I’ve been sitting here for the last three hours in complete procrastination mode because, deep down, I know I have nothing interesting to say. Actually, that’s not true because the realization that I have nothing interesting to say is right on the surface, not deep down.
Caroline spent most of yesterday with P’s family. My brother-in-law and sister-in-law are in town and they invited Caroline to go with them to the Quadrangle which is basically a petting zoo on the Fort Sam Houston base. They invited me to go along but I declined because if there is anything I like less than a zoo, it’s a petting zoo. Not to mention the fact that I am attempting to show the 100 degree temperatures who’s boss and now refuse to leave home for any length of time unless swimming in some sort of body of water is involved.
That strategy is probably going to make going to the grocery store a little tricky. I guess I should amend my policy to add that I will also go to establishments that aren’t afraid to crank up the A/C and offer me the chance to stand in the freezer section with the doors wide open while I act like I’m trying to choose between a DiGiorno frozen pizza or a Tombstone.
Although there is no choice to be made. Tombstone is clearly the winner in that scenario. Their thin crust pepperoni has not let me down in almost twenty years.
Anyway, while Caroline was petting deer out in the blistering heat in the name of fun, I planned to clean the house. I managed to get the bathrooms clean on Monday but lost momentum when I remembered that I hate cleaning the house.
There is also a minor issue that is proving to be a hindrance to my cleaning efforts. I mean something other than the fact that I like to call Gulley every few minutes and tell her how much I hate cleaning and wish I had a maid and how people who whine a lot get on my nerves.
There are boxes in my living room.
They’ve been there since we got back from our road trip. They’re addressed to P and each box weighs approximately 170 pounds. I don’t know what’s in them because I haven’t asked. I haven’t asked because I know the answer is going to be something that I have no interest in because what are the odds he’s going to say “I ordered you all sorts of cute new shoes for fall!”?
I just know that we now own a lot of something that is both heavy and fragile, much like my self-esteem after I attempted to do Level 3 of The Shred.
I finally just vacuumed around them because I am powerless to move them. Jillian Michaels can do a lot of things but giving me the upper body strength to move 300 pound boxes isn’t one of them.
Maybe tomorrow I’ll drape them with some fabric and create an alternate seating area for the room. And just think how cute they’d look decked out in lights for Christmas.
Of course my intuition (and the fact that I’ve been married to P for almost twelve years and know him well) tells me that the contents are probably somehow related to hunting season which means they’ll no longer be a part of my decor by mid-September.
Until then, I’ll just enjoy stepping over them every time I have to get to my front door.
Halala Mama says:
Wow…you are more patient and understanding than I. I would have been at those, and possibly P., with a box cutter the minute I saw them!
July 16th, 2009 at 5:07 am
Angela says:
Mmm…..Tombstone…
Seriously, there is no way I could have just let those sit there. My curiosity would have gotten the better of me. Plus, our cats will chew on anything cardboard, so I would have had to have moved them. Urg.
BTW, I prefer Level 3 of the Shred to Level 2, though nothing beats Level 1. Except maybe sitting on my couch watching TV.
July 16th, 2009 at 6:18 am
Carrie says:
Good call on the zoo. I hate petting zoos as well.
July 16th, 2009 at 6:46 am
Mindy says:
Ahhhh….Tombstone pizza! Our grocery store just had them on sale for $2.49 apiece, so we are stocked up on those babies!
Love reading your blog every morning! It’s my “cup of coffee”!
July 16th, 2009 at 6:47 am
Chaukie says:
I have been reading your blog for awhile now, but don’t think I have ever commented. I am terrible about that and trying to work on my commenting ’skills’.
I’m with you on cleaning. I love a clean/organized house, but rarely feel like actually making it happen. I tried paying someone once, but I am way too ‘type A’ and maybe a little OCD for that. I couldn’t believe I was paying someone to do a lesser quality job than I would do myself. Actually, before I had kids my house was immaculate all the time. Now, after just 2 kids, my standards have slipped significantly. I think my husband is thrilled!
July 16th, 2009 at 6:52 am
Lee @ foodie plus 4 says:
Petting zoo + heat = stinky poop. Good choice to stay home.
July 16th, 2009 at 7:05 am
Amanda @ Serenity Now says:
1. I had no idea the Quadrangle was still open! That was, hands down, my favorite place in San Antonio to visit growing up. Next time we’re in town, I am totally taking my girls…provided it’s less than 100 degrees outside.
2. I like Digiorno cheese stuff crust pizza…it’s like a round, cheesy heart attack waiting to happen
3. The Shred is still sitting in my cabinet after like 2 months, and I am afraid JM is going to show up at my house and bully me
4. Have you considered building a retaining wall and adding some greenery around the boxes for added ambiance? I like the fabric idea too though.
Have a great day!
July 16th, 2009 at 7:05 am
rhonda says:
I always love how stuff starts showing up pre-hunting season. Hubs has now become a fan of ebay so who knows what will show up.
July 16th, 2009 at 7:09 am
Keyona says:
At least it’s not coffee or car washing supplies! LOL!
July 16th, 2009 at 7:17 am
suzanne says:
Are you kidding me???? Those boxes are just dying to be spray painted and in the spirit in which they are to be used for, how about a nice camo design on them?????? Surely P wouldn’t mind one bit. It’s entertainment for the INSIDE when anyone who lives in TX knows that’s the only people anyone in their right mind would be right now. nuff said.
Suzanne
July 16th, 2009 at 7:28 am
Jill says:
Tombstone over DiGiorno?! Oh Big Mama. Thin crust is like eating pizza on a cracker!
But, JM would probably approve of your choice. Heck, she probably never eats pizza at all. I’m still on Level 1. And yes, this is my 3rd go round of trying to get thru 10 days of level 1. Admitting is the first step…
July 16th, 2009 at 7:32 am
Jessica says:
You’re a much more loving, patient wife than I. I would obsess over the boxes and nag my husband until they just miraculously moved! (Obviously we have had a similar scenario in our home).
July 16th, 2009 at 7:43 am
Nelson's Mama says:
If it’s like at my house, those boxes are full of a) buckshot b) wads c) used shotgun shells D) gunpower or all of the above.
Must admit though, the best package of all arrived this week (but couldn’t imagine that anything would beat the stuffed pheasant that I unexpectedly opened a few months ago), my husband actually ordered USED shotgun shell BOXES off the internet.
“But, honey…they are in EXCELLENT condition and have only been USED ONCE!”
July 16th, 2009 at 7:56 am
Gabby says:
I always call my best friend and whine about cleaning while I do it, too. I usually accidentally hang up on her about 10 times while I am cleaning the shower, but it is so worth it to have her agree with me about how much we are unappreciated and overworked. Then we make plans to meet at the pool to recover…
July 16th, 2009 at 8:06 am
Kellye says:
If you feel like you have nothing to talk about – how about an “Ask Big Mama” session. My question would be, how is your acid reflux and how are you doing without Sonic Diet Coke? Did you find a good substitute?
July 16th, 2009 at 8:11 am
Margaret says:
those would have so not been sitting there for that long. You are a nicer person than I am. I’m not a neat housekeeper but mercy!
July 16th, 2009 at 8:27 am
Kristi says:
It is hot in our part of Texas too. It is so hot…{I sound like Jeff Foxworthy~ oiy} that after I finally made up my mind to go to Walmart yesterday that even the store was hot. You can imagine that the other shoppers were oh so happy to be there too. Sweating in Walmart? I stayed for about 5 minutes knowing that I needed to get groceries for our dinner, weighed my options, and decided that for my sense of sanity (A hot, Walmart filled with grumpy people) we would dine on the finest meal that the dollar menu at Sonic had to offer….in the air conditioned car! Pray for me, I really have to go to the grocery store today, but I’m thinking HEB may be a better choice. It’s enough that we have to shop for groceries but sweating for groceries? No thank you!
July 16th, 2009 at 8:30 am
Bethany says:
I’m a new reader, and I just wanted to tell you how fun reading your blog is! You make me laugh every day! And seriously? Level 3 of the Shred is no. joke. My hubby did it with me once, and he’s the workout natzi. I heard more bad words and fussing out of him in those twenty minutes than I have ever heard! It was a hoot!
July 16th, 2009 at 8:52 am
purejoy says:
oh, we are kindred spirits. the cool AC or the angelic sound of a pool filter, these are the things of summer.
but i draw the line of our twindom at the boxes parked in the middle of your living room. large heavy boxes with fragile?? i’d be in them so fast it would make your head spin.
and if i found hunting paraphrenalia?? i can’t even describe my rant as i would complain to my husband that they must go because i can’t clean.
this would result in a 911 call, because surely at the mention of me cleaning, my husband would have collapsed into fits of something.
and there is nothing i loathe more than grocery shopping in the sweltering heat. well, other than cleaning.
July 16th, 2009 at 8:53 am
Megan says:
Level 3 of The Shred is rough, the first time I tried it I honestly could not make my legs do the “rock star” jumps or whatever the heck they are called. I definitely didn’t feel like a rock star. It doesn’t seem hard when I was describing it to a friend (jump and try to kick your butt) but after 20 minutes of intensity, I was wiped out!
July 16th, 2009 at 9:39 am
Amy says:
That was good – and I can so relate to the box problem.
July 16th, 2009 at 9:44 am
Courtney says:
Oh I feel you on the stepping over! My fiance has literally RE-BUILT and ENTIRE engine in my living room! Not a fun time! And something I never thought I would hear myself say:
“If I trip over that cam-shaft one more time, I’m braking your cam-shaft!” haha
July 16th, 2009 at 9:57 am
Kim says:
I don’t know how you can take such a normal day in your life and make it so entertaining to us, but you do. Thanks ~
July 16th, 2009 at 10:09 am
Chelsea says:
I’m so nosy. I even open my husband’s junk mail.
Seriously, Tombstone of DiGiorno?! This is the first time you’ve failed me…
July 16th, 2009 at 10:18 am
Janel says:
Big Mama, you are the master of turning a normal day into a hilarious narrative. Bravo, and thanks for all the laughs.
July 16th, 2009 at 10:40 am
Kiy says:
We have those same boxes in our living room too! Considering that the hubs hasn’t been able to go hunting for the past …. nine years, we still get the boxes frequently for me to comment on them. We are currently (although for not much longer) living in the land of the hunter (eastern Washington). He’s had two, count em two, hunting seasons. Has he gone out? Nope. Of course, the first year he had a good excuse (I would have used HIM for shooting practice), but last year he just didn’t get it pulled together in time. Yeah, I don’t get that either. Considering that I don’t eat elk, venison or bear … I am not pushing the issue. And keep dusting the boxes. I never thought to decorate them though!
Cheers, and good luck!
July 16th, 2009 at 11:31 am
Vicki says:
I am so glad you started typing because this is the first giggle I’ve had today and feel much better!
July 16th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Jennifer says:
1. i’m totally with you on the petting zoo in 100 degree heat; well, i wouldn’t go if it was 70 degrees — i’m not an animal lover by any means. but, hey, i’d do anything to get the kids out of the house for a few hours.
2. thin crust tombstone? i’ll have to try that — we love some pizza in this house.
3. the boxes — you are a good woman to (a) not even ask what was in them (b) to just let them sit there (c) to not even nag P about them — i guess that’s why you are still married after 12 years?!?! — we are going on 6 years so, half way there
thanks for making me laugh!!!
July 16th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
Alycia says:
Umm – do you think P has a long lost twin brother secretly residing in Colorado?
July 16th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
brenda says:
Didn’t Sofie’s Mama drape a throw over the radiator?
July 16th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
wanda says:
Awww bless his heart!
I know you want those suckers moved!
It’s in the genetic makeup, girl!
His time is ticking……tell him!
July 16th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Abby says:
Good for you for getting to level 3! I consider myself in shape and I got to day 11 when I tried out level 2 and I had such issues getting through the workout that I have not turned it back on! It pissed me off one too many times!
I’m sure it didn’t help that I was using 5 lb weights! I decided to give it up and just run outside – good thing I don’t live in Texas where you can’t breathe outside due to the heat!
July 16th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
PollyS says:
My money’s on ammo. Heavy boxes that just sit by the door, ammo.
Ask me how I know?
July 16th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
Dori Schelhammer says:
I have been “shredding” for 6 weeks…mostly on, a little off. Level 3 just annoys me. Those traveling push ups are just plain wrong. It is hard enough to do them in the traditional fashion.
I just keep plugging along on level 2 because it is manageable.
I can relate to the fall hunting prep. My husband is on the phone as we speak discussing it with his buddy with the excitement of someone who sounds like he is leaving in the morning. There is even talk of purchasing a new dog. Oh! Oh! Poor Cookie and Pepper. ( miniature dachshunds)Their lives are about to change. Mine too!
July 16th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
Megan says:
oooo… I haven’t tried Level 3 of The Shred yet. Actually, haven’t been Shredding for a few weeks. Got a little busy and unmotivated about 2 months ago. haha! Level 2 kicked my rear though, so Level 3 is destined to flat out kill me.
We shall see…
Good to know you’re still at it.
July 16th, 2009 at 5:56 pm
Keely says:
You’re a much more kind and patient wife than I…
July 16th, 2009 at 7:37 pm
Erin from $5 Dinners says:
A nice toile over the boxes, perhaps??? And I think the image of you standing in front of the freezers at HEB is now permanently etched in my brain! Can totally “SEE” it!
July 16th, 2009 at 7:49 pm
Married to an Aussie in OK says:
OK, *MY* curiosity is killing me, too. Tree stand? What could it really be? I totally open all of my husband’s packages. I’ve never tried Level 3. I’m too much of a wuss. Level 2 is killer enough, and I’ve been away from exercising for long enough now that Level 1 would probably send me wailing to the medicine cabinet.
Having said that… the boxes would so totally be moved and opened, and maybe, since I have an evil streak a mile wide, the contents would be hidden throughout the house as punishment for leaving them in my living room, taking up valuable living space.
July 16th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
Kelly says:
Is there a store you can purchase that Shred without having to go to Amazon.com? (And I’m 100 miles from the nearest target. Think about THAT next time you’re stuck at the extra red lights, lol!) I know what you mean about the boxes. My hubs likes to order music equipment gadgets and I basically just try to pretend they’re not there. Although, yours are “fragile”. Now you’ll have to tell us when he opens them!
July 16th, 2009 at 8:40 pm
Kimberly says:
If only they were shoes!!
July 16th, 2009 at 9:11 pm
Traci@TotalMomsense says:
I’ll send Coach your way- he is OCD and has a cleaning habit that won’t quit. If you set something down for a second, he’ll grab it and put it “up”- which is really a toss up, because he’ll just put it out of sight, but the object will be “up” nonetheless. I know I shouldn’t complain, but having your dinner plate literally taken out from under you mid-meal and put in the dishwasher is a bit much. On the plus side- I haven’t done a load of laundry in 3 years- and haven’t had to run to Target once to buy clean underwear and socks!
July 16th, 2009 at 10:15 pm
Branalyn says:
Well my living room is full of boxes that say “fragile” but it is all my fault. Some of them also say “glassable” because my cousin came up with that term and we all think it makes more sense. It’s because we are moving. And it is driving me crazy. I can’t even really follow your example and vacuum around them…
July 16th, 2009 at 11:34 pm
Carrie says:
I love your blog but I’m sick of hearing about hunting. It’s not ok to murder animals for sport!
July 17th, 2009 at 10:47 am
Linda Freeman says:
I would like to make a suggestion on the frozen pizza…Palermo’s. I thought Tombstone was good until I tried Palermos…its Super Good. I can find them here in SC at Bi-Lo, Harris Teeter and SuperWalmart.
July 17th, 2009 at 7:25 pm
Liz says:
Keep going with the shred!! I have been doing level three for a few weeks, and I still think it is hard, but if I can do it, so can you- believe me! I HATE HATE HATE the mountain climbers and jumping lunges!!
July 17th, 2009 at 11:18 pm
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