After having a child free evening last night and getting to sleep in a little this morning, I am now paying for it because Caroline will not nap. I thought she had fallen asleep until I heard every book from her bookshelves being thrown on the floor. I went in to find books everywhere and she had torn another piece of her Wizard of Oz book. I said “Caroline, do not tear up your books.” I guess my tone of voice combined with that fact that she is truly exhausted caused her to burst into tears. After awhile she settled down as I rocked her and agreed to let her “rest” on the couch (which isn’t going to happen, but at least I know she’ll go to bed early tonight). She pulled back, smiled at me and said “look mama, I see myself in your eyes”. Maybe it’s because I’m a little extra emotional today but it made me all teary. I hope she can always see herself in my eyes because then I’ll know that she will always know how sweet, how charming, how precious she really is. Even more, I hope that I can teach her to see herself through God’s eyes because that will make her unstoppable.
Caroline had a bad dream the other night and woke up calling for me. I went into her room to rock her until she settled down. As I was rocking her I thought how amazing it is that my presence can calm all her fears. She immediately felt safe and protected. The irony is that I am a girl who slept in my mom’s room for two weeks before I left for college because I saw Pet Semetary. No one would accuse me of being brave. To this day if scary movie previews come on, P. will say “Don’t look, don’t look” because he knows that whatever I see will be permanently imbedded in my brain and cause a bout of insomnia.
My childhood nighttime adventures are legendary so she comes by it honestly. I am famous for yelling “But Mama, I can’t see” to which my mother would reply “You’re not supposed to see…it’s nighttime go to sleep”.
A few months ago she was waking up all hours of the night and one night I finally said “Caroline, this is ridiculous, I’m not coming in here again.” In my defense I was very tired and sleep deprived after 2 weeks of mediocre sleep and I am a girl who loves my sleep. She went to school the next day and told her teacher “mama says IT’S DICULOUS and she’s never coming in my room again.” Nice. That right there will win me some major parenting awards.
Caroline didn’t take a nap today so instead of the usual long day I had the excruciating long day. That’s the one that comes complete with whiny, tired toddler who feels like the whole world is out to get her because she can’t have a third popsicle. Lovely.
I finally got her ready for bed and was tucking her in. She went through her usual “I need a drink of water, sing another song, rock me”…and when those possibilities were finally exhausted she yelled “But I wanted to GO TO THE POOL TODAY!!” Sorry. No pool today. No one said it’s easy being almost 3.
Earlier today (during the no napping) we were on the computer playing games on Noggin. I think it was Pinky Dinky Doo and the big word game. The word we got was apprehensive. Caroline repeated it and asked “what that mean Mama?” I told her it’s when you’re worried about something. She said “I apprehensive about having bad dreams.” It was so sweet and very impressive for a child with 50% DNA that considers the Cabelas catalog to be a fine piece of literature.