Oh, what a weekend we had over here.
Mimi and Bops picked up Caroline on Friday afternoon and I headed straight to the mall because my birthday money was burning a hole in my pocket. Oh sure, I could save it, but why would I do that?
I was halfway to the mall when I remembered that it was tax-free weekend in Texas which translates to MASS CHAOS.
But because I am a fool for shopping, I decided to brave the crowds and take advantage of tax-free savings. I’m not going to lie, I barely made it out alive.
I limped out of the mall in need of fresh air and a weapon of mass destruction. The good news is that my foray into the bowels of hell paid off because I found a really cute pea coat, which is hard to get excited about in the dead of August but will be delightful in January.
Earlier that afternoon, I noticed I had a small rash on my chest. It was slightly itchy and red, but I decided it was a heat rash from all of our beach fun. No big deal.
P and I picked up barbecue for dinner that evening because everyone knows that pork ribs are the traditional celebratory meal for an eleventh wedding anniversary. As we sat at the coffee table, eating our dinner and watching the Olympics, (who says romance is dead?) I began to feel a little itchy behind my knees. And on my arms. And on my back.
I went to look at myself in the mirror and I screamed in horror. Actually, I’m not sure I screamed, but I did mumble a quiet, “What the heck?”
It was not pretty, my friends. Not pretty at all.
So I popped a Zyrtec or six and went to bed in the hopes of sleeping off my rash.
I woke up Saturday morning at 11:00 with a major antihistamine hangover. I kept splashing my face with water and trying to rub my eyes, but everything remained foggy. It was just like I was back in college after a night of too much Zima.
The irony is that I sold Zyrtec for years and always assured physicians that it shouldn’t make their patients sleepy and that it was much more tolerable than Benadryl. And, technically, that is true for 87% of the population.
However, I fall into the other 13%. It knocks girlfriend STRAIGHT OUT.
In fact, when P and I used to take 75 high school kids skiing every Spring Break and had to ride a bus for 17 hours, I would always take a Zyrtec so that I could sleep the entire way.
And then I’d take several more throughout the trip to drown out all the teen angst.
If you are the parent of someone who went on one of these trips, I’m sure someone else was watching your kid. I’m also 87% sure that none of them ever snuck out at night while I was in a comatose state.
Anyway, about my rash.
It continued to spread. I spent most of Saturday coating myself with hydrocortisone and popping any antihistamine I could find in the medicine cabinet.
I’m here to tell you that there is not a more romantic way to spend your eleventh wedding anniversary than all drugged up and slathered in hydrocortisone. That is HOT with a capital H.
I’d use my most alluring voice to say, “Hey baby, why don’t you come over here and put some of that Benadryl lotion on the backs of my knees?”
And for some reason, probably fear of contamination, he turned me down.
I believe the vows say IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH.
I finally decided that I contracted some sort of beach rash from all that moat-digging. P thought maybe I was allergic to something I used to clean the house earlier that day.
Later, I was talking to Sophie on the phone, telling her about my rash and our theories as to its origin and she said, “Well, it couldn’t be Mrs. Meyers cleaning spray because it’s all-natural and organic.”
I told P what Sophie said and he replied, “Well, so is the Gulf of Mexico so that doesn’t mean much.”
He makes an excellent point.
If there is any place in the world where a person is likely to contract a rash, it would stand to reason it might be a place where it’s a common practice to carry your Marlboro Lights in your cleavage.
Joni says:
Maybe that’s what folks are talking about when referring to marriages and the “seven year itch.”
Oh wait, you celebrated eleven years. Can excessive viewing of the Olympics cause a rash?
August 18th, 2008 at 5:43 am
Shelly McCabe says:
Oh, bless your heart. I hope you are on the mend soon. What a way to spend an anniversary. BTW, did you get anything good for the anniversary?
August 18th, 2008 at 5:50 am
boomama says:
I forgot to tell you that I had sympathy itching for you AGAIN yesterday and ended up scratching my back for about eight minutes on the edge of a door frame. Which is right up there with Marlboro Lights in the cleavage in terms of allure.
August 18th, 2008 at 6:30 am
Lori says:
I know in years to come, you and P. will long back fondly on your “itchy-ith” anniversary. Personally, I likes me some benadryl. Cherry flavor.
August 18th, 2008 at 7:15 am
Nikki says:
I feel your pain! I had a mystery rash a few months ago - so mysterious and painful that I actually barged into the dermatologist’s office. The first thing she asked, after peering at me from behind her very large magnifying glass, was whether or not I had touched any mangoes lately (touched, NOT eaten!). I had - and was allergic to the skin of the mango. It was like poison oak all over my body. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy! So, have YOU touched any mango lately?
August 18th, 2008 at 7:39 am
ChristyB in AL says:
You make feeling horrible with an itchy rash so funny!!
I hope you are feeling better soon!
August 18th, 2008 at 8:02 am
Sarah says:
This same thing happened to my husband a few years back. It started out on his palms and then continued all over his body. Believe it or not, he had developed an allergy to York’s Peppermint Patties. No kidding. It took a couple of times of him eating them for us to figure it out. He loves them too, so it was tough. He had been eating them all his life, but for some reason his body decided that it was enough!
August 18th, 2008 at 8:07 am
Julie H. says:
Melanie,
I thought you might find this interesting. Our newspaper here in Corpus ran an article the other day , “Surfer Treated For Flesh Eating Bacteria”. He had been surfing in Port A. the same time you all were there. You can find the article at http://www.caller.com/news/2008/aug/14surfer-treated-for-flesh-eating-bacteria/
There’s something in that there water!
Hope you feel better.
Take care,
Julie
August 18th, 2008 at 8:16 am
Jen says:
GIRL!! I am WITH you. Whenever I really REALLY need a good night’s sleep….. I take “Non-Drowsy” Sudafed. Apparently I have a reverse reaction and sleep for 4 days straight!!
August 18th, 2008 at 8:19 am
Julie H. says:
I forgot to put in enough slashes for the link to work it’s http://www.caller.com/news/2008/aug/14/surfer-treated-for-flesh-eating/bacteria/
Hope the link works now.
Julie
August 18th, 2008 at 8:19 am
stacy says:
Oh, big mama, how I needed this laugh this morning. After a long night of fights it’s good to start your next day with a smile. So sorry you had to have a rase to get me happy. I really loved the part about the Marborls in the cleveage. Why do southern woman use their boobs for storage. I just used my bra to hold three quarters for the car vacuum.
wow this was way to long to say………..thanks for making me smile.
August 18th, 2008 at 8:23 am
Drama Mama says:
Zyrtec knocks me out too! I learned the hard way- Took it one day when I had an extremely long drive for work- Thought I was gonna die!
August 18th, 2008 at 8:27 am
Chelsea says:
My girls got a nasty itchy wanted-to-make-them-die rash from swimming in Lake Bastrop. Which is about as organic and natural as Texas has to offer, I suppose.
However, P. was probably right. If the beach was the culprit, it would have started at the beach. The most recent toxin (organic my foot) was the likely cause.
August 18th, 2008 at 8:35 am
Holly Smith says:
Oh, but the cute pea colored coat would be splendid in Colorado in August. Come visit and enjoy our crazy 40 degree weather!! Pikes Peak is lovely this morning.
And the Marlboro Lights picture is one I hav unfortunately seen before on the coast of TX.
Sorry you are breaking out, Melanie!
August 18th, 2008 at 9:01 am
Lisa says:
So sorry about the rash. I hope you are starting to feel a little bit less itchy. Feels wrong to be so entertained by your misfortune!
August 18th, 2008 at 9:24 am
Tari says:
Both my boys have the same problem every time we go to Galveston for the day - so I vote for the Gulf as the cause.
August 18th, 2008 at 9:28 am
hulagirlatheart says:
Hey! My wedding anniversary was Saturday, too. 18 years. Congratulations! And sorry about the rash. Kind of puts a whole new meaning to the phrase “I gotta an itch to scratch” doesn’t it?
August 18th, 2008 at 9:32 am
Hilary says:
You crack me up! Happy Belated b-day & anniversary!
August 18th, 2008 at 9:41 am
Lisa @ Stop and Smell the Chocolates says:
That is no fun on your anniversary! Hope your rash is going away now.
August 18th, 2008 at 9:47 am
JanMary, N Ireland says:
As there is an 87% chance you may be allergic to a cleaning product - I would avoid all contamination just to be absolutely sure, for at least one week.
I also would like to point out at arsenic is also natural and organic!
Hope the rash disappears just as quickly as it arrived.
August 18th, 2008 at 9:57 am
Sherry says:
Ok, I have to ask, that last quip, the one about cleavage–was that put in coincidentally? Blogtations (the best [quotes]of blogs–very addictive reading) is looking for bloggers whose funny quips in some way relate or mention ‘cleavage’. Yours fit the bill–your post that is! Someone should report you to blogations–it is a cute and fun website. check it out!
August 18th, 2008 at 10:10 am
Headless Mom says:
My girl had an itchy, hive-y rash last week, too, with no explanation. Hope you’re feeling better-hers has mostly disappeared.
August 18th, 2008 at 10:11 am
Sherry says:
It wasn’t so odd, except that the cleavage theme is for today only. funny, eh?
August 18th, 2008 at 10:16 am
Kelly says:
All i can say about that is keep taking Zyrtec - because it obviously makes you hilarious.
You are so funny today.
August 18th, 2008 at 10:22 am
Lynn says:
You are about the 3rd person I know lately who has had a mysterious rash. WHAT IN THE WORLD? The ones I know had not been in the GULF. I think it must be airborne….surely not trying to dissuade anyone from the lovely Texas coast. Hope it gets better.
August 18th, 2008 at 10:26 am
Amiee says:
Zyrtec makes me feel the exact same way! I was on it for allergies, and was down to trying a half of pill, and that STILL made me “drowsy”. A full pill was more like a coma! LOL. It sure helped my allergies out though. Or was it that I was just so out of it, I didn’t realize I had them anymore?
August 18th, 2008 at 10:36 am
Jennifer (Et Tu?) says:
A foray into the bowels of hell, indeed. I’d waited until the last minute to come to terms with the fact that I had nothing to wear to a black-tie event on Saturday night, so my mom and I thought we’d pop on over to the mall (WITH ALL THREE KIDS, ALL UNDER AGE FOUR) for a bit of light shopping. When we got there and saw the sea of cars in the parking lot, we recalled that it was tax-free weekend — but couldn’t turn back because I really needed something to wear. I may never recover.
August 18th, 2008 at 10:39 am
Mari Taylor says:
I am sorry you are itchy and rashy but thanks for the laughs! You crack me up.
August 18th, 2008 at 10:46 am
Robin (PENSIEVE) says:
Various and a sundry thoughts…
a) NO PICCHAS OF THE PEA COAT??
b) At least it wasn’t your 10th, cause that woulda been tragic.
c) Sympathetic itching…now THAT’S a good friend :)!
d) A rash from the beach? SAY IT ISN’T SO! Because THAT **IS** TRAGIC!
e) However, breaking out just from cleaning? Yeah…I think I’m allergic ;).
August 18th, 2008 at 10:54 am
CarolinaMama says:
We just celebrated our 10th - Thank heavens ‘the rash’ was not in Charleston!
Feel better!
August 18th, 2008 at 10:57 am
Jen Higgins says:
Could it have been the peacoat? My sister gets a rash like that when she wears a peacoat because they are made with wool. It doesn’t matter that it’s fully lined, she gets a rash anyway.
August 18th, 2008 at 11:07 am
lavonda says:
We just watched the movie “Hitch” again this weekend… I laughed out loud just now reading what you wrote about looking in the mirror - and remembering Will Smith looking in the mirror at the drugstore buying Benadryl.
Hope you didn’t look that bad my friend.
Yikes.
August 18th, 2008 at 11:34 am
Deanna says:
This reminds me of something that happened to me a few months ago. I have a two year old son… He hardly ever spends the night away from us but my parents offered to keep him one night so my husband & I could go ‘out on a date’ and have a romantic night alone. HOWEVER, sometime between dinner & the movie my husband invited the stomach bug to join us and we were both up all night. Hardly romantic…
August 18th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Sister says:
It was not the Gulf.
Our recent Tennessee Tax-Free Weekend had the same effect on me.
Go pay full price for something. You’ll be back to normal in a flash.
August 18th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Dena says:
Busting up, can’t stop laughing, family members wondering what the heck is wrong with me…..you crack me up….oh and I hope the rash is all better. But so glad that it was funny, I mean not funny, poor you. :o)
August 18th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Moriah @ Please Pass the Salt says:
Yes, just because something is natural and organic, doesn’t mean it’s good for you.
Marijuana, anyone?
August 18th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Wanda says:
I have one of those allergy blessed families. I’m wondering about the pea coat
and what else you tried on at the mass frenzy mall.
There could be something in clothing you are allergic too. You know…..like that icky wool allergy so many people have?!
Just a thought.
That sounds like misery, sister!
Bummer!
August 18th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Way More Homemade (Donna) says:
Let’s see… our 10th… our 6 month old contracted RSV and we were doing breathing treatments around the clock while living in temporary housing otherwise known as my grandmother’s old house otherwise known as a new dimension of H***.
Or our 11th where it was pulling teeth to get my parents to take the kids for even one night, we saw a terrible movie, and dh spent the day on Saturday doing yard work.
I’m there with you… I’ve had my share of rotten anniversaries.
Hope the rash is better… could it have been from something you tried on at the mall?
BTW - surprisingly enough, I took the kids with me to Wal-mart and Target and COstco on Saturday and the tax free wk/end wasn’t bad at all… we just didn’t brave the mall.
August 18th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Brickhouse says:
Jared gets a rash whenever we go to the beach, and we were convinced that he must be alergic to some iodine mixture or something in the salt water, especially when the seaweed comes in by the masses. I finally took him to the dermatologist. Yeah, the rocket scientist told me to change sunblock. I switched from Banana Boat spray to Coppertone. Miracles never cease! No rash. And to think that I have been torturing him for YEARS!
August 18th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
Stephanie says:
You are hilarious! Half of my family was also blessed with allergies- and zyrtec and clariton are our batteries. Is it possible that the rash was from the fabulous coat your purchased?
You never know if a child who touched poison ivy was running around the mall with their mother and trying on clothes…
Tell that hubby of yours that next time he better start lotioning you up! lol
August 18th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
Indiana Keetha says:
Being “all natural” doesn’t mean you can’t be allergic to it, nor does it mean it doesn’t contain any chemicals which are drugs.
Poison ivy, poison oak, and marijuana are all 100% natural.
And with that, I rest my case.
Sorry about the itching. Hope you figure out what it is.
August 18th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
D.M. says:
Oh my gosh! I just had a weird rash last week that I posted about! Maybe something is going around?
http://dmwrightbooks.wordpress.com/2008/08/07/what-is-wrong-with-me/
August 18th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
hannah r says:
Ahh the hives. I got hives at three o’clock in the morning the day I graduated from college. I wore a red wool dress under a black gown that was so synthetic it hardly qualified as any kind of fabric at all and supported myself miraculously in 4 inch stilettos. I sat through my graduation so stoned on copious amounts of Benadryl that I hardly remember my name being called- but I didn’t trip on my heels which is monumental for me even in a sober state. So, I feel for you big mama! Hope that heals up fast- onward Zyrtec!
August 18th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
Natalie @ I AM (not) says:
bummer
August 18th, 2008 at 7:57 pm
Fran says:
The word “rash” kinda creeps me out a little bit. I’m a fan of the Zyrtec myself…I have such high immune to any of that mess that it does NOTHING to me…when sometimes I wish it would !
Hope to see you in SA. Haven’t even thought about packing…who knows what I’ll end up wearing. You may have to hook me up with some quick shopping!
Hugs,
Fran
August 18th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
Lauren @ Thingish Things says:
What a “fun” anniversary!
We have the same luck here. Last August my grandparents took all three kids off of our hands for a few days. I ended up covered in hives, and my poor hubby got cellulitis from a spider bite on his face!
We spent a totally romantic week whining to each other. Fun!
August 18th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
groovyoldlady says:
I went through 3 summers of that itchy horror and for me, it was NOT the sunscreen. It was the sun itself.
It’s taken time to sort it all out, but I took St. John Wort from October to March to help me in the battle against SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder…ie Winter Depression: I live in Maine). Even though I stopped taking it in March, I still remained photosensitive FOR THE ENTIRE SUMMER.
Oh, how it sucked.
Then this past year I switched to using a therapy light in the winter - no more make-me-a-sun-phobe St. John’s Wort - and guess what? This summer I’ve been able to go out in the sun. ALOT. and no itching!
Anyhoo, glad your reaction is to the sunscreen. At least that’s easier to correct.
August 19th, 2008 at 6:23 pm
Rena says:
Well, I’ve got nothing. Nothing.
Apparently there’s a fungus among us.
Original, I know.
But, again, nothing. I just hope it passed. And it just can’t be the beach. It just can’t. Scary…that’s worse than being allergic to what’s IN the ocean.
My heart just breaks for people who can’t eat seafood. Awful, just awful.
August 19th, 2008 at 11:29 pm
Kelly @ Love Well says:
I can’t believe no one has yet referred to that episode of “Friends” where Monica is trying to get Chandler to (ahem) go to the bedroom with her while she’s got the world’s worst cold.
“Boncha wanmp a piece ub dis?”
By the way, did you see the possible shellfish reaction over at Nothing but Bonfires? Yowzers.
August 20th, 2008 at 11:04 pm
Angie says:
I had to post and let you know that I laughed so hard at this post. Not because of your rash of course, would not wish any ill will on anyone. But you are so funny, I loved how you put it.
Tell me did the rash go away?
Don’t you just love the water at the Gulf! We have been 4 times this year! We love it, so warm. Don’t think I would love it right now with 30 foot swells coming from Gustav.
Anyway- happy Anniversary!
Angie
August 31st, 2008 at 10:47 pm