I had all sorts of plans for what I was going to write about, including but not limited to the fact that I have now been freezing cold for the last three days. Like the kind of cold that has caused me to go take a hot shower just to get feeling back in my extremities. I’m not sure what the problem with Mamaw and my internal temperature is, but it’s causing my bursitis to flare up.
But instead of having the time to craft a riveting post about how I’ve been wrapped in a blanket for three days straight, I spent my evening entertaining some dear friends.
It all started on Sunday when P remembered that he had meat from a 650 pound elk aging in our outdoor refrigerator and it needed to be cleaned up, wrapped, and frozen in meal-size portions. He began carrying large plastic containers full of raw meat into the house to begin this process. And, oh, he was proud of his meat.
Occasionally he would hold up big slabs of meat for me to admire and then we had several discussions about how we needed to cut the meat and what sort of things I planned to cook. Elk kabobs, elk burgers, elk stroganoff, elk cheese macaroni helper, and chicken-fried elk.
We decided to invite our friends Stew and Hannah over for some chicken-fried elk. P actually set them up on a blind date over a year ago and they’re still dating. See why I love him? He’s an elk killer with a sensitive side.
While I was prepping the stuff for dinner, P asked me if I needed to shower. I informed him I’d already showered earlier in the day in a desperate attempt to ward off the chill. Then he asked, “Are you going to change clothes?”
I glanced down at my outfit. Hot pink velour sweats tucked into my Uggs with an oversize black fleece that I inherited from P a few years ago. Add in hair thrown back in half a bun and you’ve got the whole picture.
“No, I’m finally warm. Do I need to change?”
He laughed out loud. “No, you look fine.”
Long pause as he realized I wasn’t kidding.
“Do I look that bad? It’s just Stew and Hannah. They’ve seen me look bad.”
“Well, they haven’t seen you look like a bag lady.”
In light of that harsh judgement, I changed out of the one outfit that had finally brought me some warmth. However, in my defense, I don’t know too many bag ladies who wear Uggs.
After our friends arrived, I began to chicken-fry the elk steaks in our cast iron skillet. It was my first experience and I learned the hard way that elk meat is denser than beef. Those babies were golden, crispy brown on the outside and nearly raw on the inside.
Hello. Welcome to our home. I’m a bag lady and will be serving up some delicious elk tartare.
I put them back in the skillet for a little bit longer and cut them in the hope it might help them cook all the way through. Meanwhile I began to formulate Plan B, Tyson Dino Nuggets with homemade mashed potatoes and gravy.
Afraid I was going to fry them to a consistency resembling the texture of a nasty, old boot, I placed them on a cookie sheet and decided to throw them in the oven for a few minutes. As I turned around to open the oven with the cookie sheet in my hand, that’s exactly what I did. I THREW them.
Two of the four elk steaks went flying off the cookie sheet right onto the floor.
The guys were outside in the man cave looking at weaponry and, thankfully, didn’t see it happen. P would never forgive me for treating his elk that way.
After Hannah was able to stop laughing, she helped me pick up the mess and we decided that no one needed to know. Besides that, the heat from the oven would totally sterilize them.
The good news is dinner actually turned out delicious. Apparently you can cook the heck out of elk for over an hour using various methods and it won’t dry out. It’s a very resilient meat.
And, Stew and P, we totally gave you the pieces that fell on the floor.
Never trust a bag lady.
Oh and the good news is that after all that excitement in the kitchen, I actually broke a sweat.