My original plan was to try the new smoothie recipe for breakfast yesterday morning, but then I remembered that it was Wednesday morning which meant it was one of my running days. That’s right. I said running days.
As part of my commitment to a healthier, sweatier me in 2011, I started the Couch to 5K training program last week. I’d been contemplating it for several weeks because I knew I needed to come up with a workout alternative to the 30 Day Shred since I was on the verge of unplugging the DVR and throwing it through the T.V. screen if I had to listen to Jillian taunt me one more time about the fact I’ll never have abs that look like green sports bra girl.
And, secretly, there’s always been a part of me that would like to be a runner. The only thing that’s held me back all these years is the whole part that involves the running, but I’ve always been a huge fan of the clothing and accessories and the way legitimate runners say cool things like, “I ran a nine minute mile in my last 10K” or “I’m thinking about doing the half next year”. Because clearly they don’t even need to specify they mean a half marathon. It’s implied by the Nike sensor on their running shoes and the JUST DO IT emblazoned across their t-shirt.
So when I began to hear people talk about the Couch to 5K program, I was intrigued. Mainly because I have the couch part DOWN FLAT. I looked it up on the internet and decided it sounded within the realm of my possibilities. The only concern I had was how I was going to be able to run, possibly throw up from the exercise and keep track of my one minute of running alternated with the two minutes of walking for thirty minutes. It seemed like I might need some special kind of Ironman watch and timers and this is why I’ve never been a runner. Besides all the running.
Then I realized there certainly had to be a Couch to 5K app on my phone and so I searched for it and THERE IT WAS because Steve Jobs will not rest until every aspect of our life is controlled and managed by Apple. All I have to do is make myself put on my running shoes and it does all the work for me. Except the actual running. But there is a nice lady who lives inside my phone that says, “It’s time to run now!” and “It’s time to walk now!” and “You’re halfway done!” When it’s all over she congratulates me and it means the world to me to have her support.
Of course you and I both know that I’m going to hate her by next week and will become the crazy lady running down the road, trying not to throw up while yelling, “QUIT TELLING ME WHAT TO DO! YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!” into my phone.
If you’re wondering what any of this has to do with a tofu smoothie, you’re not alone.
I can’t eat anything before I run in the morning because THE HEAT, MY WORD THE HEAT so I decided I’d wait until I got home and cooled down to make the smoothie. Then I remembered that I was meeting my friend, Jennifer, at Starbucks, and I needed to shower and get dressed instead of experimenting with tofu. I also needed to figure out a way to get my face to quit glowing bright red. I don’t know why it turns so red, but I look like an angry cartoon character for at least an hour after I run.
Anyway, after Starbucks I ran in Hobby Lobby because I need some kind of fall centerpiece for my dining room table (I didn’t find anything. I don’t know what I’m looking for.) and then I went to Target for reasons I can’t recall but it ended with me buying a pair of camo leggings and a great long-sleeve t-shirt that I might be able to wear if it ever drops below 104 degrees.
(I’m sorry for all the pointless details. I could go on and on with the pointless details of my day. In fact, I just did. I stopped for gas. And thought about getting my car washed. And ran the dishwasher twice because the soap didn’t come out of the the dispenser the first time. It’s all fascinating.)
When I got back to the house around lunchtime, I decided that nothing would be better than a smoothie with tofu in it for lunch. So I began to dump all the ingredients into the blender. Then I opened up the tofu, didn’t realize it was packed in water, and made a huge mess all over the countertops and the floor. And then I thought about how that kind of thing never happens with bacon or pretzel M&Ms.
But I decided to forgive the tofu and made my smoothie. It was delicious. I’ll be making another one tomorrow. And the next day.
And maybe the day after that.
In fact, given my propensity for sucking all the life and joy out of a food by eating it until I can’t stand to even think about it, I’ll probably make one daily for the next three months. And then the smoothie will be dead to me.
In case you’d like to try one for yourself, you can find the recipe right here.