I’m trying not to think about the fact that I have a scratchy, sore throat which I feel certain will develop into a full blown cold within the next 24 hours. I am also trying not to think about the fact that someone found my blog today by searching for a Spongebob Bra in a size 34A.
I’m not sure why anyone would want to wear a bra that depicts a big yellow sponge wearing pants.
Perhaps that was Victoria’s real secret.
So, here’s what I found hilarious yesterday. Y’all got so tickled over P and his emergency hunting trip, but you need to know that when I wrote that sentence I was in no way trying to be funny. I truly believed he had left on an emergency trip to go hunting.
Which tells me that we have been together for a long time and he has completely brainwashed me, because ten years ago the only emergency hunting trip I could have envisioned was a trip to the mall to find the right pair of shoes for a new outfit.
The sad thing is what qualified this trip as an emergency wasn’t that we needed provisions in the form of venison to get us through the not-very-cold Texas winter. I can always just run to HEB and pick up some ground chuck. The emergency was that a cold front had blown through, which means the deer are actually moving, therefore creating prime hunting conditions.
And there’s a sentence I would have never written eleven years ago.
So, P had to head down to South Texas.
Due to a cold front emergency.
And yes, he brought home a deer so we will, indeed, have food to get us through the long, mild winter.
Crisis averted.
The other question that came up was the Bible study that I am currently working on. My fabulous group of Bible study girls (l should probably say ladies, but that sounds a little Kenny Rogers-ish to me) just completed “A Woman’s Heart: God’s Dwelling Place” by Beth Moore.
And while I have never had the privilege of meeting Beth Moore in person, I feel certain she would understand that I had to bring my daughter, toting guns and jewelry, to a Bible study, while my husband was away on an emergency hunting trip. Because I’m willing to bet that her husband has also left on the occasional emergency hunting trip.
Anyway, we finished our study of the tabernacle and are planning on doing “Believing God” starting in January.
In other news, Gulley and I had lunch with AJ yesterday because she is moving to Dallas today. And I really can’t get into that because, while I am so happy for her, I’m so sad to see her go. I even shed a few tears much to her sheer horror at my display of emotion.
We let AJ pick the restaurant since it was her farewell lunch and she picked a restaurant that serves healthy Mexican food. I AM NOT KIDDING. The menu even said “WE DON’T USE LARD”.
As if it were a source of pride.
Gulley and I scanned the menu, wondering aloud what various things would taste like without the flavor…I mean, the lard. I finally decided on the bean and cheese nachos made with non-refried pinto beans (TASTY!) and fat-free cheese (DELICIOUS!).
Gulley ordered the tamales and the waiter asked, “What kind?”
She asked, “What kind do you have?”
“Non-refried bean, chicken, vegetarian, tofu…”
“Yeah, I’ll just have the chicken fajitas.”
Which, apparently, translated to “just dry the heck out of a chicken breast and bring it out on a plate with some non-refried beans”.
But, seriously, tofu tamales?
Tamales should be pork or beef. With a side helping of lard.
The lard is why Americans have stolen Mexican food from Mexico.
What kind of sick world are we living in when people are eating tofu tamales and wearing Spongebob lingerie?
And, hopefully, not at the same time.