August 2006 Archives - 4/9

WFMW-Making timeouts work for you

August 23, 2006

A big form of discipline over here at Big Mama’s is the timeout. It seems to be the most effective punishment because Caroline doesn’t like being separated from the action. So when she’s in the middle of a fit or isn’t listening to me for the 85th time that day, I send her to timeout.

She has a little chair in her room that serves as the timeout chair and she’ll go in there and sit. She also likes to spit while she’s in timeout…oh yeah, and yell “Mama, when can I get out of timeout?”, “MAMA!!! I want to be done with timeout!”

So I came up with the idea of buying a kitchen timer to place next to the timeout chair. I set it for however long I think the misdeed warrants, usually 3 minutes because that’s what the SuperNanny says, one minute for each year. True confession, sometimes I set it for five because I need the extra 2 minutes to keep my head from exploding.

Caroline knows that the timer is set and I don’t want to hear ONE WORD from her until that timer goes off. When it does, I go in there and we hug it out. It works for me!

Pearls of wisdom

August 23, 2006

Two pieces of parental wisdom that I have shared with Caroline this week:

1. She came out of her playroom with her toy gun and said “Mama, I’m shooting you” and I said “Oh no sweetie, we don’t shoot people. We just shoot things like birds and dogs.” Um, yeah…that’s what I said. P. said it might be one of the most redneck sounding life lessons he’s ever heard.

Before you report me to the Humane Society or CPS, please know that I was really tired and in my mind I was thinking birds such as quail or dove because her daddy is a hunter. As for dogs…I don’t know where that came from, but I made sure I told her later that you don’t shoot dogs. We love dogs, we have two and I don’t want them shot.

2. After bathtime she was dawdling around and I said “Get over here and let’s get your pajamas on!” She said, “but Mama, I have the toots.” I’m sure my reply is one that Emily Post completely left out,”Well you can walk and toot at the same time.” Isn’t motherhood really about teaching them important skills to help them through life?.

Lifestyles of the rich and famous

August 22, 2006

I haven’t told y’all yet about my celebrity sighting this summer. Let me just say that prior to this summer, I have had two other celebrity encounters that proved that when faced with celebrity I choose to either ignore them or make a fool out of myself. Really, there’s no middle ground.

My first celeb encounter was about 15 years ago in Omaha, Nebraska at a Red Carpet Inn. It was 2 a.m. and we had just arrived after a 14 hour drive through literally nothing (they aren’t kidding about the Kansas plains) for the College World Series. Big Roy, who is Gulley’s stepdad, had driven 7 college girls all the way to Nebraska to watch the Aggies play. He and I got in the elevator with the last of our luggage when I looked up and realized that Steven Tyler of Aerosmith was on the elevator with us. He was wearing a dog collar and purple velvet zebra pants. Big Roy had no idea who he was and I completely ignored him. One of my lifelong regrets will be that I didn’t sing at least one line of Love in an Elevator.

My next encounter was walking out of a neighborhood restaurant and seeing Tommy Lee Jones. Because I am so astute, my first thought was that he looked familiar. P. is in youth ministry so we know a lot of parents and I thought he was somebody’s dad. So I say really loud and friendly, “Hey, how’re you doing?” and he…well, he completely ignored me. Two seconds later it dawned on me that he might have looked familiar because well, he’s Tommy Lee Jones. I’ve only seen Lonesome Dove and Coalminer’s Daughter each about 40 times.

So, that brings me to this summer. Gulley and I were at the pool with the kids who were jumping off the diving board. She starts to head back to the baby pool with her boys and then all of a sudden I see her walking quickly back towards me with purpose. She says in a loud whisper, “I think Charlie Robison is here with his little boy. Go look.” Being the good mom that I am, I make Caroline quit jumping off the board so I can go verify that Charlie is indeed at the pool. No doubt about it, it’s Charlie.

Now, some of you are probably thinking who is Charlie Robison? Well, he’s a Texas musician who makes great music but has never gained Nashville type fame, but to us he’s a genuine celebrity. Oh, and by the way, he is also the husband of Emily Robison, the Dixie Chick.

I know that the Dixie Chicks have become controversial, but y’all I love their music. Cowboy Take Me Away will always be one of my favorites and Lullaby off their new C.D. is really one of the sweetest songs ever. Emily has always been my favorite because she seems so down to earth, we were pregnant at the same time, and I like to think that maybe she thought Natalie should have kept her mouth shut. This is my own personal fantasyland that I’m living in so I can make up whatever I want.

Back to my story…I tell Gulley that yes, it is Charlie and we’re all excited wondering if we might see Emily at some point. P. shows up about that time and tells me that if I’m about to make a fool out of myself that maybe I need to leave. I assure him that I will be the picture of calm and cool.

For the next week, Charlie walks into the pool with his little boy everyday wearing a big, straw cowboy hat and carrying a huge Nike gym bag. Then one day, it happened. Gulley and I were in the pool with the kids when I looked up and there she was…Emily. You’d have never known it was her because she looked like every other mom there in her black Gap coverup, visor and hair pulled up in a ponytail. But y’all we knew, because we had been eyeing Charlie all week long waiting to see if Emily was going to show.

True confession, I had even gone on their website to see if she was on tour or at home.

We didn’t say anything to her because I figured she’d be back again another day and we could strike up a conversation that would lead to lifelong friendship then. I imagined being featured with her in People as “here’s Dixie Chick Emily Robison with gal pal Big Mama”.

Sadly, she is now on tour (y’all know I checked) and hasn’t been back, but Charlie is there every day. Gulley even introduced herself to him a few weeks ago. So if you are looking at your People magazine and see “Charlie Robison with gal pal Gulley”, y’all can say y’all know the whole story.

3 things about a 3 year old

August 21, 2006

Jennifer over at Mississippi Girl
did this little meme and tagged whoever wanted to do it. So here goes…3 things about my child.

1. She is a hoot and a half. My dad’s side of the family is Sicilian and I promise you she got the temper and the dramatic hand gestures. She makes big sweeping motions with her hands and arms to describe anything. The other night at the pool, Big (Gulley’s stepdad) asked if she wanted some ice cream and she held up her hand very dramatically and said in a tone reminiscent of Scarlett O’Hara,”Please, just let me eat my dinner or I can’t have anything else, no breakfast bars, no bananas, nothing.” As God is my witness, I’ll never go hungry again!

2. When she’s in a timeout she sits in a little chair in her room and will spit on the floor until I come get her. I play like I don’t notice because honestly, it will make it worse. It’s her little personal way of getting out her frustration and it’s harmless, but it does make me laugh on the inside.

3. Her very best friend in the world is Jacks, Gulley’s little boy. She adores him and thinks he is the greatest thing that ever lived. If I want to get her to do anything all I need to say is that Jacks does it and she’s sold. When he got stung by a bee the other day at the pool, she wouldn’t even eat her ice cream until she knew he was okay. That, my friends, is true love.

Money talks…but it can’t sing and dance and it can’t walk

August 21, 2006

Over the last few weeks, Caroline has been introduced to some of the classics. The Little Rebel was on TCM one afternoon and she saw Shirley Temple for the first time. She has become a tap dancing fool. I went and bought three more Shirley Temple movies and anytime the T.V. is on she wants to see Shirley.

But the timeless classic that she has fallen in love with in the last few days is Neil Diamond. We have listened to Sweet Caroline and Forever in Blue Jeans over and over and over again. I am a proud, proud mama.

So between Shirley Temple and Neil Diamond, she may grow up wanting to wear really bad sequined clothing with a scarf and gold chains around her neck, curls in her hair and tap shoes on her feet.

P. has always said that if anyone stole my collection of cds (and really I use the term “collection” loosely) they would return it because it is so bad that no resale store would want my music. I can’t say I completely disagree with him. I’m betting the market for used Carpenters, Dan Fogelberg, James Taylor, Carole King, Aretha Franklin and Carly Simon is pretty small. But at least I take heart in knowing I am raising our child to share my exquisite taste in music.