I’ve been seeing this purse meme going around and then yesterday, Boomama tagged me for it and she was just sure that my purse would be chock full of zippered compartments. Yes, yes it is.
And they would be just delightful if I actually put anything in them.
But that would be too easy, and I prefer to think of my purse as a carnival grab bag. You never know what your gonna get.
Here is a picture of the purse I was carrying yesterday.
I have about 3-4 purses that are in regular rotation and so I base my decision for the day on important criteria like which shoes I’m wearing or how much I have to stuff into a bag for that particular day. And y’all will notice that I am not showing the inside of the purse with all the stuff in it because it’s so crammed in there that you couldn’t tell what anything was anyway.
So, here are the contents.
My wallet. It looks so nice and organized sitting there all by itself. And in truth, now that I don’t have a job which requires me to keep every receipt for every dime I spend, it is much better than it was a few days ago.
Until you open it up.
That would be a piece of a pretzel stick handily tucked inside. Looks appetizing, doesn’t it?
Just in case y’all are wondering if it’s there in case I need a snack, let me show you this.
Obviously, I am a health food nut as evidenced by all the pure, organic foods you see represented in this pile of sustenance. In all fairness, most of these items are for Caroline…well, except for the Sweet-tarts. Those are mine. All mine.
The bright side is if we ever find ourselves trapped somewhere with just my purse, we can live for 2 or 3 days on the Cheese Nips alone.
This pile represents my adult journey into the bowels of hell, also known as orthodontia.
I had my monthly session of torture with my orthodontist yesterday, and I am not kidding when I tell y’all that I now have rubberbands completely sealing my jaws shut. Seriously. I tried to take some Advil for the pain and could not even fit it into my mouth.
I asked my orthodontist if he thought I’d have my braces off by the end of summer, and he laughed an evil laugh and said, “I don’t think so, Sport.” He’s actually very nice, so I didn’t say any of the vile things that went through my head at that moment. Plus, in all honesty, I can’t really open my mouth to say anything, due to all the rubberbands keeping my jaw hinged in a web of agony.
As y’all can see, I take my lip care seriously.
This is my vast array of lipstick, lipgloss, and lipbalm. Nothing really accentuates the braces like just the right shade of lipgloss. One of these is even a lip plumper that stings my lips so they look a little fuller, because I need more pain where my mouth is concerned.
I’m a sadist.
This is a pile of change that was just loose in the bottom of my purse. I find there is nothing a waitress at Sonic likes more than for me to count out $1.99 in nickels, dimes and pennies to pay for my Route 44 Diet Coke with cherry and vanilla.
In all fairness, I normally don’t have this much change floating in the bottom of my purse, but yesterday I had to clean out my company car before they came and picked it up, and all this change was in the console. I used to use it to pay for all the parking garages I had to park in for work because parking attendants also enjoy receiving $2.50 in dimes and nickels. But now, there may be enough here for 3 or 4 trips to Sonic. It’s like copper manna from heaven.
Or you know, pennies from heaven.
Let’s just file this stuff under miscellaneous. A business card holder for the business cards I no longer own. Some toothpaste that would serve a much better purpose if I also had a toothbrush in there. An unopened tube of LipSmackers lipgloss in case I find myself needing to entice and/or bribe Caroline to behave somewhere. A plastic bubble from the Buddy Buck machine at HEB. A rubber band for my hair because no matter how it starts out, it always ends up pulled back and one of Caroline’s headbands because she pulls out her hair accessories throughout the day.
And what do we have here? A real, live paper dollar bill. I am so going to Sonic in just a little while.
That, my friends, is my purse. I always knew that it was just a matter of time before it came to this…having no shame in baring the contents of my purse for all the internet to see. But at least now if you ever see me somewhere, you’ll know who has some snacks on hand and plenty of change to make a run to Sonic.