I just finished playing ten rounds of Bejeweled Blitz.
I don’t know why I’m telling you that, but I guess I want to make you aware that I am at an all-time high level of procrastination. And, as part of the procrastination process, I decided to go brush my teeth and am now having a hard time focusing on writing anything because I had no idea my eyebrows were in such dire need of grooming and I really, really want to lock myself in the bathroom with my super-magnifying mirror and a pair of tweezers.
But I think we all know that would just lead to several weeks of me becoming best friends with my eyebrow pencil as we banded together to conceal my overzealous eyebrow plucking tendencies.
(If you think this post has started off without any real train of thought, JUST YOU WAIT.)
On Thursday night it started raining and continued to rain without ceasing until early Saturday morning. I am not the least bit ashamed to report that I spent that entire amount of time in my pajamas. At one point it looked like I might have to get dressed to pick Caroline up from school, but P saved the day.
I don’t want to give the wrong impression though. It’s not like I wasn’t very busy completing several different tasks around the house. For example, on Friday morning around 10:00 a.m., our junk drawer in the kitchen (don’t act like you don’t have one) looked like this.
All that clutter was making it so hard to find the glow sticks or the Santa Claus bubble gum or the bright orange polka dot ribbon when we needed it. And I’m so thankful that our spare hide-a-key is safely tucked away in the back of that drawer. That will come in super handy the next time I lock myself out of the house. Which happens more frequently than you might think.
After about thirty minutes of throwing away stuff while P wasn’t paying attention, I had that drawer all cleaned out. I don’t have any photographic evidence of the clean drawer. You’ll just have to take my word for it and believe that if my life is so lacking in excitement that I’m writing about cleaning out a drawer, I certainly wouldn’t be lying about it.
But wait. There’s more.
Last Saturday, P was at the ranch and Caroline and I found ourselves with nothing to do. I’d really been wanting to go into this antique store that I used to LOVE before I had a child and realized you don’t let a toddler loose in a store full of old, fragile things and, also, that we were spending all our disposable income on Pampers and Gerber Yogurt Melts.
So I asked Caroline if she wanted to go with me to the antique store and she said yes. Then, much to my delight, she LOVED the antique store. She declared it the BEST PLACE SHE’S EVER BEEN IN HER WHOLE LIFE (which kind of makes the money we spent on Sea World tickets last summer seem foolish) and I hugged her to me and said, “Mama has never loved you more than I do right now.”
We searched all over the store looking for various treasures and ultimately found a few things that I wanted to use to accessorize the living room, plus an old school desk that I wanted for Caroline’s room. I bargained with the owner and got all three pieces for A STEAL. A STEAL I SAY.
And I loaded up my car (cue the Sanford and Son theme music) and we headed home with our treasures.
All this to say that my other project while in my pajamas on Friday was to try to arrange my new pieces on top of the armoire in the living room and email pictures to Holly for approval.
My first attempt.
It was wrong, by the way.
Which led to my second attempt with Holly’s direction.
P came in to see what I was doing and I asked for his opinion. His opinion was that there was NO WAY we were getting a pet bird and then I had to explain that the bird cage was just for decoration and then he said he hoped I didn’t pay a lot of money for it and I told him it was A STEAL at just $15.00.
(Which is actually just an amount that I use to describe a lot of purchases.)
(But I was glad it was the amount I threw out because the look on his face seemed to indicate that he thought I paid $15.00 too much for it.)
After he picked Caroline up from school, she noticed I’d arranged the bird cage and said, “I wish we could get a real bird.”
“Well, we’re not going to. Maybe we could have an imaginary bird.”
(I didn’t feel like there was any need to launch into my semi-fear of birds.)
She didn’t seem to buy my whole “imaginary bird” suggestion, so I pushed it a little further and said we could name the imaginary bird “Babe” which was the name of the imaginary friend she had for several years but I haven’t heard her mention lately.
She said, “Oh Mama. Babe is gone. She grew up.”
And then I curled up in the fetal position and looked at her baby pictures for the next several hours with a box of Kleenex by my side.
On Saturday, she went to the ranch with P and shot a duck that she thought would look great in the bird cage.
I think I’ll pass.
Oh, and she also brought home some turnips that she found and thought might be DELICIOUS for dinner.
Which worked out so well because I’d just been wondering how to get more turnips into my diet. The turnip really is the cousin-your-mom-forced-you-to-ask-to be-a-bridesmaid vegetable of the vegetable world.
I told Caroline I had no idea how to cook turnips and she told me to “google it”.
And I did. Only to discover that the larger the turnip, the more “woody” the taste.
So, yeah. Since these are bigger than my child’s head, I’m thinking they’re best left uneaten.
Unless we decide to feed them to our imaginary bird.
Would it make you feel better if I told you that was way more exciting than my life?
You’re welcome
you always talk about your unexciting life, which in all actuality may be true. however you make it seem so exciting with your great storytelling abilities! I find it sweet though because this is your beautiful season of life! and I wish you had a recording of these things Caroline says, because I try to imagine it in my head and it just doesn’t do me justice… so if you mind, please start carrying around a recorder so I can hear everything she says! don’t tell her though. I can tell it would make her want to say a lot more than necessary! haha.
that was an unnecessarily long comment, but I know you can relate to wordiness! it’s my favorite thing about your blog, btdubbbs (by the way
)!
hilarious!!! so bittersweet that her imaginary friend grew up, although i guess it wouldn’t be too great if she NEVER outgrew her imaginary friend, you know? i so need to pluck my eyebrows, too…but…i am procrastinating!
xoxo,
erika
funfinns.com
I LOVE that you use $l5 dollars to describe your purchases….I have the same tendency…..I also like to say “oh this? I’ve had this forever”…..or since yesterday. But who needs to know that?
LOVE the suitcase (don’t know if that was a new purchase – but I love it!)!!
Don’t laugh – those large turnips in the land I currently inhabit are joyfully hollowed out, the skins intricately carved, strung up as a lantern and lit with a tea-light for the late Fall tradition of Raebeliechtli – end of Harvest. They’re not just for eating…
That said, I avoid volunteering for this at the school because loads of turnips being “decorated” offends my delicate sense of smell.
Your ramblings are even funny!
LOL, I love this post… and I love your family!
I like what you did on top of your armoire! Ours is topped with a bunch of random stuff right now that I am sure would make Holly want to cry and have a stiff drink b/c it looks so bad.
I like the birdcage! I found a small ugly wood one at Salvation Army once, but I left it there. The next day, during my kids’ naptime, I had the brilliant idea to spray paint it. As soon as they woke up we rushed over there and it was still there, of course, b/c it was so ugly. A coat or five of white spray paint made it so cute!
My husband didn’t understand either.
PS. I like the drawer pulls on your junk drawer. How is that for random?!
Love the “arrangement”.
I’m not sure my bladder can take this. At least not after coffee.
But I really enjoy drinking my coffee while reading the daily adventures of Big Mama.
Just when I think it’s safe, almost finished reading your post–
“The turnip really is the cousin-your-mom-forced-you-to-ask-to be-a-bridesmaid vegetable of the vegetable world.”
Worse case scenario, I’ll just have to explain to my husband why I spent “$15″ at Victoria Secret on new panties.
Totally necessary.
Wait–I had more to say.
I am so delighted to know that I am not the last of the junk drawer owners. YES, I know about the various trays and dividers and wonderful organizers available.
I LOVE ORGANIZATION after all.
But I have been in need of a junk drawer overhaul and you have provided me with just the push to do it on this holiday.
I am in the process of redoing a few rooms and love the color of your walls in the post. Do you share? Also, I think I live in close proximity to Holly – is she expensive?
Love your blog. Read it every morning drinking my coffee. I love sarcasm and the way you write is just the way I imagine you talk and live – so real. You crack me up!
I wish I had your gift of spinning random stories into interesting tales. Who knows? Maybe those skills will one day turnip!
“GOOD” turnips taste great raw….thin sliced with a little salt….similar to
raw potatoes….Pam, South Bend
Okay, now that was funny. You should write one of them blawgs or something.
Your blog makes me smile every morning!
Oh the hilarity! Caroline’s face with the duck is good, too.
Just found a wonderful little store filled with adorable $15 home decor . I’m inspired but would really need some assistance getting it “right” in my own home. LOVED Holly’s website, by the way. Talk about random!!! Have a great day, Big Mama! We’ll be spending our MLK day at 2 6 yr old b-day parties at the SAME bowling alley. AM/PM. OH MY!
Your family rocks. And there’s nothing wrong with playing ten rounds of Bejeweled Blitz. I love that game.
Just popping in out of complete lurker status to say you are hilarious and I only wish I could be as funny as you!
Having said that, just thought you might not be aware that they in fact, make a Fur-Real Parrot that my daughter could NOT live without and purchased with a Wal-Mart gift card only after her love for her new Zhu-Zhu pet ended up at the bottom of her toy box. I’m thinking that might be a good option for your bird cage. You can even touch it’s head and he talks. It’s practically real.
Thanks for always making me smile. Even on a Monday morning!:)
I have learned something new and THRILLING about you this morning.
I LOVE ANTIQUE SHOPS TOO!! And I haven’t been in one for ages. 1.) the children and 2.) my lack of self-discipline in spending discretionary money that doesn’t even exist. (What does discretionary even mean?)
I suddenly have this (in)explicable urge to go antiquing!
Your blog makes me smile! I love the treasures you found. I am working in SA the next few weeks and would love to check out the antique shop. Will you share the name of the shop? Please….
So have I told you that Holly is coming to my house tomorrow to help me with my bare walls and windows? Woo hoo!
Don’t even try to eat those turnips. I made beef stew last week and I put turnips in it and they were awful. My boyfriend and I picked them all out and figured we would feed them to the dog (this dog will eat anything – marshmallows and bananas and green beans and pieces of wood, just to name a few of his favorites). I figured the turnips had been soaking in a thick beef broth for four hours, surely the dog would eat them. He licked the broth off and then left them on the carpet. If my four legged garbage disposal won’t eat them, no human should either.
Only 10 rounds???
You only have ONE junk drawer? I spent my christmas break cleaning out drawers too. Especially the ones in the bathroom -I believe I had stuff in there that I put in when we first moved into this house. 13 years ago. Chop up those turnips and cook those puppies in with some greens, make a pan of cornbread and give me a call when its ready!
I also have a bird fear. They have beaks! And they fly! They could kill me in an instant!
I’m thinking although Shrute farms has beets, Dwight would be able to steer you in the right direction concerning turnips!
You never disappoint.
Turnip is actually really good with carrots. You boil an equal amount of chopped turnip with chopped carrots until they are nice and soft, and then you mash it with lots of butter and brown sugar. I promise you…really good! It’s a staple for us for holiday dinners!
I have to say…..you’re on the job with responsibility!
I like the new arrangement. And….I love the antique store!
That had to be music to your sweet ears!
And….ewwww turnips?! Blak!
I am jealous of your procrastination days. I am a huge fan of procrastination and hanging out in my pjs PLANNING all of the projects I want to do, but never do. This concept, apparently, is lost on a certain male. I mentioned wanting tile and carpet, and the next thing I knew, I was walking around on cement floors…FORCED to pick out tile and carpet. And so, this weekend, I spent my time doing MANUAL LABOR!
Well, except when I would sneak into the “computer room” to work. If my boss ever wants me to put in extra hours, he just needs to encourage me to remodel at the house. I’m actually back at my office on a HOLIDAY to avoid the mopping and cleaning of tile that awaits me at home. Oh, and not to mention the packing up of closets and all things so that we can prepare for carpet installation.
I am tired just thinking of it!
Thank you so much for this post. I really needed a giggle today!
Can I just say that I love Caroline! She is wise beyond her years and such a cutie. That picture of her holding that duck made me laugh.
I would love to have seen a picture of your junk drawer after the swarping because newly organzied drawers warm my heart. If I were at your house I would open the drawer every 5 minutes or so to just admire the beautifulness of it.
Oh, and for some reason (probably because I have no decorating sense) I like the first picture of the decorating better. My OCD wouldn’t allow the books on top of the trunk. But again, what do me and my OCD know?
And lastly, I was so glad to know that I am not the only wife who arbitrarily throws out prices of items. I’m telling you Melanie, me and you would get along fabulously!
Okay, seriously? I am soooo glad that I’m not the only one with a “semi-fear” of birds. It’s a long a drawn out tale that has roots in the fact that I grew up on a chicken farm and that I was attacked by a vicious parakeet. Or was it a canary? I’m really not sure. And then there was the time a large turkey trapped my brother and I on a swingset. All that to say I really could use Caroline’s bird hunting skills. And her gun….
I have a junk drawer. Of course. There is an expression I learned while living in England and I use it to describe my junk drawer…
‘my junk drawer looks like a dog’s breakfast.’ Gotta love that saying! It essentially means a mess. Course if you have a junk drawer I probably didn’t need to explain that.
It seems it was a random low key weekend for lots of people. I wrote about sleep on my blog today : )
This whole post made me laugh, haha!!!
About the bird…I wanted birds without the mess. Found some of those motion-activated birds that sing their song whenever you walk by them. I thought they were great…my family started mentioning horrid things they were going to do to my birds (I bought several) if I didn’t plug their plugs. Family won.
My stand-by sale price is “under $10.00″.
I always say “Look at this —–, can you believe I got it for under $10.00?”
I love to laugh and got some giggles from your post. The photo of your daughter is adorable. I’m glad your blog managed to “turnip” for me today.
Ooo ooo ooo! (ala Arnold Horshack from “Welcome Back Kotter”)…my Chris and I watched a cooking show Saturday morning (as per our routine) with Julia and Jacques and they made the best looking carmelized carrots and turnips. I bet the recipe is on their website somewhere…we love to see those two swap apt replies! I think the title of the program was winter vegetables.
I think you might need a better decorator because I sort of like photo one better now…the second photo is at a funny angle though…maybe if your decorator would just take to look at the pictures on an actual computer and not her blackberry it would help.
regardless the suitcase and birdcage are great!
Pioneer Woman has a recipe for Turnip Gratin that looks delicious, if you are still looking for something to do with your turnips!
ROFL!
Your daughter cracks me up. The dead duck takes the cake and the only person I know who actually likes turnips is my husband.
Gag.
-FringeGirl
Sanford and Son music…hahahahaha!!!
And that picture of Caroline and the dead duck…priceless!
Oh my dear, you always make me laugh!
Apparently 99% of men are the same, no matter how wonderful and unique the find (or how much we saved by buying on sale) the first words from their mouths are how much!
Loved this post!
funniest thing i’ve seen all day! thanks, as always, for the smile
New reader to your blog and am enjoying your posts. You make me laugh out loud, thank you!!
Only you could make a rainy day, a new old birdcage, a cluttered drawer and a turnip into a gut busting post. Thanks, because this MLK holiday off needed a shot of Big Mama.
Good job on the top of your armoire. It looks great. And I like the bird cage. Turnips, however, are gross. So yeah, you might want to tell Caroline that someone broke into your house while you were at Target and stole the Turnips.
I just discovered turnips! And they’re really good! Clean them, cube them into 1 in. pieces, place on a cookie sheet, and brush them with extra virgin olive oil. Season with salt and pepper and place into a 425 degree oven for about 30 minutes on the bottom rack. YUM!
You just totally crack me up. I am pretty sure if we ever have a real live face to face conversation I will be peeing in my pants. And I truly mean that as a compliment!
Love your blog!
Just think of the fun you could have with an imaginary cat too!
Great post!
No matter what, I can always depend on you to make me laugh. You are too funny!
Love the grouping. Looks great. I can’t wait until I can put out cute things like that again. As you mentioned, I don’t go to places like that right now with these two toddlers in two.
It is so cool you and Caroline have the antique store to bond over. But a nice surprise.
Oh, and I’m with ya on the turnips. I eat a lot of vegetables, but I draw the line at turnips. They are too strong a taste for me. Just like radishes.
I love what you did with the bird cage and suit case! Maybe some ivy in the cage will make it less like it’s missing a bird? Ooh, or some lights?
I am a HUGE Bejeweled blitz fan, and can spend Waay too long playing. Have you played long enough to have it announce to everyone that you have jsut wasted a ton of time playing 20 games in a row? Me neither. LOL
I am impressed you could stop after 10 rounds of Bejeweled Blitz. I am an addict.
I have this obsession with beating all my friends scores. I think my husband was devastated when I discovered my Bejeweled App on my iPod touch linked to my facebook page…
Mind posting your fav antique store??? Love scouting them. There’s a few good ones for bigger furniture pieces on Hildebrand between San Pedro and Blanco. Loved the post. You’re quite the funny lady!