I finally felt so bad yesterday that I decided I needed to go to the doctor. I called my doctor at 9:00 a.m. and left an urgent message with his nurse letting her know I was pretty sure I had the Black Plague.
Shortly after leaving that message, I turned on “Gone with the Wind” and slipped in and out of consciousness while watching Rhett and Scarlett. If I didn’t feel so terrible, it would have been like a vacation.
Around 2:30 p.m. I came back to life and realized the nurse at my regular doctor’s office didn’t feel it was important to call me back, so I decided to go to the Minor Emergency Clinic around the corner.
I walked in and they asked me what the problem was. I let them know I was pretty sure I had Black Plague and they were all, “Black Plague hasn’t been around since the 14th century”, and I was all, “maybe I’m bringing it back”.
Anyway, turns out it’s the flu. A very bad case of the flu. But GOOD NEWS. I should feel better in 5-7 days which, with a 4 year old, isn’t inconvenient at all.
While I was at the doctor waiting for my Black Plague test to come back negative, I found out some disturbing news while reading the Wall Street Journal. Burt Reynolds is 71. SEVENTY-ONE. The Bandit is receiving social security.
And probably wouldn’t look nearly as cute driving a black Trans-am these days.
Which, if you think about it, is probably true of most of the population.
So, yeah. Having the flu stinks and I ache all over. But on the bright side, I have no appetite.
In fact, last night I made myself the comfort food of my people. Frito Pie made with Hormel chili in a can. Because, canned meat, YUM. And I couldn’t even eat 1/4 of it.
Flu, BAD. Jump start to losing holiday weight, GOOD.
It’s all about the silver lining.
Although P and Caroline did bring me a 14 oz. package of Sour Patch Kids to make me feel better. And if any of y’all want to lecture me about sugar and my immune system, you can save it. Because all I’m going to hear is BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.
And, finally, one last bright note. Good drugs. I’m about to take them by the multiple spoonfuls to knock myself out for the next 12 hours or so.
Later, internet.