We had a great Father’s Day. P was especially happy because he was able to spend it catching fish, which next to manufacturing his own ammunition and talking back to the political shows on T.V. is his favorite past time.
I’d made plans several months ago to go visit some girlfriends for the next few days so I spent most of the morning cramming things in a suitcase because I am strong believer in waiting until the last minute and also because I ran out of laundry detergent and didn’t have any clean clothes until about noon.
Caroline was all broken up about me leaving town for a few days as evidenced by this conversation we had on Saturday.
“Is tomorrow the day you’re leaving, Mama?”
“Yes, baby.” (preparing myself for the tears and sorrow)
“OH YEAH! That’s when the fun begins!”
In all honesty, it doesn’t hurt my feelings because she knew she was getting to spend the night with Mimi and Bops. And they have a pool. And two new puppies. And no enforced bedtime. Who can compete with that?
When I arrived at the airport, toting my suitcase that is embarrassingly too large for a three-day trip, I checked in at the gate, dropped off my (large) suitcase, and headed to the security line. Because I am a seasoned travel professional, I had my I.D. and boarding pass at the ready.
I handed them over to the security guy, he looked at my I.D., looked at me and said, “You look a lot like Jamie Lee Curtis.”
Sir, have you seen Jamie Lee Curtis lately?
It’s not that I don’t think she’s a lovely woman. It’s just that I don’t really aspire, at thirty-seven years old, to look like a woman who has graced the cover of AARP magazine. Maybe I just look like someone who could put away a lot of Activia yogurt.
I tried to console myself with the thought that his eyesight must not be very good, but found it strangely discomforting to think that the person standing between me and some kind of terrorist incident has sub-par vision.
After getting through security, I went to the bookstore in search of some reading material for the plane. I believe there is no better opportunity than a plane ride to enjoy some cultural enrichment in literary form, but unfortunately they were sold out of “Mommywood” by Tori Spelling which was the only book I was interested in reading, so I settled for the latest issues of People and InStyle.
It turned out to be a good thing because I had no idea that Chace Crawford is going to star in the “Footloose” remake. Last I heard Zac Efron had dropped out and I was not aware that they’d found another young actor with impossibly well-coiffed hair to replace him.
Also, did you know that a hot new past time is something called “cupcaking”? I was worried it might mean something dirty because I am just that up on cultural trends, but as it turns out it actually means that people now enjoy staying home and making cupcakes.
I’d like to think I helped start that trend because I have enjoyed making cupcakes for years now. Finally, I am back on the cutting edge. Or baking edge. Or whatever.
Eventually it was time to board my flight to Tulsa. We were supposed to have a quick stop in Dallas, but it turned into a long stop. As we sat on the runway, waiting on a gate to open up according to the pilot, they decided it would be a good time to cut the air-conditioning because everyone knows that metal tubes filled with hundreds of people and no ventilation stay surprisingly cool in 100 degree heat. After thirty minutes of pure torture, we finally taxied to the gate where the pilot confessed that the real story was that a suspicious package had been found in baggage claim and they had to evacuate the airport.
Basically, airport personnel are liars who tell you that a gate isn’t available when there is a terrorist threat and that you look like Jamie Lee Curtis.
Finally the plane was ready to head out, but due to the delay I’d finished all my magazines and was left with no reading material. In desperation, I picked up the Southwest Airlines magazine because if I let myself look through the Sky Mall catalog I’d become convinced that my life is incomplete without a gadget that warms up my house shoes before I put them on. And I don’t even wear house shoes.
I thumbed through the magazine, checking out all the places where Southwest flies and discovered the games in the back. Out of sheer boredom, I began to play one of them even though I am terrible at crossword puzzles and Sudoku and basically anything except the Word Finds in Highlights Magazine. Surprisingly, I was really good at this game. Like really, really good. I filled in all the blanks and decided that all those nights of playing Pathwords must have really sharpened my mind. My game-playing prowess was balm to my ego that had been bruised by the comparison to Jamie Lee Curtis.
Then I looked at the top of the page and saw the title, “GAMES FOR KIDS”.
Perfect.
I have the intellectual capacity of an eight-year-old and the face of someone who’s fifty. It’s no wonder I often feel conflicted.
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Your descriptions crack me up day after day. Thanks for sending out a daily dose of great medicine!
Maybe you looked, ahem, flushed out? Know who else was born in 1958? Michael Jackson. Things could be so much worse.
LOL… Sounds like you have a Curious Case of Benjamin Button!
Too funny. When I was wearing my hair super-short, I was told I looked like Jamie Lee Curtis A LOT. Of course, I’m 47, so it wasn’t as big a stretch!
Ooh, hearing about Highlight’s brought back some good ol’ memories. Now, I’m going to have to look into this…cupcaking thing. Sounds like my cup o’ tea!
)
HA! Too funny! Don’t you just love airplane experiences?!?!
Did you also hear that Julianne Hough from Dancing with the Stars is going to be co-starring in the new Footloose with Chase Crawford?!? I’ way excited!
Hope the rest of yoru trip wasn’t as exciting as the first leg!
I would have done the same thing regarding those games. I would have thought I was a super smarty pants and then realized it was for a child. Oh well–at least you passed the time!
I too was cupcaking when cupcaking wasn’t cool!!!!!!!
…ya know, Jamie Lee Curtis was endorsing board games for a couple of years!
Have a great time! And didn’t the security guard know that Jamie Lee has short grey hair? I do believe that yours is still long and anything but grey!
Maybe he meant this picture of Jamie Lee Curtis:http://segginger.net/Good_Pictures/jamie-lee-curtis/jamie-lee-curtis.html
You’ll notice the html says “Good Pictures of JLC”.
Have a great time with your friends.
Okay, there is just no good excuse for someone to compare a young (I’m the same age so it’s still young!!) woman to someone decades older! Although it was very funny and I needed the laugh this morning. I fly out to see my hubby every other month(he is working in a different state) and it’s always an adventure. When I was a teenager I thought I wanted to be a flight attendant but now that I have been racking up the frequent flier miles I realize that it isn’t nearly as fun as I thought it would be and I’m glad I didn’t do it! Hope your flight back is better. If you’re flying Southwest back don’t forget to check-in 24hrs in advance so you can be in the “A” group! lol
This made me laugh out loud, hey now you can work your way up to adult puzzles, I am still trying to figure out my Stage 1 sudoku puzzle I’ve had for about a year!
So.Stinking.Funny.
I would say you are on the “cupping” edge….
I think he meant a “young” Jamie Lee Curtis, and you have to admit… that is pretty awesome.
Best advise, check in early on Southwest. Need to be in group A. Choose an isle seat, no more than 5 rows from an exit. For reading I recommend “The survivors club” unless it would disturb you to read about surviving a plan crash while flying. (which is what I did a month ago without meaning to)
Oh jeez, i laughed so hard i cried!!! thanks for the monday morning giggles! your blog is so much fun to read!!!!
Hilarious! I confess to working the crossword puzzles in People because those, I can finish. So what if my particular area of expertise is in B-list actresses and bad television movies?!?
I guess I am cool because I cupcake (and cookie!)
At least you weren’t compared to an actress 50 years older than you when you were 17! In some English class in high school we were reading “The Portrait of Dorian Gray” and watch the movie which was made in 1945 with a 20 year old Angela Lansbury. My teacher claimed I looked “just like her” and even stopped the video so he could show everyone and say, “See, see?!” At 17 I was not flattered to be compared to the lady from “Murder She Wrote”.
Seriously, have you EVER considered being a writer? You flat out crack me up!
I’m going to just start calling you “Lorelai” because you are too much like her from Gilmore Girls.
Oh, and when you mentioned your luggage, I thought immediately of Teresa from the Real Housewives of New Jersey! HA!
Girl! Mommywood is next on my list as well as Candy Spelling’s book, “Candyland.” I am a sucker for some celebrity “memoirs.” Plus STori Telling was so good! I think she and I would be friends and I don’t mean that in a stalkerish sense. Hope you had a great trip!
~Meredith
Guess who I met this weekend??? Only you and a handful of others will appreciate this…Brad Leland Williams…he plays Buddy Garrity on FNL! We ran into him in the parking lot of Buffalo Creek Golf Club in Rockwall. He was really nice. He says they will have 2 more seasons.
No one else I know watches the show, but I told my husband, Big Mama will appreciate this!
Clearly, he does not see clearly.
No comparison. At. All.
NONE.
I feel compelled to rally your other readers in a quest to discover your ‘real’ celebrity look-alike.
Whadda ya say, readers? Let the quest begin!
Without Jamie Lee.
In consolation, you’ll be the perfect grandmother!
Maybe the guy was thinking of Jamie Lee when she was in those horror movies back in the day. When she was a young hottie who did not talk about Activia yogurt.
so your hubby yells at the political shows too? God love them.
wish i could have rescued you from the hot plane while you were here in dallas…DFW is notorious for long waits w/o air!
Hope you have a great trip!
Your posts are hysterical. I laughed with tears in my eyes when I got to the “Games for Kids” line. Just what I needed! I’m also glad to hear “cupcaking” is coming back in style. I’ve been a “cupcaker” for years–just didn’t know it had a title!
looooove your posts! my mom and i are addicted to this blog and i feel quite sure that we would be such good friends given our shared love for celebrity gossip (i mean prayer requests), diet carbonated beverages (so sad you had to give them up, i am still in denial that my frequent sore throats aren’t allergy related), and beth moore (although i only imagine she and i are on a first name basis). thanks for the great laughs and thoughts–always a highlight of my day!
looooove your posts! my mom and i are addicted to this blog and i feel quite sure that we would be such good friends given our shared love for celebrity gossip (i mean prayer requests), reality tv (i once did a regular spot for a local radio station where i was known as the queen of trash tv), diet carbonated beverages (so sad you had to give them up, i am still in denial that my frequent sore throats aren’t allergy related), and beth moore (although i only imagine she and i are on a first name basis). thanks for the great laughs and thoughts–always a highlight of my day!
Have you seen those Saturday Night Live skits where Kristin Wiig is playing Jamie Lee in an Activia commercial? HY-STERICAL! You crack me up, lady! You have a big-time talent at story telling. Hooey with games (other than Pathwords, of course).
Hahaha! I’m usually a lurker, but since I actually laughed out loud at work while reading this post, decided I should say hello.
LOL! Needed the laugh today… so I’m glad I stopped by….
Jackie
You’re in Tulsa?? That’s where I live. I would say welcome to the hottest place on earth but I’m assuming Texas is even hotter. Have fun while you’re here!
Melissa in Tulsa
P.S. Thanks for the laughs!
Ha ha! I promise, I’m laughing with you, not at you.
I had a similar moment when a new acquaintaince told me I looked just like Hilary Swank. Who, in fairness, is probably even younger than me, but who did win an Oscar for playing a man so convincingly. Um…thanks?
Cupcaking? I was also a bit wary until you explained what it was.
Good post!
I swear this happened just a few days ago. Was flipping channels and watched five minutes of Halloween from the late 1970′s. Saw Jamie Lee Curtis and thought to myself, “She kind of looks like Big Mama.”
Melanie – please note this was a thirty-year ago version of Jamie Lee AND that I compared her to you and not vice versa.
Now, can anybody tell me where I’m supposed to surrender my Man Club membership card for making a comment like this in public? Thank you.
I can’t write well because my eyes are filled with tears from laughing so stinkin’ hard! How do you come up with it? You are hilarious! You have a gift! Thanks for letting me enjoy it everyday!
I’m sure he meant Jamie Lee Curtis from her Trading Places days. Or better yet…from that aerobic movie she made. I’m sure Jillian’s work-out has made you a lean mean Jamie look-a-like machine!
I was 17 (20 yrs ago) when our foreign exchange student told me I looked like a movie star. Flattered, I flipped my hair back, asking, “which one?” “Bette Midler,” she replied. (The movie Beaches had just come out on video). UGH.
If it’s any consolation, my friend was stuck at Love Field yesterday for over 2 hours, unable to retrieve her bag or leave, because the dogs were sniffing a “suspicious bag” left behind. Not that it makes you feel better about sweating, but I can at least vouch that it was true. Have a great trip! Love your blog!
Glad to know you’re in my town. I’ll keep an eye out for you in Tar-jay. Or, are you really headed to the ranch to see Ree??
Oh, man. This was a great post! You totally cracked me up.
-FringeGirl
This is what cupcaking is to me. Maybe it’s Australian, maybe it’s because I hang around way too many guys, maybe I need to change my idea of cupcaking.
From the Urband Dictionary
cupcaked
The act of cupping a pungent fart in the palm of your hand. Then presenting it to the nearest persons face and opening your hand, so the fart is released directly under the targets nose.
Other variations include farting in a buscuit tin and quickly shutting the lid. Leaving a viscous mantrap for the next buscuit nibbler.
“Want a buscuit?…Aaargh!, you dirty!!!, you just cupcaked me.”
Now, Big Mama, my dad is a *huge* fan of Jamie Lee and when he thinks of her, I can assure you it is not her Activia pushing self that he pictures. My dad hears or speaks Jamie Lee and he pictures a young Jamie Lee. I am sure it was the same with the guard. Men stick with what ever image they want. What I am trying to say is, “Don’t worry! You look great!”
Highlights is still being made?
pretty much everything about this post made me laugh. You are enjoyable
Oh. My. Goodness. ME TOO!!! I’m 34 and I have been told that I look like JLC about 5 times in my adult life. All by totally random men. No women. Maybe a man’s eyesight is worse than ours?
I’m laughing out loud and reading this to my husband. He and your husband would be great friends. I love the reference to Jamie Lee Curtis because frankly she looks her age. I hope at 37 you don’t look too much like her.
I love it! Thanks again for a good laugh. Have a wonderful weekend!
This was laugh out loud funny!
Your wit is hilarious. You must have flown into Love Field. Heard about the luggage and figured someone got home and forgot one bag. The bag “did not contain any explosive devices” translation- clothes and toiletries only. Someone is pretty upset somewhere but won’t claim that bag!
I loved this random chuckle.
Ok, now can we have the rest of the story?
I read Pioneer Woman too and don’t remember how I found it. But I think I found your blog through Baby Bangs. Do you all know each other or did you just meet in the blog world? I was so surprised to see you picture there today.
ohh honey, be careful…
Before you know it you will be rolling up on 50, and hoping you look like someone like Jamie Lee. Time just keeps moving faster and faster. You don’t know that now, but will SHORTLY.
Girl – you are funny
Did you ever see “Trading Places” where JLC had a topless scene? My husband, had he had an opportunity, would have left me in 2 seconds flat for her after that movie. She was hot! and that just had to be what the airport dude was alluding to!
I too find my worth in completing the word find on the kids menus.
oh, and you look nothing like Jamie Lee Curtis, don’t worry.
Thanks for bringing tears to my eyes. Love it!
You are too funny, girl!!!
Mary
Whoo hooo! You are a seriously funny lady! I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes! My 10 year old daughter keeps saying WHAT MOM, WHAT’S SO FUNNY! Wow…….really funny! Keep it up and back I go to reading your posts!
sarah
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