I had all sorts of plans for what I was going to write about, including but not limited to the fact that I have now been freezing cold for the last three days. Like the kind of cold that has caused me to go take a hot shower just to get feeling back in my extremities. I’m not sure what the problem with Mamaw and my internal temperature is, but it’s causing my bursitis to flare up.
But instead of having the time to craft a riveting post about how I’ve been wrapped in a blanket for three days straight, I spent my evening entertaining some dear friends.
It all started on Sunday when P remembered that he had meat from a 650 pound elk aging in our outdoor refrigerator and it needed to be cleaned up, wrapped, and frozen in meal-size portions. He began carrying large plastic containers full of raw meat into the house to begin this process. And, oh, he was proud of his meat.
Occasionally he would hold up big slabs of meat for me to admire and then we had several discussions about how we needed to cut the meat and what sort of things I planned to cook. Elk kabobs, elk burgers, elk stroganoff, elk cheese macaroni helper, and chicken-fried elk.
We decided to invite our friends Stew and Hannah over for some chicken-fried elk. P actually set them up on a blind date over a year ago and they’re still dating. See why I love him? He’s an elk killer with a sensitive side.
While I was prepping the stuff for dinner, P asked me if I needed to shower. I informed him I’d already showered earlier in the day in a desperate attempt to ward off the chill. Then he asked, “Are you going to change clothes?”
I glanced down at my outfit. Hot pink velour sweats tucked into my Uggs with an oversize black fleece that I inherited from P a few years ago. Add in hair thrown back in half a bun and you’ve got the whole picture.
“No, I’m finally warm. Do I need to change?”
He laughed out loud. “No, you look fine.”
Long pause as he realized I wasn’t kidding.
“Do I look that bad? It’s just Stew and Hannah. They’ve seen me look bad.”
“Well, they haven’t seen you look like a bag lady.”
In light of that harsh judgement, I changed out of the one outfit that had finally brought me some warmth. However, in my defense, I don’t know too many bag ladies who wear Uggs.
After our friends arrived, I began to chicken-fry the elk steaks in our cast iron skillet. It was my first experience and I learned the hard way that elk meat is denser than beef. Those babies were golden, crispy brown on the outside and nearly raw on the inside.
Hello. Welcome to our home. I’m a bag lady and will be serving up some delicious elk tartare.
I put them back in the skillet for a little bit longer and cut them in the hope it might help them cook all the way through. Meanwhile I began to formulate Plan B, Tyson Dino Nuggets with homemade mashed potatoes and gravy.
Afraid I was going to fry them to a consistency resembling the texture of a nasty, old boot, I placed them on a cookie sheet and decided to throw them in the oven for a few minutes. As I turned around to open the oven with the cookie sheet in my hand, that’s exactly what I did. I THREW them.
Two of the four elk steaks went flying off the cookie sheet right onto the floor.
The guys were outside in the man cave looking at weaponry and, thankfully, didn’t see it happen. P would never forgive me for treating his elk that way.
After Hannah was able to stop laughing, she helped me pick up the mess and we decided that no one needed to know. Besides that, the heat from the oven would totally sterilize them.
The good news is dinner actually turned out delicious. Apparently you can cook the heck out of elk for over an hour using various methods and it won’t dry out. It’s a very resilient meat.
And, Stew and P, we totally gave you the pieces that fell on the floor.
Never trust a bag lady.
Oh and the good news is that after all that excitement in the kitchen, I actually broke a sweat.
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I’m sure that being a sensitive elk killer, P is probably clueless to the fashion statement that Uggs are!!!
Never trust a bag lady….Bahahahahaha….thanks for my morning dose of laughter
LOL! I can totally relate! I work from home in my pj’s every day and I’m sure the same thoughts have crossed my families minds! Thanks for the laugh!
-Lisa
“You know I like my chicken fried (elk)”. Sounds like a hit country song to me!
My husband also gave me the “raised eyebrow” as I headed out the door to take a child to school yesterday: his baggy sweat pants, old painting sweat shirt thrown over my pj top, and fluffy bedroom slippers. I just smiled and told him I was working on a new line of clothes sure to make us a million………… “Car-Line Couture!” (maybe it could be monogrammed!)
I hope you will post your chicken fried elk recipe soon!
Funny! I’m impressed with your perseverance to cook and enjoy those elk steaks; I woulda given in to having the chicken nuggets way before the steaks got put in the oven…but that just shows my impatience and lack of ingenuity.
My husband (also named, P, BTW) would be so jealous of your husband’s elk. It is tasty, I have to admit! Stay warm!
hehe I don’t know any bag ladies that wear Uggs either. Glad P got one that landed on the floor
All this talk about meat Melanie and you didn’t make a pun about STEW’s name? K’mon. I’ve come to expect more from you.
Melanie,
You totally make my day!!! Thanks, but I do want to see a picture of that outfit!!! Please!
Maybe you would get warmer if you would set your living room thermostat above 60. That’s all I’m sayin.
An Elk wielding bag lady, now that’s funny! You really need to take these stories and make a book out of them. I bet it would make the New York Times best sellers list! That Elk story alone would just about do the trick! Seriously.
So funny! I totally would have done the same thing.
Gulley’s comment? ROCKS.
I’m feelin’ your cold. Had all of my getup on the other day and was informed that I looked “wormy”.
Great morning laugh! Amen, amen, amen to your sterilizing logic! Five second rule my butt! If it doesn’t have dog hair or crumbs on it, it’s good ’nuff for me. And if it does and can be rinsed off with a little water, even better!
I’ve looked around your site to see why you call your husband “P” and everyone else’s full names are used. Just curious
What a hoot! I’m totally sure the 5 second rule applies here. Even 30 seconds for that matter.
Hilarious! Enjoyed the post. Stay warm!
Lol! Reminds me of the story of my hub’s grandma dropping the Thanksgiving turkey on the floor.
BTW, I gave you an award–come check it out!
Thank you so much for blogging. You continuously brighten my day with your humor and wit. In fact, (I realize this may make me sound stalkerish and/or crazy BUT) I was talking about the entry with Caroline using her EZ Bake Oven and my mom asked me who it was I was giggling at and I said it was my friend’s daughter. Like we are old pals or something though we have never met. LOL. I blame that on you though because you make us all feel like we are talking with an old friend when you write your blog. You rock Big Mama!!!
I look forward to many many blog entries to come.
Your fan,
Sara Maria
I’ve quickly fallen in love with your blog. Your humor is fab! Love, love, love how you view life and are willing to entertain the world with all of your stories:) Keep it comin’, Big Mama!
OH! How my Chris would have LOVED to be a part of the man cave weaponry convention. And add Elk into the mix–pure Heaven for him!
I bet you looked beautiful, as a bag lady.
Please have your thyroid checked. It could account for your feeling cold all the time. Love your blog. Your stories are great. I have a granddaughter Caroline’s age and their sense of style and drama are similar.
Love it! Why does chicken fried elk sound so good right now at 10 in the morning?
Oh my I think I am living as you today – freezing cold and wearing sweats – totally getting in a HOT bath after I pick up Cole in 30 minutes
And I have my hubby getting lunch and bringing it home b/c it is just too dern cold to be outside – LOL
Have a great one sweet Mel
Kim
I am a new reader of your blog and am already addicted! Your sense of humor cracks me up and I feel like we would be good friends if we ever met in “real life”. Keep ‘em coming!
Oh, and next time, throw that elk in the crock pot with some beef broth and veggies or “cream of” and cook on low for 4 hours. Good stuff!
I laughed so hard that my eyes teared and I was literally out of breath. K- came in to see what happened. When I told her that you threw meat across a room and still served it to guests, all she could do was laugh. At 5, she understands that isn’t necessarily normal.
I’m going to go enjoy my luke warm Chef Boyardee ravioli’s now.
Love your blog! My oldest son calls my (fake) Uggs “Xena warrior princess boots”.
You’ve reminded me…I have a freezer full of white tail. Guess I need to do something with it… At least it’s already cut up and processed.
You totally cracked me up. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall to have seen that one.
good one!
10 points to Melanie for this post — rivetting with the flying meat and all.
and 12 points to Gulley for her comment.
The man’s name is Stew? Not Stu? He deserves floor-trodden tough elk meat with that name. : )
Mmmmm floor elk. Just like my mama used to cook. I think it may have just given it that extra something special…like that mysterious secret ingredient! Make sure you post that recipe with instructions to throw them on the ground or it just wouldn’t be authentic. Just for the record- I’m a big fan of the bag lady look. You can bag lady it anytime in my presence. And now that I’m aware of this, I’m totally wearing sweats next time.
What a great story, I was laughing through the whole thing. So funny, I could totally picture everything.
Thank you for the fun.
Good chuckle–thanks! Yes, elk is incredibly resiliant. When we run out, I have to remember how to cook beef!
LOL!!! I love that you served the dropped pieces to the guys! Too funny!
SO good! And I completely agree about the whole oven/sterilization thing!
You must really love that man of yours to eat…Elk everything…till you run out. If he realized that, I’m sure he wouldn’t call you a Bag Lady.
Why were you cold in Texas? You’d probably die if you traveled to Minnesota or Michigan. Freeze in place as soon as you got out the airport, I tell ya!
That is awesome! I love this story! When I was a senior in high school we had a liberal arts class and we were doing a unit on Ethics. We got paired up and each pair got an ethical scenario. The pair was to each take a position and then present both sides to the class and everyone then voted on whose postion was more ethically correct. One of the scenarios (I don’t think it was mine, I think it was my BFF’s, but it was way more awesome than mine, whatever it was) was – “You’re having a dinner party and you drop the cooked roast on the floor in the kitchen. No one is with you in the kitchen to see you do this. Do you serve the meat and not tell your guests?” I so wish I could remember how the class voted! I’ll send said BFF over here, if she hasn’t read it already… maybe she’ll remember!
Great story! And I hear you with the not being able to get warm thing! I’ve the shlumpiest of all cozy fleece jackets on today b/c it was COLD this morning!
That could totally be a scene out of a movie!
I am sitting here on my hands as I read your blog ’cause I’m so cold so I totally understand the “baglady-look” just to stay warm!!
I laughed out loud at your post today! Thanks, I need that!
Great story. Love your humor and your voice you use to convey ~ very creative, sharp, real and funny.
Side note: Just thought you’d like to know….there probably are some bag ladies with UGGS in Australia. Apparently, UGGS are used to take out the trash, etc., and are not held in any esteem there. Found that very interesting.
Keep up the super blogging! Love it.
Blessings,
Becky
Took me ten years to figure out how to cook chicken with out making it shoe leather. Hmm, maybe I should switch to elk.
I’ve totally dropped food on the floor and then served it to my husband. The unfortunate thing is I’ve recently found out that he does the same thing- to me.
That is why I always come back to read about your life! FOR A LAUGH!!! I needed that…Thanks
your description of your outfit cracked me up, as I wore almost the same thing on the plane to a ski trip last year. Wasn’t feeling so hot that day & that outfit (with my lovely pink velour pants) was oh-so-comfortable … my roommate & one of my guy friends were embarrased to be seen with me! I thought I was looking so apres’ski. wee wee.
Outstanding! That’s what you call getting revenge at hubby for laughing at your attire, how dare he??!! Also, I now have to go and soak in a hot tub because I’m freezing too. This electric heatpump just don’t warm you up too well.
Thank you for this hysterical post! I was laughing out loud through the whole thing:)
That was SO funny!!!! Only thing that would have made it complete would have been a picture! (And I bet you didn’t look half as bad as you made out you did!)
Marilyn
Oh, thank you! I needed a good laugh today!
I’m with Gulley.
Your 60 degree (brrrrr, sister) home caused your bursitis to flare up, which made you unable to grip the cookie sheet, which is why the elk landed on the floor.
Do you and P have any other friends you’d like to set-up? I’m always up for blind dates!
Hahaha! What a great story.
I love it! After all the years of him pestering me as a child, I’ll totally support you giving Stew food off the floor any day.
p.s. should I be offended by the comments about the spelling of “Stew”?
After all, I did name my son after him!
haha you crack me up!
I just laughed harder at this post than i’ve laughed in a long time! Crap you’re funny!!! So funny that I used “crap” in a sentence! Nice!
I would totally wear something similar if that cold!
You need to get one of those neck wraps that are filled with beans or rice and you can microwave them. I have one my mom gave me but you can even make one from a sock and the beans. They help to get you warm in a hurry.
You keep Hannah around… a friend who will not only laugh at that kind of situation, but help to make sure that the boys get the right piece is a lifetime friend.
And there are days when I’m in the bath twice because I can’t get warm. Those are the days that I really wish we could move to the South. I think I’m really a displaced Texan at heart.
There’s a little lemonade for you at my blog. Come on and get it!
http://lattejust4me.blogspot.com/
I have to tell you that when we were in college, my boyfriend (now husband of 26 years) went elk hunting and then invited me over for elk steaks. He cooked the entire dinner complete with pudding in a cloud for dessert. As I watched him fix the steaks, singing in the kitchen, that is when I decided I would marry him. What’s not to like? Well, turns out after we got married, he only cooks on occasion, but it’s all good. He didn’t use that throwing technique though, I’ll have to tell him about that!
As long as tere’s homemade mashed potatoes and gravy, who gives a hoot where the meat has been!
Here’s my recipe for what I call Elkkiller Soup: Use a 8 quart pressure cooker. Fill the pressure cooker half way full of water. Add: 1 or 2 elk soup bones, good meaty ones. Then spuds, 1 1/2 cups dried pinto beans, one table spoon of salt, 1 or 2 table spoons of garlic powder or whole garlic, 1 or 2 onions, and 1 teaspoon sage. Before you tighten the lid on the pressure cooker, make sure there is plenty of water in it. When the pressure cooker has reached 15 PSI, adjust the burner to maintain that pressure for 1 1/2 hours. When the time is up, turn off the burner and let the pressure decline by itself. It will be safe to open in about a half an hour. If your are a soup lover like I am you are going to love this! Caution: Be sure to only use a good pressure cooker with tight seals and a accurate gauge or weight regulator. Always read manufactures instructions first when using a pressure cooker. Sincerely, Steven Berg
Read about my recipe called elkkiler soup in my book called The Next elk Hunt. Thanks I love your website Mommy.
I love your web site Big Mamma
With hunting season approaching, I am thinking about how I will preserve my wild game meat. I will can some and dry some. Also put some in the freezer. I have canned meat taken out of the freezer, it tasted fine. Canned elk and venison, is very good. I will put down my canning recipe on the next message. You can get a lot of quart’s of meat, just out 1 good sized deer. Thanks Big Mamma
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