You want to know what I did yesterday?
I watched this about one hundred and forty-eight times.
It never gets old.
Home on the range
December 14, 2010
P left to go hunting and just got back home yesterday evening. I knew he was back home because Caroline and I walked into the house to find a set of deer antlers recently belonging to a deer sitting on the island in our kitchen. Like an appetizer.
It made me think that enough time has passed for me to tell you what happened at our house right before Thanksgiving. What was it that Mark Twain once said? Humor is tragedy plus time.
As you may remember, Gulley and I spent the days leading up to Thanksgiving in Bryan with the kids. There was all manner of fun to be had, but there was also a fair share of drama. Especially towards the end of the trip. We’ve always maintained that Caroline and Will are like fire and ice. They are either the best of friends or they are yelling, “YOU’RE NOT INVITED TO MY BIRTHDAY PARTY THIS YEAR AND I’D LIKE TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE!” across the yard. In other words, they’ll probably grow up and get married some day. Although we have both said that we would never survive those two even attempting to date. Not even an episode of Dynasty needs that much drama.
(Dynasty? Yes, because that is a current reference if we spent the morning time-traveling back to 1985.)
So our trip ended with the stress of the kids bickering back and forth and various people being put in time out. The irony is that Gulley and I would have loved nothing more than to put ourselves in time out just for a few moments of peace and quiet, but life doesn’t work that way when you are the people pretending to be in charge.
And, related to the time out subject, there was a moment when Will pushed things too far and ended up sequestered in the back bedroom to think about what he had done. As Gulley was walking back in the living room, the phone rang and it was Nena. Gulley picked up the phone and was attempting to have a pleasant conversation with Nena when, all of a sudden, Will picked up the extension from where he was exiled in the bedroom and said, “Hi Nena! It’s Will! How are you?”
I know now that Gulley’s head is incapable of exploding because that was the moment it would have happened.
By the time we were packing up the car, Caroline was in full meltdown mode and insisting that her life was very hard and full of sadness. Which isn’t something you really have patience for after days spent at places like Santa’s Wonderland. I told her to get over it and GET IN THE CAR.
So we began our long ride home. With just a little bit of tension in the air. Of course Gulley and I were totally fine, but we weren’t sure about the kids.
We stopped for kolaches in Caldwell and everyone seemed to regroup and find their happy place. We picked songs on the iPod, did a little car-dancing, and talked about our Christmas wishes. Then, as we were on a vast, empty stretch of land known as Highway 21 between Bastrop and San Marcos, Will announced his tummy hurt. And that announcement was followed shortly by a high-pitched scream and the unmistakable sound of throw up.
There was nowhere to go. No gas station. No convenience store. No fire department where we could drop the kids off and see if they were too old to be placed for adoption.
I continued to try to break the land speed record to get us all home while Gulley turned around and did the best she could to clean everything up. Fortunately Jackson had received a large Aggie bucket at the football game that Saturday. I feel certain it wasn’t intended to be used that way, but, on the other hand, they were passing them out on a college campus.
We finally arrived home, definitely worse for the wear, and I had barely gotten our suitcases in the door when I told Caroline we needed to go to the grocery store to get a few things for Thanksgiving. I knew it was going to be awful, especially because we were going to Central Market, which is the mecca for people for whom Thanksgiving is a culinary Super Bowl. And I was just a stressed out rookie dragging my child around trying to figure out where they keep the pomegranate molasses because Bobby Flay had filled my head with delusions of Brussels sprouts grandeur.
When I finally walked in the door from Central Market, I was past the point of stressed and frazzled. I made stressed and frazzled look like a free trip to a resort in the Bahamas that specializes in thousand count thread sheets and down pillows.
So you can imagine my reaction when I walked through my back door and immediately spied this hanging right next to my new front door that still has a piece of plywood where the beveled glass is supposed to be.
No. Just no.
I stood there in shock trying to figure out what it was and why it was on my wall. It didn’t help that it was hung in such a way that made it appear to have been running down the block when it suddenly crashed through the front of our house.
P walked in the house about that time and said, “What do you think?” He has known me for sixteen years, which makes me think it must have been a rhetorical question. I looked at him and said, “I don’t know what that is, but it can’t stay there and I need to know why you hate our house.”
For months, MONTHS, I’d been engaging in conversations about how we were going to reduce the number of animal mounts in our living room and find a nice vintage map of Texas to hang on the wall. I was going to get a new lamp, hang some new pictures. I’d pretended to be domestic and made FAUX WINDOW TREATMENTS for goodness sake. Apparently all these decorating conversations had just been me talking to myself.
Because there was a Nilgai Antelope hanging right by my front door.
It was a little tense at our house for the next few days. I thought it might all end with me writing a memoir about the struggles of marriage entitled The Antelope in The Living Room.
But then we attempted to find some middle ground because at the end of the day we love each other. He may not love or understand my fondness for expensive denim and I don’t really love or understand his fondness for things with horns or fur hanging on the walls, but marriage is about compromise.
That’s why this is the scene by my Christmas tree.
Lo, an antelope of the Lord appeared and the glory shone round about him.
And there was peace on earth and goodwill toward men and some serious internal strategy about how to to make the back house the new permanent residence of the antelope.
It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s a gift guide!
December 9, 2010
Before I even begin with all the holiday cheer and what not, my Achilles and I want to thank you for all your recommendations. I’d also like to say that an ice pack on your foot is a tad chilly in the dead of winter. Or late fall. Since, technically, it’s not winter time until December 21.
I also wanted to state for the record that Gulley is pronounced like gully washer or the semi-famous movie from 1992, FernGully: The Last Rainforest. It’s actually her maiden name and what I called her all through college and still call her to this very day.
Lastly, I just want to let you all know that wrote most of this earlier in the day. And in the last hour I have managed to walk right into the claw foot of my iron bathtub. Unfortunately, I didn’t have any shoes on at the time. On the bright side, it’s the same foot as my Achilles problems so I can now consolidate all the icing of my injuries.
Then, since I’ve possibly broken three of my toes and P is gone hunting for the evening, Caroline makes me an ice pack and cooks her own dinner of Kraft mac and cheese. Bless her heart.
But then she decided she wanted more mac and cheese. So she put another thing of it in the microwave. I’m not sure what happened, but all of a sudden she yelled, “MAMA! THERE IS SMOKE COMING OUT OF THE MICROWAVE!”
Sure enough, there was smoke coming out of the microwave. And this is what we found when we opened up the microwave door.
I think it was finished.
(Please tell me you see the smoke in the picture.)
And thus I spent the rest of the evening icing the front and back of my foot while airing out the house because the smell. MY WORD THE SMELL.
P came in from hunting and declared that our house smelled like a Spurs game. And I’m pretty sure he didn’t mean that as a good thing.
So. A gift guide. I can’t guarantee that you’re going to find anything useful on this list, but you might and I think that’s what really counts. I tried to find an assortment of ideas at various price points in the hopes there is something for all budgets.
Gulley’s mama gave me this mug over the summer and I couldn’t wait until it cooled down so I could drink hot choffee out of it every morning. And that’s exactly what I’ve done ever since the weather has decided to cooperate.
I love the way it looks and that it’s big enough to provide enough room to properly mix my coffee with my hot chocolate. And I immediately handwash it after I use it each morning because I discovered I felt sad if it spent any time in the dishwasher.
2. Herald Angel candleholder
I realize this is a Christmas decoration and some people may not like to give Christmas decorations as Christmas gifts. But I am not one of those people. I am a fan of both the giving and receiving of Christmas decor for Christmas. Especially when it’s this pretty.
3. Hummingbird Lavender gift set
I put this on just about every list because I adore it and don’t know how I’d live without the lavender in my life. The lotion? LOVE. The shower gel? P gets cranky and itchy when we run out.
And this spa treatment? I added it to my bath yesterday and my skin actually yelled THANK YOU.
4. Clothbound Penguin Classics for Children
I want to get every single one of these for Caroline. They are so beautiful and will look great displayed on her bookshelves whenever we’re not actually reading them. One or two of these would make a perfect gift for any little girls you have in your life.
Seriously. Look at The Secret Garden.
Makes me so happy.
Or a goat. Or vaccinations. Or clean water. Or farming equipment.
There are so many different ways you can give a gift through Compassion and make a difference in someone’s life.
These are almost too pretty to use every day, but I’d use them anyway.
I am such a fan of Red Letter Words. There isn’t really a canvas that I wouldn’t love to have, but this is my current favorite.
Maybe it’s because I’ve spent a lot of time in the last two days with ice on my foot, but these just look plain old cozy. I’d even wear them to the HEB.
The colors in this scarf are so pretty and would complement just about anyone’s wardrobe. And who doesn’t love a new scarf?
10. Flannel pajamas
Listen. I will never get tired of new pajamas. They are one of my favorite things. Which makes me wonder why I spend so much time in random flannel pajama bottoms and a Diamond Darlings Christmas Formal 1992 sweatshirt. It seems like maybe I should upgrade to something that matches.
11. From Head to Foot: All of you living all for Him
My friend, Annie Downs, wrote this book and it just released this week. First of all, I am so dang proud of her that I can hardly stand it.
Secondly, if you have a tween (isn’t that what they call them these days?) or a teen or a young twenty-something in your life, then you need to get them this book for Christmas. It’s about focusing on what God has given you and living for Him.
There is not a vampire to be found in the entire thing. Just wanted to make sure you knew that because I believe that makes it an exception among books that are currently on the market for teenagers.
12. Cavallini Daily Planner
This would be so much prettier and more fashionable than my current 2011 planner that consists of forty-two different post-it notes stuck all over my desk.
13. Meselu scarf
A scarf that helps women in Africa support their families? YES, PLEASE.
I think the post-it notes are starting to get to me because I am drawn to the calendars like a teenage girl to Justin Beiber.
There are so many different ones to choose from depending on your calendar needs and what your people may prefer. Like this personalized version or this one with a different scripture for each month.
I know you’re thinking they aren’t as classy as a mass of post-it notes, but what is?
I’ve had my eye on various necklaces with skeleton keys. This one is exceptionally great.
I don’t know how to make coffee. And, furthermore, I don’t want to know how to make coffee because then it would become one of my chores and why would I want to make coffee when P makes it every morning and leaves me just enough for my hot choffee?
The only time this has ever been a problem is when I have visitors over and they want coffee and I have to tell them TOO BAD.
Anyway, P has had an assortment of coffee makers over the years, but is go-to coffee apparatus is the French Press. He claims it makes a better cup of coffee for the coffee purist.
All I know is it tastes delicious when you mix it with some Ghiradelli Double Chocolate hot chocolate mix.
17. Williams-Sonoma Peppermint Bark
Speaking of being a purist, you might prefer to make homemade treats for your neighbors and co-workers and sanitation employees. And so do I. My kitchen cranks out enough toffee during Christmas time that I could give Willy Wonka a run for his money.
(That may be a slight exaggeration.)
But a few years ago, P found Williams-Sonoma peppermint bark on sale and ordered like six cases of it because P loves to order himself some items in bulk. I mocked him endlessly and was slightly annoyed that we’d spent a chunk of money on peppermint bark. And then I ate more than half of it all by myself because it is so incredibly delicious. It is the King Daddy of peppermint bark.
We also had a dear friend send us one of these Giant Caramel Apples last year and I wasn’t sure what I thought about a giant caramel apple. It intimidated me with its largeness and caramelness. And then I tried it and OH MY WORD it is so right and good.
I love these watches. I love that they’re cheap. I love that they come in every color of the rainbow.
19. Gold Houndstooth coat
Boden has a ton of stuff marked down to 50% off right now, but this coat calls out to me. And it is majorly on sale.
Spellcheck is trying to tell me that “majorly” isn’t a word. To which I say, spellcheck hasn’t seen that coat.
20. Cuisinart 11-cup food processor
Gulley would tell me that I am a fool for wishing for something as practical as a Cuisinart 11-cup food processor. She’d say it’s a slippery slope that will lead to a Christmas where I receive power tools or a vacuum cleaner.
But I have long wanted a large food processor for all the chopping and shredding and grating and this one is way on sale at Macy’s right now. If this all ends with me getting a dremel tool for Christmas someday, then so be it.
21. Amazing Grace necklace from Rusted Chain
There are so many pretty necklaces and charms that it’s hard to choose. I’m partial to this Amazing Grace one because I am in need of much grace.
22. Old Gringo cowboy boots
You know those Zales commercials or whatever where they talk about how women just want jewels for Christmas? Those women have obviously not seen these cowboy boots. These are pure romance.
23. Sock monkey hat and mittens
Caroline is past the point of wearing a sock monkey hat and mittens, but I think these are so darling if you happen to have some little ankle biters in your life.
24. Fearfully and wonderfully made soldered pendant
Oh, the jewelry. What did we do before Etsy and the like? Love this.
See? This is the way to go with jewelry. It’s sparkly and pretty and elegant. And inexpensive enough that maybe you could swing this and some cowboy boots.
26. Macbook Pro and a cute case
Okay, yes. EXTRAVAGANT. But sometimes you have to go big or go home. This would be on the top of my personal wish list this year. It doesn’t mean it will happen. In fact, it most likely won’t happen unless Steve Jobs decides he wants to send me a personal gift this year. Yet a girl likes to dream.
And that is all for this year. Unless I come up with something else.
Happy shopping.
I’ll just be here icing my foot and burning Kraft mac and cheese.
A top eleven list is so odd
December 2, 2010
Before I say anything else, I need to state for the record that I managed to pack everything I need to take to Birmingham in a carry-on bag. And I still managed to bring four different pairs of shoes. Which doesn’t seem excessive at all for a four day trip.
The game changer was my decision to use the White Noise app on my iPhone. And to decide that my hair will be able to achieve enough volume with just my travel-size set of hot rollers. It’s a risky decision, but I have long been known for my ability to live right on the edge.
And for those who asked, I’m going to Birmingham for the Deeper Still conference. If you’re going to be there, I’d love to meet you. I have no idea where I’ll be or what I’ll be doing, but I’m sure it shouldn’t be too hard to find me amongst the other 12,000 women who will be in attendance.
Yesterday I spent most of the day helping decorate our church sanctuary for Christmas. So when I left the church around 2:00 p.m., I was in the mood for some Christmas tunes and turned on the radio and, I KID YOU NOT, that Dwight Yoakam song was on. I caught it just in time to hear “He threw a present really hard that almost hit Mom’s new boyfriend Ray”.
That is a lyrical treasure.
Anyway, several years ago, (three to be exact) Gulley and I each made a list of our favorite Christmas songs. You can find those lists right here. But things change and new songs come along and I’m leaving for Birmingham and still need to make sure I have everything I need before I get all puffed up with pride over my insane packing abilities that allowed me to fit everything in one small bag and one very large purse.
(Too late on that last thing, by the way. I am totally puffed up with pride over my packing expertise.)
My point is I thought it would be fun to make a list of the Christmas songs that are on the top of my listening list this season. The whole thing makes me feel a little bit like Casey Kasem.
(Was I the last person to know that he was the voice of Shaggy on Scooby Doo?)
1. Christmas Tonight by Dave Barnes
I bought this album (downloaded it, whatever) a few weeks ago and have listened to it over and over again. If you haven’t seen the video for this song then your life may not be complete.
2. In the First Light by Travis Cottrell
The first time I heard this song I cried. It is absolute perfection.
3. O Holy Night by Glee Cast
Whatever your feelings about Glee, they make some good music. I love this version.
4. River by Sarah McLachlan
Okay. So kind of a downer song. But I love this entire album so much and there’s not much that makes me happier than a cold day, a warm fire, and listening to this song. It’s a nice kind of melancholy.
I doubt that makes sense to anyone but me.
5. Go Tell it on the Mountain by James Taylor
It’s James Taylor.
6. I’ll Be Home for Christmas by Harry Connick, Jr.
There is just so much right about this entire album and, honestly, my favorite song on it changes with my mood. Which means it changes pretty darn frequently. Kind of like a roller coaster.
7. Breath of Heaven by Amy Grant
Christmas isn’t Christmas to me without Amy Grant music.
8. Hallelujah (Light Has Come) by Barlow Girl
I just heard this for the first time a few days ago and fell in love with it. So beautiful.
9. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas by Kelly Willis
There are so many good versions of this song, but I adore this one by Kelly Willis. It has a Christmas in Texas feel to it.
10. Merry Christmas from the Family by Robert Earl Keen
This will be on any list of Christmas favorites that I ever compile. Amen.
11. Christmas in Hollis by Run-DMC
I realize this doesn’t really fit with the rest of my choices, but I added it to my workout playlist the other day and it has made me so happy.
So, what about y’all? What are the Christmas songs you can’t live without right now?
And, remember, keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars.
A Thanksgiving day in the life
November 26, 2010
Here is a brief rundown of how I spent Thanksgiving, complete with a timeline.
8:45 a.m. – Praise the Lord. Caroline just woke up and is happy to curl up next to me and watch some hideous movie about Barbie leaving for Paris after a break up with Ken and trying to save her Aunt Micheline’s fashion line.
At least that’s what my sub-conscious absorbed as I drifted back to sleep until I remembered I had to finish cooking some side dishes.
(On a sidenote: I cannot say the words “side dishes” without thinking about an old episode of South Park where one of the characters is served a plate of waffles and he says, “Am I to understand there will be no side dishes?”)
(I don’t know why I think that’s so funny.)
9:27 a.m. – Get out of bed. Put broccoli-rice casserole in the oven.
9:31 a.m. – Make whipped cream. Possibly lick both beaters clean and eat another enormous spoonful before I hide it from myself in the back of the refrigerator.
9:42 a.m. – Start thinking about the whipped cream again. Might have pulled it back out and eaten another spoonful.
9:51 a.m. – Roast butternut squash because Caroline has been obsessed with all the squash varieties and begged me to make some.
10:16 a.m. – Worry that maybe the whipped cream isn’t sweet enough. Take another taste just to make sure. It’s all about whipped cream quality.
10:20 a.m. – Realize I have made a strategic cheese error with the broccoli-rice casserole and it has more of a soup-like consistency. Cook more rice in an effort to compensate for the superfluous cheese.
10:32 a.m. – Look at all the Black Friday specials on the internet and realize that bargains aren’t important enough to get me out the door at 4 a.m.
10:57 a.m. – Cut up brussels sprouts to make Bobby Flay’s pomegranate brussels sprouts recipe.
11:06 a.m. – Begin to get the seeds out of the pomegranate.
11:08 a.m. – Man, these pomegranate seeds are juicy little suckers.
11:11 a.m. – Change my shirt so I could let my other shirt soak in stain remover in hopes of removing the pomegranate juice.
11:22 a.m. – Pull the brussels sprouts out of the oven. P walks in and asks if someone has left a dirty diaper in our kitchen.
Clearly he is not a fan of the sprout.
11:30 a.m. – Realize we needed to be at Mimi and Bops’ house in thirty minutes. Tell Caroline to go get dressed.
11:32 a.m. – Put on makeup, curl my hair even though it doesn’t stand a fighting chance against the 112 % humidity.
11:46 a.m. – Walk in Caroline’s room to find her walking back and forth through her beaded curtain. While wearing her pajamas.
11:47 a.m. – I think I blacked out.
11:48 a.m. – Yell, “WE NEED TO GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD!”
11:52 a.m. – Walk back in the kitchen to finish the butternut squash puree. Caroline comes in to taste it and declares she is not a fan. It would have been nice to know that at 9:51 a.m.
12:16 p.m. – Arrive at Mimi and Bops’ house. Immediately regret that I wore a jacket and my tall boots. The 80 degree weather is not cooperating with my sartorial selections.
12:35 p.m. – My sister and I jump around like idiots trying to get our children to smile for a picture that Mimi and Bops can use for their Christmas card.
12:38 p.m. – Realize the smiles only get more fake and the eleven month old only gets more whiny as the minutes tick by.
12:39 p.m. – Decide that surely we had something that could pass as a Christmas card photo.
12:45 p.m. – Ate lunch until we were all sick.
1:00 p.m. – Decide we all had room for dessert.
1:30 p.m. – I think I blacked out.
4:45 p.m. – I rally as a cold front begins to blow through town. Hallelujah.
6:00 p.m. – Realize it is time to get my game face on.
6:10 p.m. – Shower, put on flannel pajama bottoms and lucky A&M shirt. Heat up leftovers in spite of all our earlier claims that we’d never eat again.
6:55 p.m. – Begin to hyperventilate and talk very loudly.
7:00 p.m. – GAMETIME.
7:10 p.m. – Watch the game and begin to text furiously with various friends in between throwing decorative pillows and trying not to say words that aren’t Sunday School friendly.
8:15 p.m. – Aggies finally score a touchdown. I’d like to think that the fact I punched my couch repeatedly as Cyrus Gray ran down the field helped tremendously.
8:16 p.m. – Sophie texts me and tells me she and Sister are cheering for the Aggies and even willing to get out the vacuum if needed, which always works when her Bulldogs play. I shed a tear at the display of devotion.
9:06 p.m. – CYRUS GRAY!!!! LOVE HIM!!!!!
9:20 p.m. – FUMBLE!!!! OH NO!!! THE SKY IS FALLING!!!! Maybe it will help if I eat some chocolate pudding.
9:28 p.m. – These announcers are on my last nerve. They all are in the midst of a bromance with the t.u. quarterback and Mac Brown.
9:32 p.m. – VON MILLER!!!!! LOVE HIM!!!!! Gulley texts me and says if she ever has another son, she’s going to name him Von.
10:08 p.m. – I am now texting things like “I’m SICK. I FEEL SICK” and “TERRIBLE CALL! THAT WAS A TERRIBLE CALL!” Sophie texts me and says she has just walked into her kitchen. I know this is her solution when a situation looks dire.
10:14 p.m. – WE HAVE TO GET A THIRD DOWN. WE HAVE TO GET A THIRD DOWN. I FEEL SICK. MY HEART CAN’T TAKE ANYMORE.
10:17 p.m. – Tannenhill fumbles. I am dead. I die. WAIT! HE GOT IT BACK. HE FELL ON THE BALL! I WILL LIVE TO SEE ANOTHER DAY.
10:25 p.m. – We punt the ball, the last five seconds tick off the clock and I begin to breathe normally for the first time in the last three and a half hours. GIG ‘EM AGGIES!
10:27 p.m. – Resist urge to write, “Dear Longhorns, Good luck in your bowl game. Oh, that’s right. You’re not going to a bowl game.” on my Facebook wall. Because I’m trying to be the bigger person.
10:32 p.m. – Decide to eat a celebratory helping of chocolate pudding with extra whipped cream.
10:40 p.m. – Bops calls me to confirm that the Aggies won the game before he watches it. He has learned that he can’t handle the stress or time commitment of watching his favorite teams play unless he knows for sure that they win. So he records them on the DVR and watches the game after he knows the outcome. Unless they lose. Then he deletes the game and saves himself the stress.
The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
10:45 p.m. – Going to bed. I have worn myself flat out.
10:56 p.m. – Say a prayer of gratitude for all my blessings. My family, my friends, cold weather, the Aggie win, and another year filled with so much more good than bad. And for y’all.
Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!
GIG ‘EM AGGIES!!!!!
(I promise I won’t use this many exclamation points again. Until our bowl game.)
