Listen.

My house is a wreck. Like plastic and wet paint and stuff everywhere kind of wreck. Not to mention that I think the paint fumes have made me slightly high.

And have I mentioned that Caroline and I leave for New York at 6:55 tomorrow morning? Which is actually this morning by the time you read this but it’s 3:30 p.m. while I’m writing this. And I’m high. Don’t mess with me. Mimi and Bops are taking us for an early Christmas present/Mimi’s birthday. The excitement level is way high here.

But I haven’t packed our suitcases. I can’t even get into her room right now to access her closet. And, worst of all, I can’t even watch T.V. because it’s all disconnected.

In summary, my life involves a myriad of first world problems.

But I figured this was a good time to put together a little gift guide in case you need a few ideas for Christmas gifts. Or in case you just want to treat yourself to something as a reward for all the Christmas shopping you’ve done.

1. chevron throw

I’ve really been wanting a chevron throw for my living room. This one is a really soft microplush material and comes in some really cute colors at a great price.

2. little women

Possibly my favorite book ever. And every time I see this cover of it in Target, I swoon a little.

3. lodge moccasins

Who doesn’t need something cute to keep their feet warm?

4. wired tech hat

This is so clever. It’s a knit cap that you can fit your earbuds in. Music and warmth while running or whatever.

5. hummingbird farms lavender lotion

This is my favorite, can’t live without lotion. Seriously addictive and smells like heaven.

6. atom art bowl

A few years ago one of my friends gave us one of these cute bowls filled with sweet and spicy pecans and wrapped in cellophane with a bow. The pecans are long gone, may they rest in peace. But we still use the bowl all the time.

7. gameday boot socks

I want these so bad. But they have them for other schools in case you don’t share my love of Texas A&M.

8. wimberly charm monogram necklace

I love these. They come in a bunch of cute colors and would be a perfect gift.

9. nahuala rectangle trays

These trays are darling. I’m always looking for something to put things in.

10. o holy night sign

I’m a little obsessed with this. And wish I would have ordered one sooner. Now I’m thinking I’ll wait until next year, but LOVE. And they also make great signs with any quote you may want.

I’m sorry I didn’t include pictures, but did I mention my house is a wreck and I’m not packed for New York and I still need to wash my hair?

Because you can’t go to New York with dirty hair. Or maybe you can. I just can’t.

Happy shopping.

Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2012

Well, other than celebrating the Heisman trophy making its way to Aggieland, this weekend was fun-filled.

Why, you might ask.

Or probably not because you have other things to worry about like where to hide your dadgum Elf on a Shelf.

But I’ll tell you anyway.

It was the 21st annual Gulley and Mel Christmas shopping weekend extravaganza.

At least we think it was the 21st annual. We can’t really remember. Probably because we’re in our forties and memory isn’t our friend. But, sufficed to say, we’re over the twenty year mark.

And in case you’re new, this is our tradition. The husbands take care of the kids and we spend our entire weekend, from Friday morning until Sunday, shopping for Christmas presents and drinking wine and wrapping all our presents and solving at least 3/4 of the world’s problems.

It is a tradition I highly recommend. Granted, we started it long before we had kids. Or husbands. But it’s the one thing we put on the calendar for the following year as soon as the weekend is over. It’s non-negotiable and we’ve been known to turn down several other exciting options in lieu of the shopping weekend.

For example, I rescheduled a dental appointment.

And this year we must have been feeling nostalgic because we reminisced over Christmas shopping weekend times of old. Mainly because this was the hottest shopping weekend we can ever remember. Except for the Christmas that Gulley was eight and a half months pregnant with Jackson. The temperature was in the thirties and she wore a short-sleeved black shirt the entire weekend and complained about how hot she was. And every time I suggested we sit and take a break, she’d tell me she was getting bigger by the minute and we had to keep going.

Meanwhile, I was wearing a wool hat. And mittens. And still freezing.

Sadly, I think we’ll repeat this experience sometime in the next decade except it will be hot flashes instead of pregnancy. Hormones are fun.

Anyway, Gulley and I left my house at 9:15 Friday morning. Our first stop was Starbucks where you will be glad to know that I was greeted by my Starbucks friend who immediately handed me his credit card and told me my coffee was on him since Kate is pregnant. (I nearly said Knocked up, but she is a princess. Seems wrong.)

I told him thank you and joked that maybe I’d get a breakfast sandwich too. He kind of laughed, but Gulley assured me it was a courtesy laugh and he looked a little nervous. So I made sure that he saw that I only bought a peppermint mocha.

And then we made our way out to La Cantera where we spent the rest of the day. Sadly, I didn’t find the majority of things I actually needed to buy, but found a few other things that just called out to me. Specifically, I was trying to find a pair of camo leggings for Caroline and had seen them online at Zara, but they didn’t have them in the store and I had to order online. Hooray for free shipping.

We also went to Homegoods and didn’t buy anything. Then we stopped at LifeWay and bought Caroline and Jackson each a new Bible. Will had informed us that he was really too young to “enjoy” a Bible right now. But then we stopped in Michael’s and I got new garland for my mantle marked down to 60% off. Which was a steal except for the fact that the lines at Michael’s always make me want to gouge out my eyes and put on sackcloth.

After that we came back by my house because the painters had left for the day and it was getting dark and we needed to turn on some lights. Then we ventured back out to Old Navy and Learning Express before finally deciding to drive around and look at Christmas lights before going to eat a healthy dinner of artichoke dip and wine.

On Saturday we did the same thing. Except we started our day with Mexican food because OF COURSE. And then we went to Academy right before we made an unfortunate trip to Lids inside the mall. After that I felt like I needed a bleach shower because there’s something about a salesman with a hat that says DOPE who is in dire need of a belt that just feels sketchy. Not to mention that the mall in general seemed like a giant petri dish of flu bacteria.

So we made a few more stops to some local stores. And then one last obligatory stop at Target to get all the things we forgot to get at Target the day before. And then our alarm went off notifying us we had one and a half hours until the Heisman ceremony. So we MADE HASTE (much like the shepherds) and picked out wrapping paper at Container Store, stopped by Central Market for cheese and crackers and a delicious peppered salami and got home in time to watch ESPN drag out an hour of television that could have been summed up in three minutes tops.

But when they finally called Johnny Manziel’s name, Gulley and I jumped up and down screaming like we were his mother. And then we vowed that if the Aggies play in the national championship game in the next few years that we’re going no matter what.

Which I told P when he got home on Sunday evening. And he said something about it being expensive.

Whatever. Those tickets are only $15.

Which, coincidentally, is the same amount of money I spent Christmas shopping this weekend.

Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2012

So I believe I’ve mentioned that we have holes in our walls. And that we’re getting some built-ins installed at some point.

And while these two things were going to take place many months ago (in my mind at least) it didn’t really turn out that way for various and sundry reasons. Scheduling, the orbit of Jupiter, etc.

We have been living in a fair share of disarray over the last several months because of all the non-construction going on. Our T.V. is on a church pew. We still have the armoire that used to house our old T.V. in a corner of the living room, and the playroom could be declared a natural disaster. The only good thing about that is we wouldn’t have to worry that FEMA would actually show up.

And I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it, but we have holes in our walls.

But all these things are going to be fixed in the next week or so. And, thus, I dedicated all of yesterday to cleaning out the playroom and organizing Caroline’s room and emptying the armoire of all manner of antiquated technology.

Needless to say, I am bone tired.

However, I just want to say that if the premise of the Toy Story movie franchise has any truth in it, then I am deeply concerned about things that are happening under my roof.

First, there was this.

Okay. Fine. It’s a pom-pom in the bottom of a bird cage. I’m sure there’s an explanation.

But then I discovered this.

What does it all mean? Is it a mummy? Is it a prisoner? Is it Mad Eye Moody locked in the trunk at Hogwarts? I don’t understand.

Then I encountered the most disturbing thing of all.

I just can’t even.

For the love, Ken, have some decency.

After I moved on from that shady scene, I began to clean out the armoire. And that’s when I discovered it was housing a long forgotten dinosaur.

That’s right, baby. The Sony SIX DISC CHANGER stereo system complete with CASSETTE PLAYER and MEGA BASS. Not just your usual bass. MEGA BASS.

Let me tell you that my college roommates and I put that MEGA bass to good use from 1991-1994. That six disc changer has seen its share of Bel Biv Devoe and Digital Underground.

But wait. There’s more. As if the MEGA bass and six disc changer weren’t enough.

The speakers had the option of attaching to the side thereby making the whole thing extremely portable with its giant handle and eight foot antennae.

Who needs an iPod when you have that? It even came with a remote control to make life that much easier.

The nineties were awesome.

And on a sweet, sentimental note, I found this picture from a few years ago in one of Caroline’s old sketchpads.

Needless to say, it will enjoy a kinder fate than the Sony stereo system because MELT MY HEART. Even though I’m not sure why P is so small. And I’m afraid my hair needed a little help.

See y’all tomorrow for Fashion Friday. Heads up that it will be a HUGE giveaway. Don’t miss it.

Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2012

I can’t believe I forgot to mention the passing of JR Ewing. When I first saw it on Twitter late Saturday night, I hoped it was just a false rumor. Like the time I said Ed McMahon had died and he hadn’t. Or the time people said Donny and Marie weren’t the greatest singing duo ever.

But, sadly, it’s true. JR Ewing is no longer with us and I feel like a piece of my childhood has died. Granted, it’s a piece filled with adultery and backstabbing and all manner of inappropriate content, but that doesn’t change the fact that I can’t hear the opening music to Dallas without immediately thinking about Friday nights at my Me-Ma and Pa-Pa’s house. They did love a good soap opera.

JR Ewing? You will always be my favorite villain.

And I think it’s safe to say that new Dallas will fail without him. Jesse Metcalf and his eyebrows will never fill the void left by JR.

This also seems like a good time to share my Christmas decorating situation. Which is to say that there isn’t one because I haven’t even begun to decorate. I haven’t even gone through the motions of getting P to drag down our boxes from the attic.

But here’s why.

We still have holes in our walls.

I know. We are living like savages.

There are so many reasons why our walls still haven’t been fixed and painted and I’d share them all with you but you would wake up four hours later with hair matted to your face where you wept tears of boredom before you finally fell asleep.

The short version is that the walls are being repaired and painted next week. And we’re also getting built-ins installed so our T.V. will finally have a home that isn’t my antique church pew. So until all that happens I can’t even think about putting up a Christmas tree.

And here’s the thing. I resent being made to feel like a slacker because it’s November 27th and I still have pumpkins on my porch and my dining room table. What if I just like to savor Thanksgiving? What if I just want to live in the now?

What if the fact that it’s still 80 degrees every other day makes it feel absurd to hear Let It Snow on the radio constantly?

Of course no one is really making me feel like a slacker except myself. Well, me and the neighbors who have their yard lit up like a game on The Price is Right. And all those people who keep posting pictures of their Elf on a Shelf taking a bath in mini-marshmallows or being tied up by Lego people.

I would have never brought that Elf into our home had I known it was going to have to perform at that level. I thought it was what the box said, AN ELF. ON A SHELF.

Not in a tub. Not on a boat. Not with a goat.

So here’s where I ask a few questions. Have you already decorated for Christmas? Did you buy a real tree? Are you worried it’s going to be deader than new Dallas by Christmas? Is deader a word?

Also, do you know where I can find some cute Christmas stockings? If I ever get around to decorating, we could really use some new ones.

And on a different note, I wanted to mention the Ladies Christmas Celebration this Monday, December 3rd at River City Community Church. I’m going to be speaking and, even better, there’s going to be music and shopping and just fun in general. It’s only $5 to attend and you can find out more on their information page if you’re interested.

Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2012

When we last spoke I wished you all a very happy Thanksgiving and said I would be spending the next few days staying up too late and watching movies and laughing with my people. And that’s exactly what I did. I also learned a couple of things:

1. I don’t think I digest carbs as easily as I once did. I swear I still have some sweet potato casserole sitting somewhere in my stomach. It’s a good thing we don’t serve noodles at our Thanksgiving lunch because one more carb would have put me permanently over the edge.

2. It is possible for the human heart to stop beating for a good three minutes due to anxiety. I know this to be true because it’s what happened to me when Johnny Manziel went down holding his knee on Saturday night during the A&M game.

3. When I have the luxury of no schedule I immediately go back to my preferred system of staying up until two in the morning and sleeping until ten. Or maybe ten-thirty. Don’t judge me. Night owls are people too. We’re the ones with bags under our eyes while we try to function in “normal” society. Monday morning is going to hit hard.

(It isn’t going to help that I have to get Caroline’s lunchbox that she left at school over the Thanksgiving break. It has chicken salad in it.)

(If you hear a gagging sound, it’s probably me.)

Anyway, we had a great Thanksgiving. On Wednesday I took Caroline and Gulley’s boys to see Rise of The Guardians which was actually pretty good. Turns out I’m a fan of a Russian Santa Claus and an Australian Easter Bunny. I had no idea.

And then Thanksgiving morning, look who got to make fresh-squeezed orange juice.

That’s right. The paper bag trick with the apples worked. The oranges ripened and she was thrilled. I didn’t even have to replace them with store bought oranges which was totally my back up plan because there was going to be much weeping and gnashing of teeth if those oranges didn’t get ripe.

We watched the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade and then headed to Mimi and Bops’s house for Thanksgiving lunch. Gulley and her family joined us this year and we had a great time. It seems like it would have been a great idea to document Thanksgiving with pictures of some sort but apparently I was too busy shoveling in the broccoli rice casserole to take the time to capture any precious memories.

Later that afternoon we went back home in a carbohydrate induced stupor. And I vowed I would never eat again. And I absolutely DID NOT until about four hours later when I thought it seemed like a good idea to heat up some leftovers. No turkey, just straight carbs.

On Friday morning P decided to take Caroline, Will and Jackson to Cabela’s. I cautioned him briefly about Black Friday shopping, but then I decided he’s a grown man and could make his own decision to brave the crowds and traffic. Plus, Gulley and I really wanted to go get pedicures. Because, while I was thankful for many things this Thanksgiving, the state of my toes didn’t make the list. Normally this wouldn’t be a problem this time of year but the temperatures have refused to drop and I still wear flip-flops at least three times a week.

So P loaded up the kids for a little shopping and Gulley and I went to eat lunch and then get pedicures. As we were leaving the pedicure place, we decided to run by Gap just to check out their sale items. But I mentioned that I’d really like to stop and get a peppermint mocha first. And that’s when we experienced an unfortunate turn of events.

I was trying to pull my car into a spot right in front of Starbucks. And I misjudged the amount of room I had. And the front bumper of my car hit the back bumper of the parked car in the next spot.

Well. Great.

To make it worse, I got out of my car and realized I’d hit a Prius. I felt like there was a chance the Prius owner takes their car ownership much more seriously than I do based on their environmentally-friendly choice. I also wished I didn’t have the “Drill Here, Drill Now” bumper sticker on my car.

(I don’t really have that bumper sticker on my car, but it would have made the story so much better if I did.)

But since I was still craving what had now turned into possibly the most expensive peppermint mocha ever, I ran in Starbucks while Gulley waited outside in case the Prius owner came back to their car. Probably carrying recyclable bags from Whole Earth Provisions.

And, sure enough, I looked out and saw Gulley talking to someone who appeared to be the owner. So I got out of line and went outside. The Prius owner was one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met. She told me not to worry about it and assured me that she hits her car on her friend’s carport all the time. And then she started bumping it with her hip to show me how everything just pops right back into place.

I apologized profusely and gave her my name and number just in case. And then I just dreaded the moment I had to go home and confess to P that I hit a Prius. That was parked.

He actually took the news really well even though he did make sure to let me know it was possibly the dumbest wreck he’d ever heard of. He asked if Gulley and I were busy talking when it happened and I said no. And he totally busted me because he said that would be the first time EVER we weren’t talking when in the same vicinity.

Truth.

So maybe we were talking. But I was still totally paying attention. My parking physics were just off.

And so we’ll see what happens.

The rest of the weekend was spent just relaxing. On Friday night P went to bed early and Caroline and I curled up on the couch together while we both read books and I don’t know that life gets much better than that.

Then the Aggies won and Johnny Manziel’s knee appears to be fine and if he doesn’t win the Heisman Trophy then they need to quit giving it out.

That’s just my opinion.

And to make up for my lack of actual Thanksgiving photos, here’s a pic I took of the kids while we watched the Aggies. There is no such thing as personal space.

All around, it was a great holiday. In fact, Thanksgiving is my new favorite.

Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2012