Last week I was so caught up in relaying the story of the chicken-fried elk dinner gone awry that I failed to mention the most important development of the evening.
Our friend Hannah has suddenly found herself without a job due to circumstances beyond her control and she has some free time on her hands. As we sat around the dinner table, eating our delicious and not-at-all-contaminated elk, we lamented the fact that it’s awful to find yourself with all kinds of free time, yet no disposable income to go waste at Target.
I confessed that I’d pretty much confined myself to the house ever since Christmas because I have no willpower when it comes to reduced Christmas merchandise and it would only be a matter of time before I came home with mismatched manger scenes at unbelievably low prices.
We began to discuss what we could do with our free time and she said she planned to clean out her garage. I guess all the excitement of flying fried meats had gone to my head because at that moment I announced, “OH! That is a great idea! I’m going to paint our backhouse! It needs it so bad, plus it will be a great way to tone my arms for spring and summer!”
And, thus, a bad idea was born.
In all truthfulness, our backhouse has been driving me crazy. The paint is chipped and peeling and, let’s be honest, you can only make fun of the RV in your neighbor’s driveway for so long when you have a building on your property that is in such a state of deshabille.
Here is what will be known as the before photo.
We repainted our house when we renovated it six years ago, but decided not to have the backhouse repainted because we had big plans to tear it down and build a great garage with an upstairs bonus room. But then we had a child, and then I quit my job, and we still haven’t won the lottery which, I’m not one to cry “discrimination” but I think it might be directly related to the fact that we don’t buy lottery tickets.
I saw a golden opportunity to save us thousands in home repair costs, in addition to the money we’ll save by my self-imposed Target ban. I don’t mean to brag but it’s a little reminiscent of Proverbs 31 where it says “And she rises early to paint her backhouse and flees the temptation to purchase excessive Mossimo goods.”
After we got home from church yesterday, I decided the time had come to begin my project. P was very supportive and found me a scraper and some type of steel brush.
“Umm, what’s this? Where’s the paint and the paint brush?”
“You have to prep. You can’t just paint over all the chipped paint.”
“Why not?”
“It will just peel. Here, I’ll show you how to scrape.”
P gives brief demonstration of scraping technique while I wonder what on earth I’ve just committed to.
“Oh. Okay.”
P hands me scraper, some retro, mirrored safety goggles and disappears.
I scrape for a grand total of three minutes before I feel my forearms begin to cramp up.
P helpfully calls out, “Remember, it’s a marathon, not a sprint! This whole process will probably take you a month!” while he pulls out the camera and starts to take pictures of my laborious efforts.
Marriage. For better or FOR WORSE.
But with that statement and the presence of the camera, he threw down the gauntlet and, like Scarlett O’Hara, I vowed that as God is my witness I shall not be beaten nor will it take me a month to pick cotton or paint the backhouse or whatever.
And so here’s the progress I made yesterday, which would be stellar if the backhouse wasn’t three dimensional. However, I am not completely committed to painting the backside because no one sees it except our neighbor who hasn’t mown his grass in three years and his opinion means nothing to me.
I’ll occasionally update you on the painting progress and the cramps in my hand but, in the meantime, I have one request. If this kills me, which I have no doubt that it will, please make sure I’m buried in a sleeveless dress because I have no doubt that the silver lining in all of this is that my arms will have never looked better.
Thank you.
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Looking forward to the progress – in the painting and the arms
So what is inside? What do you use if for?
I always get these great ideas of things I want to do like that and then I get started and realize how much work it is and want to quit/do quit right in the middle. That looks like one of those projects.
But oh the toned arms – that is a good goal!
ROFL – oh my word. “Thus, a bad idea was born.” I’m so going to use that in real life. Then I’ll say, in small print, “copyright BigMama”
Awww man, BigMama! You are paving the way for women all over this world to get out there and just DO IT!
What a way to be a leader!
PS
Would you mind….toning it down a bit? You’re making the rest of us look bad. Dangit!
Power washing! It’s faster than scraping and should take all the chips off. You’d have to pay (money) to rent this power washer but oh my – so worth it!
And then of course you have to let the house dry before you paint. Be sure to use the right primer or it will peel anyway. Yes, that means two coats. One primer and one paint. Take a chip of the old paint in when you go to buy. They will know what’s on it right now. That’s important when you are painting something that big.
Just a couple of tips. Good luck!
Hugs,
Marie
Yes, we must know what’s inside! Is that where you keep your out-of-season clothing?
Oh you are so me.
The gauntlet has been thrown.
We’ll cheer you on!
I, too, am on a self-imposed Target ban. It breaks my heart to drive by with time to spare, and not go in. So instead, I’ve been rewarding myself with all manner of Carabou Coffee and Starbucks coffee drinks (their apple chai lattes are seriously heavenly). I’ve probably spent more $ in my ‘rewards’ to myself for my strong discipline, than if I’d have run into Target once a week.
I may have to just stop driving down that road all together. I’m sure my kidneys would love a self-imposed coffee ban themselves.
Lastly,
if you’re like me at ALL,
once you’re done painting, it would drive you BONKERS to know — to just know — the back of it’s not painted like the rest. It would look all good on the sides and front, and I’d lie awake at night wanting to trim the vines and hedges around the back so I could make my project complete.
Have fun with it, girl. I’ll pray for cool weather in Texas for ya while you’re out there painting!
I would have thought this worth reading, just to acquire the new term “backhouse”. Love that! But even better is seeing anyone besides me painting! And you’re right, even at 50+ my upper arms are nothing too shabby, although I’d likely be willing to live with a little ‘Grandma flab” as my kids so dearingly call it, to not have to have a paintbrush in my hands so often. So while a post about raising your kids perfectly or keeping your house spotless might have encourage some, this just spoke to my little heart. PS Love the painting boots!
It’s awfully early, but I’m laughing outloud!
Hysterical…hang in there, girl!
Whenever I get a “great idea” I have learned to lay down with a cool cloth over my forehead until it passes. It’s always better in the long run.
A Steel Magnolias reference and a GWTW reference all in one post? Glory, you can pack ‘em in. : )
What is it about New Year’s that compels us to start these projects? I’m going to begin painting my girls’ bedrooms this week. Me, who has never before painted anything, ever. And I’m doing it myself. At least it’s just bedrooms, and I can get all the practice I’ll need before tackling other rooms that people might actually see.
I now suspect that you live on a Southern Plantation since you have a “backhouse”.
Thus the Scarlett O’Hara quotes are certainly appropo
From what I can see, my dear, you did a lot! Good job!
What about a hand held, electric sander? P may suggest that AFTER you’ve used the scraper and the steel brush….but it may be worth looking into.
Granted, your hands will feel like they’re buzzing for a month afterwords, but if it means that you could get done quicker, why not!
And here I was griping that I had to paint the hallway and one bedroom in my house. You go Big Mama! Can’t wait to see you flex those muscles!!
Oh my! That is ambitious. And thank you for the Steel Magnolias reference!
Girl, slap some vinyl siding over that and be done with it for good!!
Way to be so ambitious in the New Year!
Two Words:
Vinyl Siding
It is easy to install…I help do it on our house. It wouldn’t be too expensive for your little back house and you NEVER have to paint again!!
haha thanks for the laugh this morning. i needed it big time.
This was a great read first thing on a Monday morning. I appreciate your efforts. It makes me want to go home and do the same except I don’t have anything to scrap and paint. lol
The braveness of it all!
Nice Steel Magnolias reference there in the middle! Have you ever wondered why in the movie Steel Magnolias Annelle was able to buy those mixmatched manger scenes at incredibly low prices at the Baptist Bookstore BEFORE Christmas?
It has always perplexed me.
You need to find some youth who need service project points or something and get them to scraping!
Prep work is the Quantum Physics of painting. Which is why I hate it so much. The end.
Laughing out loud again! When you finish I have a basement that needs cleaning out so I can host a Bunco night without my guest getting hung up in the spider webs!
Oh, don’t think I didn’t catch that Steel Magnolias reference. Truly, it is what makes your writing sheer perfection…
Girl, after that much work, Nicole C. Mullens’ arms will have NOTHING on yours!
I was thinking, it’s a shame you can’t just click on the “fill” button and change the color–Voila!
Think of how great your arms are going to look! And not only that…you may even be able to keep up with the elliptical program now.
Great job on the scraping! You may have found your new vocation. And that paint-scraping ensemble? Gorgeous!
This is meant with the most love, truly it is, but I beleive it’s
mismatched manger scenes at “incredably” low prices……
I really love your blog,
laura
OH girl. I can feel your pain. I started a massive project before Christmas that I was sure I could finish and do all by myself. On day 15 hubby took pity on me….for about 30 minutes until he fell off the ladder! Can you say hire out help? Barter? Will work for meal?
This is a note for Sufficient Grace! It’s because there was a Fire Sale at the Baptist Bookstore!
I have watched Steel Magnolias WAY too many times….it’s a sickness. 
When I was teaching I had my summers off, and one year my husband decided that I should “help” paint our house. “Helping” included scraping. I have the upper arm strength of a newborn, and that’s on a good day. The house did get painted, but I can’t say that I was all that helpful.
We’ll give you a call when it’s time to paint again…!
Now don’t you dare get paint on those Uggs! Well, when you do get to painting, that is. I don’t envy you!
I looove your interpretation of Proverbs 31. I totally missed that verse in the New King James.
You are truly from Texas when you have a “backhouse”, eat chicken-fried elk, and your neighbor hasn’t “mown” his grass in three years. Apparently all of your readers are from Texas too because none of them commented on the word “mown” So, I looked it up and you know what! Turns out it’s in the dictionary and is interchangeable with “mowed”. I suppose we just say “mowed” in Louisiana and you guys say “mown” in Texas.
Good luck painting the backhouse.
LOL! Love it when a bad idea is born and the husband takes full advantage of it. Even encouraging it! Glad he took pictures hehe!
You are so brave to take on that project! Love the pictures! But when finished, you will feel so good about it and will be telling even strangers on the street to come see what you did – LOL!
I feel ashamed. I did not catch the Steel Mags reference. Probably becuase I have only seen it once and I remember feeling sad. I hate feeling left out, so I’ll have to watch it again. And probably should watch the coalminer’s daughter as well. Never seen that one.
don’t shoot.
LOL!! O my that is a project! But you did make a lot of progress!
I love the part about burying you in a sleevless dress! You go, Girl!BTW I’m married to a painter and your outfit is way too cute for scraping paint! : )
You have such a way with words! I love this whole post and I LOVE that P took pictures, maybe he’s a blogger at heart. I’m cheering you on – you can do it much faster than one month and you’ll def have killer arms! Thanks for the laughs
You should have to have a license to be this hilarious. : )
You are Hi-Larry-Us!
Clapclapclapclapclap! Applauding your efforts! What a great post about a very not fun thing! We cleaned all the junk off the back patio this weekend – blehhh!
Praise my hubs didn’t take any pix!
And any post that uses the word “deshabille” gets an extra clap or two from me!
You 100% crack me up!
You brighten my day!
I’m on a self imposed Target ban too, it’s called living in Okinawa. How I miss Target.
Loved the Steel Magnolias reference. Good luck with your painting. Wax on, Wax off, Paint the fence, sorry I’m in the land of Mr. Miyagi
Way to go!
Be sure to switch hands often. My niece worked on a house for habitat hammering and such and after a week her right arm looked like Popeye’s and her left like Olive Oyl!
Kudo’s to you for sticking to it after he showed you how to scrape. That would have been the end for me. You might try renting a pressure-washer. That will take those paint flakes right off there.
Please tell me those are not Uggs that you are wearing?! Gotta go with the pressure washer idea. Would be well worth the money and maybe you could prove P wrong about it taking a month!
I’ve never heard of a ‘backhouse’ before – - – what do you use it for?
hey we bought a reasonably good pressure washer @ wal mart on clearance for 34$. Its good enough hubby who is a tool type junkie is happy with it and i know its orig price was 90+
steff
Wow. The only thing that makes this project pure hell is that it is not 100 degrees outside. So now you are only in entry level purgatory. Yea.
Naturally I did not even blink at the reference to your backhouse. We forget that backhouse is Texan for guesthouse, just like a tank is everyone else’s pond. Now THERE is a silver lining – what if you had a woebegone tank in your back yard?
Are you NUTS??? All I can say is P had BETTER sit at those city gates with the elders and RISE and CALL YOU BLESSED!
“A noble woman, who can find?” Oh, wait, she out PAINTING THE BACKHOUSE!
Oh Melanie – I painted a house once. Girl, I would highly recommend faking (or sustaining) some kind of injury so you can get out of this project with your pride still intact.
I have been stuck at home sick for the past couple of months and stumbled upon your blog (well not stumbled but it sounded, did it not?) and have not stopped laughing and crying since. You have such a way with words and I will continue to look forward to updates and shaking my head, or nodding at things that reminds me of myself and my family. Please keep it up!
PS-You’re daughter is A-D-O-R-A-B-L-E! Should I be blessed with children-I pray they are as cute and smart (and ornery) as your little one!
Several things:
1. I’m dying of curiosity to know what’s in that “backhouse”. How do you use it?
2. Oh, yes, a power washer is the way to go! It will strip the paint (and the skin off the top of your foot if it gets lose on you, you can guess how I know that) lickety split. But it’s fun to watch that paint fly off the house.
3. You’re such a marriage novice. Here’s how you do it. Let him show you, “the little woman” (TLW) how to strip that paint, or, when the time comes, how to paint it. Then you make some half-hearted attempts at it while he watches and tells you you’re doing it all wrong. Then you let him show you again while you go get a refreshing beverage and a magazine so you can have a good view of him “doing it right” while you lounge around on the patio furniture.
There’s a verse in the Bible about how us older women are supposed to teach you younger women. So no need to thank me, I’m just doing my job.
I think my husband and children have seen Bev’s comment (directly above mine) already about how to get out of doing the work…which is why I ask them to do it, quickly show anything that’s necessary, and then LEAVE THE AREA until they are done. But maybe now I’ll take P’s cue and show up with a camera.
Oh mercy…the post was hilarious, but the commetns were almost as good!
Maybe you could just GIVE the backhouse to me. I’ve beentrying to finagle my hubby into raising goats for YEARS now and that looks just enough like a barn to pass muster!
Sadly, “we” are supposed to paint the exterior of our EXTREMEMLY HUMUNGOUS house this summer. Your post has done much to whet my appetite for the job…NOT.
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