For the last year, Gulley has told me that she wanted to do a guest post on my birthday. You have to understand that this is a big deal because she always swears she would never have her own blog because all she would ever write is “Today I did laundry. I drove carpool. I cooked chicken for dinner and served rice as a side dish. Then, I went to bed.”

Personally, I don’t think she gives herself enough credit.

Anyway, the following is by Gulley. You will notice that there are 37 things listed because today may or may not be my 37th birthday.

37 Reasons to love Big Mama
by Gulley

1. We laugh hysterically every day.

2. If we skip a day, we make up for it by laughing doubly the next day.

3. She randomly hates things. For example, “I hate pizza.” “I hate chinese food.”

4. She will hate things on your behalf. For example, “I hate [insert store name here] for being rude to you.”

5. She has given me the benefit of Fashion Friday for 19 years now.

6. She will find clothes for you, even if they would not suit her.

7. We have an unspoken hierarchy of the type of therapy needed for certain problems: cookie dough by the spoonful, queso, or a margarita.

8. The girl can cook.

9. When she has made something you like, she will call and say, “Come over. I made ______.”

10. We have shown up to drop the kids off at school wearing the same thing more than once.

11. She’s not easily offended and all the sensitive people want to be her friend.

12. Many times one of us has picked up the phone to call the other while the other was dialing.

13. She makes everything more fun.

14. She rarely ever complains about anything.

15. She is very tender and will cry with you when you cry.

16. She gives sound advice.

17. She loves God and his word.

18. On Thanksgiving we say the same thing every year: “Of all the things I have to be thankful for, you are in my top 5!”

19. She will go Christmas shopping with you all over town even when she is done with her shopping.

20. On any given day our conversation pendulum will swing from questions like, “Is my faith thrilling and delightful?” to, “What color velour is best? What are the top fashion finds right now?”

21. She DID buy our entire Bible study group blue suede fringe bracelets to wear during Believing God. She did NOT spend more time deliberating on the fringe than on the actual Bible study.

22. She always knows what to say, or what not to say. Even if it means telling me my husband is right.

23. She will run something over for you to wear in a moment’s notice.

24. She will pour over photos and magazines with you to find the perfect hairstyle.

25. She will listen and listen and listen and listen……

26. She is witty.

27. She loves my boys and bonds with them by playing games on the Wii, Uno, and going to t-ball games.

28. We share a passion for Aggie sports, especially football.

29. We both complete NCAA basketball brackets.

30. This person you see on the blog, she is all that and more, oh yes ma’am she is!

31. We can talk baseball better than two guys ever could.

32. I believe we will all have hair like hers when we get to heaven. She has no self-righteousness about this.

33. We include each other in our big moments.

34. When I start trash talking at sporting events, she is polite at first but she eventually joins in!

35. The first time we saw each other after we were both married we stayed up talking about marriage until 5 am. Then we wished aloud that stores opened at 5 am so we could go shopping.

36. When we went to New York together, I literally spent my last dollar on a must have track suit. She paid for my cab fare to the airport and my headphones on the flight home.

37. Because big news isn’t big until I have shared it with her.

Happy Birthday Big Mama! I love you more than my luggage!

You know what happens when you don’t write for a few days and decide to do reruns like you’re “Sanford and Son” or “Joanie Loves Chachi”?

The portion of your brain that generates mediocrity on a daily basis shrivels up to the size of nothing, rendering you completely incapable of composing even your usual brand of okay.

So you will sit and watch women’s gymnastics for hours while trying to come up with something of interest to share and become completely distracted by all the various hair clippies that gymnasts use to hold their hair back. Why all the different colors? Why is there not more hair accessory coordination?

I think I may have just realized why I was never a serious athlete.

Anyway, last week Gulley and I took the kids on a little road trip to Bryan/College Station, but without the College Station part. We had every intention of visiting the A&M campus in our continuing quest to ensure that we are sufficiently brainwashing our children to become members of the Fightin’ Texas Aggie classes of ‘24, ‘25, and ‘27, but there were too many obstacles in our way.

We were initially a little concerned about making the trip because we were heading right in the path of Tropical Storm Edouard. There were predictions of torrential rain and fifty-five mile an hour winds that turned out to be a light mist and a slight breeze.

Oh meteorologists. You kill me with your enthusiasm and predictions of Armageddon.

Fortunately for us, but not for the credibility of any meteorologist in Texas, Edouard turned out to be a big fat nothing.

We arrived at Gulley’s mama’s house just in time for dinner on Tuesday night. She had made us a home cooked dinner of barbecued brisket, baked beans, and twice-baked potatoes. I wanted to cry from all the happiness. There is nothing in the world I like more than a good home cooked meal that I didn’t have to cook.

Caroline had a cough that started on her birthday and, by the time we got to Bryan, it had turned into a full-blown cold. She had a low-grade fever and just didn’t feel that great, plus Jackson was getting over strep. Basically, our energetic bunch was content to hang out at the house and play with Gulley’s mama’s new puppy.

So that’s what we did.

And, actually, it was really nice.

We headed back home on Thursday and accomplished something heretofore unattainable. We made the entire three hour drive without making one stop.

Do you hear what I’m saying? Three hours. Three kids ages six and under. No stops.

Gulley and I both later admitted that each of us had to go to the bathroom about twenty minutes into the trip, but there was no way one of us was going to be the reason we had to stop.

Neither of us could endure that kind of shame.

The failure would have caused us to feel like a meteorologist.

Gulley and I have taken the kids on a little road trip this week, so I’m going to rerun some of my personal favorites. I’ll be back next Monday. Y’all have a good week.

Oh, and I’ll also have a few new posts up on Allaccess if you want to head over there.

**This post was originally published November 29, 2007**

On Tuesday, Caroline and I met Mimi and Bops at Luby’s for lunch. We always meet at Luby’s because Bops is a big fan of the cafeteria in spite of that fact that he isn’t 85 and has all his teeth. Caroline loves Luby’s because she can get Jello which for her is one of the major food groups.

York Peppermint Patties for breakfast and Jello for lunch. We are an organic household.

Except I will tell y’all that the other day, when we were at HEB, I asked her if she wanted to get a donut and she said, “No thank you, I’d rather have a carrot.” So we’re having her DNA tested later in the week.

While we were at Luby’s, Mimi pulls something out of her purse and hands it to me. It’s a page from the Neiman Marcus Christmas Book. And look what it features.

Is it just me or does that look a whole lot like this?

That’s what I thought.

And this isn’t just any jacket being sold at Neimans. It is a Juicy Couture jacket designed exclusively for Neimans and is featured as one of their HOT 100 GIFTS in this year’s book.

It retails for $400.00.

SHUT UP.

The Neiman Marcus Christmas Book is like hallowed retail ground. It actually featured his and her jets one year. And between you and me, P and I weren’t that impressed with them after they were delivered.

So, of course I had to call Nena and let her know. I called her around 1:00 p.m. yesterday because if I called any earlier than that there’s a high probability that Granddaddy would have answered the phone saying “SEVENTY-SIX DEGREES!” and then hung up on me when he realized it wasn’t someone from the local news station calling as part of their daily contest to see who just watched the weather report.

When she picked up the phone we exchanged the normal pleasantries and then I said, “Nena, I got the Neiman’s Christmas Book in the mail today.”

“OOOH HONEY, YOU DID? GOOD FOR YOU!” (Do y’all see why a version of her jacket being in THE BOOK is going to blow her mind? She was just thrilled I got THE BOOK in the mail.)

“Yes, I got it and you won’t believe this but they have a silver sequined jacket that looks almost just like the one you showed me. It’s one of their HOT 100 items and it costs $400.00.”

“FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS? HONEY, LISTEN, I paid $5.00 for mine. I can’t believe it’s in the Neiman’s Book. I JUST CAN’T BELIEVE IT! OOOH you have MADE MY DAY!”

“I know. You could probably sell yours and make some money.

“OH HONEY, LISTEN, I am not going to sell my jacket. I’m going to wear it shopping! So most importantly, what is the model in the picture wearing with her jacket? I just need to know what to wear with it.”

“She has on black jeans.”

“BLACK JEANS? Well HONEY, LISTEN, I don’t know about BLACK JEANS.”

Which I actually think is a good call by Nena. BLACK JEANS are precarious fashion territory.

Neiman’s might want to listen to her because she is obviously ahead of the fashion curve.

Not to mention she saved $395.00 by finding that jacket in the back of her closet.

All day Tuesday we just kind of hung out around the house and bonded with our new unicorn. Actually, P and Caroline did take a trip to Bass Pro Shops, but I chose to stay home because did you read the part where I said “Bass Pro Shops”?

I am not interested in retailers that only sell things that come in the colors olive green, brown or tan.

That is so Banana Republic circa 1994.

Anyway, after a leisurely Tuesday, I decided we needed a fun-filled Wednesday. A day filled with all summer has to offer.

And because I am never one to miss out on a trend, I decided we should take a staycation. So I talked to Gulley on Tuesday night and told her I thought Wednesday would be a good day to take the kids to New Braunfels to experience the Natural Bridge Wildlife Ranch African Safari.

So I guess technically instead of a staycation we took a twenty-five minute awaycation.

I have always been a fan of any business that offers a drive-through for my convenience and I assumed a drive-through safari would be no different. It’s like the zoo on wheels with air-conditioning. What’s not to love?

Plus, this was billed to be better than the zoo. It’s an African Safari.

You can imagine my dismay when this was the first thing we saw.

Ooooh, look kids! It’s the rare and elusive Texas longhorn!

Totally worth the $25.00 I just shelled out in admission.

It’s not like we can just drive down to the ranch and see one or thirty of those FOR FREE.

Gulley and I were exchanging looks with each other as we communicated wordlessly that THE DRIVE-THROUGH SAFARI? It is lame.

But suddenly, it was redeemed because we saw this.

And this.

And this.

We also saw some zebras way back in the trees, two rhinos in a fenced off area, and some giraffe. Oh, and some ostriches that I couldn’t get a picture of because Gulley told the kids some horror story about an ostrich eating the buttons off her Uncle Glen’s shirt one time and they insisted we roll up the windows every time we passed an ostrich.

All said and done, it ended up being an okay activity because it involved air-conditioning, I got to hear Caroline exclaim “OH! ALL MY LIFE I HAVE WANTED TO SEE A WILDEBEEST!”, and each kid got a free bag of some kind of rancid feed to fling at the animals while they flinched.

I don’t know that a person can ask for more than that.

After a quick lunch at Chick-Fil-A, we loaded back up in the car to continue our twenty-five minute awaycation. Our next stop was Landa Park.

The first thing we did was ride the Landa Park train. The conductor was this nice old man and he had a pocketful of peanuts that he threw out for the squirrels. I cannot tell you how much it cracked me up to watch all the squirrels come running down trees to get their peanuts as they heard the train go by. It was like something out of a Disney movie.

We finished the day swimming in the spring-fed swimming hole. (Why does that sentence make me feel like I’m writing an episode of “The Beverly Hillbillies”?) The water temperature was slightly above freezing, but once my extremities went completely numb, it wasn’t too bad.

Finally, it was time to begin the journey home. Gulley and I were worn out. There is nothing like a day of fun to make you want to spend the next three days in bed.

However, the kids asked if we could stop at McDonalds and play on the playground.

I’m pretty sure they’re trying to kill us.

We weren’t sure what we were going to do for the 4th of July, but considering that last year we spent the holiday looking for buckets to hold the water leaking from our roof, we figured any activity at all could only be an improvement.

Caroline spent Thursday night with Mimi and Bops, which meant that P and I had a night to ourselves. We went to eat Mexican food and then stopped at Hollywood Video to see if we could find a movie to rent.

Of course we discussed actually going to the theater to see a movie, but the only movies we agree on are the Jason Bourne movies and since the “Bourne Penultimatum” isn’t an actual movie, that ruled out a theater movie. And really that was fine with me because I had just gone to the cinema a few days earlier. (Am I British all of a sudden? The cinema?)

Gulley and I took the kids to see “Wall-E” on Tuesday of last week. I don’t want to ruin it if you haven’t seen it, but here’s what I got out of it.

Someday the Earth will be completely covered in trash and the only thing that will survive is a semi-cute trash compactor and his pet roach. All the remaining humans will live on some sort of spaceship and have practically no skeletal tissue left. They will just be big blobs of fat floating around on some sort of chairs drinking all their meals out of a big Sonic Route 44 cup.

IT’S THE FEEL GOOD MOVIE OF THE YEAR!

In all fairness, with the exception of E.T., I have never been a fan of any sort of Sci-Fi. I just don’t get the point. Darth Vader? FAKE. Frodo Baggins? FAKE. Captain Kirk? Possibly real, but most likely FAKE.

Oh wait. I just remembered that I was a big fan of “Land of the Lost” when I was little. But who wouldn’t like a show that involved Sleestaks and incredibly unrealistic dinosaurs?

Anyway, P and I left Hollywood Video with two movies. He picked “Rambo XII: When Stallone Needs More Money”, which is sure to be a future Academy Award Winner, and I picked “27 Dresses” because I like Katherine Heigl and I’m always interested in seeing how she wears her hair. If the movie turns out to be good, then that’s even better.

Friday morning I slept until 9:00 a.m.

Let freedom ring.

I finally stumbled out of bed and headed to the couch, where I remained for the next three hours. I felt like I was a young girl of twenty-six again. A couch, a television, Cheez-It’s for breakfast, and no one requesting multiple viewings of “The Jungle Book II”.

Leisurely, I flipped through the channels in the hopes that there might be some good holiday movie viewing. Not that I really know a lot of classic 4th of July movies but, you know, something upbeat and summery…like Jaws.

And, sure enough, AMC was running an all-day Jaws marathon. Too bad we weren’t at the beach.

I changed the channel to Lifetime because I do adore a good Lifetime movie every now and then, particularly when they are BASED ON A TRUE STORY, but Lifetime let me down because apparently they wanted to celebrate our nation’s independence with “Mother, May I Sleep with Danger?” and “My Daughter’s Secret Life”.

First of all, I’ve already seen both of those movies several times.

Secondly, they are so depressing that I might as well go back to the theater for a repeat viewing of “Wall-E”.

Oh, but then my luck changed. I happened upon a Food Network marathon of “The Next Food Network Star”.

God bless America. It is my new favorite show! Well, at least until next week when an all-new season of “Project Runway” starts and then fashion will have to take precedence just as God intended.

After I got all caught up on back episodes of my new favorite show, I went to pick up Caroline. I called my dad earlier in the day and asked, “Is she ready to come home?” He said, “I seriously doubt it.” I mean, why would she?

But since we had plans to meet friends at the pool, I went and retrieved my child from her miniature version of Disneyworld.

And then the rain started.

Our friends called and we decided our back up plan would be to open up their basement, order some Chinese take out (what else would be open?), and let the kids run wild for a few hours. Fortunately, the rain stopped and we all met at the pool as planned.

We were the only ones there. Three families. Six kids. An entire pool to ourselves.

Part of the originally scheduled 4th of July pool festivities involved a 7:00 p.m. beer scramble, at which time the pool staff was going to throw a bunch of beer into the pool and let the adults dive for it.

If that scenario doesn’t scream potential trip to the E.R., I don’t know what does.

However, the beer scramble was cancelled because there’s not much entertainment value in three wives watching their husbands dive for beer.

If possible, it might be more boring than a Sci-Fi movie.

We came home, watched some fireworks through the marvel of television, and went to bed.

It was seriously one of my favorite 4th of July’s ever.

Clearly, I am easy to please.

One of the cool things about blogging is that you make new friends that you otherwise would have never met in real life.

And then, when you get to meet those friends in real life, it’s so much fun.

photo by Rich

At Deeper Still this weekend I was finally able to meet Amanda and Janelle.

You know what?

They’re even better in person.

I’ll be back tomorrow after I’ve figured out how to condense about 15,000 thoughts into one concise blog post.

Or maybe five concise blog posts.

In the meantime, you can read about it on the All-Access blog.

Several months ago Lysa Terkeurst from Proverbs 31 Ministries contacted Sophie, Shannon and me to see if we were interested in teaching a few sessions on blogging at the She Speaks Conference.

I believe my answer was somewhere along the eloquent lines of “I don’t have nothin’ else to do”.

Which is exactly what Loretta Lynn said in “Coalminer’s Daughter” when they asked if she could appear on the Grand Ol’ Opry the following week.

My response wasn’t because of lack of enthusiasm, but because I was pretty sure she had contacted the wrong person and would eventually figure it out.

But as it turns out, she meant to call me and so I spent this past weekend in North Carolina sharing my blogging “expertise”.

It was a short class.

Other than meeting Shannon and Sophie last fall, I had never met any other bloggers in real life before this weekend and I have to say it was so cool to be in a room full of other people who carry their laptops everywhere and take pictures of random things like plates of nachos or people’s feet.

I thought it was just me.

Except I would never take a picture of someone’s foot because I have feet issues. They are vast and complicated. I can’t really get into it right now.

I arrived in North Carolina on Thursday night and Sophie and I immediately went in search of chips and salsa. As we walked out of the hotel doors, we heard a sweet voice say, “Can I get a picture of y’all? You’re famous!”

And I thought MOTHER PEARL!, BRAD AND ANGELINA ARE HERE! while frantically looking around so that I wouldn’t miss them. It turned out she was talking about us. Sophie and me. The least famous of any two people who have ever walked through a lobby at Embassy Suites.

But we posed for a picture that could possibly fetch upwards of a nickel if it ever gets put up on Ebay.

Then we went somewhere and ate a plate of nachos that consisted of enough shredded lettuce to feed the entire rabbit population of North Carolina.

There are so many things I want to say about the weekend, but I don’t know where to start. I loved getting the chance to meet so many people whose words I have read, but have never been able to meet face to face. Every woman I met was just as sweet and funny as they are on their blogs.

The entire Proverbs 31 staff could not have been more helpful, encouraging and supportive. They went out of their way for every woman there. And I can’t even talk about the sheer fabulousness of Lysa Terkeurst’s hair or the tears will begin to flow.

As I flew home yesterday, I thought about the entire weekend. The experiences I had, the people I met, the things I learned and I just felt so blessed that I had the opportunity.

In fact, I only have one regret from the weekend that I will carry with me for the better part of the next three to four days.

Well, other than my regret that I referred to constipation in a room full of women.

This tunic.

It’s pure cuteness, is it not?

Off topic, but does anyone else see Inspector Clouseau in the corner of the picture?

The tunic was at Off 5th in the Concord Mills Outlet and I passed it by. Mainly because its retail cost was in the range of a number that could have caused some marital distress once I came off my giddy weekend high and returned home.

P doesn’t believe in spending a lot of money on anything that cannot be used to defend your life in threatening situations.

So with great regret, and after confirming that the store was not within moments of knocking 75% off the price, I walked away.

But I will remember it fondly forever.

Much like the weekend.

Thanks to Lysa and Proverbs 31. It was awesome.

I’m sitting in a hotel room in North Carolina right now at the She Speaks Conference and I’ve just witnessed a miracle.

About two months ago, P and I sat on the couch one night and downloaded a bunch of our CD’s to iTunes (is that even the right terminology? I have no idea.)

All of a sudden, tragedy struck.

One of the CD’s got stuck in the drive of my beloved MacBook.

There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

How am I supposed to make any more super awesome mix CD’s if I have no access to my CD drive?

So for the last two months my MacBook has been afflicted. It has been slow to perform even the most basic of functions, much like me after a day of trying to police Caroline’s wardrobe selections.

And sure, I kept thinking that I needed to take it to the Apple Store for some sort of tech intervention. However, the Apple Store is far away from my house and I could almost just buy a new computer as opposed to spending the gas money to drive all the way out there.

This morning Sophie offered to see if she could get the CD out of my disc drive.

And lo, Boomama laid hands on my computer and it was healed.

I may have shouted, “MY MAC HAS BEEN REDEEMED!”

It was a very complicated process that involved turning on the computer while holding down the eject button.

Which just confirms that I really have no business owning a computer.

There is nothing that makes me happier than seeing the way Caroline and Gulley’s boys love each other.

It’s watching life come full circle.

Although every now and then they do argue like cats and dogs and I’ll hear Caroline issue her biggest threat, “WELL, I’M NOT INVITING YOU TO MY BIRTHDAY PARTY.”

Which I’m sure scares the boys to death because don’t all little boys live for attending Barbie Island Princess themed parties?

So here was my view for much of the day on Saturday.

I’ll be honest. I just barely survived.

Especially if you add in the fact that there was a gorgeous pool right behind me, waiters bringing food and drinks, and a massage scheduled for later that afternoon.

Is this heaven?

No, it was the Westin La Cantera Resort.

Which is pretty close.

So you may be asking what I did to deserve all this and the answer to that question is absolutely nothing.

About a month ago my dear friend Trevor, who is married to my dear friend Jamie, called Gulley to see if she could help him plan a birthday surprise for J. She agreed and assumed she was going to help him plan a vacation for the two of them. That wasn’t the case.

Trevor wanted to surprise Jamie with a girls’ weekend at the Westin and he wanted to include Gulley, our friend Leah, and me, since we all live in San Antonio and wouldn’t have to travel. He just needed to know if we were available and interested.

Are you kidding? I haven’t been that interested in anything since I first met P. Although, technically, I wasn’t really interested in P until the second or third time I met him. But you get my point. Obviously I eventually became interested enough that I wanted to pledge my life to him, have his child, and spend the remainder of my life wondering why he only uses half a paper towel and leaves the other half sitting on the kitchen counter.

On Saturday morning, Gulley picked me up and we headed out to La Cantera to meet Jamie and Leah for an early lunch at Nordstrom’s Bistro. Let me just say that if you ever have the opportunity to eat the french fries at Nordstrom, do not pass up that chance or you will regret it forever. They are delightful. In fact, forget shoe shopping, I may just start going there for the fries and the dipping sauce that they serve on the side that tastes like some kind of olive spread. I’m sure the whole thing only had 3000 grams of fat.

Totally worth it.

After lunch we checked into our rooms. Y’all will be happy to see that we brought the necessary supplies.

May the cake rest in peace.

Just as we were settling in, the concierge called to tell us we’d need to be down at the Spa in a few minutes because we had Spa Packages scheduled.

SHUT UP.

And y’all don’t want to hear about the part where I messed up my fresh pedicure. It was slightly tragic but I didn’t let it ruin what was otherwise a stellar day. Considering that part of last Saturday involved my child throwing up all over me, a little smudged nail polish didn’t seem like that big a deal.

After the spa we changed into our swimsuits to go hang out by the pool. An adult pool. A pool that involved no floaties, crying babies, or the possibility of leaky swim diapers.

Gulley and Jamie just happened to have the exact same chocolate brown swimsuit coverup which we didn’t think anything about, but as we were walking to our lounge chairs Gulley overheard a guy tell his wife, “Look, those two girls are dressed like Obi Wan Kenobi.”

The force was with them.

And they pledged to overtake the evil empire and never wear those brown coverups at the same time again.

One chocolate brown coverup = Cute
Two chocolate brown coverups side by side = people who may be in some sort of Star Wars cult

We spent the rest of the afternoon looking out at the phenomenal view, laughing and talking about everything y’all can possibly imagine. Can I just say that if you haven’t spent some time with girlfriends in a while, then you should. Even if it’s just sitting in someone’s living room around a bowl of M&M’s.

And if it involves a large enough bowl of M&M’s, then feel free to invite me to join you.

If it involves some kind of molten lava chocolate cake, then I’m crashing the party whether I’m invited or not.

Finally, we dragged ourselves back inside to get ready for dinner although I hated to put makeup on my freshly facialed face.

I would have taken a picture of the amount of food that was on that table only moments before but I was way too relaxed, plus I had eaten too much and couldn’t bend over to get my camera out of my purse.

I also licked my plate clean within five seconds so clearly there wasn’t time to get a picture of my filet.

What I’m saying is that dinner was wonderful.

We made a toast to friends. And to Trevor, who essentially served as our fairy godfather. A very manly fairy godfather. He quit wearing tulle years ago.

After dinner we drove our golf cart back to our hotel room, put on our pajamas and stayed up way too late eating cake and making shameful admissions about our overuse of hair products back in the late 80’s and early 90’s, including possible addictions to Aussie Sprunch Spray.

But if you can’t admit to that stuff in front of friends, then who can you tell?

I mean, other than the internet?

May the force be with y’all.