Last Monday my friend AJ called and invited P, Caroline and me to spend Saturday at her family’s ranch. I told her we would love to because we always love spending time with her, plus she’s leaving in two weeks to go to Africa for three months to work on her book project called Lahema’s Legacy.
So on Saturday we headed down to the ranch for a day of fishing, swimming and just hanging out. Of course I packed so much for the trip that Caroline asked “Are we spending the night?”
No, baby. Your mama just has a fear of being caught anywhere without at least three changes of clothes. Some might call it a symptom of OCD.
We arrived at the ranch around noon and I made Caroline eat lunch before we did anything. I told her she’d need energy for the day. And somehow I didn’t feel like those two Cheerios she ate for breakfast were going to tide her over.
I would live to regret the decision to load her up with Fritos and ham.
As soon as lunch was over Caroline wanted to put on her swimsuit and get in the pool, and seeing as how it was 104 degrees we all decided that was a great idea. So we coated ourselves in SPF 50 and headed out to the pool.
I pulled up a lounge chair on the sundeck part of the pool next to AJ and her daddy. We sat and visited while Caroline and P jumped off the side and played in the pool. Good times.
About thirty minutes later, Caroline swam over to me, curled up in my lap and said, “Mama, my mouth feels funny.”
“Do you feel like you’re going to throw up?”
“No.”
“Well, here drink some of my water.”
Here’s where I need to tell y’all that the pool is a saltwater pool and I thought her mouth probably just felt kind of salty.
I was wrong.
She drank a sip of my water.
Then she stared at me for about ten seconds.
And in a scene that has replayed about a hundred times in my mind, she threw up all over me.
JUST KILL ME NOW.
I held out my hands in a futile attempt to catch it.
It didn’t really work.
Fortunately for the pool but unfortunately for me, my body and my new bathing suit caught the rest of it.
There is nothing that makes you feel quite as good as being someone’s guest, lounging by their pool, and watching your child throw up everywhere.
AJ’s daddy ran to get the hose and I spent the next ten minutes hosing Caroline and myself down.
Too bad I can’t hose down the memory in my mind.
Or AJ’s mind. I mean she’s twenty-five. She doesn’t have kids. I think she may be scarred for life.
She kept marveling that I tried to catch it with my hands.
Instinct, pure maternal instinct.
I wrapped Caroline in a towel and sat with her while she drank a few sips of water. And then two minutes later she was as good as new, begging to go jump in the pool.
So she did.
And swam for the next three hours. I finally had to drag her out because I was afraid she was going to sink like a stone from sheer exhaustion.
Really, other than the whole throw up incident, it was a lovely way to spend the day.
Although I kind of feel the need to bleach my swimsuit.
And perhaps my entire body.
P spent much of the day mocking my hat. Say what you will, but octogenarians and hillbillies everywhere would kill for that hat.
Sunday morning, P let me sleep in a little late but Caroline woke me up in time for church by bouncing into the bedroom and gently yelling, “HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!”. She made me a darling zebra-print photo plate at school. I told her how much I loved it and then she asked, “Now where’s my present?”
I told her I gave her a gift almost five years ago.
It’s called the gift of life.
Not to mention the times I have served as some sort of receptacle for her bodily functions.
hanlie says:
I was just reminiscing about my nanny days in a post yesterday… One of the kids got terribly carsick and we never went anywhere with a complete change of clothes for both him and me. The number of times I had to strip down to my underwear behind a bush in the French countryside…
May 12th, 2008 at 5:10 am
Fiddledeedee (it Coulda Been Worse) says:
You win the Mother of the Year Award, by my estimation.
My natural reaction is not to catch it with my hands, but instead, turn and run in the opposite direction. I will then cower in a far corner crying like a little girl.
I’m an awesome Mom. Yes, I am.
May 12th, 2008 at 6:23 am
Jmom@lotsofscotts says:
I am laughing because I read this after you commented on my story from yesterday…YOU, my friend, took one for the team. Laying on a bathroom floor vs getting thrown up on…You win hands down. Yuck!
P.S. I love your hat.
May 12th, 2008 at 6:35 am
kelli says:
“I Tried to catch it with my hands…”
Let me say, I’m not worthy.
I learned early on from our pediatrician to kick off and run when I saw vomit coming.
He was a genius, that man.
May 12th, 2008 at 6:36 am
Staci at Writing and Living says:
Just think, it could have happened standing in the lobby at church.
That’s all I’m going to say about that.
May 12th, 2008 at 6:51 am
Jessica says:
What a mom! I’m sure you handled it with grace. If it were me, I probably would have thrown up too! The dueling pukers. Hope you had a blessed Mother’s Day with your Sweet Caroline.
May 12th, 2008 at 6:51 am
kelli in the mirror says:
I’ve tried to catch it in my hands too, also unsuccessfully.
Happy Mother’s Day!
May 12th, 2008 at 7:09 am
dcrmom says:
LOL! O my GAWSH. That is hilarious and awful, all at the same time. Sounds like you had a fabulous Mother’s Day weekend, in spite of, well, the throwup. ACK.
May 12th, 2008 at 7:17 am
annie says:
Been there, done that, got the t-shirt in a McD’s parking lot, but round 2 of fritos and ham might be worse. Amazingly a man was there with a hose watering their landscape, and we ripped it out of his hands before he knew what hit him. What a woman you are! Happy Mother’s Day to you. Indeed the gift of life abundant–your Caroline.
May 12th, 2008 at 7:19 am
Dana says:
Vomit, the gift that keeps on giving!
Happy Mother’s Day.
May 12th, 2008 at 7:22 am
suburbancorrespondent says:
I have 6 kids, who throw up with alarming regularity, and I have never - not once - even entertained the idea of catching their vomit in my hands. Praise be to God.
But I like your hat. And I’m neither a hillbilly nor an octogenarian.
May 12th, 2008 at 7:25 am
Sister Honey Bunch says:
“Gently yelling”. That made me snort!
May 12th, 2008 at 7:35 am
Jenny says:
Why do we try to catch it in our hands? I do the same thing! It never helps because then I start gagging!
May 12th, 2008 at 7:35 am
Katrina (Callapidder Days) says:
Oh no! I have performed that instinctual catching maneuver myself. Unfortunately, it was during the winter in the north, so there was no hosing off for anyone.
May 12th, 2008 at 7:37 am
Tina Vega says:
That’s the best pool-throw up story I’ve ever heard.
Actually, it’s the only one I’ve ever heard.
Love the hat!!
May 12th, 2008 at 7:37 am
Sara says:
Yes, I hear you on throwing up at someone else’s house. My son threw up last year at his friend’s birthday party, on the table, right before lunch was served. Lovely and thank you for inviting us to your party! And I love the hat!
May 12th, 2008 at 7:42 am
Amy Beth @ Ministry So Fabulous! says:
Oh my gosh. Incredible. Unbelievable. Amazing.
I am, of course, referring to your cute self in those photos.
May 12th, 2008 at 7:48 am
Leslie says:
My husband was complaining once about my cats throwing up all over the place. I told him, “Sweetie, just think of it as preparation for children.” He said, “Well, kids aren’t going to throw up all over the place!” I told him, “That’s right, they’ll throw up all over YOU!”
Thank you for proving my point.
May 12th, 2008 at 7:51 am
Mel says:
That happened to me on Sunday, except it was in the middle of the night. Emma came to me in bed and said, “Mommy, I threw up.” At least, it wasn’t, “Mommy, I’m going to throw up.” After everything was cleaned up and I got back into bed, I started laughing because I realized it was Mother’s Day.
May 12th, 2008 at 8:16 am
Liz says:
praise God for good friends and great pools
Happy Mother’s Day
May 12th, 2008 at 8:24 am
Melanie says:
OOoh.. I can so feel your pain. My daughter threw up all over my just a couple of months ago at another child’s birthday party! I had to clean us up best I could and drive to the Wal-Mart next door to buy new clothes.
UGH!
Have a happy and “clean” Monday!
May 12th, 2008 at 8:57 am
Nerd Girl says:
Oh the things we do for love! Happy belated Mother’s Day!!!
May 12th, 2008 at 9:02 am
Trina says:
Nothing proves you’re a “Mother” more than caring for a sick child. Love the hat!!
May 12th, 2008 at 9:08 am
Shalee says:
Oh kids… they’re the gifts that keep on giving, even when you don’t want what they have to offer.
May 12th, 2008 at 9:20 am
Grafted Branch@Restoring the Years says:
“I held out my hands in a futile attempt to catch it.”
Yes…why do we do that? Oh yeah, because kids turn on a dime like that and vomit out of nowhere sometimes. Never believe a green child who is trying to speak into existence a new reality by saying something like, “No, I’m not going to throw up.”
I think the last time I had to pull out the old catcher’s “mit” was at the top of the aisle in HEB years ago. At least I could slink away in anonymity when it was mostly cleaned up.
May 12th, 2008 at 9:26 am
Happy Mommy says:
Oh girl, so sorry about your new suit! I like the hat I really do! And the gift of life, priceless!
May 12th, 2008 at 9:27 am
shelley says:
Why do we try to catch it? I am laughing and crying all at the same time! Oh the JOYS of motherhood!
May 12th, 2008 at 9:31 am
Janelle says:
Mother of the Year award is rightly given to you!!
I love your hat. And I love Caroline’s swimsuit. From Target, right? It’s my favorite one for little girls.
May 12th, 2008 at 9:41 am
Barb @ A Chelsea Morning says:
Being around women who don’t have kids yet, and watching their reactions when something like this happens, is just the best. Cracks me up. And I love your hat. And I’m not an octegenarian. Soon, but not quite yet. Girl, your upper arms are TONED!
May 12th, 2008 at 9:44 am
Melanie says:
And that gift just keeps on giving.
May 12th, 2008 at 9:45 am
Carrie says:
I love it! I am reminded of a wedding we attended when our oldest son was just under three years old. All of the wives of the men in the wedding were at one table eating and a few kids. Notably present was a friend’s girlfriend–no kids. My child with the ultra-strong gag reflex decided to stuff his mouth with cheese cubes…which he promptly vomited all over the table. Right in front of everyone–including the gal with no kids. Catch the vomit? Why yes, I did–with the cloth napkins from the table. One of my fondest mothering memories. Oh, no it’s not.
May 12th, 2008 at 9:50 am
sheila@momfessions says:
OOOh, yuck. I never thought I wouldn’t mind being pooped on, peed on, and puked on, but it’s all happened within my daughter’s first year and you kinda get used to it after a while…
I guess the wait an hour after eating before swimming rule is not an urban legend after all!
May 12th, 2008 at 9:50 am
Jenn says:
Eww, yuck. So sorry that your new swim suit was contaminated. Hopefully it cleans well and will be as good as new. It’s hard enough finding a new one as it is, never mind replacing it so quickly!
May 12th, 2008 at 10:03 am
amy says:
Cute hat! But my husband would have made fun of me in it too… it’s a man thing.
Sorry about the throw-up. Yuck. My Morgy drinks a supplement-type formula called Neocate. And she has severe reflux. My mom had to buy a new vehicle last year b/c Morgy had thrown up the Neocate so many times in her old one, that it was just too funky for her. I’ve often felt really bad for whoever bought it, now that the weather’s warming up. Eww.
May 12th, 2008 at 10:18 am
Angie says:
Okay, this is the third post this morning that I’ve read that involved Mother’s Day and puking. And mine did too!
NO FUN. I tried to catch it in my hands too, and the problem with that is that then everything you reach for - towels, the faucet, the door handle - is also covered in puke. Mother’s instinct to catch, maybe, but not a good solution.
Love that hat!
May 12th, 2008 at 10:23 am
April in Ct says:
Oy Vey! yes, as a nanny I have reached to “catch” the puke, just last friday in a diner. She had shoved to much fruit in her mouth, and I saw the head, neck gag motion. I scrambled to grab the cloth napkin and catch….I’m glad we were getting ready to leave anyway!
And Happy (belated) Mothers Day to one of my favorite online moms!
May 12th, 2008 at 10:36 am
Teresa says:
Yes, we do try to catch things, don’t we? I was trying to get one of those adorable, one-of-a-kind baby butt pictures when my daughter was 2 weeks old. First kid, first pictures at a studio, and my daughter decides to do poopy-technics all over their blankets. I did catch most of it thought…. and realized at that point I was really a mom!
May 12th, 2008 at 10:38 am
JanMary, N Ireland says:
Love that mummy instinct!
May 12th, 2008 at 11:04 am
life with the wisners says:
tell P to stick it where the sun don’t shine.
well, i guess that would be under that hat.
ba da bing. thank you, i’ll be here all week.
mmm…throw up. good times. always good times. sight. smell. ambience.
or like buz says…”just a real good mood ruiner.”
May 12th, 2008 at 11:38 am
Diane says:
This happened to my daughter when she was five and out for a day of shopping with Grandma. The “incident” occurred in the shoe dept. of Nordstrom’s. Grandma tried to catch it.
They continued shopping.
Yuck.
May 12th, 2008 at 11:43 am
Lisa says:
This is the most heartwarming puke story I’ve read all day!
Love from a sympathetic puker (if I clean up there will soon be two messes!)
May 12th, 2008 at 11:57 am
jean says:
Catching my son kids puke was and still is an art form. If I don’t get him to the toilet in time, or put out my hands, he has a tendency to reenact the pea soup scene from Exorcist. We have been removed from the public pool because of this. Humiliating.
May 12th, 2008 at 12:14 pm
Amanda says:
The catching instinct really is an amazing phenomenon.
May 12th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
Amanda- VintageDutchGirl says:
WORK that hat girlfriend!
May 12th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
Shauna says:
Just love barfing kid stories - glad to know my kids arent the only ones barfing out there!
May 12th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Trina says:
Earlier this year while working in the nursery at church a 3 year old threw up on me and YES I tried to catch it in my hands too. What is that?! It was so futile! The worst part was it just happened to be chocolate milk. I shudder just thinking about it.
May 12th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Daiquiri says:
Oh No! I get the trying to catch it thing…just instinct, isn’t it? It’s funny - 6 years ago “instinct” would have been to run and scream…not it’s to try and catch puke with bare hands!
By the way, I love your hat. I have a similar one that I garden in
Daiquiri
May 12th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
Indiana Keetha says:
Let them laugh all they want at the hat - - - when you are old and decrepit like me, you will be GLAD you protected your face.
Sorry about the puking incident.
May 12th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Pam says:
I smiled….I giggled….I laughed out loud….you can really paint a word picure!! Pam, South Bend
May 12th, 2008 at 5:12 pm
Karen says:
How exciting! Catching puke is any mother’s idea of a fun Saturday spent with the family.
May 12th, 2008 at 6:59 pm
Heather @ Loving Our Homeschool says:
I’ve tried the hand catch too. Sheer folly.
I would have been gagging all over the place if I had been in your shoes, er, suit. ICK. It’s in our marital contract that I don’t deal with the pukies….unless it is forced upon me unwillingly, of course.
P will be happy you wore the hat when you are old and have no wrinkles.
May 12th, 2008 at 7:01 pm
Amy Beth @ Ministry So Fabulous! says:
Ok, so I was on the toy website looking for some cute gifts and there is a girl that looks just like Caroline. But maybe it is Caroline. Is she a fashion model and we didn’t even know it?!?! Or am I just imagining things?
May 12th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
Bailey's Leaf says:
I didn’t realize that there were salt water pools. Why did I think that there were only chlorine pools?
And yes, I have been puked upon. Tis way gross. It happened in the winter. I had many layers on (we live in NE Ohio.) I told my husband that she had to be done when I had no more layers to shed.
May 12th, 2008 at 7:16 pm
PJ says:
“served as some sort of receptacle for her bodily functions” ROTFL
May 12th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
Genny says:
Been there too! The hand-catch method hasn’t worked for me, but it did actually half-work for my husband once. Bigger hands, I guess. Enjoyed your post!
May 12th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
Valerie says:
Oh I never laughed so hard.
So, in all of your over-packing did you pack an extra bathing suit?
The things we do as mothers… we should really have a whole month to celebrate us!
May 12th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
Shelly McCabe says:
Oh Lord, projectile vomiting. I do not look forward to that one day. Bless your heart, what a Mother’s Day weekend. I’m glad she bounced back though and the day wasn’t a total wash.
I LOVE the hat. I think it looks very chic. I never got a chance to watch Sex & the City, but it reminds me of something chic one of those girls would wear (from seeing the commercials).
May 12th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
Spencer Girl says:
Done the catch the throw up routine. . .in the lobby of a church. . .on the day of my husband’s cousin’s wedding. . .while my son was wearing a tux. . .because he was supposed to be the ring bearer. Although, I do count this as my “This is when I knew I was truly a mother” moment. Thanks for the blog, it often brightens my day! And helps me realize I’m not the only strange mom who overpacks and catches puke, among other things.
May 12th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
Kim Barger says:
On Mother’s Day a few years ago the family was gathered at Applebee’s for a Mother’s Day supper. My 4 year old son had consumed a glass of chocolate milk and suddenly became ill and game me a Mother’s Day gift we will all remember. I was puked on right in the middle of Applebee’s and I was wearing a new dress. The dress was soaked! I never wore the dress again. Oh well….at least we make memories!
May 13th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
Julie says:
OMG that was hilarious, although I’m sure you didn’t think so at the time lol.
May 13th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
Cheri (aka "the Mom Lady") says:
When my husband and I were fairly new into our marriage and we had one young daughter, said husband got stomach flu. He ran to the bathroom and proceeded to vomit into the sink. Instead of letting him, oh no! Lord have mercy, I told him, “NO! NO! THE TOILET!” so dutifully he moved to the toilet - 4 feet away, while vomiting…
I learned an important lesson. If it’s going into a container, no matter what it is, if it’s NOT on the floor, counter top or ME, just SHUT UP and let ‘er rip!
Nothin’ says lovin’ like cleaning up a 4 foot trail of, well, you know….
May 14th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Michelle@Life with Three says:
For the record, I think your hat looks great. I have a similar one that I will be wearing to the pool this summer. My husband has not stopped teasing me about it, either. Well, years from now, when he’s a wrinkled prune and I’m still looking like I’m 29, we’ll see who’s laughing.
May 14th, 2008 at 2:15 pm