The mighty Rainbows had their second game of the season on Saturday, but since I missed the first game it was my first official coaching experience. And I’m playing fast and loose with the words “official” and “coaching”.
The game was at 9:15 a.m. so I told P to wake me up around 8:00. Caroline had spent the night at Mimi and Bops’ house and I figured an 8:00 wake up call would give me all the time I’d need to map out our game plan and plot our team strategy or at least enough time to eat a bowl of yogurt with granola and berries because the yogurt and I have reunited and it feels so good.
While I ate my yogurt and checked email, I asked P, “Is there someplace to sit or do I need to bring a chair or a blanket?”
He looked at me for a minute and said, “There are bleachers, but it doesn’t matter because you won’t be sitting. You’re a coach, remember?”
“Of course I remember. I was just asking for Mimi and Bops.”
Also, I totally forgot that I was a coach. And that coaching requires you to stand on the sidelines and, um, coach people.
In my defense, we didn’t have practice last week because of all the rain so it’s totally understandable that it slipped my mind that I’d volunteered for P and I to co-coach the team. I feel like Michael Scott, “I was promoted to co-coach. We will be co-coaches together.”
I went into the bedroom to get dressed and lamented to P that I didn’t have any Nike shorts trimmed in royal blue with a matching royal blue t-shirt because I wanted to look coach-like and wear our team colors in the hopes that the right outfit would totally take away from the fact that I had no idea what I was doing. It’s a strategy that has worked well for me throughout much of my life. Especially from 1994-1996.
Without that black double-breasted suit jacket from Harold’s paired with a snappy houndstooth skirt and sensible pumps, I wouldn’t have convinced nearly as many people that a 22-year-old recent college graduate (with a degree in Speech Communications and a D in Personal Finance) knew exactly which mutual funds were the best and they should ABSOLUTELY let me help them invest their retirement money.
P said I was more than welcome to dress in team colors, but that I should know I’d be the only coach out there who did so. He might have also alluded that he might decide to ignore me if I did, but I may have blown that out of proportion. Not that I ever blow things out of proportion.
We arrived at the fields about thirty minutes early which allowed us plenty of time to get completely overheated before the game ever began. Apparently the sun didn’t get the memo that it’s the end of September and time to turn it down a notch. We get it, you’re the sun and you’re very bright and hot.
Caroline showed up with Mimi and Bops. She had her shirt tucked into her shorts (I’m still on the fence about the shirt tucked in versus worn out) and had her royal blue socks pulled up past her knees to somewhere around mid-thigh. I felt like I was about to have a heat stroke just looking at her with those wool socks covering her entire leg. But she insisted that’s how she wanted to wear them and insinuated that what I don’t know about being a cool soccer player is enough to fill a book. Which, granted, is true.
The other team showed up and I began to get a little concerned because they looked bigger than our girls. Then I met their coach and she was wearing track pants with a stripe down the side. I don’t know if anything is more legitimate than a coach wearing track pants. Not to mention that her team seemed to have several assistant coaches also wearing track pants and they all seemed to know a lot of soccer-type chants. All we had in our arsenal was “GO RAINBOWS!” and no track pants.
Also, I don’t think she had a child on the team. Which means she coaches soccer for fun or because she enjoys destroying six-year-olds. In her free time.
We had an umpire with all the enthusiasm of a corpse who didn’t really seem to understand that these were six- year-old girls and not professional soccer players who knew what he meant when he grunted “Corner kick” at them when the ball went out of bounds. And it started to get on my nerves just a little bit when the other team scored their tenth goal on us and their coach still insisted on jumping up and down and screaming every time it happened. I wanted to politely remind her that they are six and we don’t even play with goalies, but I was waiting to see if she was going to rip off her t-shirt and show us her sports bra at the end of the game.
Our girls gave it their best effort even though they all knew enough to know we were getting beat. BADLY. All these people can say what they want about everyone being a winner, but kids know when they’re losing. There’s no sense in lying to them about it. At halftime, P just told them to give it their best shot, play as hard as they could and leave their guts on the field. I passed out grapes and Gatorade and refrained from making any speeches about guts. But that’s why we’re a good match.
They played a lot better the second half and, in a stunning turn of events, Caroline even (accidentally) took a ball to the head. I was totally prepared for the meltdown I knew was about to happen but she just kept on running down the field like a mighty Rainbow should.
All in all, I have to say I’m a fan of soccer. I love that the girls love it. I love that it caused Caroline to burn energy to the point that she laid on our couch for two hours after she got home. I love that one of the moms brought delicious snacks for the whole team. Most of all, I loved seeing Caroline run down the field and score a goal.
This coming Saturday I’ll be on my own. P has a prior commitment so I’ll be coaching solo.
And you better believe I’ll be wearing my track pants.
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Found myself with a big smile while reading this. Your way with words is magic!
Go Mighty Rainbows!
When I coached my son’s team, there was another coach that had a whistle during the game. We didn’t even have refs because they were younger, but this woman insisted on blowing her whistle every time the ball went out of bounds. Do you know how many times the ball goes out when they are under 5! Good times!
You will not be coaching solo. There will be a great cloud of witnesses cheering you and The Mighty Rainbows on from bloggy land. Boo yah!
Oh my goodness, I SO had the visual! BTW, found you a link for those track pants so you’ll have them for this weekend. Good luck, Mighty Rainbows!
“Nike Mystic Women’s Soccer Warm-Up Pants”
http://store.nike.com/index.jsp?country=US&lang_locale=en_US&l=shop,pdp,ctr-inline/cid-1/pid-199570/pgid-199572#l=shop,pdp,ctr-inline/cid-1/pid-228003/pgid-228004
Just yell “Gooooooooooooaaaaaal” like they do on ESPN and you’ll be fine. Hurray for Caroline for scoring a goal!
Go Rainbows! So glad that Caroline had fun and that you enjoyed your first week as a co-coach. Ps – good luck with the track pants next week.
Hilarious……you could also take a clip-board. It doesn´t really matter if you use it, but you might intimidate the other coach!
“Apparently the sun didn’t get the memo that it’s the end of September and time to turn it down a notch. We get it, you’re the sun and you’re very bright and hot.”
Those two sentences CRACKED ME UP! Thanks for the laugh. I really needed that to start this day.
Please tell me they will have an aqua stripe down the side!!
Perhaps you could order a huge cut-out of P to just stand near you on the sidelines for moral support! Go Rainbows!
Welcome to the wonderful world of girls’ soccer! It brings out the best in all of us.
Am I wrong in thinking you appeared to be totally calm at the end of the post about solo coaching?
Oh how I wish I could see this! I’m sure I’m allergic to all manner of sports. I played softball for one lone season at the age of nine.
They didn’t ask me back. I was out in left field–figuratively and literally. Way more interested in making sure the front flaps of my shorts were folded up properly (because that’s how we wore our short in the late ’70s) and keeping my socks nice and neat and pulled up to my chin much like Caroline. Only I wasn’t as enthusiastic as Caroline.
The flowers out on the field were pretty, though.
Wow, do coaches of six year olds know good sportsmen don’t run up the score? My daughter competes in High School swimming and when it becomes apparent that there is no mathematical way the other team can win, they start swimming exhibition so they don’t score any points. The other team catches up, but still loses and the winning team appears very gracious.
omg every six year old soccer league in the US must order from the same catalog….that is identical to Keifers soccer uniform last year colors and all.
you are enjoying soccer way more than I did congrats!!
steff
When my oldest played soccer last year the BEST part of the day was the COLLAPSE once we hit the door after the game…ahh, nothing like a completely worn out six year-old!
Lucky! At least it’s warm for you! I froze at my son’s soccer practice here in Indiana last night. It doesn’t look good for Saturday’s game either. We have an 8 1/2 year old and a 4 1/2 year old and both are in soccer. It’s lots of fun. I don’t coach, but my husband refs for our son’s league. I love your blog. It’s required reading each morning.
I am married to a high school soccer coach and i will let him get by with track pants but he is NOT allowed to tuck his shirt in his short or track pants. There is still room for fashion in the wonderful world of sports.
I did terrible in Personal Finance too! That was supposed to be an easy B!!
There’s so much wisdom in that post I don’t know what to say. You are so right, kids know they are losing. There’s a whole generation of “trophy kids” (borrowed from the Wall St. Journal)who have been taught “we don’t keep score! everybody wins! everybody gets a trophy!” and they don’t learn that sometimes you lose, and it’s equally important to do so with dignity and pride in knowing you did your very best, and some people are just better at some things than others. Now they’re not lasting long at jobs because they can’t take criticism. Thanks for bringing back the memories of childhood team sports. My kids played baseball, basketball, football and softball. I spent my entire life in some kind of sporting arena. Wouldn’t change it for the world! OH! And you gave a spot-on description of the rabid coach. I’ve seen my share of them too. They don’t lose with as much grace, if you know what I mean!
Love this! Wow, I can’t believe how brave you are to solo coach next weekend. Track pants, a clipboard, and a hat will go a long way.
Also, one small tip from a former soccer player: the guy who’s officiating is a referee, or ref for short. I wouldn’t call him an umpire. They tend to get a little cranky about that sort of thing. Not that I know from personal experience, or maybe I do.
Good luck and go Mighty Rainbows!
God bless you in advance for next weekend.
In royal blue?
You should get a visor. All serious coaches have visors. And maybe a tie-dye shirt. And a scrunchie. Definitely a scrunchie!
you are so stinkin hysterical!
I laughed out loud at least 3 times reading this.
You know you’re track pant shopping this week.
You have to.
Where I grew up, shirts were tucked in OR tucked out. I have since come to understand that tucking a shirt out defies the laws of science. Therefore, or whatever.
Go, Caroline! Olympics here we come!
Grani-Suz
Just FYI, the soccer official is called a referee, not an umpire. I was one myself in the late 90s-early 2000s, and at least back then, the rules stated that players had to have their shirts tucked in at the start of the game. Good luck w/ the games! I hope Caroline sticks w/ it.
I will never forget the experience we had with a “christian” program of basketball.
My youngest daughter played on a team (for fun) and every few weeks we had to play….THAT TEAM!
The one with the mom coach and her assistants! They were coaching like it was the NBA and we all sat stunned at the crazy!
She would yell out plays…..and jump up and down. She would call “time-out”! For a little girls team?!!!?!
We laughed so hard at her wild enthusiasm.
Needless to say, our daughter never wanted to play again.
The pressure was too intense! It wasn’t fun!
If you can’t win….you might as well….look good! Wear the trackpants, girl! Wear em!
Ah, those were the days. I never got to play sports as a child, but I enjoyed watching all three of my kids play and my husband coach (I rarely had to help with that but many times was drafted to be “team mom”…just as bad, because you have to collect MONEY and assign people to bring snacks…I hate being in charge of anything). But you brought back all the joy (and heatstroke) of those days nicely!
Just make sure you wear the track pants and not the purple Grimace number from Target!
Go “Coach!”
Ahhh… my daughters both got the chance to help name their soccer teams this past weekend… The younger one is the “Cheetos”, and the older one is the “Lime Lawn Lizards”. We are NOTHING if not tough…
You don’t play with goalies? Oh, man… I guess I was on a horribly competitive team when I was 5, and 6, and 7. We had goalies, coaches with clipboards, the works. And we lived in a town of less than 1000. My coach was the town lawyer’s wife. As opposed to the DA’s wife. It was good times.
It is a little scary…I knew your last line before I read it.
This gave me a good laugh today…thanks.
My daughter never would tuck in her shirt. And now my son has followed suit with tball. It drives my husband crazy!
Hope you find some soccer type chants by next weekend!
Our coaches (for my niece and nephew) wore matching shirts, very cute. Or maybe that was t-ball….I don’t know, but I’d match!
You are clearly a multi-tasking coach, you can take pictures and coach from the sidelines! I am all about dressing in team colors and I think you will rock the track pants!
My son’s team lost 9-0 on Saturday. He is 12 and it is a competitive league as opposed to recreational. The other team’s parents cheered for EVERY GOAL like the score was 1-1. I was so annoyed that I had to move to the opposite end of the field towards the end of the game! It was a sad day for soccer in our home….
Oh and, in this league, the players are required to tuck in their shirts….
i was waiting for your next rainbow post! after the buy-in-bulk query, i stopped short, thinking “has no one told them there are snacks & drinks for games?”
of course, you had it under control. here in houston, the tradition for 1/2 time is oranges, and the girls’ own water bottles.
then the parents take turns bringing an aftergame snack & drink.
we did buy everyone mountain dew for halftime when we knew we were playing that team that ran circles around us earlier in the season. those girls ran hard both quarters, and actually tied, 2-2. our girls cheered like they’d won the world cup. the other team’s parents were confused. “why are they so happy? it’s a tie!”
If you need some coaching inspiration, please please start watching Glee. Jane Lynch’s cheerleading coach character is HYSTERICAL.
Oh my word… I felt just like this last year for my son’s team and I wasn’t even coaching! I just knew that the other team was way cooler because the parents all linked hands to form a bridge for the little kids to run through, and around and they did the coolest chant… we just gave high fives. (not nearly as cool) And none of us were wearing track pants… our coach wore jeans. (and not even cool jeans…. they were these old faded Lee jeans or something… it was sad)
oooh wal mart had a scrunchie in royal blue w/ soccer balls on it
on the clearance aisle.
steff
They aren’t called umpires in soccer, they’re called referees. Lol.
Oh my goodness! LOL!
I now love soccer just because you are blogging about it.
p.s. on most little kids teams the coaches make a list for the parents to sign when they will bring the after game snack. Then the parents proceed to try to out healthy each other, or out red food dye each other but it is no longer the coaches problem because they made the list. It is now out of their hands.
My daughter plays soccer too. We have Upward Soccer here which we LOVE. It’s church-sponsored and when run well (as is the case with anything), it is such a positive & fun league for both parents and kids. upward.org Upward has basketball and flag football as well.
My little brother has been involved with soccer for basically all of his life and I remember how intense the coaches and parents of the other team were. I was frightened by their intensity.
But not too frightened to notice that the referee looked like Channing Tatum.
maybe I should come in to help this weekend… can’t wait to hang out in a few weeks!! And do the xmas card pic!!
- AJ
Sounds exciting to score her first goal! Good luck on coaching solo!
As a former soccer player, I want to help you out a tiny bit:)
Refs, not umpires:)
And the shirt tucked in thing is what’s required in soccer…obviously not when they’re 6, but just in case she ends up being a star and continues to play into high school and college and stuff. Shirts must be tucked in:)
Have fun!!! I’m living vicariously through you, since my 13 month old daughter isn’t yet ready to play soccer:)
How fun…I miss my Munchkin’s soccer days. Now he’s into cub scouts and 4H. Will probably play baseball again in the spring.
Gotta love 6 yr old soccer. I’m often surprised when my guy even kicks the ball, and this year is better than last!
But who wouldn’t want to cheer on the Blue Snakes?!
I feel the need to make the announcement, Big Mama, that IN FACT, you DO have soccer experience. And if I had not thrown all evidence of high school away in some sort of mad cleaning frenzy, I would probably be able to produce a picture to prove it.
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