Well, we attended another wedding this weekend and it does not please me one bit to tell y’all that apparently, brides everywhere are keeping their guests waiting for cake. Seriously, what is up? I suspect it’s a sophisticated ploy that allows the bride to save money by ordering a small cake, knowing that if she waits until midnight to cut it, all her guests will have gone home.
And made a stop at Baskin Robbins on the way home because they are in desperate need of something for dessert, and have spent the last 5 hours staring at a huge display of chocolate groom’s cake goodness they didn’t get to eat.
Get off the wallet, brides of America. Cut the cake already. Wedding guests need their cake.
It’s not like the day is all about you.
So, about the actual wedding.
The minister began the service by telling the bride and groom to look around and savor the moment, to realize that they were in the middle of one of the high, holy days of their lives, which I liked a lot. But then, his whole message focused on the most important aspect of marriage is forgiveness and while I agree that forgiveness is necessary, I think there are so many other great things that can be said of marriage. Love, companionship, blah blah blah.
He even said that this day would be a good day for anyone in the audience holding a grudge to let it go. And as he said it, the groom’s father who was serving as best man, left the altar and walked back to his seat like he was on a mission. I thought we were about to witness a real live airing of the grievances, but apparently he’d spent the day with the stomach flu and started feeling a little woozy, so he sat down.
Needless to say, I was a little disappointed that there wasn’t any drama.
We got to the reception and were thrilled to see they were serving sushi. P and I had been on a big sushi kick right before I quit my job. Now, it just doesn’t seem to make good sense to have raw fish delivered to our door 3 nights a week at $65 a pop, which I’ve figured out because I am a financial genius.
So, we enjoyed our sushi and, as a bonus, they had a whole display of assorted cheeses and crackers. I am a fool for a quality assortment of cheese and crackers. In fact, whenever I stay in hotels, one of my favorite things to do is to order up a big tray of cheese and crackers with a glass of wine. Not because I am sophisticated wine and cheese type person, but because I love all fatty dairy products, and I need the wine to help me sleep on a bed that doesn’t have a fitted bottom sheet.
Non-fitted bottom sheets are worse than attending a wedding and not getting to eat cake.
Maybe.
Anyway, we had to leave the reception to go pick up Caroline from P’s sister’s house. And we left without cake. There was much sobbing and crying in the elevator, and I finally had to tell P to just get over it. There will be other weddings, other cakes. Plus, we had a bag of Hostess Powdered Donettes at home, which is almost the same thing…but not.
Our recent experiences with wedding cake deprivation made me remember a story my Nanny told me about my Big Bob. Towards the end of Big Bob’s life, he struggled with dementia. It started slowly and since he’d always been a bit quirky, no one really noticed at first.
Nanny and Big Bob were guests at a wedding for a good friend’s granddaughter. Nanny was standing around, visiting with some of her friends, when Big Bob strolled up eating a piece of cake.
She asked, “Bob, where did you get that cake?”
He nodded in the direction of the cake table, pointing with his fork, “Over there”.
Nanny couldn’t believe she hadn’t noticed the bride and groom cutting the cake. And then realized, she hadn’t missed the bride and groom cutting the cake. She had missed Big Bob heading over to the cake table and using the silver, engraved cake knife to cut himself the first piece of bride’s cake.
She blamed it on his dementia, but I say he knew exactly what he was doing. There is just so much willpower a person can have when being taunted by an uncut cake.
I’m not saying I would do it myself, but if I could find an elderly wedding guest to do it for me, I’d totally consider putting the knife in their hand.
I’m kidding.
Maybe.