One of the nice things about having a blog is that I really don’t need to use my memory to remember anything that’s happened in the last two and a half years. So about a week ago, when P and I were trying to remember how we spent last New Year’s Eve, I just pulled up December 31, 2007 from the archives to read all about it.
As it turns out, P had the flu and I was about to get it. I brought in the New Year passed out in our bed after heavy doses of Nyquil. All the scene needed was a giant Swatch watch hanging on the wall and it would have been just like my freshman year of college.
Clearly it was going to be hard to top last year’s festivities.
Over the last several months, P has become involved with a group at our church called The Sportsmen’s Group. This is basically a group of guys who like to hunt and fish. They all get together about once a month, grill stuff they’ve killed, and wear matching t-shirts that say “Meat is Murder. Tasty, Tasty Murder. In Jesus’ Name.”
Not really about the t-shirts, but I like to picture it that way in my imagination because it entertains me.
Anyway, one of the men that P has gotten to know called him on Monday and invited him to go hunting at the King Ranch. If you’re not from Texas that may mean nothing to you, but if you learned about it in 7th grade Texas History then it’s pretty cool. The only problem was that he’d be gone on New Year’s Eve.
I told him I didn’t mind at all if he wanted to go, but he needed to keep in mind that I’d planned an exciting evening involving me wearing my sexiest flannel pajama bottoms paired with an alluring 1993 SWC Champs Aggie sweatshirt and dining on a frozen Tombstone pepperoni pizza. Did he really want to miss all that?
So he packed up his guns and left for South Texas.
Caroline and I went to eat Thai food with Mimi and Bops and then she decided she wanted to spend the night with them. So I was all by myself to ring in the New Year and, honestly, it was just fine with me.
I put on my softest robe, pulled my hair back and gave myself a little mini-facial complete with an overhaul of my eyebrows. Once I settled in on the couch I gave myself a complete manicure, then sat back with the computer to enjoy five or six hundred rounds of Pathwords while I waited for the ball to drop in Times Square.
It was delightful.
But at some point, I couldn’t leave well enough alone and decided I needed to take advantage of this alone time and perform a little more beauty maintenance. I like to keep a little mystery alive in my marriage, so I try to refrain from upper lip hair removal while P is on the premises.
Yes, I said hair on my upper lip. I have olive skin and brown hair. It’s part of the Italian heritage package. And, ladies, if you are of a certain age and/or have dark hair and think you don’t have an upper lip issue, then it might be time to invest in a good magnifying mirror.
Anyway, I went in the bathroom and slathered my upper lip with Surgi-Cream hair removal, like I’ve done a million times before, but this time I immediately felt a burning sensation. I didn’t worry about it until it became apparent that the Surgi-Cream was having some sort of chemical reaction with something I’d already put on my face, so I wiped it all off as fast as I could.
Yet the burning continued.
Y’all, it was so bad that I had to apply ice for the next hour.
So, to recap, I spent my New Year’s Eve giving myself a chemical burn on my lip and repeatedly looking in the mirror to see if blisters were beginning to form before finally taking two Tylenol P.M.’s for the pain and going to bed.
My lip appears to be recovering nicely from the trauma, but here’s hoping next year I just have the flu.
There is always something to smile about when I read your blog, but I’m sorry when it is a full blown giggle at your expense. Really, I am. Side note, I think you should get those shirts made for your hubby and his club toot sweet, it would be the gift that would keep on giving… trust me.
On a final note, I often find myself wondering when I note the time of day you are posting… when do you sleep???
Happy New Year Big Mama!
I so remember at an early age trying to use “Neat” to remove my upper lip hair. Let’s just say the end rsult wasn’t pretty!
That’s just what I needed to get me started today, a good laugh, thanks.
As for my upper lip, I do what Christie Brinkley does.
I’m still living in the life of upper-lip-hair-denial. Happy 2009!
Thanks for the laugh! It brought back memories. Like you I am from an Italian heritage and unfortunately, know all too well the hair issue, as does my sister. Poor thing, before my niece’s wedding she decided to try something new to her upper lip. Unlike you, she had blisters – lots of them – covering her entire upper lip. Imagine my surprise when we walked into the house — talk about an “elephant in the room”. I quickly grabbed my husband and said “don’t say ANYTHING.” We dutifully ignored it until the wedding was over…the blisters were healing…and the trauma not so fresh. Good thing, photographers can touch up the memories!
Let me just say, never use Sally Henson All Natural Hair removal. I looked like I had drank too much kool-aid for about a week and then it scabbed over. Wow I know I looked hot, HEHE!!!!! Happy New Year and as for me I fell asleep at 8:30 and woke back up to watch the ball drop and then fell back asleep, because I’m crazy like that. Have a healthy and blessed New Year!!!
~ Molly P
Oh how funny. That could have been a Seinfeld episode. Thanks for sharing.
I’m guessing that your pores were way wide open from the facial that you gave yourself. It just sucked those chemicals in like no tomorrow.
Me? I like my little silver pen shaver. Shhh. Hubs doesn’t know about it either.
We’ll just keep this as a secret between just us– and the entire internet.
Oh my stars, that’s too funny! Do you remember Epil-Stop from the mid 90′s? I used that on my lower back once and ended up scraping not only my dark peach fuzz, but also two layers of skin. It was lovely going to the pool looking like I have leprosy.
Yes, I’m Eastern European and know ALL about the loveley “blessings” of such a heritage – involving olive skin and dark hair. After a baby I swear my bikini line migrated down to my knees. Thank goodness for those Brazilians! Every nation and culture really does have its own very useful purpose.
Happy New Year to you!
You are too funny, Big Mama. When I read your title, my first thought was “Not Big Mama, too.” We are recovering from a house fire and spent our New Year’s Eve in a hotel room. I was going to be upset if you were experiencing the same thing.
I did think of you on New Year’s Eve. My five year old had just thrown up all over me and as I was cleaning her up, I thought about how you said after Caroline had thrown up on you, you wanted to pour bleach all over yourself. I wanted to do that too. Nothing says fun like doing laundry in the hotel laundry room at 10 pm on New Year’s Eve.
hahahahahahahahahahahahaaa!
Why does all this stuff only happen to you? Or does it happen to the rest of the world and we just don’t know how to make it interesting? That’s probably the case, but whatever it is I love that you share it with the rest of us.
Oh. My. Gosh. That is so hysterical! I hope that your lip is ok…I really do, but I have done that before..not because I have hair on the upper lip as an issue, just wanteing to make sure I don’t…LOL!
And 600 rounds of Pathwords is my ideal of a good night… that stuff is some kind of addictive!
Happy Second day of 2009!!!
Paige
and I know how to spell wanting…with no e…
and I think it was idea…not ideal…
maybe I shouldn’t leave comments anymore!
I’m laughing so hard! My daughter took a close up photo of me this Christmas… So close up that I saw hair on my upper lip!!! The only time I had it removed was when the gal who waxed my eyebrows talked me into it. She kept saying you need lip hair removed?!!? I finally gave in. It hurt so bad! I had blisters for a few days. I’m too scared to ever try that again. I guess I will ask my daughter for no more close up photos. I would rather be naive. If I don’t see the hair, it isn’t there .. Right?
I don’t know that I have any Italian blood coursing through my vains because I am way too fair but I do have dark hair and could grow full facial hair. I feel your pain and loved the laugh.
Ow! I don’t have the upper lip thing, but I DO get these single, wiry, knarly single hairs on my chin. Somehow, they grow undetected until they practically curl around my neck and make a choker, and then I’m thoroughly horrified. And I ask my husband if he noticed, and he’ll say something like “What? That? I thought you knew about it.” Right. Like I WANT a hair the size of a boa constrictor dangling down from my chin. Nice.
Hope your lip recovers soon.. Happy New Year!
Ow on the chem burn!!! Sounds like other than that it was a great evening.
You are a wild and crazy woman.
Our crackin’ party, on the other hand, involved a few siblings, Tetris and Boggle. (Old school Boggle, that is, complete with a timer from the ’70s that lasted about twice as long as it was supposed to. We are a riot, let me tell you.)
I feel guilty when I laugh at your misadventures, but I love that you totally went for honesty in the upper lip category.
You are so funny. I love it!
Surely next year will top both of your experiences.
I need a Mimi and Bop to persuade my two to spend the night. They spent the night playing ‘ships and sailors’, ‘Sardines’, and who knows what in the basement while we all played games upstairs for the New Year.
Never a dull moment huh? Poor upper lip.
I did surgi-cream on my upper lip yesterday and didn’t peel it off in time. It came off in a billion little bits that had to each be individually picked off. Took forever. And left my upper lip red and puffy.
It was not funny at all. Am so feeling your pain. Still.
and here i thought i had the most pathetic nye around
(did you by any chance get to see any of dick clark amidst your self-mutilation escapde? it was almost sad to watch)
on another note: Swatch watch! boy did you bring back memories. I used to wear not one, but TWO on one wrist. I was the epitome of coolness. I was like, totally rad.
You are too entertaining!
Sorry to hear about your ‘upper-lip’ tragedy. I’ve learned over the years that you might want to stay away from a mini-facial (depending on the products you use) and then the hair treatment. A lot of times they won’t play well together
Hope it feels better soon!
Your life… It’s so funny.
Sorry. I did laugh at your expense. These are things I would do myself though.
So funny!!
While sharing our obigatory resolutions for the New Year, my husband said that he resolved to be the only one in our household with a mustache this year!!! No, I did not slap him; I’m a good Bible Belt girl. However, I did threaten to shave off all of his body hair while he slept. Then, I booked an appointment with my stylist/wax guru.
Ouch on the lip! I did something similar by using Nair on my underarms when I was in college. I had to walk around with my arms away from my body for a week. So pretty I’m sure.
Oh dear! The things we do in the name of beauty! Fortunately, I do not have an upper lip hair issue, being of the redhaired and (very!) fair-skinned variety. BUT all the fair pinkness leads to some frequent burning and redness when things like, say, soap and water are combined on my face.
At least there was no blistering and all your eyelashes were still intact!
P getting to hunt on THE KING RANCH is a Texas man’s ultimate dream. The thought made me start humming “Texas our Texas.. so wonderful so great…”
As a perimenopausal woman, I feel I need to warn you that hair issue… it does not get better my friend.
PATHWORDS!!! I love it! It’s a terrible time waster, but I still love it!
…and this is so sad, but now I have to go play it.
I say blisters are still more attractive than a mustache.
But, ouch!
I do not need a magnifying mirror.
And I feel your pain. I burned out a few of my hair folicals several months ago…the crater size holes on my upper lip went perfectly with my 9 month pregnant body!
that is hilarious!!! i had a situation where i saw on tv that you could make your own sugar scrub at home. well, i must have done something wrong because the scratches that i endured for the next few days were not the desired result.
what? no pics? LOL
I do feel your pain…I have had a bad reaction to wax when I had my eyebrows done. I didn’t come out of the house for a week! I looked like something off a Sci-Fi movie.
A little secret I learned several years ago, and it works. Simply shave, that’s shave, your upper lip about once a week with a good foam and conditioner can of whatever you find at the store and a very sharp razor. (Do it sitting by a magnifying mirror and absolutey NOT in the shower.) And no, it doesn’t grow back darker, coarser or thicker…..and solves the problem none of us like to admit we have.
Oh My….I am so sorry! That is making me cringe just thinking about it!!!
I spent the evening playing Pathwords and watching my family play Wii…it was one exciting night!
I will never forget what an older woman told me after I complained about some beauty ritual in my 20′s: We must suffer to be beautiful! Stinks doesn’t it?
OMG I remember the flu you had!! (I remember reading it I mean) I had the flu last year and this year, got it again. Maybe I need a flu shot. lol
Have I not mentioned Smooth Solutions before? It’s $49 per lip treatment ($39 when it’s on special), and you’ll be permanently hair-free after 5 or 6 treatments. It was completely worth the investment.
Oh lawdy, that was some funny stuff! Not that it’s happened to me before (ahem), but I’ve “heard” if you use some hydrocortisone lotion, it will help reduce the redness and swelling.
If it were me, I would have face planted in a big ol’ container of ice cream and soothed my pain with a little sugar therapy!
Sounds painful. Hope your lip has fully recovered. It is for that reason that I don’t, and should, do something about the *ahem* hair.
Call me chicken.
Sounds like the absolute perfect new year’s eve to me. I think NYE is a bit overrated!!!
Happy New Year! It was nice meeting you this year, and getting to know the great people of the DR with you.
And don’t move to Connecticut if you want to continue to enjoy the best frozen pizza available. The one store here that used to carry it just stopped, and instead appeared to replace it with the same boxless wrapped pizza — generic-style. It’s sad, and I’m bitter, but the pizza here is better than Texas, so we just get takeout instead.
i just laughed so hard that i think i peed a little. but only a little!
happy new years!!
ashley
Before leaving this comment, I caught a glimpse of your post title for December 31.
Oh, this is meaningful stuff. REALLY…. I hope it brings you great warmth to know that reading this brought great joy to me. I’ve been sick, blah, yucky… Ringing in the new year for me included lots of congestion, watery eyes, sneezing, sore throat and “manly” voice. Yes, literally.
When I answered my husband’s call from work yesterday, he said, “WHO is this?”
Really? Really, honey? Yes, really. He thought I was a man.
Anyway…I drug myself to the computer to try and find some relief as the Mucinex, Claritin and “borrowed” antibiotic cocktail is just not working. Blogging therapy was on the mind. But I’m way too groggy to post about it at this point. So after glaring at my blogroll, I picked your blog as I was sure you would deliver.
HOME RUN, baby…sorry my delight is at your expense. Really I am. And I hope your lip is much better. Oh, I’ve been there…not fun.
Happy New Year!
I love WordPath! I suck at it, but I can’t quit playing. My high score is 640,,,,,I know! that is horrible. You would think I would just give up, but I’m determined to score higher. How much higher? I don’t know, just higher
What is your high score?
Being a woman is sooo not glamorous.
I, with the wisdom of all my years, decided to wax just before heading to my sister’s house on Christmas Eve. I know, Nobel Prize. But I hadn’t had time at all before that! So because after I did this I was in a huge hurry to leave, I rushed to do my hair and makeup at the same time. Not thinking about the fact that my skin was now sensitive (and red), I applied the prep cream before my makeup. Apparently this is not wise when your pores are open, and I immediately experienced burning- and later, scabbing. So beautiful.
Okay, I’m considering ordering some of that cream, because hello–cheaper than waxing. But I’m reminded of something…
You’ve mentioned in the past that in the summer when you tan, you get a “mustache” tan line over your lip… is that in any way connected to your use of this product?? Or did that start happening BEFORE you started using this stuff?
Because while I do have a hair issue, I do not want to add another mustache issue to my already hairy life. Please advise.
Thanks so much!!