So yesterday I was too absorbed in my tale of Mother’s Day woe to comment on the astounding amount of fabulous beauty tips contained within the comments of Friday’s post.
Well done, internet. Well done.
Y’all provided a wealth of useful information.
And caused me to make an emergency trip to the HEB to purchase several beauty items that now seem to be paramount to my existence.
Because if there is anything that will cause me to drop some cash, it’s the allure of maintaining some sort of youthful glow which will enable me to pretend that I am not just one year away from attending my twentieth high school reunion.
(HERE’S WHERE THERE SHOULD BE A PHOTO OF MY HEB PURCHASES. OLIVE OIL, CASTOR OIL, SESAME OIL, A BODY BRUSH, AND SOME YOPLAIT LOW-FAT YOGURT. BUT THERE IS NO PICTURE BECAUSE WORDPRESS IS TRYING TO DRIVE ME SLOWLY INSANE. JUST USE YOUR IMAGINATION.)
The Yoplait Low-Fat Yogurt wasn’t one of the beauty tips, but I did choose to buy the low-fat version as opposed to the fat-free version because after I wrote my post declaring my love for the Yoplait Fat-Free, someone let me know that the fat-free version contains aspartame and if I continue to eat it I will be dead in a year.
Aspartame = evil potion of death
Got it.
Let’s just not discuss my love of Diet Coke.
Some things are non-negotiable.
So assuming that I’m going to live another day now that I’ve rid myself of excess aspartame, I’ve decided to embrace a few new additions to my beauty rituals.
1. Dry-brushing - Please note the new body brush that I purchased at HEB. (USE YOUR IMAGINATION) Hanlie was the first person to mention the dry-brushing and she had me at “helps with cellulite”. Sure it can help rid your body of toxins as well, but no one can see toxins when you’re wearing a swimsuit.
I emailed Hanlie and asked, “WHAT UP with the dry-brushing? Help me. I do not understand but I want to learn more about this potential miracle.”
She emailed me back with some more information and actually sent me this link to a post she wrote about dry-brushing.
I have now dry-brushed for two days. Can’t really say that I feel any different so far, other than the release of all the aspartame that was stored in my lymphatic system.
2. Castor oil and olive oil face cleansing - I thought castor oil was just something that they used in cartoons. I had no idea it had a real live purpose or that you can find it with all the laxatives in the pharmacy section of the store.
Picture me at HEB with a cart filled with Yoplait, olive oil, castor oil, sesame oil and the body brush. The cashier didn’t even look me in the eye. He probably thought I was in need of some serious help.
Jenni at Makeshift Mama was the one who suggested the oil cleaning method. Of course I emailed her because HELP! I need more information. How much oil? What kind of mixture? I want to learn, but I am slow. She graciously sent me some more information and the link to this post about it.
I did it for the first time last night which was risky because I am suffering from horrendous PMS that has turned my chin into a vicious battleground for control of my pores. It just seemed to have BAD IDEA written all over it. But I am a risk-taker by nature.
That is such a lie.
I hate risk. Risk makes me queasy.
It didn’t make it any easier when P followed me into the bathroom to see what I was doing. I told him it was a miracle cleansing solution for skin.
“Who told you about it?”
“Well, somebody I don’t know told me about it on the internet.”
Which made me seem totally credible and informed.
He then spent the rest of the night telling me that every time he got close to me he had a strange craving for Italian food.
He is a comedian.
But this risk paid off. I awoke yesterday morning to glowing skin.
And a craving for pasta.
3. Neutrogena Sesame Oil - I actually used this product a long time ago but always managed to make a huge, oily mess every time I used it. Now, thanks to the marvel that is the internet, someone let me know that I could put it in a spray bottle and mist myself with it when I get out of the shower.
Well, yes. That makes perfect sense.
Although my first moisturizing love will always be Hummingbird Farms Lavender Lotion. It’s divine.
4. I have always heard that you can use Preparation H to help with bags under your eyes, but Tammy left a comment that mentioned you can also use it to get rid of those creases in your face caused by a waning amount of collagen and the bedsheets.
I didn’t have the nerve to buy the Preparation H at the same time I bought all my other stuff because the cashier might have decided to call an ambulance due to what appeared to be some monumental gastrointestinal issues, but I’ll buy it next time so that Caroline will quit telling me she can see my brains on my forehead.
5. Lora Lynn and several other commenters talked about using Coconut Oil on their face. Apparently it’s not only edible and will make you smell like the Hawaiian Tropic model, but it’s also an effective anti-bacterial moisturizer.
I wasn’t sure where to buy Coconut Oil and thought I might have to make Caroline spend her summer grinding coconuts into oil to make Mama beautiful, but Quirky let me know that you can buy it at Walmart or any drugstore in the health and beauty aisle.
6. Jenn mentioned the importance of using a topical Vitamin C product to help with collagen production. Sign me up for some Vitamin C.
7. A bunch of y’all mentioned Aquaphor as the miracle cure for almost everything. I discovered Aquaphor when Caroline was a baby and had dry skin. I’ve been a fan ever since.
8. Last but not least, Sara emailed me to tell me about silicone primer. It’s a new product that you use after your moisturizer and before you put on foundation. It’s supposed to refine your pores and give you a flawless makeup finish. She is a fan of this primer that you can purchase at Sephora.
So I guess y’all know where I will be tomorrow.
Clearly, I am very impressionable.
And I’m thinking once I start slathering my face with silicone, is it really going to matter if I ingest a lot of aspartame? Haven’t I already crossed some kind of non-natural boundary line?
I’ll report back in a few weeks on all my new beauty regimens.
Hopefully I’ll have the skin of a newborn baby.
Well, if you covered newborn babies in all manner of oils and Preparation H.
Smockity Frocks says:
Alriiiiiiight! I’m first! I was just wondering the other night, as I put socks over my Vaseline covered feet before bed, how many women across the world were doing the same thing, thanks to this blog. Then, I wondered how many husbands were thinking, “That’s HOT!”
May 13th, 2008 at 5:03 am
hanlie says:
Thanks for the link! I am so going to try the oil cleansing method! Just hope I can find castor oil - no handy HEB here!
May 13th, 2008 at 5:06 am
Nikki says:
I admit to rubbing vaseline all over my feet (left-ocer from the huge pot I bought when my 4 year old was born!) and the putting on socks.
You should take before and after pictures of your skin so that we can see the improvements with our own eyes.
May 13th, 2008 at 6:25 am
Mandy says:
1. It’s true about the aspartame. Scary stuff. My Mom drank Diet Pepsi for 12+ years and died of an aneurysm caused by aspartame.
2. Preparation H is a miracle product. It has been the #1 stolen item in drug stores for over 10 years. Good for both sets of cheeks. Appears there are others that are embarassed to buy this product…oh yes, there are many, many others.
May 13th, 2008 at 6:27 am
Lisa says:
Did the other internet people warn you not to stand within 10 feet of an open flame? Just in case sounds like you ought to be a little careful. No roasting over an open fire for you tonight.
And I am wondering about that nice glow you have. Are you sure it is not just alot of grease.
Enjoy your journey toward youth.
May 13th, 2008 at 6:51 am
Wendy says:
HAAAAAAA, the fear of appearing to have monumental gastrointestinal issues! I think I’ve finally reached the age (a feeling-decrepit-40) where I just don’t care what people think of my purchases (or the schlub outfit I wore to the store). But on those rare occasions where I think I might be embarrassed, I can always just call my work number and have a pretend conversation with my voicemail, telling it how my husband is really not feeling well which is why I’m at the store buying [substitute item here] for HIM.
May 13th, 2008 at 7:02 am
Staci at Writing and Living says:
And to think I was only cutting up potatoes and putting them on my eyes. If I add the olive oil face cleansing to the potatoes, I would have the beginnings of a meal.
Not that I would eat potatoes that I had put on my face.
May 13th, 2008 at 7:20 am
Amber says:
Word on the street is that you can also use this product as a face primer as it has the same active ingredient. I have bought some but so far have been too afraid to try it!
http://www.monistat.com/soothingcare/products_chafing_gel.htm
May 13th, 2008 at 7:50 am
Amanda says:
I peed a little when I read number 4. Thanks for that!
May 13th, 2008 at 7:57 am
Melanie says:
Wow. No matter I look like an old hag. I had no idea! I seriously need to use the Prep-H for my own forehead.
If you get any tips for double chins, please let me know.
May 13th, 2008 at 8:02 am
Lora Lynn says:
Yes, I always apply my coconut oil while wearing a grass skirt and humming luau tunes. A nice way to start the day…
May 13th, 2008 at 8:08 am
Lesley says:
I always look at the mix of products I am purchasing. Once in high school I was headed to the store to buy femine products and my mom asked me to pick up some soap, too, since we were running low. As I was checking out the cashier asked how I was doing. I looked at my femine product, soap, and snickers on the conveyer belt and thought “you can’t guess how I am?”
May 13th, 2008 at 8:32 am
Amy Beth @ Ministry So Fabulous! says:
Just so you know, I strongly considered participating last Friday. But I was just afraid that some of your readers might vomit after reading my instructions on how to give yourself a processed nacho cheese facial. Tip: it is much easier to have random children sling the cheese onto your face while laughing gleefully because you’re screaming BECAUSE HELLO I DO NOT LIKE PROCESSED NACHO CHEESE ON MY FACE.
Not that I’ve ever had that happen before.
May 13th, 2008 at 9:31 am
Shalee says:
Prep H is on the list, but fortunately for me, I have all the oils. My problem is that I don’t take the time to actually do these things on a regular basis. I’m going to challenge myself to do them now, especially with the kids leaving for Grandma’s soon. Maybe I can make a habit of it by the time they get back…
May 13th, 2008 at 9:45 am
Makeshift Mama says:
Lol! I haven’t experienced the pasta cravings, myself, but the glowing skin for sure! I’ve noticed that OCM really seems to make my skin firmer and diminish the bags beneath my eyes. I hope you and your readers are as enthralled with it as I have been!
Thanks for making me laugh! Every few seconds, I was chuckling again and my 2-year-old was looking over and saying, “It’s funny! It’s funny!” Yes, Ariel, it’s hilarious!
May 13th, 2008 at 9:53 am
Brickhouse says:
Yeah, I am right there with you on the “impressionable” thing. I have already bought the LashBlast based on the post, and I have the EVOO/CO on my grocery list. And I have been asking everyone I know about Spanx. Where do I go?
May 13th, 2008 at 10:00 am
Ruth says:
It’s going to be really funny when the HEB folks do their monthly sales analysis and wonder why there has been a huge surge in the sales of castor oil.
Thanks for all the great tips!
May 13th, 2008 at 10:30 am
Kelly @ Love Well says:
Sounds like you’ll be a newborn in less than two weeks.
May 13th, 2008 at 10:34 am
courtney says:
Brickhouse - a couple of years ago I went to the SPANX website & paid WAY too much for my spanx. Although, I have definitely been able to get my money back two-fold ~ Spanx are amazing. Go to target - they have some spanx stuff in the bra/panties section. It may have a different name, but they work the same and are much cheaper.
Thanks everyone for the helpful beauty tips. So far I’m loving the Sesame Oil after my showers and the LashBlast is great!!
May 13th, 2008 at 10:36 am
Quirky says:
I bought the lashblast and mineral makeup foundation due to Friday’s post. I wanted the body brush and oil face bath too, but didn’t have the instructions (until today’s post!- thanks for the follow up!) Now I’m going to brush myself down and lather myself in 4 different oils. Beautiful and a tasty!
May 13th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Quirky says:
By the way, a quick warning on the Sesame seed oil…dog and cats LOVE the taste of this stuff! After I get out of the shower, my cats follow me around the house, trying to ambush me and lick the backs of my calves. The oil doesn’t hurt them any, but I’m not such a fan of the cat slobber on the backs of my legs. (Unless of course someone has discovered that cat slobber makes you look younger and thinner…then I’m all for trying it out!)
May 13th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Emily says:
I wondering what you would do with all those tips!
My mom just finished her Doctorate with a focus on health and nutrition. During all her research and study she learned that artificial sweeteners of any kind are poison. I try to avoid them when I can, but I am young and therefore invincible. I will live through anything, even aspartame.
May 13th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
momhuebert says:
You remind me of Esther (in the bible)– you know she spent six months with oil of myrrh and six months with sweet perfumes getting ready to meet the king. It worked for her!
May 13th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
Christine says:
I loved Friday’s post too, and I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one already starting to panic about my reunion next year! Anxious to try the dry brishing although I think to start, more squats and fewer Dibs would do more good for my cellulite..that would have to be one mighty powerful brush!
One question though…is the Aquaphor being discussed hereabouts, the ointment stuff I used on my babies and still use on them periodically? I couldn’t find Aquaphor lotion, all I could find was Eucerin (I know they’re part of the same “family”), but I have a ton of the Aquaphor ointment….
Thanks!
May 13th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Blueangel says:
Never commented before but just to debunk your Aspartame myth.
There was research done back in the 1980’s that was linking it to bladder cancer. They did all the studies in male rats. Well come to find out in the past decade these rats have a immunoglobulin (protein)only found in MALE rats that reacts with the Apartame and does cause bladder cancer. This protein is not even found in female rats.
Because of this one study which has been EASILY busted people still find panic and fear.
Honestly it is in all your soda beverages and Americans cosume 16.6 billion gallons of soda a year. If there was truly a link… we would all be dead of brain tumors and bladder cancer by now, yet they remain one of the most rare forms of cancer.
I eat regular yougurt. The few extra calories are worth it for me. I can 100% tell the difference in taste.
http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/00000426.htm
May 13th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
katy (aka funny girl) says:
1. My MIL fusses at me about aspartame all the time. But she does it in a sweet-Texas-woman sort of way: “Well, I don’t like to use that because it has all that aspartame…I just hate the taste of it, and you know it causes cancer.” (This as I sit with my diet coke in front of me, aspartame ingredient proudly displayed.)
2. I just read about oil cleansing on Sorta Crunchy’s blog this morning. I’m definitely too chicken. Let us know how that works out over the next few days.
3. Is boomama coming to San Antonio? I saw some twitter about it over on her blog. I would LOVE to get together with you girls. I swear I’m normal!! (Yes, I know, impossible to believe over the internet, but I would submit some sort of application or essay or something if I could sit with the two of you at dinner…y’all are some of my favorite bloggers!)
May 13th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
Nicole@OnTheRun says:
At least your new beauty regimen is quick and simple!
May 13th, 2008 at 2:57 pm
shalana says:
One other tip if it hasn’t been mentioned already. Nordstrom recently bought out E.L.F. and you can get all of their stuff for $1 right now! Check it out at eyeslipsface.com
My Mom’s group mentioned it today, so disregard if you already know about it.
May 13th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
Soliloquy says:
I hope you read your 3,000 a day comments, because I am tagging you for a meme that I just started.
But maybe I should email you as well. Just in case.
I hope you decide to take me up on it!
http://www.shejusthadtosayit.com/2008/05/13/its-all-true/
May 13th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
Marilyn says:
I drink Diet Coke with SPLENDA in it instead of aspartame. It’s great!
May 13th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
Genny says:
That lavendar lotion you mentioned sounds great! Thanks!
Genny
http://www.mycup2yours.com
May 13th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
Dana says:
The thought of rubbing olive oil on my face makes me want to go get a loaf of bread and dip away…
May 13th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
Kellye says:
Okay, I am back from CVS and I got the natural bristle brush. I just gave myself a “dry brush.” It felt wonderful. So if it de-toxs, feels good and only cost $5.99 this will be wonderful.
Hey Brickhouse - Target carries a Spanx line called “Assets” it is located with the hose and socks. It is exactly the same thing but only cost $10.00. I love my Spanx.
May 13th, 2008 at 9:18 pm
MooBeeMa says:
Eeeek! Comment #4? I’m worried now that you might be going to sleep tonight wondering if you have an aneurysm! If it makes you feel any better, you make me laugh so hard I feel like I might have one too.
So I guess that means blogs can kill you.
Carpe diem!!
May 13th, 2008 at 11:02 pm
Page says:
Wow, how interesting. I will have to try some of these things. Thanks for condensing them into an easily readable blog. And for letting us know how they go. I’ll be waiting to hear.
May 13th, 2008 at 11:14 pm
Trina says:
I’ve never heard of dry brushing, but will definitely be checking it out.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:32 am
Missy @ It's Almost Naptime says:
I have drank several a castor oil and orange juice cocktail in desperate attempts to get a happy interuterine baby to Come. On. Out.
Never has worked for me, but has worked for everybody else I know, who have a baby by morning.
But oh my word, the stuff is vile. Vile.
**shivers**
May 14th, 2008 at 11:16 pm