Nemo is dead.
No, not that Nemo. Not the little clownfish from the reef. I’m talking about our Nemo, the betta fish that Santa brought for Caroline this past Christmas.
I noticed yesterday that he was, literally, looking a little green around the gills. Who knew that was a real thing and not just something people say? He was also swimming upside down and frequently laying on his side. P and I kept exchanging looks across the kitchen because we knew Nemo’s time was limited.
And honestly, I’m amazed he lasted as long as he did. I thought for sure Caroline was going to love him to death within his first 48 hours in our family, but he made it a whole 6 months, mainly because she often forgot that he existed.
I’m not sure what went wrong, but as his primary caretaker, I blame myself.
Not to mention the guilt I feel because, really, I’m glad he’s gone. When Santa brought him down from the North Pole, the intention was that Nemo would reside in Caroline’s room, but due to her constant need to pet him, he was transferred to my kitchen island. Which wouldn’t have been so bad since Santa had the forethought to buy a pretty bowl with pretty pale blue stones in the bottom, but Caroline wanted Nemo to have some sort of fish structure and she picked out a dragon at the pet store.
So, for the last 6 months I have had a fish bowl with a dragon in it adorning my kitchen island. It’s not really something you see in Southern Living. It’s not even something you see in Redneck Digest.
I was also completely grossed out every time I had to change his water. It just all seemed so unsanitary. And true confessions, more than once I thought about just setting him free in our plumbing system and calling it a day. But I endured for the love of my child. A child who, by the way, hasn’t noticed yet that Nemo is no longer with us.
And he is, in fact, no longer with us. As soon as I saw his dead, bloated fish carcass floating next to his dragon, I immediately flushed him down the toilet and in hindsight, I guess I should have let Caroline say her final goodbyes. So now I’m wondering how to handle the situation so that one day Caroline’s not in therapy saying, “It all started when Nemo died and I didn’t get to say goodbye…”
So what now? Do I wait until she notices he’s gone or do I just tell her what parents everywhere have said for years?
Honey, Nemo went to live on a fish ranch with lots of other fish. It’s the best thing for him. He’ll be so much happier living where he can swim free in the wide open spaces.