Well.
So.
What happened around here this weekend?
I’m not really sure. But as I sit here with all my memories of nothingness, I’m reminded there was a time when I used to be better about jotting down little notes about funny/strange/bizarre moments that happened over the course of a few days so I wouldn’t forget them and have something to write about.
Yeah.
I should really go back to that system. At some point I have become overconfident in my brain’s capacity to remember various details.
Let’s see. Caroline’s class Christmas party was Friday afternoon and I apparently lived to tell about it. The actual party is never as stressful as all the planning that comes before the party and worrying about who’s bring the marshmallows to dip in the chocolate fountain and WHAT IF SOMEONE FORGETS THE STRAWBERRIES? THE WHOLE PARTY WILL BE RUINED.
You tend to lose perspective about the things that really matter when you’re homeroom mom. Which is why I may step down from my duties next year. Even though that will cause people to judge me because I only have one child and absolutely no job as far as they can tell and what could I possibly be doing with my time other than sending out thirty emails a week prior to Christmas vacation reminding people to bring strawberries and marshmallows?
Caroline was slightly disappointed by the chocolate fountain. She told me on Thursday that she really hoped it would be a chocolate fountain in the shape of a nativity scene and the chocolate would flow from baby Jesus. And I tried to manage her expectations by explaining some folks might think it a wee bit tacky, if not totally blasphemous, to dip marshmallows in a fount of chocolate springing forth from our Lord and Savior.
After we made it home from the party I spent the next two hours on the couch in an attempt to recuperate while Caroline played with some kind of Thinking Putty she talked me into buying. I don’t really know what qualifies it as “thinking” putty, but it glows in the dark and she says it responds to commands. I don’t know about that, but I can tell you that I kept finding it in various places all weekend long and EVERY TIME thought it was something one of the dogs had thrown up.
Friday night we had other plans that fell through and we ended up eating Mexican food with Mimi and Bops and then Caroline and I came home, took up permanent residence on the couch and watched The Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler. It was exactly the kind of low-key night we both needed and we were both in bed by 10:00. Just like I imagined Friday night would be when I was a teenager.
I immediately went to sleep but woke up to the sound of Bruiser barking at 2:00 a.m. Bruiser rarely barks unless there’s a reason. As opposed to Scout who’s totally deaf and will bark repeatedly as if to prove to himself that he really can’t hear the sound of his own voice.
Anyway, Bruiser was barking. And wouldn’t stop. So I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter and tore open the sash and the shutters (I was so going to do this whole Twas the Night Before Christmas thing here but I can’t remember it right now and I’m too tired to google it.) only to discover that Bruiser had treed a raccoon in our backyard. And my first thought was to wonder why weird stuff like this never seems to happen when P is home. My second thought was I have no idea what to do about this raccoon up in a tree and my obsessed dog at two in the morning.
So I just let the dogs sleep inside. It seemed like the easiest thing even though Caroline told me the next morning I should have just shot that raccoon out of the tree.
Yes.
That was totally going to be my second plan.
Shoot it with what? Her B.B. gun? A marshmallow shooter? Throw some thinking putty at it and see how that turns out?
On Saturday morning I dropped Caroline off at a birthday party for one of her best friends and finished up my Christmas shopping. Then we went to Home Depot because I saw an ad that announced all their outdoor decorations were 40% off. Which wasn’t true. SOME of them were 40% off, but nothing that I would actually want. Maybe I’m wrong but I don’t think when God sent his son to Earth that he intended for us to mark the occasion with a large lit bear that looks a little unnatural and freakish driving a train through our front yard.
(As opposed to the bears driving trains that look totally natural.)
And I tried to explain that to Caroline but she didn’t really seem to understand.
Of course this is the same child that was hoping for a chocolate fountain made out of baby Jesus.
Then Saturday night I went to a party while Caroline stayed with Mimi and Bops. I picked her up on my way home and we were both in bed again before 10:30. It’s a real rock and roll lifestyle we live.
And then Sunday morning we went to church.
The end.
But wait. Before you quit reading this fascinating account of our weekend with all the early bedtimes and raccoons, I just wanted to say that I may not post every day over the next two weeks. Or maybe I will. I don’t know. I can’t commit. I just really want to enjoy Christmas break and all the eggnog and merriment and fun times to be had without feeling the pressure to write every day.
So I may be here or I may not. But just know that if I’m not here, I’ll be back shortly. Or at least every few days because otherwise I’ll have way too many words to share and I’ll end up writing a bunch of 3000 word posts.
That’s all.