Big Mama Blog

Now the world don’t move to the beat of just one drum

I mentioned last week that we went to Wassail Fest with some friends on Thursday night. And for those of y’all that asked, wassail is a type of hot, spiced tea drink that may or may not have alcohol in it depending on whether you’re drinking the version served by First Baptist Church or the Harley-Davidson store.

There is really nothing as festive as drinking hot holiday beverages while enjoying 80 degree temperatures at 7:30 p.m. in the evening. It’s like something out of a Christmas storybook, especially the perspiration.

As we were eating dinner before Wassail Fest, we got on the subject of movies. It’s important to know that our friends are anywhere from seven to twelve years younger than us. Because we are old.

So, the conversation turned into a discussion of what age we were allowed to see PG, PG-13 and R movies. And I basically announced that P and I start our day with Metamucil and Ben-Gay by declaring that there was no such thing as PG-13 when we were growing up. Because we are old.

And the moving pictures were a new phenomenon when we were in high school. Like the horseless carriage.

I recalled that one of the first R rated movies I ever saw was “The Breakfast Club”, not that my parents were aware of that fact until just this moment. Then I questioned if “The Breakfast Club” was even rated R. P confirmed that it was because it showed the characters “smoking dope”.

Thanks for that retro-phrasing, Grandpa.

We all agreed that these days a movie probably wouldn’t get an R rating just for showing mild drug use. P said that it was just a big deal back in the 80′s because “someone” in the Reagan administration started the whole “Just Say No” campaign.

I told him that the “someone” he was referring to was Nancy Reagan.

He said, “Are you sure?”

Before I tell y’all what my reply was, let me say that I feel certain there have been very few times in ten years of marriage that I’ve made P feel like he might be sorry I’m his wife. Except for maybe the time I threw the phone. Oh, and when I attempted to help him back up his truck to a trailer about a week ago, which almost resulted in his untimely demise.

And also, about five minutes ago when I accidentally sneezed all over his arm.

I said, “Yes, I’m sure. Don’t you remember when Nancy Reagan guest-starred on a very special episode of ‘Diff’rent Strokes’ where Willis had a friend that smoked the dope and, at a pivotal moment in the show, Arnold asked Nancy Reagan ‘Whatchyoo talkin’ ’bout Mrs. Reagan?’”

That’s when the whole table looked at me like I was, at that moment, lighting up some dope to smoke. And also, that I should perhaps hurry home to wait for my Social Security check.

There is really nothing that says intellectual conversation and also, I AM A RELIC FROM THE 70′s like citing an episode of Diff’rent Strokes.

Even if it was a very special episode.

And so, speaking of movies and quality television, the writers’ strike is seriously impeding my television watching style. All of my shows are now on indefinite hiatus.

Well, except for “Project Runway”. Oh, and “Battle of the Choirs” which starts next week. Because I do love some reality television. Almost as much as I love Gary Coleman.

I’m thinking this might be a good time to catch up on all the movies I’ve missed over the last four and a half years. It’s hard to justify going to the movies on a regular basis when, between the cost of the movie and the babysitter, you’re out $156.00 before you even buy the Milk Duds. And if it ends up being a bad movie? Well then you just want to burn the theater to the ground.

Or maybe that’s just me.

So, how about it? What movies should I run down to Hollywood Video and rent to get us through these trying television times?

Keep in mind that I am someone who can still quote “Diff’rent Strokes” episodes from almost thirty years ago, so, clearly, I have very sophisticated, intellectual tastes.

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Episode 8: BigBoo Cast

So part of the reason that, until Friday afternoon, I believed Sophie to be some sort of internet wizard is because she is in charge of all the editing and writing of code for the BigBoo Cast.

And if it were up to me the BigBoo Cast would never have been a reality because HELLO, LOOK AT MY AQUA TEMPLATE.

But as I told Sophie just a little while ago, I believe she actually did me a huge favor. It has caused me to re-evaluate my entire blog template situation. It’s like it says in Proverbs, “As iron sharpens iron, so does one friend sharpen another friend’s blog template” or something along those lines.

Anyway, here is yet another podcast. That is two weeks in a row that we have rambled endlessly for y’alls enjoyment or at least your perseverance.

This time we discuss who we would like to have over for dinner. And while I don’t want to give away who I would choose, let’s just say my choice is MAY-JAH.

It also gives us some illusion of coolness after we shamelessly admit the songs that are most frequently played on our iTunes.

Here you go.

bigboobuttonsm.jpg

Click here to listen on the web.

Subscribe via iTunes here.

Subscribe via RSS feed here

If y’all have any questions for a very special Christmas edition of the podcast, leave them in the comments.

Have a lovely Sunday.

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An update from the place where html goes to die

Yep. Still aqua.

The last time I checked in with the staff at Big Mama there wasn’t so much working furiously as there was a lot of lying around on the couch, eating Sour Patch Kids and catching up on episodes of Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style.

So, clearly, we’re taking the whole template crashing thing very seriously.

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This is a test of the emergency blogcast system

We are currently experiencing some technical difficulties here at Big Mama, Inc.

Our staff is working furiously behind the scenes trying to figure out exactly what went wrong.

We have figured out that it has something to do with the computer.

The problem all started when I called Sophie, of Boomama greatness, to ask her how to move some stuff around on my sidebar. She told me what I needed to do and then said, “Why don’t I just do it for you?”

And I agreed because I was deathly afraid that I would mess things up beyond all comprehension if I tried to do something technical. Plus, I really hate to learn new things. I find that knowledge is usually highly overrated.

So, I’m sitting on the phone with Sophie as she begins to copy and paste, thinking to myself what a sweet friend she is to just take care of all this for me while she is in the midst of hosting a Soup-tacular.

And then I hear what sounds like hyperventilating as she says, “Don’t look at your blog. Do NOT pull up your blog. I’ll get it all fixed in just a minute.”

Well, I looked at my blog. And I’m not going to lie, it was not pretty.

Sophie and I stared at all the html code for a long period of time with our brains calculating all the vast internet knowledge that we do not possess. We have sent frantic S.O.S. messages to people who know more about all this than we do, but I’m not sure Caroline’s preschool class will be checking email on a Friday afternoon.

In the meantime, we here at Big Mama, Inc. have reverted back to the bright aqua format so that y’all can still actually read blog posts without having to decipher where each post begins and ends.

Your prayers for a swift html recovery would be much appreciated.

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Edition 10: Fashion Friday

I didn’t know if Fashion Friday was actually going to happen because last night we attended our very first Wassail Fest. Or, as Caroline called it, Waffle Fest.

And there was really no getting over the disappointment of discovering there was nary a waffle to be found at a Wassail Fest.

Instead, there was lots of wassail.

Hence the name.

Before we went wassailing, we ate dinner with some friends at The Gristmill which makes a chicken fried steak that will make you praise God that cows were invented so that they could be butchered, covered in batter and fried to a crispy goodness smothered in cream gravy.

Of course Caroline couldn’t have cared less about the chicken fried steak. She was much more excited over two things.

Raccoons right below our table eating mass quantities of the tortilla chips she threw their way.

No, they weren’t possessed. I just am a poor photographer.

And a hand dryer right in the bathroom stall that caused her to squeal with delight and jump up and down.

We really need to get out more.

Anyway, after dinner we went a-wassailing which is much easier than going a-waffling. The maple syrup just makes it so messy.

By the end of the evening, Caroline was wassailed out.

So, I debated not doing Fashion Friday, but then I came to my senses and realized that fashion must prevail. Would Anna Wintour push back an issue of Vogue because she spent an evening in small town America drinking questionable wassail?

Oh no she wouldn’t. She would get that issue of Vogue on the shelves, all the while wondering what the heck happened to her life that she ended up drinking wassail made by people who work at the Bodacious Hair Salon.

If Anna can do it, so can I.

1. Nicole asks: “Do you think it is still trendy to wear the monochromatic sweat suit look? You know, the black velour pants w/matching black hoodie? Or is it more appropriate to wear, say, brown cottony pants with a white hoodie? ”

Nicole, you don’t know how much I have debated this question in my mind. I think my issue with the velour jogging suit goes back to J. Lo and her days as Jenny from the block when she was constantly photographed in a hot pink velour jogging suit.

I mean say what you want about J. Lo, but the girl singlehandedly brought back a trend that had died a swift death sometime around 1978.

I guess my point is I don’t know if the matching velour set is the trendiest item around, however, I think it is still in style. The trick is the color selection. In my opinion, chocolate brown is the hottest color right now for a matching jogging suit. And if you’re looking for a good one, Old Navy has their velour hoodies and pants on sale for $12.50 right now.

The other key to this item is the cut and fit. The pants should not be too snug and, for all that is decent, watch the visible panty lines that go hand in hand with velour pants. Also, the jacket should be fairly fitted and not hang down, otherwise it just looks sloppy and like you’re trying to hide something.

I also like the look of mixing and matching your velour pieces. In fact, just yesterday I had on some maroon colored velour jogging pants with a charcoal gray tee and my denim jacket. This is what I like to call my sweatsuit alternative a la Tim Gunn.

And one last tip, while wearing the jogging suit you may want to refrain from singing, “don’t be fooled by the rocks that I got, I’m still, I’m still Jenny from the block…” because that would just be sad.

2. Sheila asks: “So this is more of a beauty question but what the heck. I’m looking for a good red lipstick. I have a red Christmas sweater that is a true red, not a brick red, maybe it could be called apple red? I don’t have anything in my collection. I don’t want to spend more than $10 so no Lancome or Estee Lauder.”

Maybe it’s because I spent two years wearing braces and didn’t really care to accentuate my mouth, but it has been forever since I’ve worn a red lipstick. I think red lipstick is a tricky proposition because if it’s too bright it can cause you to look like a bad imitation of Joan Crawford.

And that would just be unfortunate.

I ordered some plumping lip glaze by ELF cosmetics and have really enjoyed it. It comes in a color called Ruby Kiss that may be just what you are looking for. The best part? It’s $1.00. So if it causes you to look cheap, at least it was cheap.

Another idea is to look for a lipliner in the right shade of red. You can use it to LIGHTLY outline your lips and fill them in, then add a coat of clear gloss over it to give your lips a more subtle, natural shade of red.

Two last tips, if you are going with a strong lip, remember to go softer on the eyes. You don’t want to look harsh and overdone. Also, you may want to check out your skin tone to see if a warmer red (orange undertones) or a cooler red (blue undertones) will look best with your complexion.

3. Amazing Racer asks: “I have a most important Fashion Friday question. Is this sweater the ugliest thing you’ve ever seen, or could I be misconstruing it as you did Nena Marcus’ fashion jackpot?”

You are not misconstruing this sweater.

While it is not necessarily the ugliest thing I have ever seen, the reindeer have the terrible misfortune of being placed in an extremely awkward location that make them appear to be climbing mountains.

Which causes me to hear “Climb Every Mountain” by Julie Andrews in my head. And I’m pretty sure that’s not what Ralph Lauren was going for when he designed this sweater.

Maybe he’d had too much wassail.

Or too many waffles.

Y’all have a great Friday!

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