I started yesterday like I start every other Tuesday morning, with a trip to the orthodontist. The only difference was that yesterday I brought Caroline with me and it really made the whole experience more meaningful to have someone standing right at my head asking, “WHAT’S HE DOING, MAMA? DOES THAT HURT? THAT LOOKS LIKE IT HURTS, MAMA!”
And now is when I usually whine and complain and give my overall sob story about how I didn’t get my braces off. So yeah, I didn’t get my braces off. I got the same old song and dance about how he doesn’t want to take them off until my bite is perfect, and the Earth is in alignment with Jupiter, and the planets of Venus do a dance around the sun. Then, he showed me how to use a variety of rubberbands to create a web that even Charlotte would envy and that seems to have given my mouth the ability to move of its own free will. I am a little bit like a ventriloquist dummy, but without the ventriloquist…which I guess just leaves a dummy…which makes me think of “Sanford and Son”.
Hey Dummy.
As usual, I am firing on all cylinders.
Anyway, my braces should come off sometime between now and never. As I scheduled my next appointment, the receptionist said, “It looks like next time you’re getting your permanent retainer!” I just looked at her blankly and said, “I’ll believe it when I see it.” My attitude has taken a serious nose dive to the south.
We topped off the morning of orthodontia with a trip to Target. I can’t really remember what we needed. Oh! We needed a Rubbermaid bin for our new pocket-sized friend Polly and her wee wardrobe. We found a lovely bin with a lid that clicks into place, and then I directed our attention to the childrens’ apparel. They had these cute little capri yoga pants with a matching hoodie in a peppy shade of blue with Super Star written across the front, but instead of spelling out “Star” there was just a little picture of a star. The outfit was 50% off and I have an affinity for anything that says “Super Star” because great is my love for Mary Katherine Gallagher. So, I showed the outfit to Caroline, she looked it over, and announced, “Oh no. I will not wear that.” Apparently, 4 year olds aren’t wearing sassy tracksuits this fall, they are so over.
Finally, our morning of fun culminated in a trip to HEB where Caroline realized, for the first time, that the letters above the store are, in fact, H. E. B. It was a moment filled with awe and wonder at the symmetry of it all. Anyway, we loaded our cart with all the essentials; milk, eggs, cheese, hot dogs and Sour Patch Kids. Then, we headed over to the toiletries section because I needed razors and shampoo.
So, here’s where I have to make a confession. I have broken up with the Schick Intuition. I haven’t been ready to publicly admit that until now because I haven’t been sure if we’re just “on a break” or if we’re actually past the point of reconciliation. Yesterday, in the razor aisle at HEB, I accepted that whatever we once had is gone.
Those little inserts, with the soap and the razor all in one convenient package, were so appealing at first, but I began to notice that the soap part breaks off way too soon. It can’t commit to a long term relationship, and I really need the security of knowing I won’t be left in the shower with nothing to shave my legs with but a dry razor blade. I know I led many of you astray with my earlier glowing review of the Intuition, but it was all so new and exciting. I was blinded to its flaws and I kept giving it chance after chance for redemption, but, yesterday around noon, I accepted it was time to move on and went back to my old friend, The Venus.
We were reunited and it feels so good.
After all that angst amongst the hair removal products, I headed to the hair care aisle. I saved it for the end of the trip because I knew exactly what was going to happen. About a month ago, I ran out of my Biolage Normalizing Shampoo. I accepted it and decided that, given our new budget constraints, I could live with Pantene Pro-V. The Pantene ran out on Sunday. On Monday I was reduced to using Caroline’s Barbie Shampoo and, although my hair was tangle free and smelled like strawberries, I didn’t feel that I was getting the hair care that I need. It was time to buy new shampoo.
I stood on that aisle for a long time, concentrating so hard that at one point I even asked Caroline to “Please, just quit talking for one minute so that Mama can think.” This is important, baby, this is about Mama’s HAIR.
It was a crucial decision and, in the back of my mind, I could hear Gulley’s warning that trying to go cheap on her hair care regimen resulted in damage that she is still dealing with to this day. I gazed longingly at the bottle of Biolage. I even picked it up and put it in my cart because my flesh is weak. Then, as I walked down the aisle, I noticed the $3 bottle of Clairol Herbalessence with COCONUT MILK which, I have no idea what that means for my hair, but it sounded calming and ALL NATURAL. So, I put down my Biolage and picked up the Clairol.
But I’m not sure I feel good about this decision. I mean, I can give up the Biolage, but I need a good replacement. Any recommendations on haircare products?