We had a weekend full of festivities around here. There was a birthday party at the pool on Friday night, a t-ball party at the pool on Saturday, and basically nothing on Sunday because I didn’t want to look at the pool for at least twenty-four hours. After all, summer is a marathon, not a sprint and we can’t burn ourselves out this early in the game. As it stands, all the food served at the pool grill has already started to taste the same which is bad considering the culinary offerings range from chicken fingers to bean and cheese chalupas.
The good news is that all the drinks are served with Sonic-type ice. It’s worth the price of membership to be able to sit poolside and drink all manner of cold beverages out of a styrofoam cup filled with that ice.
In between all the weekend fun, Caroline kept asking if we could wash my car. In fact, it was the first thing she requested on Saturday morning but I managed to refocus her attention on the impending t-ball party with a lecture about the importance of saving our energy. But then she brought it up again on Sunday morning and then again on the way home from church.
Apparently she has fond remembrances of the last time we washed my car at home even though it’s been over a year ago. I’d like to think it’s because I know how to bring out the fun in any situation, although this is a real conversation we had Saturday night after she heard me refer to “the fun police”.
“Mama? What are the fun police?”
“Well, it’s just a name for people who don’t like to see other people having too much fun.”
“Oh, so that’s like you. You’re the fun police.”
I’m not going to lie. It was like a knife through my heart. I guess being labeled the fun police is the price you pay for making a person leave the pool before they were able to eat their third ice cream sandwich.
And for the record, I AM fun. At least that’s what I tell myself.
We got home from church, ate some lunch, and then I told her to go put on some old clothes so we could go wash the car. Nothing like waiting until the temperature was comparable to sitting directly on the equator. I put on a big, floppy hat to protect my face from the sun because I don’t need any more sun spots, not to mention the fact that I have a big PMS breakout on my left cheek that would need its own chair at a restaurant. Caroline decided to put on her big hat too, and as we walked out the door, P reminded us to make sure we set up the orange cones around the perimeter of the car to warn oncoming traffic.
Because at least three cars will drive by in an hour.
And all of them will slow down to see who the nerds are wearing the big straw hats surrounded by orange cones.
I let Caroline set out the cones because she needs to earn her keep.
We filled a bucket with soapy water and began to scrub. Caroline was very enthusiastic and exclaimed, “THIS IS GOING TO BE SO MUCH FUN!”
Approximately three minutes later she declared it was too hot, she was all soapy, and was going to go back inside, leaving me to die of heat stroke all by myself.
However, I couldn’t just hose the car off and call it done. I had to finish it because y’all should know by now that this is the sort of task that causes all my compulsive, perfectionist tendencies to ramp up at warp speed. I went into the garage to look through our arsenal of car wash supplies and was disappointed to see our stash isn’t what it used to be.
Sure, that may look like a lot to the untrained eye, but it is nowhere near the amount P usually needs to feel secure enough to sleep at night knowing he could wake up the next day and wash sixty-five cars at a moments notice. P is a fan of buying in bulk.
As Exhibit A, I present this bag of Japanese bread crumbs that he purchased several months ago.
Granted, he uses these when he fries fish and he does make the best fried fish in the world. However, last I checked we weren’t planning on hosting a fish fry for every living thing in a thirty mile radius.
But we could if we needed to and that’s the most important thing.
I asked him later what happened to his car wash arsenal. It’s not like we’ve been using it to wash our cars since that only happens every twelve or thirteen months. I thought maybe he’s been so consumed with work and Operation Attic Cool-down that he’d just moved on to more important things like researching every single brand of radiant barrier paint or making his daily trip up into the attic to see what the temperature is and then record it in a little journal he’s been keeping to chart the progress of our new, improved attic fan.
I am not making that up. It’s a real thing. The first time I saw it I thought maybe he was taking his temp every morning to see when he’s ovulating and then I remembered that men don’t ovulate and we’re not trying to have a baby. Plus, 110 degrees would be a little on the high side for even the sickest person.
It turns out that he was vaguely aware that our car wash supplies have been dwindling, but didn’t know to what extent. The culprit is Shorty, one of our landscape company employees.
Shorty rides the city bus to work everyday, but he brings his bike on the bus with him so he can ride it from the bus stop down the street to our house. Obviously, it gets dirty in that process so Shorty faithfully coats his bike in Armor-All each day before he leaves and rides it another 1/10th of a mile back to the bus stop. He likes to keep his ride looking fresh.
The ladies are suckers for some shiny bicycle tires.
All I know is the next time Caroline starts begging me to go wash the car, I’m going to send her out and tell her she can wash Shorty’s bike.
Orange cones are optional.
I don’t know what it is about men and buying in bulk. Before we were married, my husband would buy a lot of food that way. I guess as long as you have 25 lbs of rice and a gallon of spaghetti sauce, you won’t starve. I’m lovin’ the giant bread crumb bag!
Tears running down my face!!!! I worked in food service all my life and for some mighty large places(Furr’s comes to mind)And I did not even know Sysco carried bags of crumbs that big!
I know your story was about the car wash but lordy that bag!!!!LOL!!!
OK, so what made me choke from laughing more…
…the PMS breakout needing it’s own chair……or P needing to “feel secure enough to sleep at night knowing he could wake up the next day and wash sixty-five cars at a moments notice.”
Have you considered stand up?
I guess you know not to ask Caroline to help wash the car again. I’d hit the car wash.
Girl…you are cracking me up on this Monday morning! Good stuff…
Cracking up! Now all I can think of is how I need to wash my car.
Wow, nothing’s every just “ordinary” at your house, is it? I love it! Are the cones actually just for blocking the end of your own driveway, or are you washing the car in the street? I couldn’t tell from the pictures.
I love reading your blogs. You make me laugh out loud. Thanks for the putting fun into everyday things!!
I am the proud owner of three GALLONS of syrup thanks to my sweetie, so if we want to have a combination pancake breakfast/carwas/fish fry we are all set girl!
I see you were slick enough to leave out the pictures of YOU in your big floppy hat. LOL!
)
That was too funny. I love how your husband checks the temperature in the attic. That is EXACTLY something my husband would do.
I don’t really understand the purpose of the cones. Was the car out in the street? It looked like it was sitting in the driveway.
It must be car wash story day! K- and I washed my vehicle and I even freed the backseat of the toy box load that it was stuck under!
http://baileysleaf.blogspot.com/2009/06/wild-weekend-that-was.html
That bag of bread crumbs? FUNNY! I can’t help but to think that it is the homeless shelter size!
This is a riot the HUGE bag of bread crumbs and Shorty using all that Armor All, ha ha ha ha so funny!!!!!!
I used to LOVE washing the car when I was little. Ugh.
Oh, Shorty.
Ha! That bag of crumbs is HUGE! I could totally see my husband checking the temperate in our attic to determine the efficiency of a fan. Are you sure P is not an engineer?
Oops. That’s temperature. Need caffeine.
That was SO funny. My car gets washed often, but it’s at the mercy of the Lord Himself. I’ve decided the ‘green’ thing to do is to allow my vehicle to experience a fresh rain water bath. This Spring, it’s gotten a lot of washing.
-FringeGirl
No one begs to wash the cars in our house. They do beg to go to the car wash, though. It’s probably better that way. Last time they washed my hubbys NEW car someone’s bracelet left a 2 foot scratch across the trunk. OOPS.
Okay… I don’t know if I’m a little loopy this morning or if that’s the FUNNIEST thing I’ve ever read. Thank you for starting my Monday off with coffee coming out of my nose :0)
Any family get together for our family HAS to include Sonic ice…no other will do. What is it about that stuff that makes a gal willing to pay $3 for frozen water?
I live a little north of you in Austin. I have decided every year that the moment I know it is officially summer in Texas is when I walk across the Walmart parking lot. That black ocean of asphalt sucks in the heat like no other. (Perhaps that is the answer to solar power in America: tap the Walmart parking lots.) Anyway: HOT is here to stay and Shorty’s use of the car washing supplies may be a compassionate way of saving you from heat stroke. Unless you need to shop at Walmart.
Did P read this? Was he cracking up over the ovulation thing? Maybe that’s not as funny to a man, but I nearly fell off my couch laughing.
Cracking up at the orange cones!!! I’m glad P is concerned for your safety while you are washing the car!
Fun post! Send your girl over here to wash my car. Oh wait, My car isn’t even running so what’s the point? Never mind.
Hysterical! I love that Caroline abandoned the project. The “fun police” really do know a thing or two…
Are you sure P didn’t use the Japanese bread crumbs to insulate the attic?
Just wanted to tell you I’ve got a love/hate thing going for you right now!:) I just did the 30 day shred that I didn’t even know about until your blog. I guess I have a pride issue cause I thought I might breeze by level 1 since I have faithfully worked out several days a week during the entire school year. Yeah,right. I was immediately humbled and so very wrong. Here’s hoping I can actually make it to level 3 at some point this summer. On the up side, if I can make myself do this for the next 30 (probably will be more like 60-90 days), I feel optimistic that I will overcome my weight loss plateau and look decent for my 20 year reunion in July. So…my head is saying “thank you” for sharing the resource and I’m hoping that my body and heart will join in after the pain subsides!
You are the funniest “fun police” I have ever read. Seriously hysterical!
I’m sorry if I don’t have anything cleverer to say than you are so hilarious. I look forward to every post.
You crack me up!
I need to post some pictures of my garage. My husband likes to buy everything in bulk…he goes to Costco for fun when he is bored. He also feels the need to always have 30+ boxes of shotgun shells at all times.
you are by far the funniest blogger i read. i love hearing your stories about caroline and p and he reminds me a lot of my husband. my hubs still hasn’t lived down the fact that he bought a GALLON of mustard for our apartment. yes, a gallon. i don’t know about you… but that’s a lot of turkey sandwiches!
Do you keep the bread crumbs in the fridge so they don’t get stale? Just wondering. Also are they made in America?
Um thanks for the laugh today
My kids would say I am the Ladies’ Auxiliary of the Fun Police. It does no good to explain that I simply do not want to spend hours of my life in the hospital emergency room. They cannot fathom that they are int invincible.
Next time, offer her a popsicle and a free trip through the nearest car wash where you can stay IN the car, and watch those enormous brushes. Much cooler than washing the old-fashioned way…
TOOO funny! I needed that this afternoon! Are you for real about the bike and armor all?
There are times I swear my Amy and Caroline share a brain! If I heard it once, I heard it 78 times this weekend about how fun it would be to wash my truck! Finally Daddy took the girls to the quarter operated car wash down the road so they could use the extremely high water pressure to blast the crud out of my wheels. He just wasn’t up for wheel scrubbing this weekend and our rinkdy-dink hose leaves much to be desired in the water pressure department. That, and it was all of 69 degrees in our corner of SoCal this weekend and he didn’t want this job to take a blessed forever! I think he knew our scenario would be the exact opposite of what yours was – 3 minutes later the girls would run inside blue-lipped and shivering!
At least the only thing P buys in that kind of bulk is breadcrumbs. Early in our relationship hubs and I had to talk about not buying mayonnaise in jars so large you could date them by Presidential administration. Let’s just say I’ve known the man for 11 years now and the date on that jar was ’94. It wasn’t pretty.
Happy Summer!
Hey There,
I have absolutely loved your blog and your Big Boo Cast Show (podcast). It is really great. Twice a month would be awesome. I am a christian life coach and would ask you to keep me in your prayers as I serve others. If you don’t know what a life coach is just email me ath sheridandml@yahoo.com and I will let you know. Okay I love the attic thing P is doing. My husband is really like this with every new project he does. Really into it. We live in Wyoming and he always is seeing what the temp is outside. Sometimes he even leaves the windows open we can freeze when we get home. I love him though. We are starting our summer fun and I can’t wait to connect with you throughout the summer. Take care always and have a joyous day.
Love this post and I am cracking up at so much of it!!! I love how you make light of everything! Emma would totally pull something like Caroline about being hot and wanting to finish what she started. The attention span of a 5 year old.
Pretty sure my parents have the same package of Japanese bread crumbs. This is why dad and “P.” are friends.
I enjoyed that. Excellent.
Maybe Caroline would enjoy washing the car in breadcrumbs?
That is the BIGGEST bag of Panko I’ve ever seen!
You are one excellent story-teller. Love hearing them!