Well, well, well. Look who got her computer back.
It’s me. I got my computer back.
Just in case there was any confusion.
As it turned out, the Geniuses were able to just pop on a new piece of plastic around my keyboard and a new piece of plastic around my screen and now she’s as good as new except for the fact that it sounds like a herd of heavy-breathing gerbils is running around on the inside of the computer. Also, they weren’t able to fix my CD/DVD drive without me shelling out substantially more cash than I wanted to shell out on a four year old computer, but a girl can’t have everything.
I’m like the Apostle Paul. He totally learned to be content without a computer that could burn CDs.
In other news, P got back in town yesterday. You may be thinking that you didn’t even know he was gone and you’re right. Thanks to new heightened security measures around here, it didn’t seem wise to mention that my husband, the one with several guns, was out of town. But now he’s back home and has no intentions of ever leaving again for at least the next three days.
And I’m so glad he’s back so I can sit next to him on the couch in the evenings and listen to him complain about his homemade vanilla milkshake while I eat a sugar-free popsicle that tastes like cold, cherry-flavored cardboard.
P said he heard somewhere (I have no idea where, but I’m sure from an “expert”) that drinking a vanilla milkshake after dinner helps with acid reflux. And we are ALWAYS on the lookout for something that helps with acid reflux so that we don’t have to mine for diamonds to pay for Nexium twice a day. So, as of about two weeks ago, he makes himself a vanilla milkshake after dinner every night.
Also, as of about two weeks ago, I decided it was time for me to start thinking about the reality of wearing a swimsuit in a little over a month. Hence, the sugar-free popsicle aka the dessert of no fun.
As we sat on the couch last week, I turned to him as he slurped down the last of his shake and asked, “How was your milkshake?”
“Fine, I guess. As good as a vanilla milkshake can be.”
As good as a vanilla milkshake can be.
Bless his heart.
You know what’s better than a vanilla milkshake? NOT A SUGAR-FREE POPSICLE. And do you know which one of us can lose ten pounds in three days just by cutting down to half a box of Nilla Wafers every day? NOT ME.
Then, to add insult to injury, Sunday night he went to the fridge to make his vanilla milkshake and discovered we just barely had enough milk to make half a milkshake. I told him we had chocolate milk and suggested he make a chocolate milkshake, but he said that totally defeats the purpose because the chocolate is bad for his acid reflux. I just nodded my head and murmured something deeply sympathetic and heartfelt about his half a milkshake plight that I may or may not be able to repeat on this website.
And then, AND THEN, he walked into the living room with a handful of Kit-Kats and proceeded to EAT THEM while he waited for his half a vanilla milkshake to melt down enough for him to drink it with a straw. He didn’t even catch the glare I gave him as I picked up his Kit Kat wrappers and threw them in the trash. Probably because by that time he was immersed in suffering through his vanilla milkshake.
The vanilla milkshake that helps with the reflux that might, MIGHT, be caused by eating five miniature Kit Kats.
Not that I’m bitter about any of this. The six grapes I had for dessert last night were DELICIOUS.
Anyway, the real point was to tell you that P left on Sunday to go on a quick hunting trip with a couple of friends. This is the same hunting trip that bestowed this gift on our household.
The antelope of the Lord.
Before he walked out the door to leave, I kissed him goodbye and reminded him that our household could not support another large antelope head. I may have said that if he came home with one, he would have to choose between me and the antelope and he said “Ha, ha, you’re so funny!” and I had to explain, “I’m not joking around, Marlon Perkins. No more antelope heads.”
But somehow I didn’t feel any better when he texted me Monday night to let me know he hadn’t shot an antelope. Mainly because this picture was attached to his text.
(Those are rattlesnakes. P is six feet tall. Also, he’d already cut off their heads.)
If one of those shows up in some sort of dead animal tribute in our living room, I won’t move out. I’ll burn the place to the ground.
And then where will P sit and force down his vanilla milkshakes?
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Marlon Perkins…..I see some lovely stuffed snake skins in your furture!
Seriously. Where do I even start? I do believe your diet-fogged brain may be even funnier than usual. And that is saying A LOT.
I can empatize with your diet woes. I started my diet right after we returned from the church directory picture appointment with Olan Mills. Yeah, it wasn’t pretty. And I wasn’t even wearing a swimsuit. (Baptist church) I found out where those funny Olan Mills picture websites get their material. The photographer –honest to goodness–had my husband put both his arms around my neck and lean his face next to my face. I am not even kidding. Also, for my alone pic, he had me put my hand gently beneath my chin–yep, like the thinker. He caught a pretty good giggle on that pose. There was also some nice brown naughahyde and some white AND black faux fur props. Oh, I could go on…but all that to say–the photo appointment didn’t go well for more than 1 reason. And the ugliest reason is that now I’m on a diet.
ewwwwwwww … i guess your title shudda warned me. I JUMPED six feet high when I saw that pic. (Off to find my heart and make a shake) .. the power of suggestion.
I can’t even look at that picture and think about vanilla milkshakes without wanting to hurl. (Shudder)
)
-Grateful I Married a Pastor
(He would totally hunt if he had the chance)
(
Sorry, but that’s just gross and wrong. I hate snakes. Maybe you should send him to the Bronx zoo to find their missing snake!
hahahahaha
We have GOT to be distant cousins, or separated at birth, or something. My husband is 6’4″ and eats like he’s been in outer mongolia for a year gnawing on yak or something. I’m always struggling with my weight, (and I’ll tell you this my friend, you fall into that category of skinny-ppl-us-fat-ppl-don’t-like-to-hear-say-the-d-word). Anyhow, he eats Fried this, barbecued that, rolls with unlimited butter, and always, ALWAYS, has to have dessert. After every meal. Sometimes even breakfast. And it HAS to be Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla ice Cream. And a “serving” for him is approximately half a pound. Sometimes he eats seconds. To go along with the blueberry cream cheese pie, or other sinful concoction I fix to TRY and make the man gain some weight. I guess after 30 years I might as well give up – he has the metabolism of a hummingbird whereas mine is that of a 3-legged sloth.
That said, he would run screaming like a girl if he ever came across a rattlesnake that looked like that. And I’m still astounded that P is SMILING in that picture!
That second picture is the reason I could never, EVER live in Texas. Or anywhere there are as many snakes as Texas seems to have. That is the stuff my nightmares are made of. Up here in Minnesota I’m fairly safe, as they aren’t too fond of snow and our three-week-long summer season. *shudder*
HILARIOUS!!!!! If P. has been drinking all those shakes, what’s the verdict? Did it cure the acid reflux????? Even if it didn’t, it’s much more tasty than a Nexium
I must say the snakes are impressive…I have 2 skinned rattlers hanging in my classroom donated by a hunter. The students LOVE them and they MAY have been led to believe their teacher shot the heads off….it does wonders for setting the tone the first week of school …hee hee…perhaps Caroline’s teachers would appreciate them unless P. plans to make belts out of them.
Congrats on the healing of your ‘puter….
One of your funniest ever posts! Thank you for making my morning.
My dad (Arizona) would have skinned up those rattlers and roasted ‘em for hunting dinner. I can say with authority they really do taste like chicken.
Also, he would have cut off the rattles and brought them home for us kids to play with. I had one in my desk drawer for years. Something for Caroline to anticipate on P’s return…
Hilarious! I married a man who had two mounted pheasants and a huge mounted fish on the wall of a trailer house! Thankfully we don’t live there any more.
And my husband thinks he is on a diet if he “eats less candy”. Less being the operative word here.
I’ve got to go. There is a stuffed bobcat attacking a pheasant sitting next to me and it makes me want to go eat breakfast.
Thanks for the laughs this morning! Your life is so different than mine…my husband is a CPA in the middle of a tough tax season…and wouldn’t get caught dead (or alive) anywhere near antelopes, rattlesnakes or guns….although the milk shake and kit kats do hit home!
Have a wonderful day!
Hi Megan, I am also a CPA in the middle of a tough tax season. Hang in there, it’s almost over!! And if he doesn’t tell you enough, I will tell you that we really appreciate all you spouses who stay home and keep the family going during our madness. Gotta go, taxes await. Ugh.
Send P here to my office. There was a rat siting yesterday and no one can find it and get rid of it. I’ll bet P could.
Oh, my sweet Lord! THAT (those) right there are the reason I do not enjoy the wild and will not go camping. It’s between that (those) and the story my mom used to tell us of her roommate at Glacier National Park getting eaten by a Grizzly, which totally happened. I Googled it.
I really hope you don’t have to use those snakes as a Christmas garland or something. That would give me the willies, even though I know P must be so proud. I would be proud if I killed something like that.
I would like to know the recipe for the vanilla milkshake! I might give it a try.
So glad the computer is better so you could tell us all of this!
You. are. so. funny.
Have a great day!
I have been trying to cut my diet Coke addition while my husband drinks large Cokes beside me. It’s a good thing we DON’T have firearms in our home!
He also has trouble keeping weight ON. Oh, the inhumanity!
So funny I almost spit my vanilla milkshake all over my computer. Just kidding. Coffee. It’s coffee.
You might tell P that back when my husband went through a milkshake phase he bought malt mix and added a little to our shakes. HOLD ON! Don’t get all, “whatever, I’m not encouraging this behavior” on me. You should know that we had no sugar added shakes. His were chocolate, mine were vanilla. And they were quite delicious in all there no sugar added-ness. HOW-EV-ER, the ice cream we used was Sugarbusters which is no longer available. Let us mourn. There are still other no sugar added ice creams that are good, although we haven’t had shakes in years. Insert the never ending cycles of my husband’s eating patterns.
He currently eats TWO no sugar added Blue Bunny Sweet Freedom Ice Cream Lites. YES, TWO, a night! I totally recommend you giving some of the no sugar added-ness a try. Then you could totally whip out your treats while P has his shake. Just throw the boxes out. Wait, I guess that won’t work for the ice cream. Hmmm. Have to work on that one. The point is, is it really all about P or do you want some good desert options without added sugar?
Don’t answer that just yet.
I cannot even talk about those snakes. So gross.
What I can tell you is this: if you’ve never tried the Edy’s sugar free popcicles – you should. It’s a box with three flavors – raspberry, strawberry, and tangerine. They are delicious. Our 3 year old eats those instead of the sugary kinds and prefers them actually! So do I!
Absolutely hysterical. I laughed out loud so many times. Mostly because I FEEL YOU. My husband can cut out 1/2 a handful of chips once a week and lose 10 lbs in a month and I’m on Weight Watchers, nibbling on some yummy, yummy grapes as well. And, it is so funny that he didn’t want a chocolate milkshake because it makes his reflux worse, but then he eats Kit Kats. Men.
Their logis is all wrong.
I was laughing at the same thing!! ABSOLUTELY NO to the chocolate milk, but the five Kit-Kats? No worries. Heh!
The antelope of the Lord. Priceless (she says as she cleans the coffee from the monitor)!
We live about 2 hours south of San Antonio and I’ve heard the rattlesnakes are out. I’m scared to death my 2 yr old is going to run up on one when we are outside! I sure hope the cats keep them away. We did have 2 snakes in our garage in 3 days but they were small NON-POISONOUS…may they now RIP. Funny how a sticky mouse trap can catch a snake, but a mouse can wiggle off. Gotta love country life! Tell The Rim hi for me the next time you are near. I miss shopping there since we’ve moved south
re: snakes – Eww.
re: vanilla shakes/kit kats/acid reflux – Tell P he doesn’t want me to go all “PA in Gastroenterology on him…”
Thanks for the laugh.
Oh heavens. I almost peed my pants when I saw that picture of P with those snakes. I am so glad my dh is not into hunting stuff. I just couldn’t handle it.
When I get to the part in “Baby Bear, Baby Bear What Do You See” where the rattlesnake is in there, I’ve already started telling my 2 year old son “yuck”. I tell him snakes are yucky. I believe in training my boys young to not want to mess with snakes. I’m scared to death of them. The worst thing we have to worry about around here are copperheads. I can’t imagine seeing something as big as what P had. Yikes! These are the things that give me nightmares.
So glad you got your laptop back. I feel so crippled when I don’t have mine.
uh…
do WHAT.
p.s. ‘the antelope of the lord’ cracked. my. mess. UP. hilarious.
Marlon Perkins had me cracking up! The only way it’s acceptable to have even a dead snake in my house is if they are the material for my shoes or my purse. Just sayin’.
Besides chocolate, hasn’t the doctor taken away his regular coffee yet for acid reflux? Snakes……it had to be snakes.
I love it when the Antelope of the Lord appears randomly in posts. That post struck me as one of the funniest things I have ever read and seeing the picture never fails to make me laugh! Thank you….
I can sympathize on the dieting thing as I got up at 5:30 this morning so I could exercise my heiney off and then watched while the rest of the family enjoyed the pancakes I made them for breakfast. If I keep at it I’ll lose a pound this week (maybe!). My husband doesn’t understand the effort because like most men his melts off in the double digits at a time
Antelope of the Lord-hilarious!
I came from a family of hunting men (which helped prepare me for a hunting husband!) and there were always deer and antelope hanging on walls. I used to be terrified of them because their eyes always looked like they were watching you and I’d have bad dreams about them throwing hatchets at me from their heads. Weird, I know. Antelope of the Lord sounds so much nicer-maybe it would have helped me have a more positive picture. Luckily my husband now has a “man’s room” and he can hang whatever he wants on those walls-and I don’t have to see them
Maybe less Mexican food could help P with his reflux problems. Men and their metabolism. So not fair!
Love seeing the Antelope again. That picture puts a huge smile on my face!
Seriously LOVE the pic of P. It reminds me of so many times going out with our dad and ending up with a pic like that. He comes by it naturally!
I did not know snakes of that size existed any place other than the zoo. And for that matter, I didn’t really think antelope actually lived in the wild either.
I live in Philadelphia and I am not kidding when I say that around here, animal control AND the police are called if someone comes across a ten inch garden snake. And heaven help us if we ever ran into an antelope.
BA HA HA!!
OH THE ANTELOPE OF THE LORD!!
Oh my gosh…you crack me up!!!!
Oh my freakin’ goodness this post is hilarious! and I had to laugh really quietly with a sleeping baby on me.
You make me laugh.
The snakes don’t.
The end.
I totally understand when you say the snake better not find a new home in your house. The first time Hubs went hunting he shot a turkey and it’s feathers and bead found it’s way into our house and I promptly removed it and put it in his man cave, the garage. I told him our home decor is not the wilderness theme. Our garage now has the best looking display of deer and turkey feathers. I’ll say a prayer for you the snakes don’t grace your door step.
I heart the antelope of the Lord.
BOOTS! make him make you snake skin boots!
First, I think drinking a vanilla milkshake nightly to cure any sort of medical problem sounds very suspicious. Delicious, but susupcious all the same. Surely it’s just going to cause other problems….right? Find comfort with your grapes and tasteless popscicle that they are in no way going to harm you. Might not make you happy either, but definitely no harm.
Those snakes are very, very creepy. I think I am married to the only non hunting man in Texas and I would like to reaffirm my deep gratitude about that after seeing your photos. One antelope per household seems like a good rule. As does a zero snake per household rule. Totally with you on that one!
You are hilarious!! And I so wish I knew you in real life. Thanks for writing your blog… I needed a laugh this morning.
You should try Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches! My favorite are the mint ones.
Oh my gosh you’re hilarious. “Antelope of the Lord” had me spewing DIET cranberry juice on my keyboard. Good luck with the “snakes of Satan” …
When I was 10, I visited my uncle’s place in Wyoming. {It should be noted I grew up in a small town in Minnesnowta} I went to wander around the pasture with my cousins. On our way back to the house, we heard a rattle behind us. Everyone else slowly turned around to look, but I couldn’t. We made our way back to the house, and then my uncle went out with his trusty shovel and clobbered it to death. Just like the Facebook game Frontierville. One of my Boston cousins got the rattle, the other one took THE HEAD IN A JAR OF FORMALDEHYDE (flying regulations were so different then). My uncle skinned the snake, and gave me the skin. I was a lot braver back then. In terms of owning snake skin. But I still have it in my basement. Don’t tell my husband. He thinks it got thrown out years ago.
That said, I’m not ready to decorate my house with it.
I had to giggle when I saw the antelope, it reminded me of the post you did for Christmas. That post was one of my favs and this one is now too! You crack me up! The picture of P with the snakes had me *shuddering*
I laughed out loud when I saw the antelope picture again, because as soon as I saw it, I remembered that Christmastime post “And lo, an antelope watched over the tree by night” (or something funny like that:).
Then I REALLY laughed out loud when you referred to it as “the antelope of the Lord.”
So much laughter that my 5 year-old came out to see what was so funny….he laughed, but more out of courtesy for his crazy mother than the actual photo.
Funny, funny post. Thanks for brightening the morning!
Turn those snakes into a handbag!
Men make fun of the shopping habits of women…and then they play with snakes. Hmmmmm…how many women have died from the poisonous venom of a $15 blouse?
ANTELOPE OF THE LORD. Killing me!! I don’t even know how you let that thing, be, anywhere, ever.
As for the reflux, if it hits at night, while in bed, I was told to prop up the head of the bed about a 1/4 inch. I never actually did it because when I had my emergency gall bladder surgery, that cured the reflux, but you might what to give that a try and get P checked for gall stones.
Propping the head of the bed does work and I sleep on a wedge pillow. Ice cream period bothers my reflux. Tell P to enjoy them if it works.
And the pictures of the snakes…………………I. DON’T. THINK. SO. I would’ve dropped the phone if that had been sent to me. And said some choice words.
Someone had the right idea – cowboy boots made from the skins.
FYI: Pineapple juice kills the reflux. Believe me. I know.
What a great laugh this morning. I think those snake skins would make a great table runner
. I totally feel your pain with the milkshake thing. My husband is the same way. I am just impressed that you didn’t throw your grapes at him.
You brighten my day. Period.
The antelope of the Lord will forever be one of my favorite things you’ve written. And I mean that.
Thanks for the daily dose of fun.
Those stinkin’ boys and their ability to lose weight-while STILL EATING-one of life’s hardest blows to a girl.
You are seriously funny! I’m a long time reader but first time commentor. Had to pop in to let you know that drinking a small amount of apple cidar vinegar is a cheap homemade remedy for acid reflux. My hubby swears by it. Of course…it’s no vanilla milkshake so it may be a tough sell!
Mix 1 tablespoon of vinegar in a 8 oz. glass of water and drink daily, maybe twice daily and the acid reflux will be gone.
I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. I HATE snakes! I won’t even go near a snakeskin purse or shoes…
Issues?… not me!
Ok, so you just made my 7yr old sons day with the pic of the snakes, although he couldn’t imagine why P would be so “cruel”
as to cut off their heads?! LOL When I suggested it was so he didn’t get bit, he said well doesn’t he carry anti-venom? I am sending him to your house to play….
The sarcasm was thick today and so delightful. Thankfully, my man doesn’t like snakes so we’ll never see a pic like that. But I have an animal head being mounted as we speak which will soon be added to “the collection”. Please let us know what happens to the snakes.
I just LOVE your titles! I was relunctant to read when I saw the snakes in the title, for fear that you might include a picture of a snake which would have freaked me out. I was reading and enjoying and TOTALLY forgot about the snakes, so when I saw the picture of the snakes it TOTALLY freaked me out.
So funny!
There is still a huge bass on the wall in the guest bathroom and a few deer heads throughout the house 
If it makes you feel any better, my parent’s living room has been adorned with all types of animals for years. Including a stuffed rattlesnake on a rock that sat on the mantle. It was HUGE. Finally, after about 20 years, my mom won the fight and it has been retired to the basement
My mom HATES them – but she did start to incorporate “Rudolph” by adding a red nose and lights on the antlers at Christmas. Ha.
Love the antelope picture again! I am with Rebecca in that the good thing about our never ending cold is that it kills a lot of God’s creepy crawly critters! It is going to be 40 today so a heat wave. I may wear flip flops.
What is it with men, acid reflux and weight loss. My husband is 6′ 6″ and has lost 12 lbs in a week. He does exercise but eats so much. He loves the Edy’s fruit bars, acai blueberry. I agree it is not a milkshake!
Our computer also sounds like a jet taking off when we use the disk drive. It is 5 years old so we deal. Glad yours is back! Love your wit.
You are too funny. Nasty re: snakes. I surely hope you don’t eat them. Grosses me out just thinking about it…I remember once on LHOTP they ate it but being pioneers and all they would have actually starved without it.
KitKat’s and vanilla snakes…ah yes, bless his heart. I totally sympathetize (sp?) with the diet woes. My Dad (who is, according to my licensed nutritionist) underweight and anorexic in mindset will just “cut back” on dessert every other night and will be satisfied with the results. Me, I essentially have to be hungry for a year and work out as if I couldn actually stand it and then I might lose a couple pounds. Oh well!
At least I don’t have to eat rattlenake. Somehow, Kashi and FiberOne cereal for dinner tastes so much better now!!!
Thanks for always bringing a smile to my day!
I just forgot what I was going to say because I am laughing so hard at the rattlesnake boots comment.
Oh yeah – I was going to whine about my skinny husband’s ice cream habit, too. NOT FAIR.
If you don’t write a book soon….well I don’t really have an ending for that but… I will be very very sad. You have a gift, seriously, a God-given gift for writing and humor and authenticity and relatability, and now I might just be making up words, but really, if you don’t write a book soon I will be very very sad.
*sigh* I, too, suffer from the plight of being married to a hunter. Our home is also full of many stuffed heads, etc., so much so that I have declared our decorating motif to be “Great-American-Hunter-Dead-Carcass-On-The-Wall”. And yes, that includes many, many deer heads and other antlers, two fox squirrels, a bobcat head (which was relegated to the garage because I just couldn’t handle it hanging in the bathroom) and one rattle snake skin shellacked on a board. I was, however, finally successful in gradually moving the snake skin (WHICH I CANNOT STAND!) until it rests almost completely behind a large piece of furniture in the living room. Almost undetectable! Now if I could just figure out how to hide some of those antlers…..
SOOOOOOOOO funny! Thank you!
I belly laughed through this whole post.
And every time you post that pic of the “antelope of the Lord”, I laugh so hard I cry.
Jason shot an achmed or aahmed or something a few weeks ago down in the Lubbock area and it’s at the taxidermist right now, for the love of Pete.
Which totally reminds me of that comedian, I forget his name, who is the hilarious ventriloquist and has that skeleton puppet named Achmed the terrorist.
Not to be confused with the achmed sheep or deer or whatever that J shot.
This was one of your best posts ever, I might add.
Soooo funny! Tell P that plain old milk will do the same thing as that shake. Works for spicy foods as well. If you eat something that sets your mouth on fire, drink a glass of milk or eat a piece of bread.
My hubby is supposed to take acid reflux meds every day as well. He was taking Protonix which cost $60 for 30 tablets. We found a generic that costs between $15 and $18 for 40 tablets. We buy Omeprazole at either Sam’s (I’m guessing you have Costco there) or Walmart. So much more budget friendly.
Can’t wait to see what becomes of the rattle snakes. Perhaps you should suggest a nice belt or men’s wallet for himself?
I see some real, nice snakeskin boots in P’s future….And I think it’s milk that helps acid reflux, not necessarily milkshakes–but you know, whatever works!
Oh, and my hubby gave up sweets for Lent and lost 5 pounds within the first two days Me, on the other hand, can starve for an entire week, and I might, MIGHT lose ONE.STINKING.POUND! How is that fair?!?
I will be having nightmares about that picture. Thank you and I want my mama.
You are so freakin’ funny. I mean hysterical!
I haven’t lost any weight in 4 years. (when my first baby was born) My husband can go down 20 lbs in no time by skipping dessert or working out a few times a week. I have lost weight this week though….thank you stomach flu.
Have him try eating Activia! My husband was on Nexium for years, but when insurance stopped covering it we stopped buying it!! He’s not always good about remembering, but when he eats Activia every morning, it makes a huge difference. I’m sure other yogurt helps–even fro-yo (the real kind with live cultures) helped him!!
Please write a book! You are hilarious and if I had known that a post about milkshakes and rattlesnakes would have made me laugh I would have read it earlier!
I just shelled out my first co-pay for nexium yesterday…ridiculous…and fyi i’m so screwed if chocolate is bad for acid reflux…but on the plus side, i might loose a few more pounds.
Those snakes are amazing. But not in a good way.
GAH! Please give warning before you post pictures of snakes. Some of us around here (ME) have snake-terror. I also threw up when I saw that. For real!
Also, can The Antelope of the Lord please make an appearance on the blog at least twice a year?
I eat 4 Double Stuf Oreos every day with my lunch. I’m certain it helps keep my acid reflux away. I’ve never actually had acid reflux (except while pregnant) but I’m sure that if I quit the Oreos, it would come on immediately.
My son has a six-footer (rattlesnake skin) employed in his window treatment. I believe that we might be pushing the bounds of good taste there just a bit, what do you think? The skin is as beautiful as a mounted snakeskin can be and all, but, I believe we have wandered to the very edge of some kind of decorating faux pas, even for Alabama. Hope your husband doesn’t see this “handsome” idea. My men love it!
Kim
I am still laughing about last week’s mention of Steven Tyler being the “funny looking grandmother” but this post tops that by about a million!!!!!
SO SO FUNNY!!!!! You make me laugh so hard! I love it! Blessings to you! And may there be no antelopes…or snakes…in your future! AMEN!
My daddy couldn’t believe that I didn’t want to spend a lot of time wandering around his camp house. Snakes like those are the reason I am not a fan of all the wilderness.
“A herd of heaving breathing gerbils” inside your computer keyboard.
“The antelope of the Lord.”
This is why I love your blog! You are so stinkin’ hilarious. I actually wish my husband could kill rattlesnakes like that….you have nothing to worry about ever! What a man!
I just noticed the little splotches of blood in the dirt under the snakes. Gross!
Remember the Little House episode when Mr. Edwards was babysitting and he made rattlesnake stew and Carrie was playing with the rattle? Just thought that memory might give you some culinary inspirations.
I just want you to know that I laughed so hard through this post that I had to stop, wipe my eyes, blow my nose and then literally try to hold my eyes open whilst tears streamed from them from LAUGHING so hard…good grief! You are awesome!
I laughed out loud at this. Mostly because I could totally identify. Not with the snake thing (although I’m with you, I’d burn the dang house down), but with the husband and the shake thing.
My husband drinks several protein laden chocolate peanut butter milkshakes A DAY. He always has one before bed and it makes me crazy that he has to stay up late so he can finish his shake and he is sad about it and I want to grab it out of his hands, slug it down, and say, “DONE. Now go to sleep. I’m gonna go treat myself to a swig of water and call it a day.”
I have just the thing for your Antelope…on Holly Mathis’ blog today she shows some pics of tiara’s on dead animals. Have you thought about dressing that antelope up with a tiara and some bling?
ltm Thanks for making me laugh every single day. you have quite the following among Des Moines Iowa…so much that we all just want to come and hang out with you. weird? maybe…but thanks for making us feel at home and like you are one of our best friends. 
now go and find yourself a tiara.
When I was very pregnant I developed heartburn (I’d never had it before in my life). I ate a bowl of ice cream each night & the heartburn subsided. Calcium really does help with indigestion. And the ice cream was a total non-factor in my 45 pound weight gain.
Oh boy. Tim Riggin’s t-shirt was right…..Everything IS bigger in Texas.
I thought P. was holding some kind of fancy jumbo walking sticks! Rookie mistake on my part.
Hi-lar-i-ous.
“The antelope of the Lord.” Bahahahahahaha!
Burn the place to the ground – YES and AMEN!
That was so freakin’ hilarious! Loved “The antelope of the Lord.” Hilarious!
Okay,I had tears running down my cheeks from laughing so hard before I even got to the picture.He is so proud of those snakes.Men really are just grown up little boys. What a man that Capital P is!
p.s. I think you should have “antelope of the Lord” t shirts made.I would totally buy one!!!
Hilarious!
For the first spring in recent years I am not that concerned about my weight…why you may ask…..I was diagnosised with Celiac Disease fall of last year and I have lost 26 pounds since September. I still need to tone but hey, when you can’t have bread, pastry, cakes, noodles, BUNS…you will loose very easily.
I am laughing so hard that my Westie has begun to have a fit in the floor. I can so very feel your pain – as I sit here I have two deer heads staring at me and that’s not even half! Have a great day, you’ve just made mine!!