ghost child.
you couldn’t have picked a better winner!
I am recording some old home videos onto DVD for my mom. One of them, Christmas 1990, my mom got 3 Christmas sweaters – - ok only one was a Christmas sweater but the others were ugly sweaters in the Christmas sweater spirit.
As for dressing alike, my mom and her best friend tend to wear the same outfit when they get together. The funny thing, it is completely unplanned and they live in different states (Texas and Colorado). So they aren’t able to shop together but still get clothes that match.
I should be ashamed to admit it but I am going to so I am not tooooo ashamed but I kind of liked one of those sweaters. lol
Merry Chirstmas!
O.K. I have to admit I had a couple Christmas sweatshirts I wore to work that at the time I thought were so cute but I guess I looked as lame as some of these. LOL…. I had one I remember that had a christmas tree painted on it and had real little presents you velcroed to the bottom under the tree.. HA! Isn’t that sooo special! I stick to just a red sweater or something simple now that I am uh-41.
Wow! Hard to believe we placed, that was some stiff competition!
Thanks Lisa for telling us to enter and Big Mama for hosting…so much fun!!
There is so much material here. In more ways than one.
I’m speechless.
Thanks for the laughs this morning! Or maybe it’s afternoon already, but my whole town is covered in an inch of ice so we’re not doing anything.
And I LOVE that you took your matching outfit picture in the restaurant.
Very fun post but you must report on the child skimming through the 2nd winner’s picture!
Seriously, I could not find one sweater this ugly. I think there may be a Canadian law somewhere about people wearing them.
Thank you everyone! That was beautiful. I am especially surprised at how many of you were able to get your MEN to model said sweaters!! Merry Christmas to All!
Carol in NC
Hats (and please people, sweaters) off to the winners!! Y’all brought back some painful memories. I could’ve entered with some old ones from high school, but thankfully Goodwill inherited them many years ago.
Now, I’m going to go put on my velour jogging suit and make some cookies…
Why is it, with all of the nativity scenes available for purchase out there, do they never include the ever-faithful kitten and teddy bear? Prejudice people, I tell ya.
But I have to say, “Christopher Walken Santa” in genius.
Totally cracking up that you and your friend dressed exactly the same – that’s awesome!
I put on my “ugly” Christmas sweater and thought of you this AM. It’s a teddy dressed as Santa in front of a tree. Black and very tasteful (ahem). Not a kitten to be found. And it’s making me sneeze after a year in the cedar chest. Kudos to all the brave souls willing to have their photos posted on the internet in those awful creations! Great contest!
Oh…I needed the laugh today! Those were some umm….very appropriate entries!
Merry Christmas!!!
Stephanie
To be honest, I was too embarrassed to submit one someone gave to my daughter.
She took one look at all the: yarn, sequins, red, gold, green, Santa with a tree and reindeer, and said “no way”. She was 6 at the time… and she even knew it was just plain wrong.
This had me rolling. There was a woman at a choral concert a few weeks ago with the most hideous Christmas sweater I had ever seen. I had my camera in my bag and was so tempted to try to snap a picture but didn’t have the heart to do so..that would have been dreadfully mean.
Oh–do look me up on facebook–I had a very serious Pathwords addiction. I played constantly until I scored so high that all my current friends refuse to play with me.
That Santa sweater (from the grocery store? What’s up with that??) Santa looks like he’s had a collegen injection gone awry….ooohhh, shudder….
Next year I’m going to decorate one of those “Snuggies” and enter it in your contest.
YES! My picture made it into the post. I am so excited! It is almost as exciting as winning.
I am mostly a lurker but I have to speak out to warn you- step away from the Pathwords! Boomama mentioned it in a post last week and I have been playing non-stop. I am even battling my friends from church and doing the evil laugh when they go down. What kind of person am I becoming?
Oh and the Carpal Tunnel thing- it’s real. I am on a self imposed hiatus from Pathwords right now to heal. Then it is back to working my way up the Pathwords ladder. Insert evil laugh here
Do men REALLY wear these sweaters? I thought it was just us girls when we were feeling especially dorky…
I love the matching picture at the end. Truly. The picture-taking tops it off!
I can’t get into Pathwords because they don’t let you type the words with your keypad. Check out Word Twist. That is the one that has me hooked. Word Challenge is fun too and my 10 year old figured out a trick to get an obscene amount of points.
Too funny! I “loved” all the winners. The Christopher Walken Santa made me and my husband laugh.
I have that same plaid scarf.
And I know someone who would wear that flamingo sweater. But it’s not me.
I’m so grateful for the opportunity to stop in for a laugh!
I have nothing against Santa. Really… (Hope that’s clear after my recent post. I’m beginning to wonder…).
I would certainly NEVER wear him on a sweater. EVER! Much less a freakish altered version of him…
I can’t stand it…I’m still laughing.
Well, not rolling on the floor laughing… I’d really like to start a new phrase, like… L.H.U.M.B. laughing hysterically under my breath. Think it’ll fly? Me neither..
My main point….I digress…
I got the Barbie Townhouse for Christmas! Complete with working elevator. I’m feeling a bit sentimental now…. Christmas memories are flooding…
I think I’ll go find something appropriate to wear to the Baton Rouge Airport to pick up my daughter now… something without kittens or birds or teddy bears or even SANTA….
Merry Christmas! Thanks for the laughs…
Rena
OH. MY. GOODNESS.
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…Here I am again hogging up all the comment space. Is that possible?
I just read the first comment and what IS up with the ghostlike kid?
The picture with the three men is creepy. I think they captured a ghost in the background.
I just wish I had a picture of the sweatshirt that my friend made me for Christmas way back in high school. It was a white sweatshirt with a HUGE piece of fabric with a nativity scene on the front of it that had been bonded on by some sort of fabric glue. She outlined everything – and I do mean EVERYTHING – with gold glitter. It was “The birth of our Lord meets Vegas”. She thought it was just beautiful – I did not!
Those are some fantastically ugly sweaters.
Yea!! I won!
It really does pay to humiliate your husband and his friends and make them wear ugly sweaters for your own weird amusement.
Our camera’s flash was a little weird, making a sweet little boy look like a present stealing ghost.
Great pictures everyone!
The Christopher Walken Santa sweater cracks me up.
Congrats to the winners!
I lurk here alot. I laugh every day with allof you. I love it. Everyone should laugh everyday at themselves.
But… I must tell all of you young people that when you make fun of old people that is exactly who you become. So it is okay to make fun of someone your age but NOT mema, nanny or me nanna.
I have my first ever Xmas sweater… it does not compare to anything pictured here but it is a BEAUTIFUL Xmas sweater and i have worn it for maybe 5 years now with black pants (soon to be YOUR favorite color) and i think i look ok… not too bad for a nanna of 7 grandchildren soon to be 8. But now i doubt my taste… are all xmas sweaters tacky? or just some????? HUH???? i need a little clarification.
I just returned from a weekend at the Opryland Hotel in Nashville. It is a spectacular resort and absolutely gorgeous at Christmas, but . . . oh, the fodder for this contest. I have never seen so many hideous Christmas sweaters under one roof in my life! I wish I had gone there before this contest was over. But it did bring to mind a couple of questions: (1) Is holiday clothing okay on little girls? (I saw some ADORABLE little outfits) and (2) Is a holiday sweater EVER okay for a grown woman? Out of all the monstrous sweaters there, I did see ONE that was very tasteful (and I’m not a fan of holiday dressing). It was solid ivory with a few holly leaves knitted into the fabric.
Hey, just a heads up….Did you know that the ad on the right sidebar is for something called “pornwomen?” Just a heads-up in case you weren’t aware!
OMG…I think I just peed my pants.
I believe that you picked a good winner. That, by far, is the worst Christmas sweatshirt I have seen in a really long time.
Yeah, Pathwords is great, but have you tried Word Twist?! Even more addicting. Trust me.
Love this post! Great idea.
So funny, thanks for the laugh!
Can’t believe I missed this post! Mine got honorable mention! Yay!
Thanks for the fun contest!