I’ve always heard that celebrities die in threes and that certainly seemed to be the case last week when Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson all passed away. However, there are two more deaths that need to be added to that list.
The first is Shifty Powers. If you’ve never watched “Band of Brothers” then you probably have no idea who I’m talking about and all I can tell you is that you need to get yourself to Blockbuster Video or use the Netflix that all the kids are using these days and rent it. It will make you weep at the sacrifice that was made for our freedom during World War II. They were truly the greatest generation.
P couldn’t believe that I talked about Michael Jackson and the moonwalk and neglected to mention that Shifty Powers, a great American hero, had died. I told him it was mainly because I had no idea that Shifty Powers had passed away because the mainstream media neglected to report it. Of course it could also be due to the fact that I get my hard news from People.com and Entertainment Tonight.
Anyway, there was another death that hit a little closer to home. Brace yourselves.
Nemo is dead.
Last Sunday before I left town I decided I should clean his bowl because I knew the chance of P or Caroline remembering that his bowl needed to be cleaned were about the same as the odds of going to Walmart and not seeing someone in a tank top with no bra. In other words, not good.
So I went into Caroline’s room, retrieved Nemo and his (her?) bowl from the nightstand, and brought him (seriously? how do you know?) into the kitchen to clean out the bowl. I quickly realized that Nemo was in bad shape. And I mean bad shape in like it was probably too late to call the priest to administer last rites. Of course that’s assuming that Nemo was a Catholic fish. We never really discussed religion because we only knew each other a week.
I knew I was leaving for the airport in about an hour and I was conflicted about whether or not to tell Caroline that her beloved pet of one week was on his last fins. Finally, I decided that I needed to prepare her for what seemed to be a fairly imminent demise.
“Caroline, baby, Nemo isn’t looking too good.”
“What? What do you mean, Mama?”
“Well, see how he’s just lying there. I think he’s about to die.”
Drama and tears ensue.
So I did the only thing I knew to do in this type of situation. I spun the bowl around really quickly to give the illusion of Nemo robustly swimming around the bowl and said, “Look, I think he’s fine!”.
I know.
It’s like I was Jimmy Lee Farnsworth in “Fletch Lives” and faked a faith-healing ceremony.
(P, I apologize a thousand times. I was desperate and you’re much better at dealing with faux grief than I am. I love you.)
Later that night when I was hundreds of miles away, I told P that he may want to check on Nemo because I was pretty sure he was about to die. I didn’t admit that he may have already died that afternoon and was saved only by my strategic bowl-spinning efforts.
About noon the next day I get a text from P that reads, “Fish dead. Total meltdown.”
It was a high level of drama for a fish that she never showed any interest in other than the three minutes when she fed him a sea monkey. Fortunately, her grief was assuaged when she realized she could flush him down the toilet.
We are consoled knowing he’s in a better place. If you consider a better place to be a sewage system in Texas.
It is with great sadness that I report we’re going to the pet store tomorrow to buy a new fish.
Of course I’m probably not as sad as the poor fish that will end up living in this death trap.
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I can’t believe that your fake healing of Nemo didn’t work! Oh, and I’m sorry that Farrah and Michael hogged all the dead news from Nemo.
“Congratulations” on the imminent arrival of Nemo 2.0
Did you hear about Billy Mayes? You know. . .the oxi clean guy? He’s pushin’ up daisies now too.
Be Blessed,
Amy
STOP!! Do NOT buy another fish!! I have it on good authority (a preschool summer camp class full of 2, 3, and 4 year olds) that fish are out. Hermit crabs are IN! They sell the whole kit at most pet stores–cage, sand, feeding and water bowls, sponge (yes, they drink out of a sponge). Kids love them because you can let them crawl around on your hand, or at least on the floor. They are awesome fun!
ps. BILLY MAYS — er, excuse me — Billy Mays died too. So that shoots the celebrities-die-in-3s theory.
I was going to mention Billy Mayes too-they are dropping like flies. Why is it that our pets suddenly gain importance when they are dying/dead? I have a dog that I’d love to, to quote a friend, ‘take on a long walk on a short pier,” but last week he got hit by a car–he s fine–(my luck) but I have a little more patience with him now. Seriously he walked away without a scratch or bruise. Who does that? My bionic dog that’s who
Though I AM a Texan, I typed an extra letter in that last comment. Mary is my name even though it sometimes sounds like Mayry
Maybe it was the sea monkey that did Nemo in?
I’m surprised that Caroline didn’t wait till you got home for a “proper” burial for Nemo. When I was little we put our dearly -departed goldfish in a plastic travel soap case and had a funeral! Such memories!
When Ava’s fish Bubbles died, Gabe left the announcement to ME. I feel P’s pain.
I vote for the hermit crab.
May he rest in peace. You should have called Jimmy Lee Farnsworth.
Round that “celebrity” death up to six. I hear that the man from the Oxy-Clean commercials is now doing a smack-up job of cleaning everything in heaven with his favorite product. Just See How This Makes Your Diamond Road Shine!!!
We had a great gold fish when my daughter was about Caroline’s age. His (we assumed) name was Goldy. He was a big gold fish that got excited every time we came near to feed him. He looked like he was ready to jump out of his bowl at us. Well when Goldy was about 3 years old, the water company in CA. decided to add chlorine to the water. If you had fish you needed to add something to the water that would counter act the Chlorine. I guess I goofed in the measurements and poor Goldy was doing the downward spiral dance in the bowl. The problem was that I was scared to flush him (because of his size) and I did not want to put him in the garbage because I was scared that I would hear him flopping around. The final decision??? I put cereal boxes around him so that we did not have to see him and then I called my neighbor to come take care of him. Poor Goldy… RIP.
You know, I’d try to avoid feeding sea monkeys this time around…you may gain a week!
I love your writing and the way you make the life of motherhood immensely funny and interesting. I hope to capture that myself. But for now I’m too exhausted….
Don’t do it!! Don’t buy another fish!! Tell Caroline that it isn’t one of your “gifts” to take care of animals other than dogs! We’ve been through them all – fish, more fish, hamster (mean little sucker), turtle that grew too big for the series of aquariums we bought for it (it got expensive! and he now lives in a neighborhood pond), and the last was the hermit crabs – the kids got bored with them in a few weeks and they basically died of dehydration – gross!! We are not “gifted” either – we have a sweet Beagle and she’s still alive! We are feeling blessed!!!
Be STRONG!! DON”T DO IT!!
Jen in Jax
Here is a great fish funeral for your viewing pleasure: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=491KMo-Ckg8
Poor Nemo.
SO smart to spin that bowl around. So smart.
First time here, so glad I came!
Thanks for the news about Shifty Powers–I hadn’t heard. Mr. Sandwich and I both thought Band of Brothers was truly amazing.
Also, we’re looking forward to The Pacific next year. I hope they do it well; there are so many stories that are completely unknown over here.
My grandson got a goldfish 2 years ago for his birthday. He/she lived for over a year, but finally took the last drink. He was so sad, but grandma to the rescue…I painted a picture on a ceramic egg of a gold fish. (They all have a ceramic egg with something painted on it for the Easter season.) Anyway, the grandson wasn’t too excited. He would rather have had a flower.
Sigh! You just can’t win somedays.
I enjoy your writing too!
Male fish have a fin on the bottom that girls don’t. I think you can only tell (unless you are trained) when there is a male and female together then you can see the difference.
If things happen in threes then I’m glad I’m not a celebrity…
With that intro, I was all geared up for a tribute to the man who brought us MIGHT-Y PUTTY!!!!
My condolences on the loss of the fish–good luck today on finding Nemo.
I know, it was cheap but someone had to go for it.
6-10 days.
History is repeating itself, only this time at your house, instead of mine.
(read my comment on your original Nemo post).
(if not for any other reason than for the antibiotic in the water).
Re Band Of Brothers: my husband’s favorite movie! We have the giant special edition box set. I’ll have to tell him about Shifty Powers.
The History channel is showing Band of Brothers today and tomorrow! That mini series makes me cry.
My grandfather fought in WW2. As I watch Band of Brothers, Pearl Harbor, and those other war movies, I wonder how my grandfather survived. He got injured (shrapnel in the back of the neck) and another soldier whose arm was also injured had to drag him to the Jeep that could not closer to them.
We once had a Beta fish that lived over 3 years! We forgot him at home when we evacuated for Hurricane Rita (2005) and when we came home to check things out and get more clothes for our “evacation” in Houston, found that he was still alive! That fish went a week with no food and survived! My daughter was thrilled!!
I’m cracking up over P’s text message. “Fish Dead. Total meltdown” is my new favorite line.
I cannot begin to tell you how seriously impressed I am with the swirling fish bowl fake healing maneuver. Genius. If only that would have worked with our hamster. We have a beta fish and two hermit crabs that have lived through three kids (meaning they’ve been dropped, underfed, and overhandled for months). I recommend one of those instead of a goldfish.
I am not an expert on betta fish, but my daughter has two of them, both males. I think the way to tell the difference between the males and females is their fins and tails. The males are much more showy and colorful and their fins and tailfins are longer than the females. The only female betta I have seen had shorter spikier fins and tailfins and not as much color.
Also, another good way to tell is most pet stores have the cups that they sell the bettas in marked with “male” or “female” for those of us who are still not sure…..I just go by what my daughter tells me, since she is the fish expert and I am not!!!! Her one betta is 3 years old and the other she has had for 6 months so far, so we may have him for a few more years too.
Maybe the sea monkey diet was too high in cholesterol.
Well, I of course was set on mentioning Billy May[e]s, too, but I see 87 people got to it before I did.
I also read the hermit crab comment…I wonder if they live longer than fish? May be a “good” investment! (I’m not sure if they live to feast on sea monkeys, though, so that might be out of the question.)
Please get the drops for the fishbowl- you add a few drops to the water BEFORE you put the fish in and it takes the chlorine out of the water. If you dont, the new fish will die too.
Betas are the easiest fish to take care of- just get the drops!!
The Sham Wow guy died too. Bummer.
I/we have had both fish and hermit crabs. The hermit crabs were lovingly cared for and just would not die! I like the short life span of a beta better.
Faux grief!!!
We are very familiar with that in our house – I just never had such a great title for it.
Hilarious.
I think maybe he committed suicide after he was force fed a relative. Just a thought. ;>)
So sorry to hear about Nemo’s passing. You could try hermit crabs, but ours didn’t make it. Then, when we returned from vacation, our cat was missing and we haven’t seen her in 3 weeks. Maybe we should stick with stuffed animals.
We love Band of Brothers! I can’t believe Shifty Powers died. Well, I suppose I can. I mean, the man did fight in WWII. Which was at least, you know, 30 years ago. But still. That’s sad.
LOL that you left P to deal with the death of Nemo. Hysterical.
What about David Carradine? Or did he die enough weeks BEFORE to not be included in this rash of current celebrity deaths?
About your fish issues. Have you considered getting a small tank with filter and aeration system? I think that might help your fish live longer.
you are welcome to have my beta fish! i have had him for over 3 years and he will not die!
i mean, it’s not that i am trying to kill him or anything.. i just may forget to feed him days at a time.. ehem.
oh, and he requires no change of his water. somehow it stays completely clean until you have to put more in because of the evaporation process.
I actually snorted when I read you faked Nemos revival. Freakin’ hilarious.
PS. Why don’t you say hello when you see me at Walmart?
If you’re going to get another fish, you should get a Beta fish. Seriously–they live forever and they’re a whole lot less work than a goldfish… and they’re prettier, too, I think. I am personally a fish murderer of the worst caliber, but I had friends in college that had betas for about 2 or three years! I’m pretty sure one particularly resilient beta named Tampon is still kicking it… maybe a quirky name would help too? Not that Nemo’s not original…
We will have a moment of silence for Nemo today!
RIP NEMO!
It’s a big reminder to us all…..be ready! No one is promised another day!
Melanie- didn’t, about 2 years ago, Caroline have another fish that met an early demise?
Shifty Powers died? That’s much more worthy of some media time.
So did that Billy Mays guy from the Oxi Clean commercials. Sad.
I’m still laughing at your Fletch reference. I can see you sporting the fake teeth and wig doing the healing! Awesome.
Good luck with Nemo III. Hopefully you won’t have to do electro-shock therapy after a week.
i was going to see if you knew about billy mays, but i see 40ish people have beat me to it
June has not been a good month. RIP Nemo.
wel, at our house when a fish dies…..we have found a way to avoid all the tears…..ALL DRAINS LEAD TO THE OCEAN!!! Thank you Disney/Pixar gods for creating that line in the Nemo movie. My kids get a kick out of flushing our dead fish down the toilet. We have been lucky around here to not have had too many Floating fish, but when we do….the kids all shout “Wheeee!!!” when the fish goes down!
I’m learning a lot from your blog. My daughter is only 14 months old and hasn’t asked for any pets yet. I need to prepare myself for what I’m going to say once she starts requesting fish and hermit crabs. Faux allergies? I think that’s the way I might go..
Thanks for the laugh. Have an awesome day!
Do we think there is a possibility that the sea monkey was a poor nutritional choice for Nemo?! You know, like dogs and grapes…
I think Caroline should consider a new name. Didn’t she see the movie? Nemo wasn’t fit for an aquarium. He wanted to be in the ocean. He even faked his own death so he’d get flushed! I’m just sayin…
I tried really hard not to laugh, but couldn’t help it, haha!!!
The fake healing of Nemo cracked me up! Sorry that her/your fish died!
My sister is in San Antiono this week with the youth groub (Zamaar) from there church -Harrisburg Baptist Tupelo MS – doing there yearly youth mission trip. They are putting on concerts around town. She said that they would be at Fiesta Tx, the River Walk and Slitterbaugh (sp) later this week. The kids are really good in there concerts. If you are out and about in those areas look them up. She said they were praying for a cool front to move in (she said 98 degrees would be great).
Once again I was laughing out loud when I read your post! I love you to pieces and I thank you for making me laugh so hard I release endorphins! You are good for my health! As a mother of four I can totally relate to swirling the fishbowl! When mine were really little, I told them dogs were taking “naps” on the side of the road (like a dog would sleep on pavement on a 100 degree day) instead of explaining roadkill.
Seriously, thanks so much for making me laugh!
When my 2 yr old’s fish died, he hadn’t paid attention to it in days, so I just threw it out and put the bowl away. A couple of weeks later he wanted to know where “Terry” was so (for the first time in my life) I thought fast, and told him that Terry was on vacation at the pet store visiting his friends and family. We went to the pet store and picked out one almost exactly like the original! We paid his hotel fee, and problem averted! At least til T-2 died, then we told our son he wanted to live in the creek and we needed to let him go…
Celebrities do die in groups of three, round one… Ed, Farrah, and MJ
round two… gale storm, billy mays, and Fred Travalena…..when does the next round start…we are a bit morbid here so our round three gusses are…1.patrick swazye, dick clark, and walter cronkite….
If you want to get another fish, please don’t put it in a fishbowl! The fish will always die because the water isn’t filtered. If you really want a fish, at least buy a small tank that will filter and circulate the water (try the Eclipse System 3, which has everything you need included). Despite the common belief, goldfish actually have a very long lifespan when they are treated properly. I’ve had some for seven years and they are still very healthy and doing well. You can do a search for fish care on the Internet and find some easy ways to make sure your fish stay healthy. Good luck!
I just knew this was about Nemo… aw.
Tell P that my Chris killed two deer from the roof (terrace) of our home in Texas while reading “Band of Brothers” in his slippers…it’s his favorite “Band of Brothers” story to tell.
I’m convinced the “in 3′s” celebrity death legend is just because some pea brains out there can’t handle more news than that. Sorry that was harsh. After “killing” two fish, a hermit crab and having 3 cats run over we decided not to torture the animal kingdom with our owndership anymore. I still worry at times about the bad karma catching up with us.
Hysterical post! We are REALLY at the end of our rope with our dog. She steals food right from the toddler’s hands, barks like a maniac, is a breed that needs LOTS of attention & exercise (you pay a high price for a non-shedder, let me tell ya) and is the low “man” on the totem pole so she rebels by taking a pee on new area rugs and has the WORST gas. I digress. Pets are overrated!!
Don’t know what is to enchanting about flushing something down the toilet, lol! But my boys loved to do it!
My friend cleaned out her tank with bleach water and lost all her fish. We lost one goldfish after another until we put a small pump in there that oxygenated the water or something.
After that, we finally had a fish that lasted for quite awhile.
You’re right, my kids always lost interest in most of their pets, except the dog.
Whatever you do don’t buy walking sticks….those things will take over.
ah yes, the old “leave the mess for dad to clean up” move. classic. and not just anyone can pull that off. Bravo!
PS
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU GOT TO HANG OUT WITH REE!!!!!!
So sad to hear about Nemo! It’s always sadder when it’s actually someone (something) you know, isn’t it? Though I, too, love the message re: the total meltdown. Enjoy the new fish, if you get them. Get a mollie. They’re hardier. My son dumped an entire container of bacteria into their tank two days ago, and they’re still alive. Mind you, this morning I spent 45 minutes attempting to get the water at least somewhat clear.
Yes, Billy Mays is dead which is unfortunate… but actually Leslie, the ShamWow guy isn’t dead. He’s actually in jail for beating up a hooker…. I knew the dude was trouble!! No one who yells at you even in his commercials can be a nice guy….
I remember when “Peewee” and “Dottie” died. Well, actually, Dottie was murdered……..Peewee ate her!! (So look out for that if you get two fish). Then Peewee died a couple of days later. It may have been from indegestion. Then, no toilet flushing allowed for grieving children, we had a teeny, tiny funeral, complete with matchbox coffins. We planted them in the flower bed and, really, a couple of the plants did look much healthier the next season. I guess the lemons and lemonade system was in effect. Good luck on your next fishy adventure.
Do you think it could have been the sea horse that did him in?
We went through a “few fish” last year. I was not notified, (and if I’m honest I did’nt ask) on how to care for said fishes. How hard could it be? I’ve taken 2 brand new babies home and did ok. Well…..you must use distilled water, and the “distilled water” must be at room temp. Very helpful fish life saving information. Just thought I would pass it along…….
Steph in CA.
The secret to keeping fish alive is to overfeed them! It’s funny but I’m totally serious. The fish food container says, “a small pinch.” No, you just cover the entire top of the bowl water in fish food flakes every day. This totally worked for me. As a child I had a goldfish live 2 years!!!
My oldest daughter has had a few fish off and on over the past year. Everytime one of them dies I tell her let’s just give up on fish for a while, ok? Granted, she’s almost 13 and she does all the feeding, cleaning, etc so it’s not like it’s any big trial for me but still…I think it’s kind of gross (just me). Anyway, on Saturday she brought the bowl into the kitchen and put it on the counter to change the water, etc. She does it every Saturday and does it the same way each time. So, she put her two goldfish into a smaller bowl and did the cleaning of the fishbowl. She came back a little while later and yells out, “where is my other fish”. Yep, only one goldfish in the bowl. We have no idea where the other one went. I can only guess it jumped out and flopped itself into the sink–and was then “disposed” of by the garbage disposal. It’s dangerous being a fish in our home, too!
Sorry to hear about Nemo. And about Band of Brothers, Hubs owns the entire collection. And he comes on the history channel every weekend and he will watch it. And some how I find my self riveted to it also. It’s an amazing story!
One time we had a hamster die in its cage. He froze to death. Seriously?? He was solid. I have no idea what happened to that little guy. He was solid…solid as a rock…i sang that song and the kids did not think I was funny.
Oh yeah..and we buried a fish once and one of the boys went to the backyard to dig it up and see if it had gone to heaven. Oh please don’t make me explain this at the tender age of 4.
Anyhoo….glad it all worked out for ya.
We once had a fish that had been “plucked” from his bowl by the cat and left to dry on the rug. After literally PEELING him off the carpet, we proceeded to send him to eternal freedom via the toilet, all while the preschooler of the house was praying for Jesus to heal his fishy. Sure enough, the dehydrated goldfish plopped in the water and started swimming… sideways, upsidedown, in circles. Braindead. Whatever happened to Jesus not healing halfway??
I can so identify with the “high level of drama” that comes with a girl.
My girl is only two.
Hilarious post BigMama!
Went to Wal-Mart today…saw the girl with a tanktop and no bra….and it was a white tanktop mind you…but atleast I left without a fish. That’s something right?
New reader…and you’re hilarious!
FUN-NY!!!
Oh beloved Nemo, I am so sorry:(
Hope you have better luck with your new pet!
Blessings today and always,
Kaye
Matthew 21:22
Your fish was a boy! Unlike humans but similar to all other species on earth, the boys are fancy and flambouyant while the girls are really ugly. You wouldn’t even know the girl betas were betas. They are a plain, brown, no fancy fins fish! I’m glad I’m human and get to be pretty!
Hey, you might get lucky like we did once, long ago. We had a fish that lived to be 13! He survived our toddler daughter turning up the heat on the fish tank TWICE which cooked everybody else! Oscar is buried along our front walk with a tombstone and everything.
My 2 youngest were more impressed by Billy Mays death & Farrah’s. Somehow the 7 year old got in in her brain that Farrah had to wear diapers & she just can’t get over it. At one point my 10 yr old son asked “Who’s Michael jackson?” I am deeply disappointed & ashamed. Basically we told him MJ invented the moonwalk and the 10 yr old’s eyes bulged out of his heads, because wow, the moonwalk, now that’s a big deal. Way bigger then ShamWOW or Kaboom or OxyClean…
It would appear that Nemo is an appropriate name for your fish. Good luck with whatever you get. And there is another country music “old-timer” who got no press but died the same day as Farrah and Michael. Her name was Jeannie C. Riley, and she sang a song called “Harper Valley P.T.A.” It turned Nashville on it’s ear back in the 60′s, and she did too, when she wore her miniskirts. RIP, Jeannie C. and all the rest (including Nemo, Dory, or whomever you end up with THIS time)
Our pets like to wait until I’m away to go toward the light. When Casey the hamster kicked it, I was in Colorado so Dan called me so I could hear the abject despondency for myself. What a guy.
BTW, if you saw me at WalMart, why didn’t you say hi?
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