Since yesterday morning was a holiday, P got up with Caroline and let me sleep in. Eventually Caroline came running in to wake me up and inform me that we were almost out of eggs and she needed a new jump rope. I’m not sure how those things are related, but I’ve learned it’s better not to ask.
She’d already dressed herself like a bag lady for the day and ran outside to jump rope while I sat at the kitchen island watching her through the window while I tried to wake up. But then she got mad at me because I wasn’t giving her my full, undivided attention and marched back into the house to let me know she wanted me to give her a thumbs up through the window every time she completed a successful jump roping rotation.
Why, yes, she is an only child. Thanks for asking.
P decided he was going to head down to the ranch. Originally, Caroline had no interest in going but once she noticed that he loaded the dogs in the truck, she was suddenly all in. I’m not sure why the dogs were the selling point, but I think part of it is because she loves to come home and report how much cow poop Scout rolled in while they were there. Which, obviously, FASCINATING.
(Totally off topic, but I just looked up and P was making funny faces at me. I asked him what he was doing and he said imitating my blogging face. I was unaware that I had a blogging face, but I’m so glad he let me know because now I won’t be self-conscious about it AT ALL. Maybe someone should just mind his own business and go back to watching this episode of American Pickers.)
(By the way, when they find old stuff on American Pickers he thinks it’s super cool. But yet he doesn’t appreciate that his wife is his very own American picker. How else could I have scored that bird cage and the old leather suitcase?)
Anyway, I found myself all alone for the day with no real agenda. I debated using the time productively and going to HEB since we’re out of everything, but did I mention my tendency to procrastinate as of late? And that by as of late, I mean since I was born?
I ended up driving to Academy (sports and outdoors!) because P needed new work shirts and I decided that Caroline needed one of those beaded jump ropes like we used during P.E. in elementary school. Remember those? The ones that would occasionally leave a big welt on your leg if you made a false move while doing some double dutch?
While I was checking out at Academy, the cashier told me she’d lost fifty pounds by jumping rope. She said jumping rope for ten minutes is the equivalent of running for forty-five minutes. She totally had me with the whole ten minute workout part of that sentence, but I was a little concerned about the part that involved jumping rope because that sounded hard.
But TEN MINUTES. A TEN MINUTE WORKOUT. Take that, Jillian Michaels and your twenty-one minutes of Shred torture.
I came home, opened the jump rope and managed to jump three times consecutively before I nearly knocked myself out with the beaded jump rope.
So it looks like I’m stuck with Jillian.
Speaking of pain, how about Renee Walker just flat sawing that guy’s hand off on 24 last night? I knew as soon as we saw her in the elevator that she’d been drinking some crazy juice. It was in her eyes and I always recognize the crazy eye thanks to years of watching The Bachelor. It’s a gift really.
And when she told Chloe that she’d been working security somewhere, this was all I could picture.
It’s no wonder she’d rather infiltrate the Russian mob.
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24 Never disappoints and Renee’s craziness is no exception! I love it! However, we got to see 4 hours in 2 days and now we have to wait a whole week for the next hour…I have a hard time waiting and now I’m resorting to whining!
BTW, beaded jump ropes are the best…so much better than those flimsy ropes that just float overhead. I didn’t know that they still sold them, I may have to go look for one.
You seriously ALWAYS crack me up!!!
i tried jumping rope at my house but my porch is too small and i kept hitting the plate glass of our patio door. (no yard). it was very frustrating!
i am going to ask my husband if i have a blog face- too funny!
xoxo,
erika
funfinns.com
But how about the new CTU director (shrimp gumbo, scrimp scampi, shrimp salad….)? I feel like my mother, yelling at him “Stand up straight!!!
Holy moly! What goes on at your Target that they need a security vehicle like that?
Having flashbacks of welts from those silly ropes.
WOW a survivor from the Haiti earthquake was just interviewed on Good Morning America….He said he works for Compassion International….he is from Colorado. He talked about his faith…his love of God and what he wrote while he
was trapped…..Amazing…touching…Our God is an AWESOME GOD !!! Pam, South Bend
I SO needed a good laugh this morning. Thank you, Big Mama! So dang funny. And that is one sweet Target security ride. And speaking of crazy, I’m going to have to catch up with Jake and his wings of love via the DVR later on today.
This has nothing to do with your post, but I wanted to thank you for raving about Friday Night Lights. Because of your suggestion, my husband and I are now hooked. And I mean hooked!
Thanks for the laugh this morning! I’m now debating the investment of a jumprope because of the 10 minute thing…but I’m not sure that I would even get 3 jumps in…
What about just opening the jump rope? Surely that burned some calories…those plastic ties they have on everything nowadays are really hard to open.
Have you been watching this season of The Bachelor? Stop reading if you missed last night.
There are some craaaaazies this time. They kept panning to this one girl who had serious stalker potential written all over her. She threw dagger eyes at any girl who even looked at Jake. He actually sent her home early last night!
Jumping rope takes coordination, so I’m out. Although the prospect of a 10 minute workout sounds tempting. Even with my genetic predisposition for klutziness.
Oh, and what in the heck goes on at your Target that a little scooter thing is needed? We have burly red-neck security guys that can take care of business if need be, but lands, that looks serious. Those folks mean business.
Oh, thank you SOOOOO much for the laugh this morning! I really needed that! My hubby and I were just talking about the crazy eye Bachelor syndrome last night while we viewed the latest episode.
)
So, what would some faithful readers have to do to get a picture of that blogging face? Priceless
Only ten minutes? Really??
I’m buying a jump rope.
-FringeGirl
Looking for a jump rope…I’ll take 10 minutes of torture over 20 minutes of torture any day.
Seriously, this whole thing had me laughing!!!
Ummmm, wonder if Jillian has been informed of the jump rope that could potentially kick her out of business! She should be afraid, very agraid, ha!!
If it helps, all 3 of my girls want looked at, applauded and thumbed-up while they perform (and they’d like it even better if I liked them more than their sisters). So, don’t run out and have more kids just to tone down Caroline’s need for attention. It will most probably backfire.
p.s. Please tell me you’re not on Level 3 of the Shred. I’m terrified of it and can’t bring myself to move up. (not that I’ve mastered Level 2 by any stretch)
I am HIGHLY disappointed that we are four hours in and Jack has only killed 3 people. Last season I really disliked Renee. But after last night??? I’m in love.
Hilarious post this morning! All over the place but hilarious!
Jumping rope for 10 minutes?? I have GOT to try that!
Thanks for the laughs this Tuesday morning.
I just saw American Picker for the first time last night and really liked it. I also watch Pawn Stars from time to time. I would love to collect cool stuff but I wouldn’t know what to do with it once I had it (probably pawn it, ha ha!)
Don’t try a cartwheel…apparently, at our age, our lower half has no business being above our upper half, even if only for a split second. It will throw off your equilibrium for a while.
…or maybe it was just me…
My aunt Emily works security for Target – a distribution center. She says it’s the most mind-numbing job she’s ever had. She’d probably rather infiltrate the Russion mafia too.
Haven’t even finished reading this post yet, but AMERICAN PICKERS!!! How many fun shows do our dear husbands introduce us to??!!! Over Christmas it was Pawn Shop : )
We’ve been married almost 16 years. We watch Project Runway and American Chopper together. Truly merging into ‘one’.
Have a great day! Gonna read the rest of your entry now.
oh, the memories if jumping rope in p.e. and the darn rope injuring me! thanks for keeping me laughing. i’ve been in china this month and continued to keep up with your blog. you have made my time here, even funnier. so thanks!
Drinking the crazy juice . . . bwaha!!
I have to tell you that I am an only child like Caroline. Ok well, I’m a tad bit older than she is, by like 15 years, but who’s counting? Just wanted you to know that those jump rope moments with the thumbs up…. those never end. I had great parents who spent all of their time with me and I still like to be the center of attention when I’m with them… who I am kidding? I like to be the center of attention everywhere I go!
But honestly, she’ll turn out just fine. We’re a tad bit weird, the only child breed, but for the most part, we’re harmless!
Whoa, shouldn’t you put a spoiler alert in there before you go giving away stuff on 24? Some people DVR that and haven’t had a chance to watch it yet!!!
OK: Where is American Pickers? Education on TLC or ManStuff on one of those man channels I never take time to memorize…?
Since I just did the 3rd day of The Shred, my heart leaped when I read that 10 minutes of jump rope equals 45 minutes of running. But then my brain engaged and I thought about how truly long 10 minutes of jumping up and down and up and down on concrete really is. And I don’t think it would be a good idea to get out on the grass, as the neighbors would either be (a) alarmed to the point of calling the cops or (b) amused to the point of calling the tv cameras, or else putting me on Funniest Home Videos. So I guess I’ll keep on (trying) to shred. How is it that those simple exercises are so crappin hard? Maybe it’s all the excess fat jiggling around, I don’t know.
I don’t watch 24, or the Bachelor or anything else. Not because I’m one of those “tv-rots-your-brain-and-we-don’t-have-cable-kind-of-people” Just because Britt and the kids watch lots of tv and I never get the chance!!!
My favorite part of this post is the security scooter!! I love how it reads “ASSETS PROTECTION”. Why do people feel like they have to have a distinguished sounding title?? Security Guard isn’t good enough for us anymore! Hilarious!
Seriously, when she chopped off his hand I was all, “Dude… she and Jack just TOTALLY traded places!”
oh my heavens. you are cracking me up today my friend. because the security comment and the crazy eye? love it
I love a good belly laugh!! How do you come up with this stuff everyday?
Last night – the end – Renee – seriously my jaw was permanently stationed on the floor – did NOT see that coming. But then I missed the lst couple episodes of last season. Up until that part, there was really no point in my dh curling up in fear at me watching 24.
And the jump roping – Yeah, its a great idea. Except for the jumping off the floor watching my boobs hit the ceiling and my butt hit the floor. Maybe when I’m a size zero, I’ll give it a go.
Have a great day!
Cathy
American Pickers + Pawn Stars = one fabulous hour of television.
My daughter has one of those God-forsaken jump ropes fashioned like a plastic whip. I am not kidding, I actually gave myself a welt that extended the entire width of my neck trying to get my jumprope on. It hurt. Badly. I’m too scared to try again. =)
Mindy
http://www.thesuburbanlife.com
OK, am I the only one completely disturbed by American Pickers??? I hate that show. Those guys remind me of those people who call up your grandmother and try to talk her out of YOUR inheritance because they’re in jail in Canada. I mean, they talk this really really awesome veteran of WWII out of a saddle that his kids and grandkids easily could have used or appreciated someday.
Rant over… I remember those jump ropes! I’d probably kill myself with it, too. Jillian is painful but at least I won’t kill myself.
OK, on the jump rope work out routine. That was fine BEFORE babies. Now? I have to cross my legs if I snicker too genuinely. Jumping rope? I’d pee myself in a New York minute.
I was thinking about your blog last night when I finailly tried the shred dvd I bought months ago… that is a really hard 20 minutes, and as the comment above, even the pretend jump rope makes me afraid I would wet my pants!
gonna keep my hands in my pocket next time i go to target! And how BAD is Jack gonna be this year…cause he can’t let a woman outdo him??!!
I’m thinking that 24 just got way grisly really early in the season. Makes me nervous about how they will top that!
Have you tried an hour of Pilates? As opposed to the shred?
Wow – they sell those beaded jump ropes somewhere? I’d be game but my house is only 11 feet wide. No room to jump. And you are drinking the crazy juice yourself if you think I’m going to jump rope on the sidewalk in the middle of the city!
As the mother of an only child, I COMPLETELY understand about your daughter needing your constant attention while she is jump roping. My son is constantly saying “watch me! watch me!” He wants me to watch him watch TV, watch him take a bath (when daddy is bathing him), etc. Anyway, that particular story was too funny, and I cam definitely relate!
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