About seven years ago, we did some renovations on our house. And by we, I mean that P contracted the entire job and worked tirelessly to make sure everything turned out the way we wanted while I cried every night because I was worried that the house wouldn’t be ready on time and OH MY WORD what if we have to bring our new baby home to this rental house instead of her new pink nursery?
I’d like to blame pregnancy hormones on all the obsessing over when the house would be finished, but I know I’d act the same way tomorrow except I wouldn’t be able to sing a chorus of “In the Ghetto” by Elvis Presley to drive home my point because the words “and a baby cries…in the ghetto” wouldn’t have the same impact now that the baby is six years old.
We moved back into the house exactly two weeks before Caroline was born, in spite of the fact that we had no kitchen countertops or any other necessary components that make up a kitchen but we had the pink nursery and that’s all that really mattered. Who needs an oven when you have darling whimsical letters that spell CAROLINE hanging on a pink wall and a fresh, white crib that the baby won’t actually sleep in for several months?
The countertops were finally installed the day before I went into labor along with the sink and the kitchen faucet. Everything was installed, the baby was born, and, approximately one week later, the sprayer component of our new faucet quit working. Actually, that’s not totally true. It worked fine if you didn’t mind the fact that it got stuck and would randomly decide to spew water all over the kitchen. It created a surprisingly non-hilarious situation when you factor in a newborn baby and sleep-deprivation. The kind of situation that is like shaking up a bottle of crazy sauce and then watching it explode.
Ultimately, P worked his plumbing magic to unhook the sprayer and so it has remained a non-functioning component of our sink for the last six and a half years.
Until he decided on Tuesday morning that TODAY WAS THE DAY to fix the sprayer. I don’t know why it was the day because I don’t bother to ask those kinds of questions. Why is the sky blue? Why do people watch Jay Leno? Why does Lionel Richie never age? JUST BECAUSE.
All I know is that he asked me to help him get everything out from under our kitchen sink and our kitchen looked like this.
It has continued to look like that for the past 48 hours. I try not to look directly at it because that would be like throwing a match on a powder keg just to see if it would explode. It would. It totally would.
And it certainly doesn’t help matters that, in addition to being a haven for amateur plumbers, my house has been transformed into some sort of Valentine’s Day sweat shop. Caroline’s only homework for the week was to sign her name on Valentine’s cards for everyone in her class. But, OH NO, she wanted to hand make her cards and write “Happy Valentine’s Day! Love, Caroline” inside every single one. It was barrels of fun for the first two cards, but quickly became some kind of Hallmark factory gone awry as I stood over her and insisted that WE MUST CONTINUE TO MAKE THE CARDS. YOU CAN HAVE A SNACK WHEN YOU FINISH ANOTHER CARD.
But oh she is SO TIRED of shaking the silver glitter. It’s exhausting.
Anyway, P wasn’t sure that he was going to be able to fix the existing faucet because the something was leaking into the something and the bottom line is that my new bag of Pledge Grab-its got damp along with our last roll of Viva paper towels. I was out running errands to distract myself from the plumbing when he called and asked me to meet him at Home Depot so I could pick out a new faucet.
I don’t go to Home Depot very often because it is my kryptonite. One loop around Home Depot and I begin to dream about new toilet seats, granite countertops, and fancy showerheads that make you feel like it’s raining on the inside. (Shout out to Amy Grant) But I met P on the kitchen faucet aisle and found a faucet I liked. He asked, “Do you want to go ahead and buy it or do you want to see if I can fix our existing one?”
“I don’t know. I really like this one but I’m not sure it will work if we end up getting granite countertops and a farmhouse sink.”
“Well, realistically speaking, in light of all our other financial obligations, I don’t really see that there’s going to be a time when we’ll spend money on granite countertops and a whatever-you-just-said sink.”
Why does my husband want to kill my dreams of granite countertops and a farmhouse sink on Aisle 6 at Home Depot?
So I said, “I don’t want the new one. Just see if you can fix the old one.” And then I walked out of the store and past the granite displays with a wistful glance.
He bought approximately 782 parts that were supposed to fix the sink, but none of them worked. I went back to Home Depot yesterday and bought the new faucet. Which I actually really love because it’s got the sprayer thingy that pulls right out of the faucet and, yes, that’s exactly how it was described on the box. It’s pretty and shiny.
And it would look great on a farmhouse sink.
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This is the funniest post of yours I have read in a LONG time (and let’s face it, they are all pretty darn funny).
I am going through the same thing with Valentine’s Day cards here at my house. AND, my husband picked this ONE day to install a new toilet, but then OF COURSE it was missing a part, and six months later, I still have an uninstalled toilet in the middle of our master bedroom, which my daughter thinks is an “extra potty”- NOOOOO!
you crack me up!
-erika
theurthmama.com
I just found your blog by doing a Google search for other blogs with the name “MAMA” in them. I am SO HAPPY I FOUND YOU because I think your husband and my husband are long lost twins of incomplete household projects. Last October he thought it a good idea to dig out a 250 square foot “square” behind our house because “we were going to get pavers and come Thanksgiving we can GRILL our turkey and party in the back yard.” He never finished. Now we’ve got a 250 square foot, mosquito-breeding, moss-lined pond.
Thank you for a much needed laugh this morning. I love your blog! Here is my favorite line in your post today:
“The kind of situation that is like shaking up a bottle of crazy sauce and then watching it explode.”
I also think our husbands are related. Mine never even starts the projects though. He has grand ideas, but no get up and go. Our daughters plays et sat on the pick-up shelf at Home Depot for a year before he brought it home. Six months later it finally got partially set up only because our friends and neighbors came over to do it!
“Why does my husband want to kill my dreams of granite countertops and a farmhouse sink on Aisle 6 at Home Depot?”
I hate it when my husband does that! Realists are so depressing. A woman can dream, can’t she?!
Enjoy your new faucet with the sprayer thingy!
Granite countertops are a phase anyway. In 5 years they’ll be as outdated as the white tile ones my Mom and Mother in law have.
Seriously though, all men are programmed to procrastinate. THEY wouldn’t use the sprayer thingy so it isn’t high on the priority list. Now if the remote control didn’t work you’d probably have to dial 911…
I hope the people that have been putting in granite, marble & travertine since the Roman’s built the Coliseum don’t find out it is just a passing trend.
Oh man, this is hysterical. Families are so universal, and I love reading about yours because you take all of the silly little issues and make them sound much more amusing than they really are in that moment of frustration and stress! Thanks for the smile this morning
This is too funny! And I can totally relate. Sorry he killed your dreams. Enjoy that new faucet.
It’s nice to see P finally hit his nesting stage! I have one of those faucets where the sprayer thingy comes right out of the faucet. Love. Pure love!
After our last plumbing fiasco, the one which began with “I most certainly CAN fix this” I adopted the following motto. “Duct tape is only a temporary solution.”
I take trips to Home Depot to a higher level. I take pictures of my dream kitchen. And tape them to the refrigerator. With duct tape.
Funny. The plumbing problems in my house are slowly killing me, one drip at a time.
-FringeGirl
I don’t see why a farmhouse sink couldn’t just take a little leap-frog over some of those other financial “obligations.”
We got a new kitchen faucet with the sprayer that pulls out of the faucet and I love it, but it took 3 days to get it installed correctly, because of something to do with the lines not being long enough. But I found some things I have lost under the kitchen sink when he pulled everything out.
I think P is secretly planning a Valentine’s surprise of a granite countertop and farmhouse sink. Otherwise, why would he have had you “meet him at Home Depot to pick out a new faucet” when all he really did was ask you if you wanted to buy a new one or have him fix the old one? Which he could have done on the phone? But then he would not have known the secret desires of your dream kitchen. Very suspicious.
Can P come change out my sprayer? It’s been needing changing since we moved here summer of ’06. JUST BEFORE Sophie was born in September of that year.
I can’t bear to go to Home Depot either and look at any new choices. I have tile.
TILE. Small white tiles on my counter top with grey grout that crumbles at times when I clean the counters with ammonia. I don’t know if it’s the ammonia. I don’t care. I LIKE AMMONIA. I think it’s the counters. I’m quite certain it’s beyond time to change them out.
But I don’t see it happening any time in my near future either. Having my oldest daughter’s new family living with us probably means no new counter tops for me as well. Not that I mind them here. Well her and the baby. Hubby is about to be deployed. So really, should I be concerned with new counters?
I’m trying. I really am. And your post helped a lot. Not that I wouldn’t be happy for you if you got those new granite counter tops and farmhouse sink any time soon. I totally would.
And I’m very happy for you and your new sprayer. So what if mine is all rusty.
So what.
If P is the type of person to ask for help, you should send him to a plumbing specialty store (such as a Ferguson if you have one nearby…or even a locally owned). I know this because I’m the daughter of an owner of one of these stores. If all else fails, get me a good description of what’s going on and I’ll ask my dad if there’s anything that can be done for it.
Sometimes it pays to have a plumber in the family!
I am so blessed to have a husband who knows his handyman limitations! He can and will do any yardwork, carpentry or paint. He will not attempt to do any plumbing, electical, flooring or wallpaper. Thanks goodness! Of course, he and I know this after attempts all said jobs once and only once. We now have all those numbers on speed dial and my lfe is alot calmer now. The comment about shaking up a bottle of crazy sauce totally cracked me up as I traveled down memory lane of my life before he realized his limitations!
oo dear i love the story of your sweet girl and the valentines fiasco:):)
We had snow days from school on Tuesday and Wednesday. The kids decided that would be perfect to make Valentines. They had to make 20, 21, and 14. If you’re counting that is 55 stinkin’ Valentines. All that remains is for the 5-year-old to sign her name. She’s promised that today is the day. I can’t bear to describe the agony that got us to this point. *shudder*
What is it with handy husbands and their inner home improvement clocks? It’s like they wake up one morning and say to themselves, “Today’s the day I will put new flooring in the bathroom. Today and only today!”
I told my husband all Spring last year that I really needed him to have our deck put in my July, b/c I would be hosting a bridal shower for my sister and wanted the guests to have somewhere to sit besides a patch of weedy grass. He would mumbled something that sounded like “okay,” and then turn the volume to Fox News up. Finally, it was two weeks before the shower and when I asked him what was up, he said, “You didn’t tell me when the shower was?! I have to do it now?!” Needless to say, I got a very nice deck completed in one day.
May all your farmhouse sink dreams come true!
I am SO dreaming of a farmhouse sink too. We bought a bargain sink when we built our house 12 years ago. It was supposed to be some kind of new product and it has been a huge disappointment to me. It just never looks very clean even when it is. Plus, I love the look of the farmhouse sink. Actually, I was loving farmhouse sinks BEFORE everyone else in the world was loving them. Someday I hope to have one even if they are not the “in” thing anymore.
You are better than me if all you dream about in Home Depot is countertops and a sink. I try to stinkin’ build my own house in my mind. And who needs contractors when they strategically have those DIY books next to the table saw?
The never-ending household projects. *big sigh* I know them well. Last year, when we were preparing for baby #2, my hubby decided to strip the paint off of both kids’ bedroom doors as well as rip up some tile in our master bathroom. Baby is now 8 months old, we have 2 bedroom doors with peeling paint (that’s not hazardous at all with a crawling baby!) and 2 tiles missing in our bathroom. Awesome. But I will say that when our kitchen faucet started leaking a few weeks back, my hubby ripped out the faucet AND sink and replaced them with a brand new, stainless steel sink (our first one was white and always, always looked dirty) and one of those fancy faucets you talked about. So somehow that project got completed in 2 days. Men definitely have different priorities.
See, had he not purchased the 782 non-working parts from Home Depot, you could have your farmhouse sink. Hopefully he will actually return them to Hope Depot instead of just leaving them in the garage like my husband because oh, I don’t know, it’s TOO MUCH TROUBLE to take them back. Naturally I wholeheartedly support his decision.
I’m thinking 782 parts=cost of farmhouse sink?
We just got an estimate on a ‘minor’ repair to the shower in our master bath. $8,000. What??? That was definitely not in the plan! Chalk it up to the joys of home ownership.
We were renovating our house when I was pregnant too–and it is awfully silly now to think about how worried I was about parts of our house that our baby certainly doesn’t care about! Still no hardware on the kitchen cabinets is probably a good thing–he can’t open them quite yet!
Oh I must ask, do you have hard wood floors? vinyl? sheets or strips? Is it hard to care for? Do you have the kind (if it is vinyl) that is colored through, so if it is knicked it does not show a white mark? We are replacing floors and yours caught my eye in the photo of your sink/faucet adventure.
My kid has been the same way all week with her Valentine’s cards. It’s like pulling teeth. She loves to glue things, and loves hearts. “But, not these hearts, Mama. It’s so hard, Mama. Why are you making me do this???” A slave driver, I tell you!
Good luck and enjoy the sprayer. I was actually dreaming about replacing our kitchen faucet earlier this week. Clearly I need to get out more!
This is eerily familiar to a post I wrote last week about our kitchen “situation”. I feel your pain!
http://tntsteiner.blogspot.com/2010/02/for-now-im-doing-dishes-in-laundry-room.html
You know you have become an adult when looking at wood flooring, ktiechen faucets, ceiling fans, and new toilets becomes exciting! Glad you like your new faucet and can’t wait to see the farmhouse sink!
I can’t even pick my favorite part of this post because the whole thing was awesome. Every time it rains the back porch deck leaks into our den under the french doors…..I have mastered the art of folding towels the way J WANTS them folded to put by the back door and I have become intimate friends with my mother-in-law’s wet/dry vac.
But miracle of miracles, J has just declared to me after this last TWO feet of snow that it was probably time to get those back doors fixed and repour the porch and get new carpet. Holy Moly. I am in heaven. But it won’t happen until the snow melts, which could be two years from now.
I am resisting the urge to not just go ahead and hire someone to raise the roof and put in a loft playroom. Better not push it.
Oh my word. So funny! I feel like I write that every day on your posts, but seriously, every day you are so funny! I always look forward to reading your blog each day. I know it will be a light of sunshine on my dreary day:) I can always use a good laugh! So many other blogs are serious and that’s ok… I just can always use a good laugh! Thanks to you:)
I’m new to your blog (found you through Boo Mama – another funny lady), but you are cracking me up! I appreciated your “shout out to Amy Grant” – and wanted you to know there’s someone else out there who remembers that song. I also loved the thought of you singing “In the Ghetto”! Thanks for brightening so many of our days with seemingly trivial stories and observations and helping us to see the humor in them. Have a great day!
You make me laugh! How do you write like that? Where do you find the time? Love your blog. Thanks for all the effort you must put into making us laugh at all the every day stuff we all endure.
Hahahaha! I told my girl that it is a tradition to just write one’s name inside each Valentine’s Day card and that she should just roll with that. That alone took 2 hours. For 8, yes 8 cards! Can you imagine if I’d actually been nuts enough to allow her to draw a picture of each classmate, a rainbow, and a tiny volcano in each card as was her original plan????
I feel we should all have a moment of silence!
There’s probably not one of us on here that cannot relate to this experience….the Valentines & the sink/Home Depot excursion!
What is it with men? They are so funny!
One minute watching something annoyingly man-ish on tv and the next conquering the world of home fix-it problems! And usually costing us more than if we’d just hired some dude to do it! Our garage is full of 785,887 different little things that were purchased to repair something or another around my house (that didn’t work). So…..could we take them back? Um No!
$$
I too could have granite countertops and a farmhouse sink with all the wasted money spent on wrong stuff!
Ahhh men…..gotta love em!
Hi there – I am a long time reader but have never commented before. My 6 year old daughter and I had the same Valentine’s Day card experience. BY the time we finished last night she was begging me to just finish the cards for her. She has now firmly announced that next year she will be “just buying the sign-your-name cards”. I love it when I hear stories like this that make me realize how universal many parenting experiences are! Good luck with the sprayer!
Yay for a new faucet! I wish I too could get a farmhouse since and granite counter tops. One day. And I will never ever have another white kitchen sink. I hate the one I have.
“The kind of situation that is like shaking up a bottle of crazy sauce and then watching it explode.”
Seriously. This definitely describes life with a new baby. I’ll be borrowing this quote to describe my life (and giving you full rights, of course!).
Hilarious. You are hilarious.
Ohhhhhh Home Depot and Lowe’s are my kryptonite, too. And they are my children’s kryptonite because every time they set foot in there, they melt down. It’s a sad state of affairs by the time we leave. Glad you escaped with just a few hundred parts and eventually a new faucet!
Hello,
Thank you for giving us “peeks” into you and your family lives I enjoy your blog very much.
I appreciate the new look also but wonder where your blogroll went to? I always went to other blogs I enjoy from your blogroll and can’t seem to locate it anymore. Of course it could be right there and I just don’t see it! I tried finding it on the link of blogher but frankly was appalled at some of the choices (language and subjects) on the list of blogs they provide. I guess I am uncomfortable with non-Christian sites so thought I would just ask you through your comment section and save myself some trouble.
Thank you.
Don’t you just love it when your hopes and dreams are smooshed into a little tiny box by the one you love the most in this world? It’s my most favorite thing ever!! They are of course sorry when they realize how important that dream was…but STILL!! Sends me to Crazyville every time!! And yet…he is still the one I love and I can’t stop!! Woe is me!
http://reddirtandcrazy.blogspot.com/
Love the new look. Scared of the kitchen sink… joking, of course.
BTW: I so want one of those new sprayers attached to the faucet too.
Your are too funny but I must say this……………bless his heart.
So I had a moment where I actually got a kick out of divorce. Jared needs Valentine’s Day cards for school, but with his basketball practice & games, and baseball practice, and Austin’s confirmation classes, and my job, … well, you get the point. So ANYWAY I bought the cool FunDip cards, and then handed them to S when he came to pick up the boys, proudly stating, “Here Dad, Jared needs to sign about 30 of these before Friday.” Now my strong suspicion is that there will be about 20 very disappointed little girls on Friday when J-Rod arrives at school without candy cards professing his true love, but I have finally learned to let go of the little things. Okay, well, this ONE little thing.
Of course, on the flip side, I am now researching how to fix the bathtub faucet so that I have greater water pressure than a drip coming from my shower head, while my bathtub quickly fills from the lower faucet. And then maybe I will finally replace the broken soap dispenser bottle that is ATTACHED to my kitchen sink. (Side Note: These things were both broken pre-divorce, so I can’t really imagine that my situation is much worse. I’d be researching the fix and replacing it on my own anyway. I AM WOMAN. HEAR ME ROAR!)
I will ask my hubby about the shower heads we got from wal mart…they were less than 10$ and they are awesome. we have the worlds suckiest water pressure and yet our shower is amazing. steff
I don’t know why I do stupid things like reading your blog while drinking coffee. My screen now resembles the aftermath of a kitchen sprayer gone amuck thank you very much! Oh my, I seriously think our husbands are long lost twin brothers. Next time, meet me at Home Depot near the farmhouse sinks ok?
As for the Valentines, I feel your pain. Just buy the girl a custom name stamp now, she will thank you when she hits about 30 and becomes a human again.
OH my word! Funny, funny, funny! I TOTALLY felt your pain when you said
Why does my husband want to kill my dreams of granite countertops and a farmhouse sink on Aisle 6 at Home Depot?
Just the other night walking hand-in-hand to my BIRTHDAY DINNER, as we were discussing how our girls might be when they grow up, my husband said,
“Well, I sometimes wonder…world we live in…our girls…holocaust someday…”
The dot, dot, dots represent the fact that I TOTALLY TUNE OUT THAT KIND OF TALK!!!
I told my husband we could talk about that kind of stuff on HIS birthday. On my birthday, we would talk about happy stuf–like what dessert we were going to have! My favorite candy! The Bachelor!
No “holocaust talk” on my birthday, Mr. Meloncholy!
Farmhouse sinks are overrated. My DIL has a new one, and it’s so deep that we all get backaches when trying to wash dishes that don’t fit into the new dishwasher and the water from the faucet splashes all over the place because of the height. It does hide a lot though!
Oh how I want new counter tops.. a girl can dream!
I thought of you today as I was reading through my favorite coupon-planning money-saving website, Southern Savers. I’d never seen or heard of “HEB” except on your blog. And whatdayaknow, but she posted HEB Valentine’s Specials! ENJOY! http://www.southernsavers.com/2010/02/h-e-b-valentines-specials-and-giveaway/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed:+SouthernDealsAndFrugalSteals+(Southern+Savers)
Viva really is the only way to go.
WE have the same exact problem with the sprayer! And it just plain sucks that I have to get a stinkin CUP out of the flippin CABINET to help me rinse out the sink because I CAN’T REACH THE SIDES because I DON’T FREAKIN HAVE A SPRAYER unless I want continuous stream until second coming. Ahem. I don’t harbor a lick of anger about it do I?
Please note you now have my dream faucet. I shall covet from afar.
Gotta love Valentines. Especially when you’re the teacher… So I’m curious, what is this farmhouse sink you speak of?
google the cost of the farmhouse sink, and the next time he gets a shipment of a gross-of-whatever from Cabela’s, you can say “that costs about as much as a farmhouse sink!” My husband used to hunt also. Sometimes you have to not so much PICK your battles as PLAN them.
What? No pictures of the new sink? Come on Big Mama, you know we’re going to ask!
my older boys are 5 and 6 and somehow i wound up yet again signing all their valentines for both classes, but thankfully they don’t care one whit about cutting and glueing them themselves.
I have that kind of sprayer in my kitchen as well…LOVE it!
Steff
oooh it looks pretty here. love the new design.
Wow, you are brave & tough. I would not do well only having two weeks to “nest” before my first baby arrived. But, I too would have found comfort in the wooden name letters being up.
Also, I share your love for the farm house sink! Sorry about the crushing of you dreams on isle 6.
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