Apparently I have a blog.
Huh.
The problem with taking close to a week off to eat myself into a stupor, the likes of which will require an 85 Day Shred Workout DVD before I’ll be able to wear jeans instead of stretchy pants, is that so much has happened, SO MUCH FUN HAS BEEN HAD, that I don’t even know where to begin.
The irony is I read a blog post over the weekend that discussed ten things that bloggers do wrong and I was only slightly surprised that I am guilty of eight out of ten, chief among them being that I use too many words when I write a post. At least now I know that my failure to build any sort of media empire is largely due to my inability to use less words and I’m okay with that because I can’t help myself. As Caroline told me yesterday as we decorated for Christmas, “Mama, the details make everything better!”
Okay, Martha Stewart, hand Mama some more of that ribbon and that sparkly tinsel.
Caroline was out of school all last week so we left for Bryan/College Station with Gulley and her boys the Friday before Thanksgiving. As soon as we drove into town we headed straight to Reed Arena to watch the Aggies play basketball and to purchase three buckets of popcorn so that each child could eat four pieces.
On Saturday we went to Kyle Field before the A&M vs. Baylor game. The kids got their faces painted and then found a prime spot to watch the band and the Corps march in.
Caroline decided to wear her zebra pants which I felt was a good choice since any occasion is more festive when you’re wearing zebra pants. It’s worked for Aerosmith for years.
Then Sunday night we went to Santa’s Wonderland to see the Christmas lights.
But wait, there’s more! (Of course there is. Media empire FAIL.)
Nena came by on Saturday night and brought a shirt that she wanted Honey to try on. She said she’d originally bought it for Uncle Johnny, but it turned out to be a shirt for a woman so she thought Honey might want it because doesn’t every woman want to wear a shirt intended for her older brother?
Here it is. (The model’s head has been cut off because there are limits to what should be on the internet.)
It’s made of fleece and the brand is Bugle Boy. The best part is all of us have figured out a way to contort our bodies when we try on Nena’s clothing offerings to ensure they don’t fit. Gulley called me on it last time by declaring she never knew my arms were so long as I made sure to bunch a jacket up around my shoulders causing the sleeves to be way too short.
Anyway, it turns out that it’s okay that none of us wanted it because Nena’s friend Dorothy Kay said she’ll take it and has plans to cut off the sleeves and turn it into a chic (chick) vest. In the words of Tim Gunn, make it work, Dorothy Kay, MAKE IT WORK.
But enough of all this, let me tell you about the most important development of the past week, my new talent. I may never reach the heights of success with my faux media empire, but I’ve discovered I can weave a potholder like a son of a gun. Thirty years ago, when I was a wee young member of Brownie Troop 4032, I managed to weave a few potholders with some modicum of success. However, I always struggled when you had to tie off the edges so that you could actually take it off the loom.
WELL, Gulley and I decided to take the kids to Michaels to buy them each some type of craft to entertain them since the weather was wet and cold outside. Caroline chose (with perhaps a little direction from me in the form of saying “LOOK AT THIS LOOM! DON’T YOU WANT TO MAKE POTHOLDERS?) a weaving loom.
Look! It includes everything you need for only $6.99 plus tax!
Unfortunately it didn’t include everything we needed because the plastic loom was already broken on one end when I opened the box. I was too lazy to return it, but thankfully it didn’t hinder my potholder-making abilities.
Much.
The kids sat at the table and did their crafts for approximately eight minutes, but I totally got sucked into the loom. In fact, I kept the loom by my side the rest of the weekend and worked tirelessly to create four potholders of less than mediocre quality. I’m considering opening up my own Etsy shop because I believe there may be high demand for homemade woven potholders that are smaller than my hand.
Maybe I could market them as coasters.
Or rugs for Barbie’s dreamhouse since I’m pretty sure that’s what I used them for back in 1978.
Either way I think this idea holds promise which works out well since I’m up to 857 words on this post and haven’t even gotten to Tuesday. Goodbye Media Empire. Hello Big Mama’s Woven Creations: a woman, her loom, and a dream that wouldn’t die.
And yet I keep on writing with all the words.
Tuesday we went down to the ranch and spent time with some friends.
Caroline and her friend, S, went deer hunting with P. I can’t believe that they didn’t scare off every deer in a fifteen mile radius due to all the giggling, but they managed to get one.
Then we sat around the campfire and ate S’mores.
I spent most of Wednesday making desserts and some other stuff for Thanksgiving lunch while P and Caroline stayed at the ranch.
And then, FINALLY (970 words) it was Thanksgiving Day.
Caroline and her cousin Sarah continued the time-honored tradition of the kids’ table.
You may notice that Sarah chose to dine on the more traditional Thanksgiving meal of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a side of goldfish crackers. She’s a gourmet.
That night we watched the Aggie game.
And that’s all I have to say about that.
Except for this. (Seriously, I CANNOT stop the words.) I kept saying that if we won I wouldn’t gloat or rub it in, but I feel that I should confess that I would have totally gloated. In fact, when we were only down by a few points with mere minutes left to play, I’d already devised a plan for Caroline to wear her Aggie sweatshirt to school every day next week to torment her very Longhorn teacher.
I may have even considered weaving her a maroon and white potholder.
I’m not saying it’s right. It’s just who I am.
Love,
Melanie
Big Mama’s Woven Creations
Founder, Craftsman and Owner
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ba ha ha!!
ooo ive missed ur posts!
halarious!
sounds like an awesome thanksgiving- and for what it’s worth, your words are why i read your blog!
I don’t care what anyone says. Media empire or not, you are my favorite blog. I love your writing style, and you always make me smile at 6 a.m. when I start my day. Thank you.
You’re my favorite bog too! I can always be guaranteed a laugh. Glad you are back! I was entertaining the idea of getting my soon to be 5 year old a pot holder making kit for her birthday. I think I will have to go ahead and do that. Maybe we can open up an etsy shop together! I’ve always wanted to be crafty
All your words and sense of humor are why I read your blog! So glad you had a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Is it scary to you that people you don’t even know missed you last week? :~)
I was dreading going back to work today. Your post gave me that extra boost! I missed your blog last week. All is well in the world again!
Ok, Dorothy Jo or Dorothy Kay, which is it? I am a ball of confusion.
Our youngest has the traditional Thanksgiving salami sandwich. That was an old native American tradition.
All the words is WHO you are. Embrace it. That’s why we love you!
Please don’t change anything about your blog. I love it. Enjoy reading it every morning.
May your words be limitless and may my delight in your blog continue!
Seriously, if you ever consider limiting your words you will lose many readers – and I will be among them.
I know that sounds very fickle and is probably not true, but your writing style makes me feel like we’re friends. And who doesn’t like spending time with friends???
Your blog posts are waaay to short as far as I’m concerned. I’m always sad when I get to the end. Whatever you are doing is perfect! Even though some of us are UT people, we love you! Also, thanks for posting early so I can enjoy your blog at 5:30 every morning with my coffee.
My editor used to say that I ritually used 25 words when five would have done just fine. We Aggies did not disgrace ourselves as so callously predicted, and that will have to suffice for this year. At least there’s basketball.
If you were at a loss for words, my mornings would not be nearly as funny. I have kind of gotten used to laughing until Starbucks Italian Roast comes out my nose. Please remain your very verbose self.
And where can I order me some potholders?
Thought of you this weekend while standing in line for a coveted Zhu Zhu pet. Toys R Us released 50 Sunday morning at 7 a.m. They handed each one of us a golden ticket and allowed us to purchase ONE. It was so funny and ridiculous. Anyway, if you haven’t found any yet, you might try signing up for Toys R Us e mail updates. I like all of your words.
Melanie, I’ve been reading your blog for over a year now, and it’s because you ARE so word-y!!! I love your writing style and I love that you make me laugh. I am always a little disappointed when your posts are short and you HAVEN’T rambled!
Keep up the good work! And best of luck w/ the new potholder venture. I’d purchase a couple for my new daughter-in-law’s Christmas stocking, but I’m trying to make a good impression. You understand.
I agree with the rest, yours is my favorite blog. I read it first thing in the morning and you put a smile on my face and some laughter in the air. Keep the words coming!!! You have and are a gift from God!
I love, love love ALL of your words! I look forward to each post and each time I laugh and feel so much more lighthearted. We love you for being you!
Thanks for writing my most favorite blog.
Love your blog! It’s always worth a good laugh–even with all the words
There are Many someone’s who have already beat you to the idea of selling woven potholders on etsy though:
http://www.etsy.com/search_results.php?search_type=handmade&search_query=woven+potholders
You really can find anything handmade on there!
So glad y’all had a wonderful holiday. I thought of you last week as I got some wonderful deals at the Banana Republic outlet. First time I’ve been Black Friday shopping in 3 years. All was good until I either had a cute shirt from Ann Taylor lost/stolen. So sad when I got home and it was missing. A great deal at 1/2 off. Oh well.
And your blog posts aren’t too long. I always want to read to the end.
So glad you’re back, Big Mama! I missed you! And don’t do a thing differently to your blog – I just love it! I’m now an empty nester and so enjoy the stories of Caroline….they sure bring back some great memories of my kids. Have a great week!
Love the words…wish I had more of them!
Keep the words coming….! We love you!
Adrienne
you may not be a media empire mogul but you sure can make me laugh
Your post totally reminded me of last week’s Modern Family (did you see it? do you watch that show? cause it’s seriously hilarious)and the comb sheaths . . .
Words make the world go round BigMama!
Keep on truckin!
I love the loom masterpieces! Everybody should be getting hot-pads for Christmas now, right?
Those things are addicting!
It’s the content that is important, not the amount of words, although you are probably getting cheated. Charles Dickens got paid per word. Hence the long drawn out stories.
You may not be destined for a media empire, but I could see Caroline giving Trump a run for his money.
I love you and all your words! I almost didn’t know what to do with myself in your near week long absence!
Hey, verbosity works for you, sooooo….. work it, girl!;o)
Your potholders are uber cute, by the way.:o)
And THIS is why I read Big Mama! Thanks for the laughs over some Raisin Bran Crunch this morning! Is it unhealthy that I feel like we’re good friends?
Ha! I blogged about The 10 Blogging Mistakes today too! (and how I regularly bomb 8 of them) Same wavelength, dude.
And I’m totally getting that potholder kit for Livi’s birthday Wednesday.
Have a great week, Mel!
Do you know the song that says “And God bless the broken road, that leads me back to you…”
In my laughing over potholders, I’m now singing “And God bless the many words, that lead me back to you!”
But what a game! We watched or listened to the game, and were disappointed that it didn’t go the Aggies way. Still, they showed up for the big game and played well. And since my alma mater won two games all season, I say be happy with what you’ve got.
Oh, Melanie! I thought about you all Thanksgiving evening as your Aggies were scaring the *%^$ out of those horns. I just knew you were screaming your head off. It was a really good game to watch and I’m sorry it didn’t end the way you wanted.
Be happy for me though, my Tigers managed to pluck the mythical shoe-wearing birdies from kansas on Saturday.
Susan
That’s me smiling HUGE. Not necessarily laughing out loud, but I am guffawing loudly inside.
If using too many words in a blog post and breaking the top ten rules of blogging is wrong, then I DON’T WANT TO BE RIGHT! (I know that’s exactly what you would say.
)
I’m thrilled to know that you will forsake your media empire for the sake of the blog readers. It’s the right thing to do.
And I would gladly write a 1,000 word blog post on it if need be.
Because God made some individuals very detail inclined. And in the word’s of Caroline, “the details make everything better.”
She’s going far, that girl.
While I realize that sometimes the details do need to be scaled back–say, for an article submission or a conversation with your husband–they do, indeed, make the world brighter and lovelier and shall forever be found on my blog where I just may have joined you in watching my very own media empire fail.
Of course, this helps little for a woman who longs to be published one day.
But there’s always the blog and blogging brings me great joy.
Big Mama, you are paving the way for a glorious group of women with details, details, details who shall NOT be quieted.
Except maybe when conversing with our husbands.
Because we all know we might as well save our words for our fellow sisters who will cherish them and understand them and NOT need an interpreter rather than waste them frivolously on our husbands only to be lost forever leaving our husbands in a state of confusion that just might be irreversible.
The End.
Oh never mind–P.S. Those potholders TOTALLY could pass for Barbie rugs. MARKET THEM! MARKET THEM AT ONCE! Your readers can advertise. With lots of details. Glorious, colorful details that are sure to capture every little girl’s heart.
The End. (for real)
Rena
lover of details
not yet published aspiring writer
AND BRAND NEW GRANDMOTHER(refraining from inserting details here)
WOW! SOME people are comment hogs.
Please don’t skimp on the words. Your words are why I come back every day to see what’s up in your world. And without those words, how would I ever have found my boden flowered mac that I adore and can not believe I ever lived without, not to mention I’m the envy of all who cast their eyes upon it…yet I digress – your words, keep them coming!!!
You write like I talk. Seriously don’t you want all the details of the story? I need all the info-including who wore the zebra pants. Love Caroline-she kills me with her actions and words. Keep writing.
Listen…those pot holders (if made with the cotton loops) are worth their weight in gold! I used to make them all the time as a kid. I’m not 26…and my mother and both my grandmothers still use their pot holders to this day!! I haven’t seen the kit in years or I would have probably made myself a set. I forsee a trip to my local craft store in the near future!
Great post! And don’t worry one bit about that silly article (as I’m sure you are sitting in the corner rocking back and forth now with despair) because your blog is my favorite to follow! You’re a fabulous writer!
Oh yes, details are important!
Love the tiny potholders…you’ve got talent…ohhh perhaps you can bring the little loom to the America’s got Talent audition…I think The Hoff would be impressed
I love the wordy.
Oooh, I remember the loom, I could never master the tie off either.
I agree with Caroline, details make everything better!
You know, sometimes when I click on a blog post and see ALL THE WORDS, I sort of skim a little and then leave. But I never do that with your blog. Keep the words (all 972 of them) coming!
I concur that ALL THE WORDS are hilarious! It’s definitely not for everybody, but it works for you, girl:)
Also, I’d like to add that my sweet 3 year old boy happened to see that picture of the fleece shirt and said, “Wow! Who’s hiding in there?!?!”
So many words that I’m sure I could add as input, but I will refrain…But just so ya know, I like posts with lots of details! Also must add that with all the mountains of food, my son also had PB&J. He told his daddy, “I just don’t like any of this food.”
You keep on writing! You crack me up!! And I may or may not have just mis-heard someone at work say “hey, Big Rhonda”…I guess I had Big Mama on the brain, LOL
Word counts are so over-rated. I love your posts, so don’t change a thing!!!
Oh, and HOOK’EM!!! (Sorry, I had to! It was however a good game!)
Oh I love all the words..we might be cousins. I just wrote a post entitled a lot of a lots but essentially its all about my too many words. Honestly, I cannot even be succint in the comments…see I just keep writing.
The pot holders are lovely. I was a brownie too.
Happy Monday!
How fun, what a GREAT weekend!!!!!
Keep using all those words cause I love reading the post.
More words mean more funny. I know how you feel, as my MSU Bulldogs put a SPANKING on the arch rival Ole Miss this weekend. Thanks for sharing.
I like all the words. I’ve been accused of being a little wordy myself from time to time. I enjoy your blog, your pics… and the words you use to describe everything.
Some people are just wrong.
Laughing, laughing, still laughing!
So stinkin’ funny. Thanks for the much-needed Monday morning guffaw!
i LOVE ALL THE WORDS!!!! never ever leave out a single one!! media schmedia. they know nothing. you are perfect. love you!!!
My friend’s grandma used to knit potholders for everyone who visited her. She even worked ahead so she’d always have some handy to give out! (and I love them dearly now that she has died!) What fun times!
Those of us who refused to let the latest Aggie game ruin our Thanksgiving are to be commended.
Keep on beweaving.
Love all the words, Melanie! Glad you had a nice Thanksgiving
Oh my goodness! I made SO many of those potholders as a kid!!! I loved them!! And…YES they do make great Barbie rugs..or blankets!
I don’t know who this blogger is that says you do things wrong but I think they are full of it. The words and the details? KEEP ‘EM COMING.
Love all the words. My sister used to make those potholders, too, but be careful putting them on Etsy or you might wind up seeing yourself on the blog Homemade Hilarity!
I knew that I would be missing your posts for a week over the holiday, but I didn’t realize how much I would miss them! I think that even though that blog claims you’re committing a serious blunder with over word usage, you should just keep at it (and it appears you’re having no problem), because there’s a difference between people who use too many words and are completely uninteresting and useless and the person who is witty, interesting, and has a lot of good things to say (that’s you).
So, I love your blog, and I’m glad you’re back!
LOL! I’ve done something much worse. I made a giant loom and wove a potholder scarf.
http://thedomesticfringe.wordpress.com/2009/10/16/top-this/
Ya, it was a mistake, but I couldn’t help myself.
Glad you had a happy Thanksgiving!
-FringeGirl
I have, on occasion, been a good way into writing a (typically) verbose blog post, panicked when I saw my word count, and subsequently clicked over to your most recent post, checked to see how long it took to scroll down through the entire thing (usually several clicks on my down button), re-checked mine, and told myself that, whew, I was still in the clear.
This is no joke.
Seeing those pot holders brings back a lot of memories to me. I was about 10 and made pot holders for all the family for Christmas! Was I proud!! They started out being all cotton, if memory serves me right, but changed to polyester in my later years. By then, I had given up on the potholder business…. “Too hot to handle”
I never notice if your posts are too long…you’re so funny that I keep reading.
I have a problem with wordiness too, but I also have that problem in “real life,” so I don’t know how to break myself of it when I write.
Those weaving loom things are the reason my husband and I are together, I think. But that’s a long story, and my comment would be longer than your post.
Love the kids’ table photo!
You make me laugh!
Love the post! We bought our daughters the looms several years ago – we found metal looms and use cotton loops.
My daughters (9 and 11) are pretty crafty (much more so than I) they make purses made with two woven potholders and a long strap made with potholder loops – they’ve had so many compliments on them – they give them to their friends as gifts – BIG hit. They’ve also made a checker board for their little brother. Use buttons for the “checkers”.
Well Big Mama, I happen to hate (that’s a strong word isn’t it? I’ll change it to dislike) those bloggers who put on a couple of pictures and ten or four words. I love reading stuff !! So you go girl.
I made those potholders in 4-H. I think I made a total of two, so you got me beat!
Peanut butter and jelly works for every occasion does it not?
Loved the post. Really.
Hugs,
Marie
Read that same article over the weekend. Made me very depressed when I relized that I break all the rules too and my media empire isn’t nearly so grand as yours so there’s no hope for me, right? Then I realized a man wrote those rules. I’m wondering if maybe wordy women who read other wordy women blogs might have their own set of rules. The good news for me is that in the event I’m completely off the mark with that theory, I have it on good authority that a potholder loom is already packed in Santa’s sleigh this year with my kid’s name all over it. So if all else fails, I can resurrect my mad potholder skills from 1977 and start my own weaving empire too! Wahoo! And why did it never occur to me to use them as Barbie rugs way back then – genius! We actually used them as potholders. I don’t recommend!
Glad you’re back!
My sister and I had the exact same loom and we wove potholders for our mom… which CAUGHT on FIRE! Not the best quality in a pot holder.
I’m a lurker but came out in fear that if I didn’t say something you would stop writing the wonderful, hilarious, inspirational things that have made you one of the blogs I never, ever miss reading-
please don’t stop being wordy or telling it exactly like it is- I love knowing there is someone else out there who would wear pajamas all day if they could get by with it-
besides- when you do wear clothes instead of pjs, you have fabulous taste!!
Thank you, Melanie! I look forward to your posts everyday, and this one did not disappoint! Great job!
Media empire or not… I for one, love all of your wordiness and love reading your posts. I always know I’ll get a good laugh! And you totally rocked those potholders! Love the colors:) I’m pretty sure they didn’t have those pretty colors back in the 80s…only neon colors:)
I love your words.
Lovin all the words. The world needs more of YOUR words and less of Martha Stewart’s. God help us all.
Melanie… I love you. May the dream never die.
I would so go to Esty and buy your potholders! I look for them at craft shows cuz well they are da bomb!
I have 8 wishing I had oh 20!
Can’t type… laughing too much… Oh, I needed that laugh. Thank you for ALL of your words. Cathy in N. California
I love your words. I have missed them. I too would have gloated had the Ags won, but I was so excited by the first play of the game and the fact that several times we were within 3 points or even tied! Very exciting. My 5th graders are all longhorn fans and they all torment me every time they come to class by wearing their burnt orange.
And those woven creations of yours, there so chick! I think you’re on to something…
I made those pot holders for everyone for many Christmas seasons! I’m ROFL at the post about them! This year I’m crocheting bath poofs for a lot of people. And if you want to see a true, belly jiggling 3 year old laugh, just say the word “poof” around him!
Oooohhhh….I’m so thankful for your words. Every. single. hilarious. ironic. sarcastic. self-deprecating. delightful. funny. one of them. Glad you are back.
Will you post a link to that blog post you referred to about the 10 things bloggers do wrong? I’d love to know how many of those things I’m guilty of.
Don’t go changin’ to try and please me – er, I mean whoever wrote that list. You are awesome “just the way you are”
Keep writing just the way you do – love it – every word. And I laughed so hard at the loom stuff because two days ago, I told my mom to get one for my daughter for Christmas! Awesome!
Even one word less would have been a crying shame, woman.
You are cracking me up! Sounds and looks like you had a great week!
Let me tell you girl… I read a lot of momma blogs, and I do just skip over most entries if they are too wordy. However, you always hook me in with your wittiness and humor and I read every darn word! You crack me up… bring on the words!
Dear God, Please make me as effortlessly funny as Big Mama one day.
I really hope P and Caroline appreciate what they have…life will be so boring for C. if she doesn’t marry someone hysterical!
And you totally had meat the potholders. I cannot tell you how often I stay with a craft long after the children have moved on…sticky mosaics are my weakness.
I think Dorothy Kay needs a multi-colored potholder. Or a chic vest made of multiple multi-colored potholders. Hurry: Christmas is just around the corner! (Honey and Uncle Johnny will have to fend for themselves.)
LOVED this LONG post: it was just right.
I, too, love all your words. I save your blog till last every morning after all the others so I can enjoy it the most.
Keep it up, Melanie. Love it!
Media…..who needs them. I say the more words the better. I am new to blogging and I haven’t found my groove yet. I need to type like I talk but then that would be a bunch of words:)
Melanie
Your blog is great, and funny – WITH all the words!
I’m dying!
A – b/c I love the words. Don’t apologize for any ‘longevity.’
B – I remember doing potholders in my art class – 6th grade. It was the ONLY thing I felt decent at….other than my stick figures of course
In support of Aggies (which I am an LSU tiger- just need to add that) my nephew is shopping colleges right now and A&M is on the top of his list. Given there is no heritage of attendance I don’t know that he’ll get in, but he’s holding out. Regarding your potholder sweatshop- we’ve done the same thing at our house. My daughter is a little older and genetically inclined to some crafting ocd, so she did indeed see the etsy potential and has designed some lovelies with the intention of making loads of money because everyone would want one.
Love you and your words…I’m a word girl myself…details do just make everything better! =)
Also…I was quite a potholder connosieur (sp?) myself back in the day…and also tried my hand at woodburning…
Good times!
I love your blog – Media empire be darned! You’re so real and so funny that I laugh out loud and have even been known to (gasp) snort! Don’t change a thing!
That made me smile. I can manage to read a 1000 WORD blogpost but cringe at the fact I have to read half that for class. sigh.
Loved this post – it brought back memories of my own pot holder days. I miss them. You crack me up. Please keep writing. Lots of words.
Oh, the loom. Every mother must pass down that very important skill to her daughter! I have one of those very tiny potholders in my kitchen drawer made lovingly by my daughter when she was about Caroline’s age. She’s now 23. And, yes, I was very surprised by the finished size as well. Maybe they’ve been redesigned to work as potholders for the Lightbulb….I mean Easy Bake Oven.
Thank you for taking me back to my childhood when my Memaw had a huge, ginormous loom and I had a miniature one that I made potholders with right beside her. You go girl! Get your Etsy on!
I’m a long time reader, first time commenter….DON’T YOU DARE CHANGE A THING! I love your writing, I love reading your blog, you are one of the few real people out there. I just had to come out of hiding to make sure you don’t change….
OMG Melaine – I was devising my plan to torture my t.u. boss! In the past I have hung the frontpage of the newspaper on every office door in my building! The game was great! I didn’t realize you have family in the metropolis of B.C.S. My mom moved there after I graduated!
I love all your words. I was laughing so hard about your etsy shop, laughing again as I type that, anyway thanks.
Words good. We like.
Blessings!
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