This morning after church, I decided to go ahead and get the beating that is going to the grocery store out of the way. We were running low on the majority of essential items, including milk and paper plates. The milk, I personally could do without, but let’s just say that disposable dishware is crucial to my housekeeping regimen, and I’m using the words housekeeping and regimen lightly.
I changed into my Mama uniform of black yoga pants and running shoes, but left Caroline in her cute Valentines’ dress that she wore to church, that way other shoppers could point and talk about that sad woman who just lives vicariously through dressing up her child. I just can’t go to HEB in high heels, it goes against every law of nature and you’re just asking to wipe out on some kid’s spilled grape juice. Not that it’s ever happened to me but you know…it could. And then I’d just be that Mama who’s dressed really cute, but is limping through the store with a big, wet spot on the back of her pants.
Hypothetically speaking, that would just be embarrassing.
Anyway, before we left the house, I told Caroline to go potty. She asked (as she always does), “Why?”. I told her, “Because I don’t want to get to HEB and have to take you to the bathroom there” and she replied, “But Mama, I love the bathroom there because it smells like cucumbers”.
So obviously, something is horribly wrong with her olfactory sensing abilities because while the HEB bathroom smells like many things I can think of, cucumbers would not make the list.
We got to the store and she immediately begins scanning the crowd for Dwayne, the manager. She knows that Dwayne is the key to mass quantities of Buddy Bucks and therefore also the key to Mama losing her mind in HEB. It was a sad day when she realized that Dwayne wasn’t there to shower her with Buddy Buck goodness.
Fortunately all was not lost because she did get to make a trip to the bathroom and smell the cucumbers.