Everything but the kitchen sink

About seven years ago, we did some renovations on our house. And by we, I mean that P contracted the entire job and worked tirelessly to make sure everything turned out the way we wanted while I cried every night because I was worried that the house wouldn’t be ready on time and OH MY WORD what if we have to bring our new baby home to this rental house instead of her new pink nursery?

I’d like to blame pregnancy hormones on all the obsessing over when the house would be finished, but I know I’d act the same way tomorrow except I wouldn’t be able to sing a chorus of “In the Ghetto” by Elvis Presley to drive home my point because the words “and a baby cries…in the ghetto” wouldn’t have the same impact now that the baby is six years old.

We moved back into the house exactly two weeks before Caroline was born, in spite of the fact that we had no kitchen countertops or any other necessary components that make up a kitchen but we had the pink nursery and that’s all that really mattered. Who needs an oven when you have darling whimsical letters that spell CAROLINE hanging on a pink wall and a fresh, white crib that the baby won’t actually sleep in for several months?

The countertops were finally installed the day before I went into labor along with the sink and the kitchen faucet. Everything was installed, the baby was born, and, approximately one week later, the sprayer component of our new faucet quit working. Actually, that’s not totally true. It worked fine if you didn’t mind the fact that it got stuck and would randomly decide to spew water all over the kitchen. It created a surprisingly non-hilarious situation when you factor in a newborn baby and sleep-deprivation. The kind of situation that is like shaking up a bottle of crazy sauce and then watching it explode.

Ultimately, P worked his plumbing magic to unhook the sprayer and so it has remained a non-functioning component of our sink for the last six and a half years.

Until he decided on Tuesday morning that TODAY WAS THE DAY to fix the sprayer. I don’t know why it was the day because I don’t bother to ask those kinds of questions. Why is the sky blue? Why do people watch Jay Leno? Why does Lionel Richie never age? JUST BECAUSE.

All I know is that he asked me to help him get everything out from under our kitchen sink and our kitchen looked like this.

It has continued to look like that for the past 48 hours. I try not to look directly at it because that would be like throwing a match on a powder keg just to see if it would explode. It would. It totally would.

And it certainly doesn’t help matters that, in addition to being a haven for amateur plumbers, my house has been transformed into some sort of Valentine’s Day sweat shop. Caroline’s only homework for the week was to sign her name on Valentine’s cards for everyone in her class. But, OH NO, she wanted to hand make her cards and write “Happy Valentine’s Day! Love, Caroline” inside every single one. It was barrels of fun for the first two cards, but quickly became some kind of Hallmark factory gone awry as I stood over her and insisted that WE MUST CONTINUE TO MAKE THE CARDS. YOU CAN HAVE A SNACK WHEN YOU FINISH ANOTHER CARD.

But oh she is SO TIRED of shaking the silver glitter. It’s exhausting.

Anyway, P wasn’t sure that he was going to be able to fix the existing faucet because the something was leaking into the something and the bottom line is that my new bag of Pledge Grab-its got damp along with our last roll of Viva paper towels. I was out running errands to distract myself from the plumbing when he called and asked me to meet him at Home Depot so I could pick out a new faucet.

I don’t go to Home Depot very often because it is my kryptonite. One loop around Home Depot and I begin to dream about new toilet seats, granite countertops, and fancy showerheads that make you feel like it’s raining on the inside. (Shout out to Amy Grant) But I met P on the kitchen faucet aisle and found a faucet I liked. He asked, “Do you want to go ahead and buy it or do you want to see if I can fix our existing one?”

“I don’t know. I really like this one but I’m not sure it will work if we end up getting granite countertops and a farmhouse sink.”

“Well, realistically speaking, in light of all our other financial obligations, I don’t really see that there’s going to be a time when we’ll spend money on granite countertops and a whatever-you-just-said sink.”

Why does my husband want to kill my dreams of granite countertops and a farmhouse sink on Aisle 6 at Home Depot?

So I said, “I don’t want the new one. Just see if you can fix the old one.” And then I walked out of the store and past the granite displays with a wistful glance.

He bought approximately 782 parts that were supposed to fix the sink, but none of them worked. I went back to Home Depot yesterday and bought the new faucet. Which I actually really love because it’s got the sprayer thingy that pulls right out of the faucet and, yes, that’s exactly how it was described on the box. It’s pretty and shiny.

And it would look great on a farmhouse sink.

The tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth

The night after we discovered Caroline’s first tooth was loose, I was helping her get dressed for bed when she asked me how long I thought it would be before the tooth next to her loose tooth became loose. I said, “Well, it probably won’t be too long because I can see the permanent teeth trying to come in. What usually happens is the permanent teeth push the baby teeth out of the way and that’s why they get loose. I bet that other tooth will be loose in no time.”

“Wow, Mama. Did you used to be a dentist?”

“No, I was never a dentist.”

“Then I guess you don’t really know then, do you?”

And she’s right. I had no idea what I was talking about or if any of it was even true. I just like to spout random pieces of trivia based on what sounds good. I’ve been doing it for years. It was a skill that served me very well throughout all the years I worked as a pharmaceutical rep. But my child totally called me on it.

When I picked her up from school yesterday, she walked out of the building with a HUGE smile on her face. A smile that revealed a little gap where her tooth used to be.

The Lost Tooth from Big Mama on Vimeo.

I have to make a few comments:

1. She is a fan of the extreme close up shot. We probably need to work on personal space.

2. I’m not totally sure that it was the first tooth she ever “growed”, but she liked the symmetry of that story so I’m sticking to it.

3. I know who Tilt is but I’m not sure when Caroline decided it was okay to drop the “Mrs.” from the name. Or if her name is even Tilt.

4. I do know that she was DYING for Tilt to pull the tooth and had mentioned it several times. Apparently, Tilt is the Mr. Miyagi of tooth-pulling up at the school.

5. I think she’s going to be disappointed to discover that her tooth fairy isn’t a high roller who throws around ten dollar bills like the tooth fairy at Trevor’s house. His tooth fairy probably drives a miniature Escalade and makes extra cash selling baby teeth on the black market.

All shiny and new

Do you love the new look? Because I LOVE the new look.

And if you’re reading this in your feedreader then you need to make the    extra effort to click over here and see the new design. (You don’t really have to. I don’t want to be pushy.) Of course if you always read from your feedreader then you may not even know what the old design looked like. But pretend you’re excited anyway.

I have known for a long time, deep in my heart, that I was ready for a new design for the blog, but didn’t know exactly what I wanted. I had some vague ideas, but no real concrete plan. Which is basically how I go through life.

Sometime around mid-December, I emailed Cathy at Desperately Seeking WordPress and asked if she’d be interested in helping me work on a new blog design. What I failed to mention were all my obsessive tendencies and complete inability to use helpful adjectives in describing what I wanted it to look like.

So, bless her heart, she said she’d love to help me and put me on her design calendar for mid-January.

You don’t even want to know how many emails we’ve exchanged since then, but I have a feeling that Cathy feels significantly older than she did when she started this process because these are some real live excerpts from my emails to her:

“I found this painting that I love. Can we make it look like this, but without the British flag?”

(It looks nothing like the painting in question. And that’s a good thing.)

“I think I want the letters to be a peacock blue, but not too bright. Like maybe a soft peacock blue?”

(Soft peacock blue? I hope she rolled her eyes when she read that.)

What’s the thing that shows up in your browser bar? You know? That thing that looks like something?

(The answer is a favicon. I’m going to have one.)

“I don’t know. I can’t decide. Will you decide for me? I have issues about making decisions.”

(Yes, will you please code and design everything and make all my decisions?)

Ultimately, Cathy used a graphic that I sent her way back in December and we worked together on all the other aspects until it was something that we both loved. She was so great about making suggestions that I wouldn’t have thought about or even known that I should think about, but added so much to the final design and feel. I wanted something that was simple and clean, but still pretty. I wanted something that felt like me. And this is it.

Seriously, I can’t thank Cathy enough for her endless patience and design sensibilities. She is a peach.

(However, peach wasn’t a color I wanted on my blog. Just some soft peacock blue.)

In other news, we received our new receiver from Dish Network yesterday and I had to spend an hour of my life that I’ll never get back trying to program the new receiver with our remote control. Then, to add insult to technological injury, I still had to call Dish Network customer service so they could verify our new receiver and help me figure out why the T.V. in our bedroom wasn’t working.

Honestly, they don’t make a bottle of Valium large enough to help me through that kind of situation. At one point the girl asked, “Can you find your RS0009 code?” and I said, “Is that even a real thing or are you just messing with me? And, while you have me on the phone, can I help you with any free tax advice?”

Fortunately we got it all working because I would have had to crack some skulls, or at least talked to someone in a not very nice voice, if the DVR wasn’t up and running in time for a T.V. lineup that I like to refer to as Majestic Monday.

And. lastly, look who still has all their teeth.

Her loose tooth is bothering her so much that she couldn’t even eat her broccoli last night. Although, miraculously, she managed to eat all the Doritos I sent in her lunch.

Note to self: Call and schedule a haircut appointment for your child.