Do you know how tired I am?
The kind of tired that makes you want to put a pillow over your head and go to sleep for days.
Apparently, I’m not the only one.
Of course the difference is that my arms are too sore to actually pick up a pillow and put it on top of my head.
It doesn’t really take a media savvy person to realize that there are two evil pandemics sweeping the country right now: the swine flu and Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred.
I don’t know much about the swine flu, other than the fact that I believe pigs everywhere are being slandered for reasons that are beyond their control and we may all turn into Howard Hughes if the media doesn’t shut up and find something else to obsess over.
Here’s a new topic for them: Why won’t Anthropologie send me a dishtowel since I link to their site constantly? Is it some sort of haberdashery prejudice because I am a thirty-something mom and totally uncool in their eyes?
I believe the answer is yes and that, my friends, is fashion profiling.
Anyway, unlike swine flu, I do have some experience with the 30 Day Shred. As a matter of fact, yesterday was Day 2 for me and, if I live to see the sun rise again, today will be Day 3.
God willing and my quadricep muscles don’t explode.
I can’t remember when I first heard someone mention the 30 Day Shred, but I remember thinking they were kind of overly dramatic about the whole thing. And if there is one thing I cannot tolerate, other than reruns of “Golden Girls” and water chestnuts, it’s someone being too dramatic. It makes me WANT TO PULL OUT ALL MY HAIR AND SET IT ON FIRE.
In fact, I vaguely recall thinking that I was the master of the “Fat Burning Pilates” DVD and have reached the point where I easily keep up with smug girl in the green sports bra (as I so affectionately refer to her), so what could 30 Day Shred possibly have to offer me?
Then I read this post by Vicki where she mentioned that she was on Day 11 of the shred and her teenage son walked in and mentioned that she had developed real live ab muscles. I haven’t seen my ab muscles since the second month of my pregnancy with Caroline so I figured the 30 Day Shred might be worth looking into.
But then I just felt too tired to order the DVD from Amazon. Not to mention all the effort it would take to actually open up all the cellophane packaging and place it in my DVD player.
However, Jillian and I had a date with destiny because as I innocently walked the aisles of Target last week, I happened up on the exercise equipment aisle where I saw her staring me down, perhaps even taunting me. I had no recourse but to buy the 30 Day Shred and some lime green hand weights. Thankfully we have a nice padded oriental rug in the living room so I didn’t have to buy a mat, although I wanted to because it was hot pink and oh-so-cute.
I decided to wait until Monday to start my new workout regime because I am firm believer in procrastination, especially when it comes to anything regarding physical exertion. Why sweat today when you can sweat tomorrow?
Then all of a sudden it was Monday and I knew it was time to shred. In a pure stroke of fortuitousness, I talked to Sophie on the phone and she mentioned that she’d also purchased the 30 Day Shred and was going to do it for the first time that afternoon. I believe that each of us laughed and said, “It’s ONLY TWENTY MINUTES! How hard can it be?”
I got off the phone and turned on the DVD. There was Jillian going on and on about pain is fear leaving your body and blah, blah, blah. She suggested that everyone start at Level One. I decided I’d start at Level One to appease Jillian and her cut-off sweatpants, but figured I was really way past that since I’ve been fairly consistent with my Fat Burning Pilates and elliptical workouts.
And by fairly consistent, I mean I’ve done them four or two times each.
Level One was an experiment in PURE HATE. I can’t confirm this, but I am fairly certain it is something akin to what the CIA uses to get terrorists to talk. The static lunges with bicep curl combo is enough to get me to admit to anything I’ve ever done wrong in my life, including the time I stole a Brach’s peppermint candy when I was four years old.
To add insult to total muscular injury, Caroline stood by as my cheerleader/heckler. Do you know what’s more aggravating than some muscular girl from a T.V. show taunting you with the fact that a 450 pound person can do more jumping jacks than you?
A five-year-old girl that you gave birth to asking if you “FEEL THE BURNING MAMA” over 100 times in a three second time period.
She even got the camera and took some pictures of me while I was working out.
This is the only one that’s fit for public viewing because in all the others you can see the profanity coming out of my head like the little thought bubbles in a cartoon.
When I finished, I collapsed in a big heap on the couch and in the words of Fred Sanford said, “I’m comin’ Elizabeth. This is the big one.”
But I survived and felt compelled to do Day 2.
In fact, I am determined to complete all thirty days of the shred even if it leaves me completely incapable of standing upright or reaching for a bag of Cheetos.
On the downside, there is a muscle in my upper arms that I never knew existed but is now screaming in pain and has requested abdication from the rest of my body.
On the upside, I’m not afraid of any kind of swine flu.
If anything is going to kill me in the next thirty days, my money is on Jillian Michaels and not some lame pig virus.
Make sure you head to Compassion Bloggers to read all the posts coming out of India. They are phenomenal.
Last Thursday Caroline’s school had a little mini-fiesta. I am not kidding when I say it was better than the last sixteen parties I’ve attended. Granted, the last sixteen parties I’ve attended have basically just involved large bounce houses where kids jump until they regret their massive intake of icing and Juicy Juice.
However, the mini-fiesta was still impressive because they had a Mariachi Band, chalupas, snow cones and two kegs of Miller Lite.
Oh wait, I just got confused with a party I attended my senior year of college. Obviously the Kindergarten fiesta wouldn’t have chalupas because the refried beans are way too messy.
Anyway, the big moment of the party was when King Antonio showed up with his entourage. Caroline even got to get her picture taken with the king.
Disclaimer: Elmo was not harmed in the making of that hat.
After the king talked to them, the kids spent the next hour expending roughly the same amount of energy it would take to provide a major city with electrical power for a year. Or six.
I was assigned to work the Cascarone-making booth. For those of y’all who may be unfamiliar, a cascarone is a hollowed-out egg filled with confetti for the purpose of being smashed on someone’s head.
Yeah, that’s a good idea. Put those suckers in the hands of some five and six-year-olds and see what happens.
It’s been five days and I’m still finding bits of confetti in my hair.
But it’s a small price to pay for all the pandemonium and free chalupas.
I think.
Lastly, you should go read this post that Melissa wrote from India. She does an incredible job of describing what being a Compassion sponsor is all about.
So here’s what I did over the weekend:
1. Worried about contracting the swine flu.
2. Went to a wedding and ate the most delicious queso. In fact, when they ran out of chips, I seriously contemplated pouring queso over the sliced cantaloupe from the fruit table until I remembered that I don’t really like cantaloupe.
I decided it would probably be considered bad etiquette to just lick the queso off the fruit. My instincts tell me I made a good decision.
3. Went to a t-ball game where I had to cheer extra loud because Caroline’s usual fan club wasn’t in attendance and I felt the need to overcompensate.
4. Felt like maybe I was coming down with the swine flu.
5. Listened to Caroline speak approximately 4,746,982 words on Sunday alone. I don’t think she ever took a breath all day long, not even when I went back to my room and told her mama needed ten minutes of quiet. She followed me back there, stood at my bedside and counted down the minutes on the clock.
I had to take three Advils and some Evening Primrose Oil to find some inner serenity.
6. Went to eat dinner with our friends Kristie and George. Kristie is having triplets in one week and is on total bed rest. I’ve never seen someone who looks so completely uncomfortable in my life, but she is a trooper because she fixed her hair and was even wearing makeup.
If it were me I’d have transformed into Jabba the Hut, except not as charming and friendly.
7. Is my throat sore? Is that a symptom of the swine flu?
8. Caroline spent the night with Gulley and her boys on Friday night while we were at the wedding. I was worried she might get homesick, but as it turns out she’s decided she’d like to work it into her weekly schedule.
9. P and I stayed up late last night watching “The Notebook”. One of my life’s greatest pleasures is when he gets sucked into watching a chick movie and actually likes it.
Plus, I can ask him questions like “Will you come and read to me when I’m old and in a nursing home?” and he can reply, “Yes, as long as it has a pond where I can do some fishing while I’m there”.
He’s all mine, ladies.
10. Seriously, do I have really bad allergies or is this the swine flu?
And that pretty much sums it up.
On one final note, this post by Pete about the first day in India is heartbreaking and beautiful all at the same time.
About 7 p.m. last night, a group of bloggers flew out of the Chicago airport bound for New Delhi. And because I am a little obsessive, every time I woke up last night I would think about the fact they were STILL on a plane.
In fact, as of this moment, they are STILL on a plane.
That is a lot of honey-roasted peanuts.
Anyway, they’ve been on my heart because I know a little bit about what they’re about to experience, although I suspect that the Dominican pales in comparison to the poverty of Kolkata.
Please pray for them this week and make sure you follow along by going to the Compassion Bloggers site. I know what they share is going to be incredible because there is nothing like seeing the way Compassion International completely changes lives of children all over the globe.
And if you want a glimpse of what they’ll be seeing, take a look at these sweet faces waiting to be sponsored.
On the way to College Station last weekend, Gulley and I discussed many important topics in between threatening our kids with a babysitter if they didn’t start acting right. We covered the economy, the Dow Jones Industrial average, who we like best on American Idol, our hair, and, of course, fashion.
The fashion topic of chief concern was regarding what to wear during the summer when it’s so hot that you want to take off your skin and sit around in your bones. In a pool of ice. While drinking an ice cold Diet Coke. With a fan blowing on you.
Maybe it’s just me, but I get tired of wearing shorts every day and I’m over capri pants. Now don’t freak out and send me a bunch of emails declaring your love for capris. I realize the capri is here to stay and I even own a few pairs, but I’m tired of them. I have decided that I like nothing better in the summer (other than Dreyers Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup ice cream) than a cotton dress or a skirt with a tank or tee.
So on Tuesday, Gulley and I headed to Nordstrom Rack on a quest to find her a few cotton summer dresses and we succeeded. That’s the good news.
The bad news is that later on in the day we went into Forever 21 and I hate to even type this out for fear of defiling my blog, but they were selling acid-washed jeans. Look, I realize these are hard times we’re living in right now, but do we really want to add acid-washed denim to the wealth of all the things that have gone wrong in 2009?
Let’s keep some dignity, people. And shame on you, Forever 21, for stooping to this level.
Now for the questions:
1. Emily asks: “What I should wear to my graduation from Texas A&M next month? Note, my cap and gown will be black so I’m thinking black shoes are a necessity.
Congratulations on your graduation, Emily! It’s such an important day because not only will you be getting your diploma, but you’ll be posing for pictures that will be around for a long time. If there is ever a time that you don’t want to commit a fashion faux pas, this is it.
Unfortunately, I chose to wear some really ugly black heels to my graduation and when I look at pictures from that day all I see are those bad shoes at the bottom of my gown. I don’t know what I was thinking, but it’s never a good idea to wear shoes that make your feet look like an isosceles triangle.
Just consider that bit of wisdom an early graduation present.
I love this retro black and white poppy dress. I realize it’s a little pricey and I’m almost certain College Station doesn’t have a White House Black Market store, but it’s a good guideline. If I were you, I’d go search the racks at TJ Maxx and some other discount stores to see what you can find.
I also saw this dress at Macy’s the other day and thought it was adorable. Sadly, it’s a little much for a trip to HEB.
The important thing is to look for something that you’ll actually wear again at some point. There’s nothing worse than buying a dress that you only wear one time, except, of course, shoes that make your feet look like isosceles triangles.
Hope that helps.
2. Courtney asks: “I am the proud mother of a beautiful 4 month old son. I am also now sporting the “pouch” that many women experience post-pregnancy. As I work to lose this mushy belly, I am in the need of some clothes that will help me to not still look 6 months pregnant. I’m slender everywhere else – I just need to hide this tummy!
The hand of fashion is smiling down on you because there are plenty of items to be found that will hide the mushy belly. I know this because I am still wearing those items even though my baby is now five and a half.
Don’t judge me, sit-ups are hard.
I love stuff like this top because you can wear it with jeans or shorts depending on how you feel. Not to mention that it covers a multitude of postpartum sins. You could also look for something like this darling ruffled dress.
Try to find things that are loose around your mid-section because, sadly, it takes a lot of crunches to get back into pre-pregnancy shape. Not that I know this from experience, it’s just what I’ve heard.
I actually did a short clip on BlogHer’s latest Backtalk video about what happens to your body post-pregnancy. You can go watch it here if you want and please keep in mind that the video camera causes me to have a horrible lisp. IT’S NOT MY FAULT.
At leatht I don’t think it ith.
3. MIchelle asks: “My husband and I are going to Boston this summer to celebrate our fifth anniversary. We are doing a lot of sightseeing, but I don’t want to walk around Fenway Park and Harvard in shorts, tennis shoes and a fanny pack. Any suggestions on casual day wear?”
I’m proud of your fashion instincts regarding the fanny pack. Well done.
I’ve already stated my love of the cotton dress/skirt/tee or tank option. I think it looks a little nicer than shorts and can be dressed up or down with jewelry and shoes. I’ve never been to Boston in the summer or, well…ever, but I believe the summer sandal is universally acceptable.
I’d look for a cute pair of comfortable flip-flops or sandals for the trip and maybe some type of messenger bag that you can carry instead of a purse or the dreaded fanny pack.
Hope y’all have fun. I hear Boston is lovely. In fact, I almost went to Harvard except for the fact that I had a hard time passing Algebra II.
That’s it for this week. I think next week will be dedicated to swimwear because a lot of people are trying to figure out how they can hide their entire body at the pool.
In the meantime, I’m putting up Mr. Linky if you have anything to add. Please link to your specific post.
Y’all have a great Friday.
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