I’ve been so busy discussing the fun we had this weekend in Birmingham that I haven’t taken the time to bring up a question that has been weighing on my mind.
What is up with people eating Chinese food at 8 a.m. in an airport?
It’s as if people have lost their mind in the midst of their air travel plans.
I landed at Houston Hobby airport at 8 a.m. Friday morning and, big shock, I was hungry. I needed some sustenance so I went in search of something that could pass for breakfast. And I’m not a breakfast snob.
I have been known to eat a strawberry Go-tart, so obviously taste and nutrition weren’t huge factors in my decision-making process.
I found a Pappasitos that was serving breakfast tacos and, although I was leary of eating eggs made in the airport and sausage that was cut in slices as opposed to browned and crumbled like God and Mexico intended, it wasn’t half bad.
It was all bad.
Oh I kid because I am a breakfast taco snob.
Here’s what I found disturbing. The Pappasitos was located in a food court type location with other dining venues around it. There was a Pizza Hut, a McDonalds, and a Rising Phenix Hunan Cuisine.
(I’m hoping the Rising Phenix makes someone else think of Stefano DiMera on Days of Our Lives…if not, nevermind…forget I said anything)
All of them were open at 8 a.m. Friday morning.
Okay, I understand McDonalds being open because they have the McGriddle and if you only eat one McGriddle every three years, it can actually taste decent. In fact, the morning after I had Caroline and hadn’t eaten for over 24 hours, P brought me a McGriddle (he is a sly, romantic dog) and that first bite was akin to a religious experience.
But anyway, as I sat and ate my faux breakfast taco, I noticed that all around me people were eating plates of General Tso’s chicken from the Rising Phenix and slices of pepperoni pizza from Pizza Hut. What kind of sick and twisted world do we live in where people are eating Chinese cuisine and bad pizza at 8 a.m. IN AN AIRPORT?
It’s as if they had no concept of taste or decency. It’s as if the airport had robbed them of their senses. It’s as if their tastebuds were confiscated along with the 4 oz. bottle of lotion they had in their carry-on luggage.
Because, in case you were wondering, it’s only 3 oz. of liquid or less that is allowed in the carry-on luggage. Even one extra ounce could lead to an evil terrorist plot. Oh sure, it may look like Bath and Body Works Anti-Bacterial lotion, but it is a weapon of mass destruction.
If you’re bacteria.
I finished up my taco and resisted the urge to go throw up due to the overwhelming stench of General Tso and his evil chicken. I headed to my gate to wait to board my flight and as I arrived I saw numerous people milling around drinking adult beverages.
What the???
It’s 8 a.m.
Anyone with a shred of decency knows that you don’t drink alcoholic beverages before 9:00 a.m….unless you mix it with tomato juice and a celery stick, in which case 8 a.m. is perfectly acceptable.
But what I’m talking about are cans of Coors Light, Bud Light, and Miller Lite. Apparently if you’re drinking that early in the morning it better be a light beer because it’s a marathon, not a sprint, people.
Then, I saw some folks walking up to the gate with a bright purple cooler as their carry-on and it finally dawned on me. I was getting on a plane headed to Alabama with all the LSU fans.
Those LSU folks don’t mess around.
Geaux Tigers with your bad Chinese food and your Miller Lite.
I salute you and your intestinal fortitude, not to mention your football team’s astounding ability to win games in the last 30 seconds.
We should all be so blessed.